Arriving at the capital of the country after many incredible adventures, I
was promptly arrested by the police and taken before the Jumjum. He was an
exceedingly affable person, and held office by appointment, "for life or
fitness," as their laws express it. With one necessary exception all
offices are appointive and the tenure of all except that is the same. The
Panjandrum, or, as we should call him, King, is elected for a term of ten
years, at the expiration of which he is shot. It is held that any man who
has been so long in high authority will have committed enough sins and
blunders to deserve death, even if none can be specifically proved.
Brought into the presence of the Jumjum, who graciously saluted me, I was
seated on a beautiful rug and told in broken English by an interpreter who
had escaped from Kansas that I was at liberty to ask any questions that I
chose.
"Your Highness," I said, addressing the Jumjum through the interpreting
Populist, "I fear that I do not understand; I expected, not to ask
questions, but to have to answer them. I am ready to give such an account
of myself as will satisfy you that I am an honest man--neither a criminal
nor a spy."
"The gentleman seems to regard himself with a considerable interest," said
the Jumjum, aside to an officer of his suite--a remark which the
interpreter, with characteristic intelligence, duly repeated to me. Then
addressing me the Jumjum said:
"Doubtless your personal character is an alluring topic, but it is
relevant to nothing in any proceedings that can be taken here. When a
foreigner arrives in our capital he is brought before me to be instructed
in whatever he may think it expedient for him to know of the manners,
customs, laws, and so forth, of the country that he honors with his
presence. It matters nothing to us what he is, but much to him what we
are. You are at liberty to inquire."
I was for a moment overcome with emotion by so noble an example of
official civility and thoughtfulness, then, after a little reflection, I
said: "May it please your Highness, I should greatly like to be informed
of the origin of the name of your esteemed country."
"Our country," said the Jumjum, acknowledging the compliment by a movement
of his ears, "is called Trustland because all its industries, trades and
professions are conducted by great aggregations of capital known as
'trusts.' They do the entire business of the country."
"Good God!" I exclaimed; "what a terrible state of affairs that is! I know
about trusts. Why do your people not rise and throw off the yoke?"
"You are pleased to be unintelligible," said the great man, with a smile.
"Would you mind explaining what you mean by 'the yoke'?"
"I mean," said I, surprised by his ignorance of metaphor, but reflecting
that possibly the figures of rhetoric were not used in that country--"I
mean the oppression, the slavery under which your people groan, their
bond-age to the tyrannical trusts, entailing poverty, unrequited toil and
loss of self-respect."
"Why, as to that," he replied, "our people are prosperous and happy. There
is very little poverty and what there is is obviously the result of vice
or improvidence. Our labor is light and all the necessaries of life, many
of the comforts and some of the luxuries are abundant and cheap. I hardly
know what you mean by the tyranny of the trusts; they do not seem to care
to be tyrannous, for each having the entire market for what it produces,
its prosperity is assured and there is none of the strife and competition
which, as I can imagine, might breed hardness and cruelty. Moreover, we
should not let them be tyrannous. Why should we?"
"But, your Highness, suppose, for example, the trust that manufactures
safety pins should decide to double the price of its product. What is to
prevent great injury to the consumer?"
"The courts. Having but one man--the responsible manager--to deal with,
protective legislation and its enforcement would be a very simple matter.
If there were a thousand manufacturers of safety pins, scattered all over
the country in as many jurisdictions, there would be no controlling them
at all. They would cheat, not only one another but the consumers, with
virtual immunity. But there is no disposition among our trusts to do any
such thing. Each has the whole market, as I said, and each has learned by
experience what the manager of a large business soon must learn, and what
the manager of a small one probably would not learn and could not afford
to apply if he knew it--namely, that low prices bring disproportionately
large sales and therefore profits. Prices in this country are never put up
except when some kind of scarcity increases the cost of production.
Besides, nearly all the consumers are a part of the trusts, the stock of
which is about the best kind of property for investment."
"What!" I cried,--"do not the managers so manipulate the stock by
'watering' it and otherwise as to fool and cheat the small investors?"
"We should not permit them. That would be dishonest."
"So it is in my country," I replied, rather tartly, for I believed his
apparent _naïveté_ assumed for my confusion, "but we are unable to prevent
it."
He looked at me somewhat compassionately, I thought. "Perhaps," he said,
"not enough of you really wish to prevent it. Perhaps your people
are--well, different from mine--not worse, you understand--just
different."
I felt the blood go into my cheeks and hot words were upon my tongue's
end, but I restrained them; the conditions for a quarrel were not
favorable to my side of it. When I had mastered my chagrin and resentment
I said:
"In my country when trusts are formed a great number of persons suffer,
whether the general consumer does or not--many small dealers, middle men,
drummers and general employees. The small dealer is driven out of the
business by underselling. The middle man is frequently ignored, the trust
dealing directly, or nearly so, with the consumer. The drummer is
discharged because, competition having disappeared, custom must come
without solicitation. Consolidation lets out swarms of employees of the
individual concerns consolidated, for it is nearly as easy to conduct one
large concern as a dozen smaller ones. These people get great sympathy
from the public and the newspapers and their case is obviously pitiable.
Was it not so in this country during the transition stage, and did not
these poor gentlemen have to"--the right words would not come; I hardly
knew how to finish. "Were they not compelled to go to work?" I finally
asked, rather humbly.
The great official was silent for several minutes. Then he spoke.
"I am not sure that I understand you about our transition state. So far as
our history goes matters with us have always been as they are to-day. To
suppose them to have been otherwise would be to impugn the common sense of
our ancestors. Nor do I quite know what you mean by 'small dealers,'
'middle men,' 'drummers,' and so forth."
He paused and fell into meditation, when suddenly his face was suffused
with the light of a happy thought. It so elated him that he sprang to his
feet and with his staff of office broke the heads of his Chief Admonisher
of the Inimical and his Second Assistant Audible Sycophant. Then he said:
"I think I comprehend. Some eighty-five years ago, soon after my induction
into office, there came to the court of the Panjandrum a man of this city
who had been cast upon the island of Chicago (which I believe belongs to
the American archipelago) and had passed many years there in business with
the natives. Having learned all their customs and business methods he
returned to his own country and laid before the Panjandrum a comprehensive
scheme of commercial reform. He and his scheme were referred to me, the
Panjandrum being graciously pleased to be unable to make head or tail of
it. I may best explain it in its application to a single industry--the
manufacture and sale of gootles."
"What is a gootle?" I asked.
"A metal weight for attachment to the tail of a donkey to keep him from
braying," was the answer. "It is known in this country that a donkey
cannot utter a note unless he can lift his tail. Then, as now, gootles
were made by a single concern having a great capital invested and an
immense plant, and employing an army of workmen. It dealt, as it does
to-day, directly with consumers. Afflicted with a sonant donkey a man
would write to the trust and receive his gootle by return mail, or go
personally to the factory and carry his purchase home on his
shoulder--according to where he lived. The reformer said this was
primitive, crude and injurious to the interests of the public and
especially the poor. He proposed that the members of the gootle trust
divide their capital and each member go into the business of making
gootles for himself--I do not mean for his personal use--in different
parts of the country. But none of them was to sell to consumers, but to
other men, who would sell in quantity to still other men, who would sell
single gootles for domestic use. Each manufacturer would of course require
a full complement of officers, clerks and so forth, as would the other
men--everybody but the consumer--and each would have to support them and
make a profit himself. Competition would be so sharp that solicitors would
have to be employed to make sales; and they too must have a living out of
the business. Honored stranger, am I right in my inference that the
proposed system has something in common with the one which obtains in your
own happy, enlightened and prosperous country, and which you would
approve?"