_To Henry Colden_
My mother allows me, and even requires me, to write to you. My
reluctance to do so is only overcome by the fear of her displeasure; yet
do not mistake me, my friend. Infer not from this reluctance that the
resolution of being henceforward all that my mother wishes can be altered
by any effort of yours.
Alas! how vainly do I boast my inflexibility! My safety lies only in
filling my ears with my mother's remonstrances and shutting them against
your persuasive accents. I have therefore resigned myself wholly to my
mother's government. I have consented to be inaccessible to your visits or
letters.
I have few claims on your gratitude or generosity; yet may I not rely
on the humanity of your temper? To what frequent and severe tests has my
caprice already subjected your affection! and has it not remained unshaken
and undiminished? Let me hope that you will not withhold this last proof
of your affection for me.
It would greatly console me to know that you are once more on filial
and friendly terms with your father. Let me persuade you to return to him;
to beseech his favour. I hope the way to reconcilement has already been
paved by the letter jointly addressed to him by my mother and myself; that
nothing is wanting but a submissive and suitable deportment on your part,
to restore you to the station you possessed before you had any knowledge
of me. Let me exact from you this proof of your regard for me. It is the
highest proof which it will henceforth be in your power to offer, or that
can ever be received by