I pretend not to be raised above any of the infirmities of human
nature; but I am too sensible of the errors of my past conduct, and the
defects which will ever cleave to my character, to be either surprised or
indignant at the disapprobation of a virtuous mind. So far from harbouring
resentment against you, it is with reluctance I decline the acceptance of
your bill. I cannot consider it in any other light than as an alms which
my situation is far from making necessary, and by receiving which I should
defraud those whose poverty may plead a superior title.
I hasten to give you pleasure by informing you of my intention to leave
America immediately. My destiny is far from being certain; but at present
I both desire and expect never to revisit my native land.
I design not to solicit another interview with Mrs. Talbot. You
dissuade me from making any reply to her letter, from the fear, no doubt,
that my influence will be exerted to change her resolution. Dismiss, I
entreat you, madam, every apprehension of that kind. Your daughter has
deliberately made her election. If no advantage be taken of her tenderness
and pity, she will be happy in her new scheme. Shall I, who pretend to
love her, subject her to new trials and mortifications? Am I able to
reward her, by my affection, for the loss of every other comfort? What can
I say in favour of my own attachment to her, which may not be urged in
favour of her attachment to her mother? The happiness of the one or the
other must be sacrificed; and shall I not rather offer than demand the
sacrifice? and how poor and selfish should I be if I did not strive to
lessen the difficulties of her choice, and persuade her that in gratifying
her mother she inflicts no lasting misery on me!
I regard in its true light what you can say with respect to a
reconcilement with my father, and am always ready to comply with your
wishes in the only way that a conviction of my own rectitude will permit.
I have patiently endured revilings and blows, but I shall not needlessly
expose myself to new insults. Though willing to accept apology and grant
an oblivion of the past, I will never avow a penitence which I do not
feel, or confess that I deserved the treatment I received.
Truly can I affirm that your daughter's happiness is of all earthly
things most dear to me. I fervently thank Heaven that I leave her exempt
from all the hardships of poverty, and in the bosom of one who will guard
her safety with a zeal equal to my own. All that I fear is, that your
efforts to console her will fail. I know the heart which, if you thought
me worthy of the honour, I should account it my supreme felicity to call
mine. Let it be a precious deposit in your hands.
And now, madam, permit me to conclude with a solemn blessing on your
head and on hers, and with an eternal farewell to you both.