A THING OF FEAR
Grantley Imason had intended to go down to Milldean that same evening,
but a summons from Tom Courtland reached him, couched in such terms that
he could not hesitate to obey it. He sought Tom at his club the moment
he received the message. Tom had been sent for to his own house in the
morning, and had heard what had happened there. He had seen the wounded
child and the other two terrified little creatures. Suzette Bligh gave
him her account. The doctor told him that Sophy was no longer in danger,
but that the matter was a grave one--a very serious shock and severe
local injury; the child would recover with care and with quiet, but
would always bear a mark of the wound, an ineffaceable scar. That was
the conclusion, half good, half bad, reached after a night of doubt
whether Sophy would not die from the violence and the shock.
"Did you see your wife?" Grantley asked.
"See her? I should kill her if I saw her," groaned Tom.
"But--but what's being done?"
"She's in her room--she's been there ever since it happened. Suzette's
seen her--nobody else. Nobody else will go near her. Of course, while
there was a doubt about Sophy--well, the doctor made it a condition that
she should confine herself to her room till the thing took a definite
turn. I hope she's frightened at last. I don't know what to do. The
woman ought to be hanged, Grantley."
But wrath and horror at his wife were not the only feelings in Tom's
mind; the way the thing had happened raised other thoughts. He was
prostrate under the sense that the fury which had smitten poor little
Sophy had been aimed at him; his acts had inspired and directed it. He
had made his children's love for him a crime in their mother's eyes. All
his excuses, both false and real, failed him now. His own share in the
tragedy of his home was heavy and heinous in his eyes.
"I ought to have remembered the children," he kept repeating
desperately. He ought to have stayed and fought the battle for and with
them, however hard the battle was. But he had run away--to Mrs. Bolton,
and left them alone to endure the increased fury of Harriet's rage.
"I've been a damned coward over it," he said, "and this is what comes of
it, Grantley."
It was all true. Tom had not thought of the children. Even though he
loved them, he had deserted them treacherously, because he had
considered only his own wrongs, and had been wrapped up in his personal
quarrel with his wife. What he had found unendurable himself he had left
those helpless little creatures to endure. All the arguments which had
seemed so strong to justify or to palliate his resort to the Bolton
refuge sounded weak and mean to him now--and to Grantley too, who had
been used to rely on them, lightly accepting them with a man of the
world's easy philosophy. His friends had almost encouraged Tom in his
treacherous desertion of his children; they too had looked at nothing
but the merits of his quarrel with Harriet, putting that by itself in a
false isolation from the total life of the family, of which it was in
truth an integral indivisible part. So Grantley meditated as he listened
to Tom's laments; and the meditation was not without meaning and light
for him also.
Tom had a request to make of him--that he would go round to the house
and spend the evening there.
"I daren't trust myself near Harriet," he said, "and I'm uneasy with
only the servants there. They're all afraid of her. She was cowed,
Suzette says, while there was danger; but she may break out
again--anything might start her again. If you could stay till she's
safely in bed----"
"I'll stay all night, if necessary, old fellow," said Grantley promptly.
"It'll take a weight off my mind--and I've got about enough to bear. I'm
going to stay here, of course; so you'll know where to find me if I'm
wanted, though I don't see what can happen now."
Terror brooded over the Courtlands' house. Grantley rejoiced to see how
his coming did something to lift the cloud. The two children left
Suzette's side (they loved her, but she seemed to them a defence all too
frail), and came to him, standing on either side of his knee and putting
their hands in his. The listening strained look passed out of their eyes
as he talked to them. Presently little Vera climbed up and nestled on
his knee, while Lucy leant against his shoulder, and he got them to
prattle about happy things, old holidays and bygone treats, to which Tom
had taken them. At last Lucy laughed merrily at some childish memory.
The sound went straight to Grantley's heart; a great tenderness came
upon him. As he kissed them, his thoughts flew to his own little
son--the child who had now begun to know love, to greet it and to ask
for it. How these poor children prized even a decent kindness! Grantley
seemed to himself to have done a fine day's work--as fine a day's work
as he had ever done in his life--when he sent them off to bed with
smiling lips and eyes relieved of dread.
"You won't go away to-night, will you?" Lucy whispered as she kissed him
good-night.
"Of course he's not going!" cried little Vera, bravely confident in the
strength of her helplessness.
"No, I'll stay all night--all the whole night," Grantley promised.
He made his camp in the library on the ground floor, and there presently
Suzette Bligh came to see him. She gave a good account of the wounded
child. Sophy slept; the capable cheery woman who had come as nurse gave
her courage to sleep.
"We must get her away to the seaside as soon as possible, and she'll get
all right, I think; though there must be a mark always. And of course
the permanent question remains. Isn't it all hopeless, Mr. Imason?"
"It's a terrible business for you to be involved in."
"Oh, I can only thank heaven I was here! But for me I believe she'd have
killed the child."
"What state is she in now?"
"I really don't know. She won't speak to me. She sits quite still, just
staring at me. I try to stay with her, but it's too dreadful. I can't
help hating her--and I think she knows it."
Grantley had some experience of coming to know what people felt about
him.
"I expect she does," he nodded.
"What will happen, Mr. Imason?"
"I don't know--except that the children mustn't stay with her. Is she
afraid of being prosecuted, do you think?"
"She hasn't said anything about it. No, she doesn't seem afraid; I don't
think that's her feeling. But--but her eyes look awful. When I had to
tell her that the doctor had forbidden her to come near the children,
and said he would send the police into the house if she tried to go to
them--well, I've never seen such an expression on any human face before.
She looked like--like somebody in hell, Mr. Imason."
"Ah!" groaned Grantley with a jerk of his head, as though he turned from
a fearful spectacle.
"I've just been with her. I persuaded her to go to bed--she's not slept
since it happened, I know--and got her to let me help her to undress.
Her maid won't go to her; she's too frightened. I hope she'll go to
sleep, or really I think she'll lose her senses." She paused and then
asked: "Will this make any difference in--in the proceedings?"
"Well, it gives Tom something to bargain with, doesn't it? But you can't
tell with her. The ordinary motives may not appeal to her, any more than
the natural feelings. I hope it may be possible to frighten her."
"Anyhow the children won't have to stay--you're sure of that?"
"We must try hard for that," said Grantley.
But Tom had made even that more difficult, because he had considered
only his own quarrel, and, not thinking of the children, had run away to
refuge with Mrs. Bolton, saving his own skin by treacherous flight.
Suzette bade Grantley good-night. She too must sleep, or her strength
would fail.
"You'll keep the door open?" she asked. "And her room is just over this.
You'll hear if she moves, though I don't think she will. It is good of
you, Mr. Imason. We shall all sleep quietly to-night. Oh, but how tired
you'll be!"
"Not I!" he smiled. "I've often sat up till daylight on less worthy
occasions. You're the hero! You've come through this finely."
Suzette's cheeks flushed at his praise.
"I do love the poor children," she said, as Grantley pressed her hand.
He sat down to his vigil. The house became very still. Once or twice
steps passed to and fro in the room above; then there was silence. In a
quarter of an hour, perhaps, there were steps again; then another
interval of quiet. This alternation of movement and rest went on for a
long time. If Harriet Courtland slept, her sleep was broken. But
presently Grantley ceased to mark the sound--ceased even to think of the
Courtlands or of the house where he was. Led by the experiences of the
day and by the feelings they had evoked, his thoughts took their way to
Milldean, to his own home, to his wife and son. How nearly tragedy had
come there too! Nay, was it yet gone? Was not its shadow still over the
house? And why? He looked back again at the Courtlands--at Harriet's
unhallowed rage, at Tom's weakness and desertion, at the fate of the
children--not thought of and forgotten by the one, ill-used and put in
terror by the other. He recollected how once they used to joke about the
Courtlands' being at any rate useful as a warning. That joke had taken
on too keen an edge to sound mirthful now. But the serious truth in it
came home to him, making plain what he had been groping after ever since
that night at the Sailors' Rest at Fairhaven, ever since Sibylla had
opened her mouth against him and spoken the bitterness of her heart.
Yes, he thought he saw where the truth lay now. Calamity held up a torch
to light his wandering feet.
No borrowed light had made plain the steps of the woman upstairs. The
glare of her own ruin had been needed to illuminate the way she trod, so
dense was the turbid darkness of her spirit. She saw now where she
stood--and there seemed no going back. She had fallen into fits of
remorse before--she had called herself cursed over her betrayal of
Christine: that was nothing to this; yet she remembered it now, and it
went to swell the wave of despair which overwhelmed her. Well might her
eyes look like the eyes of one in hell, for she was cut off from all
love and sympathy. She herself had severed all those bonds whereby a
human being becomes other than a roving solitary brute. There was no
re-binding them. Nobody would come near her; nobody could endure her
presence; she was a thing of hatred and of fear. Even Suzette Bligh
shrank while she served, and loathed while she ministered. Her husband
could not trust himself in the house with her, and she could not be
trusted in the room with her children. By the narrowest luck she was not
a murderess; in the hearts of all, and in her own heart, she seemed a
leper--a leper among people who were whole--an unclean thing--because of
her bestial rage.
These thoughts had been in her mind all the night before and all the
day. They did not consort with sleep nor make terms with peaceful rest.
Sometimes they drove her to wild and passionate outbursts of weeping and
imprecation; oftener they chained her motionless to her chair, so still
that only her angry eyes showed life and consciousness. They left little
room for fear of any external punishment, or for shame at any public
exposure. They went deeper than that, condemning not the body but the
soul, pronouncing not the verdict of the world, but of herself and of
nature's inexorable law. They displayed the procession of evil--weakness
growing to vice, vice turning to crime, crime throttling all the
good--till she had become a thing horrible to those about her, horrible
and incredible even to herself. And there was no going back, no going
back at all. Her will was broken, and she had no hope in herself. The
weights were on her feet, and dragged her down the abyss which now lay
open and revealed before her eyes.
Suzette had persuaded her to undress and go to bed. She must sleep--yes,
or she would go mad with the thoughts. But where was sleep with the
agony of their sting? She had her chloral--an old ally--and had recourse
to it. Then she would fling herself on the bed and try to think she
could sleep. Exasperation drove her up again, and she paced the room in
wrathful despair, cursing herself because she could not sleep, battling
against the remorseless thoughts, exclaiming against their tortures,
refusing the inquisition to which they subjected her. Then--back to bed
again for another futile effort, another cry of despair, to be followed
by another outburst of wild impatience, another fierce unavailing
struggle against her tormentors, new visions of what she was and of what
her life must be.
This was not a thing that she would endure; nobody could endure it and
keep sanity. It should be ended! Her fierce defiant fury rose yet once
more; the temper which had wrought all the calamity was not tamed by it
in the end. She turned to her drug again. She knew there was danger in
that, but she put the notion behind her scornfully. Why, the stuff would
not even make her sleep! Could it hurt her when it could not even give
her sleep? That was nonsense, stupid nonsense. She would have sleep!
Nature fell victim to her rage now; she would beat nature down by her
fury, as she had been wont to beat down all opposing wills. She had
listened to nothing in her tempests. Now she rose again to the whirlwind
of passion, denying what she knew, refusing to look at it. Kill herself?
Not she! Yet if she did, what matter? Had she anything to look for in
life? Would anybody grieve for her? It would be a riddance for all of
them if she died. But she wouldn't die. No danger of that--and no such
luck either! Each dose left her more pitiably wide-awake, more
gruesomely alert in mind, more hideously acute to feel the sting of
those torturing thoughts. An over-dose indeed! No dose, it seemed, could
serve even to dull the sharpness of her mordant reflections. But she
would have sleep--at all costs, sleep! She cursed herself vilely because
she could not sleep.
Thus came, as of old, now for the last time, the madness and blindness
of her rage, the rage which forgot all save itself, merged every other
consciousness, spared nobody and nothing. It was turned against herself
now, and neither did it spare herself. She drugged herself again, losing
all measure, and then flung herself heavily on the bed. Ah! Yes, surely
there was a change now? The horrid pictures grew mercifully dim, the
sting of the torturing thoughts was drawn, the edge of conscience
blunted. Her rage had had its way, it had beaten down nature. For a
moment she grasped this triumph, and exulted in it in her old barbarous
gloating over the victories of her fury. All things had been against her
sleep. But now it came; she had won it. She ceased to move, to curse,
even to think. The blessed torpor stole over her. Her life and what it
must be passed from her mind; a compassionate blankness spread over her
intellect. She was at peace! To-morrow--yes, to-morrow! All things could
wait now till to-morrow. She would be better able to face them
to-morrow--after a good night's sleep. Who had dared to say she could
not sleep? Her eyes closed, and her heavy breathing sounded through the
room. She stirred no more. Her rage had its way with her, as with all
others. It had demanded sleep. She slept.
Dawn had broken when a hand laid on his shoulder roused Grantley Imason
from an uneasy doze. He found Suzette by him in her dressing-gown and
barefooted. Instinctively he listened for an instant to hear if there
were any sound from the room above. There was none, and he asked her:
"Is anything wrong?"
"Yes," whispered Suzette, "Come upstairs!"
Not knowing what the evil chance might be, he followed her, and she led
him into Harriet Courtland's room. She had already opened one of the
shutters, and the early light streamed in on to the bed. Harriet lay on
her side, with her head thrown back on the pillow and her eyes turned up
to the ceiling. She lay above the clothes of the bed, and her nightgown
was torn away from her throat. Suzette had thrown a dressing-gown over
her body from breast to feet. She looked wonderfully handsome as she lay
there, so still, so peaceful, like some splendid animal in a reaction of
exhaustion after savage grand exertion. He drew near. The truth came
home to him at once. The two stood and looked at Harriet. At last he
turned to Suzette. He found her very pale, but quite calm.
"She's dead, Mr. Imason," Suzette said.
"How?" he asked.
"An over-dose of chloral. She often used to take it--and of course she
would be very likely to want a sleeping-draught last night."
"Yes, yes, of course she would. Her nerves would be so much upset."
Their eyes met--Suzette's seemed puzzled.
"What do you think?" asked Grantley in a whisper.
"I really don't know. She would really have been quite likely to take
too much. She would be impatient if it didn't act quickly, you know."
"Yes, yes, of course she would. Have you sent for a doctor?"
"Oh, yes, directly I found her--before I came to you. But I've done some
nursing, and--and there's not the least----" She stopped suddenly, and
was silent for several seconds. Then she said quietly and calmly:
"There's not the least chance, Mr. Imason."
Grantley knew what word she had rejected in favour of "chance," and why
the word had seemed inappropriate. He acknowledged the justice of the
change with a mournful gesture of his hands.
"Well, we can never know whether it was accidental or not," he said, as
he turned to leave the room.
"No, we can never know that," said Suzette.
How should they know? Harriet Courtland had not known herself. As
always, so to the end, her fury had been blind, and had destroyed her
blindly.
She had struck at herself as recklessly as at her child; and here her
blow had killed. Her rage had run its final course, and for the last
time had its way. She slept.
And while she slept, her home was waking to the life of a new day.