_[Hull] Sunday, June 14 [1795]._
I rather expected to hear from you to-day--I wish you would not fail to
write to me for a little time, because I am not quite well--Whether I have
any good sleep or not, I wake in the morning in violent fits of
trembling--and, in spite of all my efforts, the child--every
thing--fatigues me, in which I seek for solace or amusement.
Mr. ---- forced on me a letter to a physician of this place; it was
fortunate, for I should otherwise have had some difficulty to obtain the
necessary information. His wife is a pretty woman (I can admire, you know,
a pretty woman, when I am alone) and he an intelligent and rather
interesting man.--They have behaved to me with great hospitality; and poor
Fanny was never so happy in her life, as amongst their young brood.
They took me in their carriage to Beverley, and I ran over my favourite
walks, with a vivacity that would have astonished you.--The town did not
please me quite so well as formerly--It appeared so diminutive; and, when
I found that many of the inhabitants had lived in the same houses ever
since I left it, I could not help wondering how they could thus have
vegetated, whilst I was running over a world of sorrow, snatching at
pleasure, and throwing off prejudices. The place where I at present am, is
much improved; but it is astonishing what strides aristocracy and
fanaticism have made, since I resided in this country.
The wind does not appear inclined to change, so I am still forced to
linger--When do you think that you shall be able to set out for France? I
do not entirely like the aspect of your affairs, and still less your
connections on either side of the water. Often do I sigh, when I think of
your entanglements in business, and your extreme restlessness of
mind.--Even now I am almost afraid to ask you, whether the pleasure of
being free, does not overbalance the pain you felt at parting with me?
Sometimes I indulge the hope that you will feel me necessary to you--or
why should we meet again?--but, the moment after, despair damps my rising
spirits, aggravated by the emotions of tenderness, which ought to soften
the cares of life.----God bless you!
Yours sincerely and affectionately
MARY.