THE ENGAGEMENT.
It is somewhat less than three months after the death of Sir Miles St.
John; November reigns in London. And "reigns" seems scarcely a
metaphorical expression as applied to the sullen, absolute sway which
that dreary month (first in the dynasty of Winter) spreads over the
passive, dejected city.
Elsewhere in England, November is no such gloomy, grim fellow as he is
described. Over the brown glebes and changed woods in the country, his
still face looks contemplative and mild; and he has soft smiles, too, at
times,--lighting up his taxed vassals the groves; gleaming where the
leaves still cling to the boughs, and reflected in dimples from the waves
which still glide free from his chains. But as a conqueror who makes his
home in the capital, weighs down with hard policy the mutinous citizens
long ere his iron influence is felt in the province, so the first tyrant
of Winter has only rigour and frowns for London. The very aspect of the
wayfarers has the look of men newly enslaved: cloaked and muffled, they
steal to and fro through the dismal fogs. Even the children creep
timidly through the streets; the carriages go cautious and hearse-like
along; daylight is dim and obscure; the town is not filled, nor the brisk
mirth of Christmas commenced; the unsocial shadows flit amidst the mist,
like men on the eve of a fatal conspiracy. Each other month in London
has its charms for the experienced. Even from August to October, when
The Season lies dormant, and Fashion forbids her sons to be seen within
hearing of Bow, the true lover of London finds pleasure still at hand, if
he search for her duly. There are the early walks through the parks and
green Kensington Gardens, which now change their character of resort, and
seem rural and countrylike, but yet with more life than the country; for
on the benches beneath the trees, and along the sward, and up the malls,
are living beings enough to interest the eye and divert the thoughts, if
you are a guesser into character, and amateur of the human face,--fresh
nursery-maid and playful children; and the old shabby-genteel, buttoned-
up officer, musing on half-pay, as he sits alone in some alcove of Kenna,
or leans pensive over the rail of the vacant Ring; and early tradesman,
or clerk from the suburban lodging, trudging brisk to his business,--for
business never ceases in London. Then at noon, what delight to escape to
the banks at Putney or Richmond,--the row up the river; the fishing punt;
the ease at your inn till dark! or if this tempt not, still Autumn shines
clear and calm over the roofs, where the smoke has a holiday; and how
clean gleam the vistas through the tranquillized thoroughfares; and as
you saunter along, you have all London to yourself, Andrew Selkirk, but
with the mart of the world for your desert. And when October comes on,
it has one characteristic of spring,--life busily returns to the city;
you see the shops bustling up, trade flowing back. As birds scent the
April, so the children of commerce plume their wings and prepare for the
first slack returns of the season. But November! Strange the taste,
stout the lungs, grief-defying the heart, of the visitor who finds charms
and joy in a London November.
In a small lodging-house in Bulstrode Street, Manchester Square, grouped
a family in mourning who had had the temerity to come to town in
November, for the purpose, no doubt, of raising their spirits. In the
dull, small drawing-room of the dull, small house we introduce to you,
first, a middle-aged gentleman whose dress showed what dress now fails to
show,--his profession. Nobody could mistake the cut of the cloth and the
shape of the hat, for he had just come in from a walk, and not from
discourtesy, but abstraction, the broad brim still shadowed his pleasant,
placid face. Parson spoke out in him, from beaver to buckle. By the
coal fire, where, through volumes of smoke, fussed and flickered a
pretension to flame, sat a middle-aged lady, whom, without being a
conjurer, you would pronounce at once to be wife to the parson; and
sundry children sat on stools all about her, with one book between them,
and a low whispered murmur from their two or three pursed-up lips,
announcing that that book was superfluous. By the last of three dim-
looking windows, made dimmer by brown moreen draperies, edged genteelly
with black cotton velvet, stood a girl of very soft and pensive
expression of features,--pretty unquestionably, excessively pretty; but
there was something so delicate and elegant about her,--the bend of her
head, the shape of her slight figure, the little fair hands crossed one
on each other, as the face mournfully and listlessly turned to the
window, that "pretty" would have seemed a word of praise too often
proffered to milliner and serving-maid. Nevertheless, it was perhaps the
right one: "handsome" would have implied something statelier and more
commanding; "beautiful," greater regularity of feature, or richness of
colouring. The parson, who since his entrance had been walking up and
down the small room with his hands behind him, glanced now and then at
the young lady, but not speaking, at length paused from that monotonous
exercise by the chair of his wife, and touched her shoulder. She stopped
from her work, which, more engrossing than elegant, was nothing less than
what is technically called "the taking in" of a certain blue jacket,
which was about to pass from Matthew, the eldest born, to David, the
second, and looked up at her husband affectionately. Her husband,
however, spoke not; he only made a sign, partly with his eyebrow, partly
with a jerk of his thumb over his right shoulder, in the direction of the
young lady we have described, and then completed the pantomime with a
melancholy shake of the head. The wife turned round and looked hard, the
scissors horizontally raised in one hand, while the other reposed on the
cuff of the jacket. At this moment a low knock was heard at the street-
door. The worthy pair saw the girl shrink back, with a kind of tremulous
movement; presently there came the sound of a footstep below, the creak
of a hinge on the ground-floor, and again all was silent.
"That is Mr. Mainwaring's knock," said one of the children.
The girl left the room abruptly, and, light as was her step, they heard
her steal up the stairs.
"My dears," said the parson, "it wants an hour yet to dark; you may go
and walk in the square."
"'T is so dull in that ugly square, and they won't let us into the green.
I am sure we'd rather stay here," said one of the children, as spokesman
for the rest; and they all nestled closer round the hearth.
"But, my dears," said the parson, simply, "I want to talk alone with your
mother. However, if you like best to go and keep quiet in your own room,
you may do so."
"Or we can go into Susan's?"
"No," said the parson; "you must not disturb Susan."
"She never used to care about being disturbed. I wonder what's come to
her?"
The parson made no rejoinder to this half-petulant question. The
children consulted together a moment, and resolved that the square,
though so dull, was less dull than their own little attic. That being
decided, it was the mother's turn to address them. And though Mr.
Fielden was as anxious and fond as most fathers, he grew a little
impatient before comforters, kerchiefs, and muffettees were arranged, and
minute exordiums as to the danger of crossing the street, and the risk of
patting strange dogs, etc., were half-way concluded; with a shrug and a
smile, he at length fairly pushed out the children, shut the door, and
drew his chair close to his wife's.
"My dear," he began at once, "I am extremely uneasy about that poor
girl."
"What, Miss Clavering? Indeed, she eats almost nothing at all, and sits
so moping alone; but she sees Mr. Mainwaring every day. What can we do?
She is so proud, I'm afraid of her."
"My dear, I was not thinking of Miss Clavering, though I did not
interrupt you, for it is very true that she is much to be pitied."
"And I am sure it was for her sake alone that you agreed to Susan's
request, and got Blackman to do duty for you at the vicarage, while we
all came up here, in hopes London town would divert her. We left all at
sixes and sevens; and I should not at all wonder if John made away with
the apples."
"But, I say," resumed the parson, without heeding that mournful
foreboding,--"I say, I was then only thinking of Susan. You see how pale
and sad she is grown."
"Why, she is so very soft-hearted, and she must feel for her sister."
"But her sister, though she thinks much, and keeps aloof from us, is not
sad herself, only reserved. On the contrary. I believe she has now got
over even poor Sir Miles's death." "And the loss of the great property!"
"Fie, Mary!" said Mr. Fielden, almost austerely.
Mary looked down, rebuked, for she was not one of the high-spirited wives
who despise their husbands for goodness.
"I beg pardon, my dear," she said meekly; "it was very wrong in me; but I
cannot--do what I will--I cannot like that Miss Clavering."
"The more need to judge her with charity. And if what I fear is the
case, I'm sure we can't feel too much compassion for the poor blinded
young lady."
"Bless my heart, Mr. Fielden, what is it you mean?"
The parson looked round, to be sure the door was quite closed, and
replied, in a whisper: "I mean, that I fear William Mainwaring loves, not
Lucretia, but Susan."
The scissors fell from the hand of Mrs. Fielden; and though one point
stuck in the ground, and the other point threatened war upon flounces and
toes, strange to say, she did not even stoop to remove the chevaux-de-
frise.
"Why, then, he's a most false-hearted young man!"
"To blame, certainly," said Fielden; "I don't say to the contrary,--
though I like the young man, and am sure that he's more timid than false.
I may now tell you--for I want your advice, Mary--what I kept secret
before. When Mainwaring visited us, many months ago, at Southampton, he
confessed to me that he felt warmly for Susan, and asked if I thought Sir
Miles would consent. I knew too well how proud the poor old gentleman
was, to give him any such hopes. So he left, very honourably. You
remember, after he went, that Susan's spirits were low,--you remarked
it."
"Yes, indeed, I remember. But when the first shock of Sir Miles's death
was over, she got back her sweet colour, and looked cheerful enough."
"Because, perhaps, then she felt that she had a fortune to bestow on Mr.
Mainwaring, and thought all obstacle was over."
"Why, how clever you are! How did you get at her thoughts?"
"My own folly,--my own rash folly," almost groaned Mr. Fielden. "For not
guessing that Mr. Mainwaring could have got engaged meanwhile to
Lucretia, and suspecting how it was with Susan's poor little heart, I let
out, in a jest--Heaven forgive me!--what William had said; and the dear
child blushed, and kissed me, and--why, a day or two after, when it was
fixed that we should come up to London, Lucretia informed me, with her
freezing politeness, that she was to marry Mainwaring herself as soon as
her first mourning was over."
"Poor, dear, dear Susan!"
"Susan behaved like an angel; and when I broached it to her, I thought
she was calm; and I am sure she prayed with her whole heart that both
might be happy."
"I'm sure she did. What is to be done? I understand it all now. Dear
me, dear me! a sad piece of work indeed." And Mrs. Fielden abstractedly
picked up the scissors.
"It was not till our coming to town, and Mr. Mainwaring's visits to
Lucretia, that her strength gave way."
"A hard sight to bear,--I never could have borne it, my love. If I had
seen you paying court to another, I should have--I don't know what I
should have done! But what an artful wretch this young Mainwaring must
be."
"Not very artful; for you see that he looks even sadder than Susan. He
got entangled somehow, to be sure. Perhaps he had given up Susan in
despair; and Miss Clavering, if haughty, is no doubt a very superior
young lady; and, I dare say, it is only now in seeing them both together,
and comparing the two, that he feels what a treasure he has lost. Well,
what do you advise, Mary? Mainwaring, no doubt, is bound in honour to
Miss Clavering; but she will be sure to discover, sooner or later, the
state of his feelings, and then I tremble for both. I'm sure she will
never be happy, while he will be wretched; and Susan--I dare not think
upon Susan; she has a cough that goes to my heart."
"So she has; that cough--you don't know the money I spend on black-
currant jelly! What's my advice? Why, I'd speak to Miss Clavering at
once, if I dared. I'm sure love will never break her heart; and she's so
proud, she'd throw him off without a sigh, if she knew how things stood."
"I believe you are right," said Mr. Fielden; "for truth is the best
policy, after all. Still, it's scarce my business to meddle; and if it
were not for Susan-- Well, well, I must think of it, and pray Heaven to
direct me."
This conference suffices to explain to the reader the stage to which the
history of Lucretia had arrived. Willingly we pass over what it were
scarcely possible to describe,--her first shock at the fall from the
expectations of her life; fortune, rank, and what she valued more than
either, power, crushed at a blow. From the dark and sullen despair into
which she was first plunged, she was roused into hope, into something
like joy, by Mainwaring's letters. Never had they been so warm and so
tender; for the young man felt not only poignant remorse that he had been
the cause of her downfall (though she broke it to him with more delicacy
than might have been expected from the state of her feelings and the
hardness of her character), but he felt also imperiously the obligations
which her loss rendered more binding than ever. He persuaded, he urged,
he forced himself into affection; and probably without a murmur of his
heart, he would have gone with her to the altar, and, once wedded, custom
and duty would have strengthened the chain imposed on himself, had it not
been for Lucretia's fatal eagerness to see him, to come up to London,
where she induced him to meet her,--for with her came Susan; and in
Susan's averted face and trembling hand and mute avoidance of his eye, he
read all which the poor dissembler fancied she concealed. But the die
was cast, the union announced, the time fixed, and day by day he came to
the house, to leave it in anguish and despair. A feeling they shared in
common caused these two unhappy persons to shun each other. Mainwaring
rarely came into the usual sitting-room of the family; and when be did
so, chiefly in the evening, Susan usually took refuge in her own room.
If they met, it was by accident, on the stairs, or at the sudden opening
of a door; then not only no word, but scarcely even a look was exchanged:
neither had the courage to face the other. Perhaps, of the two, this
reserve weighed most on Susan; perhaps she most yearned to break the
silence,--for she thought she divined the cause of Mainwaring's gloomy
and mute constraint in the upbraidings of his conscience, which might
doubtless recall, if no positive pledge to Susan, at least those words
and tones which betray the one heart, and seek to allure the other; and
the profound melancholy stamped on his whole person, apparent even to her
hurried glance, touched her with a compassion free from all the
bitterness of selfish reproach. She fancied she could die happy if she
could remove that cloud from his brow, that shadow from his conscience.
Die; for she thought not of life. She loved gently, quietly,--not with
the vehement passion that belongs to stronger natures; but it was the
love of which the young and the pure have died. The face of the Genius
was calm and soft; and only by the lowering of the hand do you see that
the torch burns out, and that the image too serene for earthly love is
the genius of loving Death.
Absorbed in the egotism of her passion (increased, as is ever the case
with women, even the worst, by the sacrifices it had cost her), and if
that passion paused, by the energy of her ambition, which already began
to scheme and reconstruct new scaffolds to repair the ruined walls of the
past,--Lucretia as yet had not detected what was so apparent to the
simple sense of Mr. Fielden. That Mainwaring was grave and thoughtful
and abstracted, she ascribed only to his grief at the thought of her
loss, and his anxieties for her altered future; and in her efforts to
console him, her attempts to convince him that greatness in England did
not consist only in lands and manors,--that in the higher walks of life
which conduct to the Temple of Renown, the leaders of the procession are
the aristocracy of knowledge and of intellect,--she so betrayed, not
generous emulation and high-souled aspiring, but the dark, unscrupulous,
tortuous ambition of cunning, stratagem, and intrigue, that instead of
feeling grateful and encouraged, he shuddered and revolted. How,
accompanied and led by a spirit which he felt to be stronger and more
commanding than his own,--how preserve the whiteness of his soul, the
uprightness of his honour? Already he felt himself debased. But in the
still trial of domestic intercourse, with the daily, hourly dripping on
the stone, in the many struggles between truth and falsehood, guile and
candour, which men--and, above all, ambitious men--must wage, what darker
angel would whisper him in his monitor? Still, he was bound,--bound with
an iron band; he writhed, but dreamed not of escape.
The day after that of Fielden's conference with his wife, an unexpected
visitor came to the house. Olivier Dalibard called. He had not seen
Lucretia since she had left Laughton, nor had any correspondence passed
between them. He came at dusk, just after Mainwaring's daily visit was
over, and Lucretia was still in the parlour, which she had appropriated
to herself. Her brow contracted as his name was announced, and the maid-
servant lighted the candle on the table, stirred the fire, and gave a tug
at the curtains. Her eye, glancing from his, round the mean room, with
its dingy horsehair furniture, involuntarily implied the contrast between
the past state and the present, which his sight could scarcely help to
impress on her. But she welcomed him with her usual stately composure,
and without reference to what had been. Dalibard was secretly anxious to
discover if she suspected himself of any agency in the detection of the
eventful letter; and assured by her manner that no such thought was yet
harboured, he thought it best to imitate her own reserve. He assumed,
however, a manner that, far more respectful than he ever before observed
to his pupil, was nevertheless sufficiently kind and familiar to restore
them gradually to their old footing; and that he succeeded was apparent,
when, after a pause, Lucretia said abruptly: "How did Sir Miles St. John
discover my correspondence with Mr. Mainwaring?"
"Is it possible that you are ignorant? Ah, how--how should you know it?"
And Dalibard so simply explained the occurrence, in which, indeed, it was
impossible to trace the hand that had moved springs which seemed so
entirely set at work by an accident, that despite the extreme
suspiciousness of her nature, Lucretia did not see a pretence for
accusing him. Indeed, when he related the little subterfuge of Gabriel,
his attempt to save her by taking the letter on himself, she felt
thankful to the boy, and deemed Gabriel's conduct quite in keeping with
his attachment to herself. And this accounted satisfactorily for the
only circumstance that had ever troubled her with a doubt,--namely, the
legacy left to Gabriel. She knew enough of Sir Miles to be aware that he
would be grateful to any one who had saved the name of his niece, even
while most embittered against her, from the shame attached to clandestine
correspondence.
"It is strange, nevertheless," said she, thoughtfully, after a pause,
"that the girl should have detected the letter, concealed as it was by
the leaves that covered it."
"But," answered Dalibard, readily, "you see two or three persons had
entered before, and their feet must have displaced the leaves."
"Possibly; the evil is now past recall."
"And Mr. Mainwaring? Do you still adhere to one who has cost you so
much, poor child?"
"In three months more I shall be his wife."
Dalibard sighed deeply, but offered no remonstrance.
"Well," he said, taking her hand with mingled reverence and affection,--
"well, I oppose your inclinations no more, for now there is nothing to
risk; you are mistress of your own fortune; and since Mainwaring has
talents, that fortune will suffice for a career. Are you at length
convinced that I have conquered my folly; that I was disinterested when I
incurred your displeasure? If so, can you restore to me your friendship?
You will have some struggle with the world, and, with my long experience
of men and life, even I, the poor exile, may assist you."
And so thought Lucretia; for with some dread of Dalibard's craft, she yet
credited his attachment to herself, and she felt profound admiration for
an intelligence more consummate and accomplished than any ever yet
submitted to her comprehension. From that time, Dalibard became an
habitual visitor at the house; he never interfered with Lucretia's
interviews with Mainwaring; he took the union for granted, and conversed
with her cheerfully on the prospects before her; he ingratiated himself
with the Fieldens, played with the children, made himself at home, and in
the evenings when Mainwaring, as often as he could find the excuse,
absented himself from the family circle, he contrived to draw Lucretia
into more social intercourse with her homely companions than she had
before condescended to admit. Good Mr. Fielden rejoiced; here was the
very person,--the old friend of Sir Miles, the preceptor of Lucretia
herself, evidently most attached to her, having influence over her,--the
very person to whom to confide his embarrassment. One day, therefore,
when Dalibard had touched his heart by noticing the paleness of Susan, he
took him aside and told him all. "And now," concluded the pastor, hoping
he had found one to relieve him of his dreaded and ungracious task,
"don't you think that I--or rather you--as so old a friend, should speak
frankly to Miss Clavering herself?"
"No, indeed," said the Provencal, quickly; "if we spoke to her, she would
disbelieve us. She would no doubt appeal to Mainwaring, and Mainwaring
would have no choice but to contradict us. Once put on his guard, he
would control his very sadness. Lucretia, offended, might leave your
house, and certainly she would regard her sister as having influenced
your confession,--a position unworthy Miss Mivers. But do not fear: if
the evil be so, it carries with it its inevitable remedy. Let Lucretia
discover it herself; but, pardon me, she must have seen, at your first
reception of Mainwaring, that he had before been acquainted with you?"
"She was not in the room when we first received Mainwaring; and I have
always been distant to him, as you may suppose, for I felt disappointed
and displeased. Of course, however, she is aware that we knew him before
she did. What of that?"
"Why, do you think, then, he told her at Laughton of this acquaintance,--
that he spoke of Susan? I suspect not."
"I cannot say, I am sure," said Mr. Fielden.
"Ask her that question accidentally; and for the rest, be discreet, my
dear sir. I thank you for your confidence. I will watch well over my
poor young pupil. She must not, indeed, be sacrificed to a man whose
affections are engaged elsewhere."
Dalibard trod on air as he left the house; his very countenance had
changed; he seemed ten years younger. It was evening; and suddenly, as
he came into Oxford Street, he encountered a knot of young men--noisy and
laughing loud--obstructing the pavement, breaking jests on the more sober
passengers, and attracting the especial and admiring attention of sundry
ladies in plumed hats and scarlet pelisses; for the streets then enjoyed
a gay liberty which has vanished from London with the lanterns of the
watchmen. Noisiest and most conspicuous of these descendants of the
Mohawks, the sleek and orderly scholar beheld the childish figure of his
son. Nor did Gabriel shrink from his father's eye, stern and scornful as
it was, but rather braved the glance with an impudent leer.
Right, however, in the midst of the group, strode the Provencal, and
laying his hand very gently on the boy's shoulder, he said: "My son, come
with me."
Gabriel looked irresolute, and glanced at his companions. Delighted at
the prospect of a scene, they now gathered round, with countenances and
gestures that seemed little disposed to acknowledge the parental
authority.
"Gentlemen," said Dalibard, turning a shade more pale, for though morally
most resolute, physically he was not brave,--"gentlemen, I must beg you
to excuse me; this child is my son!"
"But Art is his mother," replied a tall, raw-boned young man, with long
tawny hair streaming down from a hat very much battered. "At the
juvenile age, the child is consigned to the mother! Have I said it?" and
he turned round theatrically to his comrades.
"Bravo!" cried the rest, clapping their hands.
"Down with all tyrants and fathers! hip, hip, Hurrah!" and the hideous
diapason nearly split the drum of the ears into which it resounded.
"Gabriel," whispered the father, "you had better follow me, had you not?
Reflect!" So saying, he bowed low to the unpropitious assembly, and as
if yielding the victory, stepped aside and crossed over towards Bond
Street.
Before the din of derision and triumph died away, Dalibard looked back,
and saw Gabriel behind him.
"Approach, sir," he said; and as the boy stood still, he added, "I
promise peace if you will accept it."
"Peace, then," answered Gabriel, and he joined his father's side.
"So," said Dalibard, "when I consented to your studying Art, as you call
it, under your mother's most respectable brother, I ought to have
contemplated what would be the natural and becoming companions of the
rising Raphael I have given to the world."
"I own, sir," replied Gabriel, demurely, "that they are riotous fellows;
but some of them are clever, and--"
"And excessively drunk," interrupted Dalibard, examining the gait of his
son. "Do you learn that accomplishment also, by way of steadying your
hand for the easel?"
"No, sir; I like wine well enough, but I would not be drunk for the
world. I see people when they are drunk are mere fools,--let out their
secrets, and show themselves up."
"Well said," replied the father, almost admiringly. "But a truce with
this bantering, Gabriel. Can you imagine that I will permit you any
longer to remain with that vagabond Varney and yon crew of vauriens? You
will come home with me; and if you must be a painter, I will look out for
a more trustworthy master."
"I shall stay where I am," answered Gabriel, firmly, and compressing his
lips with a force that left them bloodless.
"What, boy? Do I hear right? Dare you disobey me? Dare you defy?"
"Not in your house, so I will not enter it again." Dalibard laughed
mockingly.
"Peste! but this is modest! You are not of age yet, Mr. Varney; you are
not free from a father's tyrannical control."
"The law does not own you as my father, I am told, sir. You have said my
name rightly,--it is Varney, not Dalibard. We have no rights over each
other; so at least says Tom Passmore, and his father's a lawyer!"
Dalibard's hand griped his son's arm fiercely. Despite his pain, which
was acute, the child uttered no cry; but he growled beneath his teeth,
"Beware! beware! or my mother's son may avenge her death!"
Dalibard removed his hand, and staggered as if struck. Gliding from his
side, Gabriel seized the occasion to escape; he paused, however, midway
in the dull, lamp-lit kennel when he saw himself out of reach, and then
approaching cautiously, said: "I know. I am a boy, but you have made me
man enough to take care of myself. Mr. Varney, my uncle, will maintain
me; when of age, old Sir Miles has provided for me. Leave me in peace,
treat me as free, and I will visit you, help you when you want me, obey
you still,--yes, follow your instructions; for I know you are," he
paused, "you are wise. But if you seek again to make me your slave, you
will only find your foe. Good-night; and remember that a bastard has no
father!"
With these words he moved on, and hurrying down the street, turned the
corner and vanished.
Dalibard remained motionless for some minutes; at length he muttered:
"Ay, let him go, he is dangerous! What son ever revolted even from the
worst father, and throve in life? Food for the gibbet! What matters?"
When next Dalibard visited Lucretia, his manner was changed; the
cheerfulness he had before assumed gave place to a kind of melancholy
compassion; he no longer entered into her plans for the future, but would
look at her mournfully, start up, and walk away. She would have
attributed the change to some return of his ancient passion, but she
heard him once murmur with unspeakable pity, "Poor child, poor child!" A
vague apprehension seized her,--first, indeed, caught from some remarks
dropped by Mr. Fielden, which were less discreet than Dalibard had
recommended. A day or two afterwards, she asked Mainwaring, carelessly,
why he had never spoken to her at Laughton of his acquaintance with
Fielden.
"You asked me that before," he said, somewhat sullenly.
"Did I? I forget! But how was it? Tell me again."
"I scarcely know," he replied confusedly; "we were always talking of each
other or poor Sir Miles,--our own hopes and fears."
This was true, and a lover's natural excuse. In the present of love all
the past is forgotten.
"Still," said Lucretia, with her sidelong glance,--"still, as you must
have seen much of my own sister--"
Mainwaring, while she spoke, was at work on a button on his gaiter
(gaiters were then worn tight at the ankle); the effort brought the blood
to his forehead.
"But," he said, still stooping at his occupation, "you were so little
intimate with your sister; I feared to offend. Family differences are so
difficult to approach."
Lucretia was satisfied at the moment; for so vast was her stake in
Mainwaring's heart, so did her whole heart and soul grapple to the rock
left serene amidst the deluge, that she habitually and resolutely thrust
from her mind all the doubts that at times invaded it.
"I know," she would often say to herself,--"I know he does not love as I
do; but man never can, never ought to love as woman! Were I a man, I
should scorn myself if I could be so absorbed in one emotion as I am
proud to be now,--I, poor woman! I know," again she would think,--"I
know how suspicious and distrustful I am; I must not distrust him,--I
shall only irritate, I may lose him: I dare not distrust,--it would be
too dreadful."
Thus, as a system vigorously embraced by a determined mind, she had
schooled and forced herself into reliance on her lover. His words now,
we say, satisfied her at the moment; but afterwards, in absence, they
were recalled, in spite of herself,--in the midst of fears, shapeless and
undefined. Involuntarily she began to examine the countenance, the
movements, of her sister,--to court Susan's society more than she had
done; for her previous indifference had now deepened into bitterness.
Susan, the neglected and despised, had become her equal,--nay, more than
her equal: Susan's children would have precedence to her own in the
heritage of Laughton! Hitherto she had never deigned to talk to her in
the sweet familiarity of sisters so placed; never deigned to confide to
her those feelings for her future husband which burned lone and ardent in
the close vault of her guarded heart. Now, however, she began to name
him, wind her arm into Susan's, talk of love and home, and the days to
come; and as she spoke, she read the workings of her sister's face. That
part of the secret grew clear almost at the first glance. Susan loved,--
loved William Mainwaring; but was it not a love hopeless and unreturned?
Might not this be the cause that had made Mainwaring so reserved? He
might have seen, or conjectured, a conquest he had not sought; and hence,
with manly delicacy, he had avoided naming Susan to Lucretia; and now,
perhaps, sought the excuses which at times had chafed and wounded her for
not joining the household circle. If one of those who glance over these
pages chances to be a person more than usually able and acute,--a person
who has loved and been deceived,--he or she, no matter which, will
perhaps recall those first moments when the doubt, long put off, insisted
to be heard. A weak and foolish heart gives way to the doubt at once;
not so the subtler and more powerful,--it rather, on the contrary,
recalls all the little circumstances that justify trust and make head
against suspicion; it will not render the citadel at the mere sound of
the trumpet; it arms all its forces, and bars its gates on the foe.
Hence it is that the persons most easy to dupe in matters of affection
are usually those most astute in the larger affairs of life. Moliere,
reading every riddle in the vast complexities of human character, and
clinging, in self-imposed credulity, to his profligate wife, is a type of
a striking truth. Still, a foreboding, a warning instinct withheld
Lucretia from plumbing farther into the deeps of her own fears. So
horrible was the thought that she had been deceived, that rather than
face it, she would have preferred to deceive herself. This poor, bad
heart shrank from inquiry, it trembled at the idea of condemnation. She
hailed, with a sentiment of release that partook of rapture, Susan's
abrupt announcement one morning that she had accepted an invitation from
some relations of her father to spend some time with them at their villa
near Hampstead; she was to go the end of the week. Lucretia hailed it,
though she saw the cause,--Susan shrank from the name of Mainwaring on
Lucretia's lips; shrank from the familiar intercourse so ruthlessly
forced on her! With a bright eye, that day, Lucretia met her lover; yet
she would not tell him of Susan's intended departure, she had not the
courage.
Dalibard was foiled. This contradiction in Lucretia's temper, so
suspicious, so determined, puzzled even his penetration. He saw that
bolder tactics were required. He waylaid Mainwaring on the young man's
way to his lodgings, and after talking to him on indifferent matters,
asked him carelessly whether he did not think Susan far gone in a
decline. Affecting not to notice the convulsive start with which the
question was received, he went on,--
"There is evidently something on her mind; I observe that her eyes are
often red, as with weeping, poor girl. Perhaps some silly love-affair.
However, we shall not see her again before your marriage; she is going
away in a day or two. The change of air may possibly yet restore her,--I
own, though, I fear the worst. At this time of the year, and in your
climate, such complaints as I take hers to be are rapid. Good-day. We
may meet this evening."
Terror-stricken at these barbarous words, Mainwaring no sooner reached
his lodging than he wrote and despatched a note to Fielden, entreating
him to call.
The vicar obeyed the summons, and found Mainwaring in a state of mind
bordering on distraction. Nor when Susan was named did Fielden's words
take the shape of comfort; for he himself was seriously alarmed for her
health. The sound of her low cough rang in his ears, and he rather
heightened than removed the picture which haunted Mainwaring,--Susan
stricken, dying, broken-hearted!
Tortured both in heart and conscience, Mainwaring felt as if he had but
one wish left in the world,--to see Susan once more. What to say, he
scarce knew; but for her to depart,--depart perhaps to her grave,
believing him coldly indifferent,--for her not to know at least his
struggles, and pronounce his pardon, was a thought beyond endurance.
After such an interview both would have new fortitude,--each would unite
in encouraging the other in the only step left to honour. And this
desire he urged upon Fielden with all the eloquence of passionate grief
as he entreated him to permit and procure one last conference with Susan.
But this, the plain sense and straightforward conscience of the good man
long refused. If Mainwaring had been left in the position to explain his
heart to Lucretia, it would not have been for Fielden to object; but to
have a clandestine interview with one sister while betrothed to the
other, bore in itself a character too equivocal to meet with the simple
vicar's approval.
"What can you apprehend?" exclaimed the young man, almost fiercely; for,
harassed and tortured, his mild nature was driven to bay. "Can you
suppose that I shall encourage my own misery by the guilty pleadings of
unavailing love? All that I ask is the luxury--yes, the luxury, long
unknown to me, of candour--to place fairly and manfully before Susan the
position in which fate has involved me. Can you suppose that we shall
not both take comfort and strength from each other? Our duty is plain
and obvious; but it grows less painful, encouraged by the lips of a
companion in suffering. I tell you fairly that see Susan I will and
must. I will watch round her home, wherever it be, hour after hour; come
what may, I will find my occasion. Is it not better that the interview
should be under your roof, within the same walls which shelter her
sister? There, the place itself imposes restraint on despair. Oh, sir,
this is no time for formal scruples; be merciful, I beseech you, not to
me, but to Susan. I judge of her by myself. I know that I shall go to
the altar more resigned to the future if for once I can give vent to what
weighs upon my heart. She will then see, as I do, that the path before
me is inevitable; she will compose herself to face the fate that compels
us. We shall swear tacitly to each other, not to love, but to conquer
love. Believe me, sir, I am not selfish in this prayer; an instinct, the
intuition which human grief has into the secrets of human grief, assures
me that that which I ask is the best consolation you can afford to Susan.
You own she is ill,--suffering. Are not your fears for her very life--O
Heaven? for her very life--gravely awakened? And yet you see we have
been silent to each other! Can speech be more fatal in its results than
silence? Oh, for her sake, hear me!"
The good man's tears fell fast. His scruples were shaken; there was truth
in what Mainwaring urged. He did not yield, but he promised to reflect,
and inform Mainwaring, by a line, in the evening. Finding this was all
he could effect, the young man at last suffered him to leave the house,
and Fielden hastened to take counsel of Dalibard; that wily persuader
soon reasoned away Mr. Fielden's last faint objection. It now only
remained to procure Susan's assent to the interview, and to arrange that
it should be undisturbed. Mr. Fielden should take out the children the
next morning. Dalibard volunteered to contrive the absence of Lucretia
at the hour appointed. Mrs. Fielden alone should remain within, and
might, if it were judged proper, be present at the interview, which was
fixed for the forenoon in the usual drawing-room. Nothing but Susan's
consent was now necessary, and Mr. Fielden ascended to her room. He
knocked twice,--no sweet voice bade him enter; he opened the door
gently,--Susan was in prayer. At the opposite corner of the room, by the
side of her bed, she knelt, her face buried in her hands, and he heard,
low and indistinct, the murmur broken by the sob. But gradually, as he
stood unperceived, sob and murmur ceased,--prayer had its customary and
blessed effect with the pure and earnest. And when Susan rose, though the
tears yet rolled down her cheeks, the face was serene as an angel's.
The pastor approached and took her hand; a blush then broke over her
countenance,--she trembled, and her eyes fell on the ground. "My child,"
he said solemnly, "God will hear you!" And after those words there was a
long silence. He then drew her passively towards a seat, and sat down by
her, embarrassed how to begin. At length he said, looking somewhat
aside, "Mr. Mainwaring has made me a request,--a prayer which relates to
you, and which I refer to you. He asks you to grant him an interview
before you leave us,--to-morrow, if you will. I refused at first,--I am
in doubt still; for, my dear, I have always found that when the feelings
move us, our duty becomes less clear to the human heart,--corrupt, we
know, but still it is often a safer guide than our reason. I never knew
reason unerring, except in mathematics; we have no Euclid," and the good
man smiled mournfully, "in the problems of real life. I will not urge
you one way or the other; I put the case before you: Would it, as the
young man says, give you comfort and strength to see him once again
while, while--in short, before your sister is--I mean before--that is,
would it soothe you now, to have an unreserved communication with him?
He implores it. What shall I answer?"
"This trial, too!" muttered Susan, almost inaudibly,--"this trial which I
once yearned for; "and the hand clasped in Fielden's was as cold as ice.
Then, turning her eyes to her guardian somewhat wildly, she cried: "But
to what end, what object? Why should he wish to see me?"
"To take greater courage to do his duty; to feel less unhappy at--at--"
"I will see him," interrupted Susan, firmly,--"he is right; it will
strengthen both. I will see him!"
"But human nature is weak, my child; if my heart be so now, what will be
yours?"
"Fear me not," answered Susan, with a sad, wandering smile; and she
repeated vacantly: "I will see him!"
The good man looked at her, threw his arms round her wasted form, and
lifting up his eyes, his lips stirred with such half-syllabled words as
fathers breathe on high.