following scenes she speaks slowly and repeats words, as if in
thought and in a state of forgetfulness._)
_Katerína._ No, he is nowhere! What is he doing now,--the poor fellow?
If I only could bid him good-bye, and then--and then I do not mind
dying. Why did I lead him into misfortune? I am no better off for that!
I alone ought to suffer! As it is, I have ruined myself, and I have
ruined him: to me--dishonour, to him--eternal remorse! Yes, to
me--dishonour, to him--eternal remorse. (_Silence._) If I only could
think what he said to me? How he pitied me? What were the words he said?
(_Clasps her head._) I can’t remember them, I have forgotten everything.
The nights, the nights weigh heavily upon me! All lie down to sleep, I
too. All feel well, but I feel as if I were going into the grave. It is
so terrible in the dark! I hear a noise and singing, as if they were
burying someone, only so soft, and barely heard, far, far from me----
How glad one is when daylight comes! But I do not like to get up,--the
same people again, the same talks, the same torment. Why do they look
that way at me? Why don’t they kill nowadays? Why have they changed it?
They say, they used to kill. If they took and threw me into the Vólga, I
should be happy. “If we kill you,” they say, “your sin will be taken
from you; so live and be tormented for your sin.” I have suffered
enough! How much longer shall I suffer? What am I to live for now, yes,
what for? I want nothing,--nothing gives me pleasure, God’s world gives
me no pleasure! But death does not come. You call for it, but it does
not come. Whatever I see, whatever I hear, causes me pain here (_points
to her heart_). If I could live with him, maybe there would be some
pleasure yet for me. Well, what difference does it make? I have lost my
soul anyway. How I long for him! Oh, how I long for him! If I cannot see
you, hear me at least from far away! Boisterous winds, bear my grief to
him! O Lord, I am weary, I am weary! (_Walks to the river bank and cries
at the top of her voice_:) My joy, my soul, my life, I love you! Answer!
(_Weeps. Enter Borís._)