I have supposed that you have been appointed Secretary to the Public
Squander Department. You will have much to do, so the less you have to
read, the better. Under these circumstances, I merely supply you at
this moment with the following
_Examination Paper for Would-be Private Secretaries._
1. Give your autobiography, either as (1) a good story against
yourself, (2) a minute in four lines, or (3) a long yarn suitable
for filling up the time when things have to be kept going for
three-quarters of an hour to accommodate your chief.
2. Describe your duties to your chief (1) when he is in town but wants
to be thought away in the country, and (2) when you have to assist him
as "Vice-chair" at a dinner party.
3. Given that you have for neighbours at a political banquet a
race-horse owner, a supporter of the temperance cause, a theatrical
proprietor, and a rural dean. Write an anecdote that will interest all
of them, and cause the conversation between them to be general.
4. Take the following facts. Owing to a blunder, a ship has been sent
to a wrong port, carrying a wrong cargo to a wrong receiver, who has
sent it away, and thus prevented it being used for its right purpose.
This trifling error of judgment has caused a war that could easily
have been prevented. Explain all this away in such a manner that the
statement when delivered by your chief shall be received with "general
cheering" in the House of Commons.
5. Write a short essay showing your points and testing your
capabilities.
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[Illustration: BOUGHT AND SOLD.
_Dealer._ "WHAT? THIS 'ERE LITTLE 'OSS BIN SHOT OVER? LOR' BLESS Y',
HEEPS O' TIMES!"
[_Purchaser tests the fact, and is perfectly satisfied._]
* * * * *