After viewing various parts of the city, intruding into churches, and
diving into alleys, I returned. The rest of the day I spent chiefly in
my chamber, reflecting on my new condition; surveying my apartment, its
presses and closets; and conjecturing the causes of appearances.
At dinner and supper I was alone. Venturing to inquire of the servant
where his master and mistress were, I was answered that they were
engaged. I did not question him as to the nature of their engagement,
though it was a fertile source of curiosity.
Next morning, at breakfast, I again met Welbeck and the lady. The
incidents were nearly those of the preceding morning, if it were not
that the lady exhibited tokens of somewhat greater uneasiness. When she
left us, Welbeck sank into apparent meditation. I was at a loss whether
to retire or remain where I was. At last, however, I was on the point of
leaving the room, when he broke silence and began a conversation with
me.
He put questions to me, the obvious scope of which was to know my
sentiments on moral topics. I had no motives to conceal my opinions, and
therefore delivered them with frankness. At length he introduced
allusions to my own history, and made more particular inquiries on that
head. Here I was not equally frank; yet I did not feign any thing, but
merely dealt in generals. I had acquired notions of propriety on this
head, perhaps somewhat fastidious. Minute details, respecting our own
concerns, are apt to weary all but the narrator himself. I said thus
much, and the truth of my remark was eagerly assented to.
With some marks of hesitation and after various preliminaries, my
companion hinted that my own interest, as well as his, enjoined upon me
silence to all but himself, on the subject of my birth and early
adventures. It was not likely that, while in his service, my circle of
acquaintance would be large or my intercourse with the world frequent;
but in my communication with others he requested me to speak rather of
others than of myself. This request, he said, might appear singular to
me, but he had his reasons for making it, which it was not necessary, at
present, to disclose, though, when I should know them, I should readily
acknowledge their validity.
I scarcely knew what answer to make. I was willing to oblige him. I was
far from expecting that any exigence would occur, making disclosure my
duty. The employment was productive of pain more than of pleasure, and
the curiosity that would uselessly seek a knowledge of my past life was
no less impertinent than the loquacity that would uselessly communicate
that knowledge. I readily promised, therefore, to adhere to his advice.
This assurance afforded him evident satisfaction; yet it did not seem to
amount to quite as much as he wished. He repeated, in stronger terms,
the necessity there was for caution. He was far from suspecting me to
possess an impertinent and talkative disposition, or that, in my
eagerness to expatiate on my own concerns, I should overstep the limits
of politeness. But this was not enough. I was to govern myself by a
persuasion that the interests of my friend and myself would be
materially affected by my conduct.
Perhaps I ought to have allowed these insinuations to breed suspicion in
my mind; but, conscious as I was of the benefits which I had received
from this man; prone, from my inexperience, to rely upon professions and
confide in appearances; and unaware that I could be placed in any
condition in which mere silence respecting myself could be injurious or
criminal, I made no scruple to promise compliance with his wishes. Nay,
I went further than this; I desired to be accurately informed as to what
it was proper to conceal. He answered that my silence might extend to
every thing anterior to my arrival in the city and my being incorporated
with his family. Here our conversation ended, and I retired to ruminate
on what had passed.
I derived little satisfaction from my reflections. I began now to
perceive inconveniences that might arise from this precipitate promise.
Whatever should happen in consequence of my being immured in the
chamber, and of the loss of my clothes and of the portrait of my friend,
I had bound myself to silence. These inquietudes, however, were
transient. I trusted that these events would operate auspiciously; but
my curiosity was now awakened as to the motives which _Welbeck_ could
have for exacting from me this concealment. To act under the guidance of
another, and to wander in the dark, ignorant whither my path tended and
what effects might flow from my agency, was a new and irksome situation.
From these thoughts I was recalled by a message from Welbeck. He gave me
a folded paper, which he requested me to carry to No.--South Fourth
Street. "Inquire," said he, "for Mrs. Wentworth, in order merely to
ascertain the house, for you need not ask to see her; merely give the
letter to the servant and retire. Excuse me for imposing this service
upon you. It is of too great moment to be trusted to a common messenger;
I usually perform it myself, but am at present otherwise engaged."
I took the letter and set out to deliver it. This was a trifling
circumstance, yet my mind was full of reflections on the consequences
that might flow from it. I remembered the directions that were given,
but construed them in a manner different, perhaps, from Welbeck's
expectations or wishes. He had charged me to leave the billet with the
servant who happened to answer my summons; but had he not said that the
message was important, insomuch that it could not be intrusted to common
hands? He had permitted, rather than enjoined, me to dispense with
seeing the lady; and this permission I conceived to be dictated merely
by regard to my convenience. It was incumbent on me, therefore, to take
some pains to deliver the script into her own hands.
I arrived at the house and knocked. A female servant appeared. "Her
mistress was up-stairs; she would tell her if I wished to see her," and
meanwhile invited me to enter the parlour; I did so; and the girl
retired to inform her mistress that one waited for her. I ought to
mention that my departure from the directions which I had received was,
in some degree, owing to an inquisitive temper; I was eager after
knowledge, and was disposed to profit by every opportunity to survey the
interior of dwellings and converse with their inhabitants.
I scanned the walls, the furniture, the pictures. Over the fireplace was
a portrait in oil of a female. She was elderly and matron-like. Perhaps
she was the mistress of this habitation, and the person to whom I should
immediately be introduced. Was it a casual suggestion, or was there an
actual resemblance between the strokes of the pencil which executed this
portrait and that of Clavering? However that be, the sight of this
picture revived the memory of my friend and called up a fugitive
suspicion that this was the production of his skill.
I was busily revolving this idea when the lady herself entered. It was
the same whose portrait I had been examining. She fixed scrutinizing and
powerful eyes upon me. She looked at the superscription of the letter
which I presented, and immediately resumed her examination of me. I was
somewhat abashed by the closeness of her observation, and gave tokens of
this state of mind which did not pass unobserved. They seemed instantly
to remind her that she behaved with too little regard to civility. She
recovered herself and began to peruse the letter. Having done this, her
attention was once more fixed upon me. She was evidently desirous of
entering into some conversation, but seemed at a loss in what manner to
begin. This situation was new to me and was productive of no small
embarrassment. I was preparing to take my leave when she spoke, though
not without considerable hesitation:--
"This letter is from Mr. Welbeck--you are his friend--I
presume--perhaps--a relation?"
I was conscious that I had no claim to either of these titles, and that
I was no more than his servant. My pride would not allow me to
acknowledge this, and I merely said, "I live with him at present,
madam."
I imagined that this answer did not perfectly satisfy her; yet she
received it with a certain air of acquiescence. She was silent for a few
minutes, and then, rising, said, "Excuse me, sir, for a few minutes. I
will write a few words to Mr. Welbeck." So saying, she withdrew.
I returned to the contemplation of the picture. From this, however, my
attention was quickly diverted by a paper that lay on the mantel. A
single glance was sufficient to put my blood into motion. I started and
laid my hand upon the well-known packet. It was that which enclosed the
portrait of Clavering!
I unfolded and examined it with eagerness. By what miracle came it
hither? It was found, together with my bundle, two nights before. I had
despaired of ever seeing it again, and yet here was the same portrait
enclosed in the selfsame paper! I have forborne to dwell upon the
regret, amounting to grief, with which I was affected in consequence of
the loss of this precious relic. My joy on thus speedily and
unexpectedly regaining it is not easily described.
For a time I did not reflect that to hold it thus in my hand was not
sufficient to entitle me to repossession. I must acquaint this lady with
the history of this picture, and convince her of my ownership. But how
was this to be done? Was she connected in any way, by friendship or by
consanguinity, with that unfortunate youth? If she were, some
information as to his destiny would be anxiously sought. I did not, just
then, perceive any impropriety in imparting it. If it came into her
hands by accident, still, it will be necessary to relate the mode in
which it was lost in order to prove my title to it.
I now heard her descending footsteps, and hastily replaced the picture
on the mantel. She entered, and, presenting me a letter, desired me to
deliver it to Mr. Welbeck. I had no pretext for deferring my departure,
but was unwilling to go without obtaining possession of the portrait. An
interval of silence and irresolution succeeded. I cast significant
glances at the spot where it lay, and at length mustered up my strength
of mind, and, pointing to the paper,--"Madam," said I, "_there_ is
something which I recognise to be mine: I know not how it came into your
possession, but so lately as the day before yesterday it was in mine. I
lost it by a strange accident, and, as I deem it of inestimable value, I
hope you will have no objection to restore it."
During this speech the lady's countenance exhibited marks of the utmost
perturbation. "Your picture!" she exclaimed; "you lost it! How? Where?
Did you know that person? What has become of him?"
"I knew him well," said I. "That picture was executed by himself. He
gave it to me with his own hands; and, till the moment I unfortunately
lost it, it was my dear and perpetual companion."
"Good heaven!" she exclaimed, with increasing vehemence; "where did you
meet with him? What has become of him? Is he dead, or alive?"
These appearances sufficiently showed me that Clavering and this lady
were connected by some ties of tenderness. I answered that he was dead;
that my mother and myself were his attendants and nurses, and that this
portrait was his legacy to me.
This intelligence melted her into tears, and it was some time before she
recovered strength enough to resume the conversation. She then inquired,
"When and where was it that he died? How did you lose this portrait? It
was found wrapped in some coarse clothes, lying in a stall in the
market-house, on Saturday evening. Two negro women, servants of one of
my friends, strolling through the market, found it and brought it to
their mistress, who, recognising the portrait, sent it to me. To whom
did that bundle belong? Was it yours?"
These questions reminded me of the painful predicament in which I now
stood. I had promised Welbeck to conceal from every one my former
condition; but to explain in what manner this bundle was lost, and how
my intercourse with Clavering had taken place, was to violate this
promise. It was possible, perhaps, to escape the confession of the truth
by equivocation. Falsehoods were easily invented, and might lead her far
away from my true condition; but I was wholly unused to equivocation.
Never yet had a lie polluted my lips. I was not weak enough to be
ashamed of my origin. This lady had an interest in the fate of
Clavering, and might justly claim all the information which I was able
to impart. Yet to forget the compact which I had so lately made, and an
adherence to which might possibly be in the highest degree beneficial to
me and to Welbeck; I was willing to adhere to it, provided falsehood
could be avoided.
These thoughts rendered me silent. The pain of my embarrassment amounted
almost to agony. I felt the keenest regret at my own precipitation in
claiming the picture. Its value to me was altogether imaginary. The
affection which this lady had borne the original, whatever was the
source of that affection, would prompt her to cherish the copy, and,
however precious it was in my eyes, I should cheerfully resign it to
her.
In the confusion of my thoughts an expedient suggested itself
sufficiently inartificial and bold. "It is true, madam, what I have
said. I saw him breathe his last. This is his only legacy. If you wish
it I willingly resign it; but this is all that I can now disclose. I am
placed in circumstances which render it improper to say more."
These words were uttered not very distinctly, and the lady's vehemence
hindered her from noticing them. She again repeated her interrogations,
to which I returned the same answer.
At first she expressed the utmost surprise at my conduct. From this she
descended to some degree of asperity. She made rapid allusions to the
history of Clavering. He was the son of the gentleman who owned the
house in which Welbeck resided. He was the object of immeasurable
fondness and indulgence. He had sought permission to travel, and, this
being refused by the absurd timidity of his parents, he had twice been
frustrated in attempting to embark for Europe clandestinely. They
ascribed his disappearance to a third and successful attempt of this
kind, and had exercised anxious and unwearied diligence in endeavouring
to trace his footsteps. All their efforts had failed. One motive for
their returning to Europe was the hope of discovering some traces of
him, as they entertained no doubt of his having crossed the ocean. The
vehemence of Mrs. Wentworth's curiosity as to those particulars of his
life and death may be easily conceived. My refusal only heightened this
passion.
Finding me refractory to all her efforts, she at length dismissed me in
anger.