THE DEAD AND ITS DEAD
"Well, have you managed to amuse yourself to-day?" asked Caylesham,
throwing himself heavily on a sofa by Tom Courtland, and yawning widely.
He had dropped in at Mrs. Bolton's, after dinner. Tom had spent the day
there, and had not managed to amuse himself very much, as the surly
grunt with which he answered Caylesham's question sufficiently
testified. He had eaten too much lunch, played cards too long and too
high, with too many "drinks" interspersed between the hands; then had
eaten a large dinner, accompanied by rather too much champagne; then had
played cards again till both his pocket and his temper were the worse.
There had been nothing startling, nothing lurid about his day; it had
just been unprofitable, boring, unwholesome. And he did not care about
Mrs. Bolton's friends--not about Miss Pattie Henderson, nor about the
two quite young men who had made up the card-party. His face was a
trifle flushed, and his toothbrushy hair had even more than usual of its
suggestion of comical distress.
"Been a bit dull, has it?" Caylesham went on sympathetically. "Well, it
often is. Oh, I like our friend Flora Bolton, you know, so long as she
doesn't get a fit of nerves and tell you how different she might have
been. People should never do that. At other times she's a good sort, and
just as ready to ruin herself as anybody else--nothing of the good old
traditional harpy about her. Still perhaps it works out about the same."
It certainly worked out about the same, as nobody knew better than Tom
Courtland. He was thinking now that he had paid rather high for a not
very lively day. The only person he had won from was Miss Henderson, and
he was not sure that she would pay.
"Must spend your time somewhere," he jerked out forlornly.
"A necessity of life," Caylesham agreed; "and it doesn't make so much
difference, after all, where you do it. I rather agree with the fellow
who said that the only distinction he could see between--well, between
one sort of house and the other sort--was that in the latter you could
be more certain of finding whisky and soda on the sideboard in the
morning; and now I'm hanged if that criterion isn't failing one! Whisky
and soda's got so general."
The card-party at the other end of the room was animated and even a
little noisy. Mrs. Bolton was prone to hearty laughter. Miss Henderson
had a penetrating voice, and usually gave a little shriek of delight
when she won. The two young men were rather excited. Caylesham regarded
the whole scene with humorous contempt. Tom Courtland sat in moody
silence, doing nothing. He had even smoked till he could smoke no more.
He had not a pleasure left.
Presently Miss Pattie threw down her cards and came across to them. She
was a tall ladylike-looking young woman; only the faintest trace of
Cockney accent hung about the voice. She sat down by Caylesham in a
friendly way.
"We hardly ever see you now," she told him. "Are you all right?"
"All right, but getting old, Pattie. I'm engaged in digging my own
grave."
"Oh, nonsense, you're quite fit still. I say, have you heard about me?"
"Lots of things."
"No, don't be silly. I mean, that I'm going to be married?"
"No, are you, by Jove? Who's the happy man?"
"Georgie Parmenter. Do you know him? He's awfully nice."
"I know his father. May I proffer advice? Get that arrangement put down
in writing. Then at the worst it'll be worth something to you."
Miss Pattie was not at all offended. She laughed merrily.
"They always said you were pretty wide-awake, and I believe it!" she
observed. "He'll have ten thousand a year when his father dies."
"In the circumstances you mention he won't have a farthing a year till
that event happens, I'm afraid, Pattie. A man of strong prejudices, old
Sir George."
"Well, I'm sure I've got letters enough to----"
"That's all right. I shall watch the case with interest."
He yawned again and rose to his feet.
"Tom's pretty dull, isn't he?" asked Miss Pattie with a comical pout.
"Yes, Tom's pretty dull, certainly."
"I'm sleepy," said Tom Courtland.
"So am I. I shall go home," and Caylesham walked off to bid the lady of
the house good-night.
The lady of the house came into the hall and helped him on with his
coat. It appeared that she wanted to have a word with him--first about
the wisdom of backing one of his horses, and secondly about Tom
Courtland. Caylesham told her on no account to back the horse, since it
wouldn't win, and waited to hear what she had to say about Tom.
"I'm distressed about him, Frank," she said. "You know I do like Tom,
and I never saw a man so down in the mouth." Her face was rather coarse
in feature and ruddy in tint, but kindly and good-natured; her concern
for Tom was evidently quite genuine. "What a devil that wife of his must
be!"
"She has her faults. Perhaps we have ours. Be charitable, Flora."
"Oh, you can be as sarcastic as you like. Heaven knows I don't mind
that! But I'm worried to death about him, and about what she'll do. And
then there's the money too. I believe he's hard up. It's very tiresome
all round. Oh, I don't care much what people say of me, but I don't want
to go through the court again, if I can help it."
"Which of the two courts do you refer to?" he asked, as he buttoned his
coat. "Bankruptcy or----?"
"Either of them, Frank, you old fool!" she laughed.
"Send him back to his wife. You'll have to soon, anyhow--when the
money's gone, you know. Do it now--before those two men come and stand
opposite to see who goes in and out of the house."
"But the poor chap's so miserable, Frank; and I like him, you see."
"Ah, I can't help you against honest and kindly emotions. They're not
part of the game, you know."
"No, they aren't; but they come in. That's the worst of it," sighed Mrs.
Bolton. "Well, good-night, Frank. We shall get through somehow, I
suppose."
"That's the only gospel left to this age, Flora. Good-night."
He had not been able to help poor Mrs. Bolton much; he had not expected
to be able to. That things could not be helped and must be endured was,
as he had hinted, about the one certain dogma of his creed. The thing
then was to endure them as easily as possible, to feel them as little as
one could either for oneself or for other people. There was Flora
Bolton's mistake, and a mistake especially fatal for a woman in her
position. She would probably have been much happier if she had not been
just as ready to ruin herself as she was to ruin anybody else--if she
had, in fact, been the old traditional harpy through and through.
In truth it was not the least use distressing himself about Tom
Courtland. Still he was rather worried about the affair, because Tom,
again, was not thoroughly suited to the part he was now playing. Plenty
of men were, and they demanded no pity. But poor old Tom was not. He
could not spend his money without thinking about it; he could not do
things without considering their bearings and their consequences; he
could not forget to-morrow. He had none of the qualifications. His
tendencies were just as little suited to the game as were Flora Bolton's
honest and kindly emotions. Tom was pre-eminently fitted to distribute
the bacon at the family breakfast and to take the children for their
Sunday walk; to work away at his politics in a solid undistinguished
way, and to have a good margin in hand when he came to make up the
annual budget of his household. But Lady Harriet had prevailed to rout
all these natural tendencies. A remarkable woman, Lady Harriet!
Suddenly Caylesham saw ahead of him a figure which he recognised by the
light of the street lamps. It was John Fanshaw going in the direction of
his home. It was rather late for John to be about, and Caylesham's first
idea was to overtake him and rally him on his dissipated hours. He had
already quickened his steps with this view, when it struck him that,
after all, he would not accost John. It might look as if he wanted to be
thanked for his loan. Anyhow John would feel bound to thank him, and he
did not desire to be thanked. So he fell behind, and followed in that
fashion till his road home diverged from John's. But the encounter had
turned his thoughts in a new direction. Tom and Lady Harriet were no
more in his mind, nor was Flora Bolton. He was thinking about Christine
as he turned into his flat, and being sorry that she had felt so much
dislike to taking the money from him. It was all right that she should
dislike it, but still he was sorry for her. Christine's small dainty
face had always kept so much of the child about it that it had the power
of making him very sorry for her just because she was sorry for herself,
apart from any good reasons at all. His feelings, however well schooled
they might be, would not easily have faced a great distress on
Christine's face. But as he got into his dressing-gown the sombre hue
passed from his mind. Either there was nothing to worry about, or it was
no good worrying. Everybody would get through somehow.
John Fanshaw pursued his homeward way heavily and slowly. He had gone
straight from the Courtlands' house to the quietest of his clubs, and
sent a messenger to his wife to say that he was going to dine there, and
that she was not to sit up in case he were late back. He wanted to think
the thing over, and he did not want to see Christine. He could not even
try to doubt; Harriet Courtland's passionate taunt and her passionate
remorse--her remorse most of all--had carried, and continued to carry,
absolute conviction; and memory, hideously active and acute, still plied
him with confirmatory details. After these six years he remembered
things which at the time he could hardly have been said to know; they
emerged from insignificance and took on glaring meanings. How had he
been so blind? Yet he had been utterly blind. He had had many quarrels
with Christine--over money and so forth; he had blamed her for many
faults, sometimes justly, sometimes not. This one thing he had never
suspected--no, nor dreamed of her. It seemed to shatter at one blow all
his conceptions of their married life. He was confused and bewildered at
the thought of it--so it cut away foundations and tore up deep-grown
roots. Christine do that? Orderly, cool, sarcastic, self-controlled
Christine! She seemed the old Christine no more. He did not know how to
be towards her. He would hate to have her near him--she would not seem
to be his.
He found himself wishing he had known of the thing at the time. It would
have been a fearful shock, but by now he would have grown used to it.
Something would have been done, or, if nothing had been done, the thing
would have become ancient history--a familiar fact to which they would
have adjusted themselves. It was awful to be told of it now, when it
seemed too late to do anything, when the wound was so old, and yet the
smart of it so fresh!
And she had been such a good wife--yes, on the whole. Their bickerings
had been only bickerings, and he had often been as much to blame as she.
On the whole, she had been such a loyal friend and such a comforting
companion. He had liked even her acid little speeches--on the whole. He
had always thought her not very demonstrative perhaps, but very
true--true as steel. Cold perhaps--he had felt that and resented it
sometimes--but always true. He had never had a misgiving as to that in
all his married life.
When he got home he went straight to his study and sat down at his
writing-table. It was one o'clock, and Christine would have gone to
bed--he was glad of that. He made an effort to collect his mind, because
the immediate question was not of what Christine had done, not of the
blow to him, not whether he wanted to see Christine or even could bear
to see her, not of the change all his life and all his ideas had
undergone. There was plenty of time to think of all that later on. He
must think now of the other thing--of how he stood and of what he was
going to do.
He took out his keys and unlocked the despatch-box that stood on the
table. After pausing to take a drink of whisky and water, he opened the
upper drawer and drew forth Caylesham's cheque for fifteen thousand
pounds. It had been post-dated to the Monday--it was already Monday now.
In nine hours it was to have been credited to his account at the bank,
ready to answer his obligations, to discharge his commitments, to
reassure his creditors, to drive away all the clouds which had obscured
the fair fame of his firm. Caylesham's cheque and Grantley's were to
have been salvation. Grantley's alone was no use. And Caylesham's--he
held it in his fingers and looked at it with a poring scrutiny.
Twice he reached for an envelope, in the mind to send it back--to send
it back either with the truth or with a lie. Once he took hold of either
end, as though to tear it across. But a paralysis fell on his fingers.
How should he send back, how should he destroy, that all-potent little
slip of paper? It meant credit, honour, comfort, peace--perhaps even
life. His imagination pictured two scenes--going to the City, to his
office, next day, with that slip of paper; and going without it. The
sketch was enough--his thoughts were too busy to fill in the details.
One picture meant a gradual ascent from out of all his troubles; the
other, a fall into a gulf of calamity unfathomable. His hands refused to
destroy or to send back the cheque.
But if he kept it, used it, owed salvation to it--what would that mean?
The question bewildered him. He could not make out what that would mean
as regarded either himself or Caylesham or Christine--least of all what
it would mean as regarded Christine. He was duly conscious that the act
would be in some sort a condonation. A condonation going how far?
Imposing what attitude and what course of conduct on him? How far would
it condition his bearing towards Caylesham, how far affect his estimate
of himself? Above all, how far dictate his relations to Christine? He
knew very well what would come of destroying the cheque or of sending it
back. He could not reason out what he would stand committed to if he
kept and used it.
Ah, this horrible question could not have arisen, either, if he had
known of the thing at the time. It was fearful to be told of it now.
"It's a terrible situation for a man to be placed in--terrible!" he said
aloud.
The thought flashed across his mind that he could pretend not to know.
He could give Lady Harriet a caution; he could tell her he attached no
importance to her words; she would take the hint and be glad. Caylesham
would suspect nothing. He could keep the cheque. And Christine? Could he
make that pretence to Christine?
He was sitting shrunk low into his chair, the cheque still in his
fingers, when the door opened softly, and Christine came in. She had
heard him open and close the front door, and had wondered why he did not
come upstairs. His delay, taken with his staying out all the evening,
made her ask whether anything had happened. She was in a white
dressing-gown, which she had thrown on when she got out of bed, and
little slippers of white fur. She looked very small, very dainty, very
childish; her hair was like a child's too, brushed smoothly away from
the forehead.
"Why, John, what's kept you so late? And what are you doing here?"
She came some steps towards him, before she saw what it was that he held
in his hand. Then she smiled, saying:
"You're gloating over that cheque, you foolish man!"
He raised dull slow eyes to her.
"Yes, I've got it here," he muttered.
Christine walked to the rug; his table was on one side of the fireplace,
and she was within five or six feet of him.
"What are you doing with it?" she asked, with an impatient ring in her
voice. She did not enjoy the sight of the cheque, and had hoped to be
able by degrees to forget it.
"It's dated for Monday. I ought to pay it in in the morning."
"Well, why not? Of course you'll pay it in." A sudden hope rose in her.
"Nothing's occurred to make it unnecessary?"
He shook his head heavily, and laid the paper down on the table.
"No, nothing," he said, and then his eyes rested on her again.
"John, aren't you well?" she asked.
Her littleness and her childishness made no appeal to his tender
feelings. Their contrast with what she had done, with the way she had
deceived and betrayed him, roused all his repulsion again, and with it
came now a man's primitive fierce anger. It was impossible for him to
pretend not to know.
"Go away!" he said in a thick harsh whisper. "Go to bed--I don't want
you. I want to be alone."
Her eyes seemed to grow large; a fearful apprehension dawned in them.
"What's the matter? What have I done?" she asked, trying to summon her
wits, wondering at what point she was attacked. Already her thoughts
were on Caylesham, but she did not yet see whence suspicion could have
come.
He gave her no clue. His eyes had fallen to the cheque again; he kept
shuffling his legs about and fidgeting with his short stiff beard.
"Ah," she cried suddenly, "you went to Harriet Courtland's to-day! Has
she said something about me? John, you wouldn't believe what she said
against me?"
He made no answer. In truth she needed none. She knew Harriet Courtland,
who had been her friend and in her confidence. It had not been
considered safe to send Raymore, because Harriet would have taunted him
about his erring son. She knew what Harriet, blind with rage, had found
to taunt John Fanshaw with. She was hardly conscious of resentment
against the traitor. It was all too hopeless for that, and it all seemed
too inevitable. From the moment she had agreed to go to Caylesham for
the money, her forebodings had told her that calamity would come. That
was opening the grave. Now the dead bones had come to life. She felt as
though she could not struggle against it--could not protest nor deny.
She did not see how anybody could believe her denial.
"Why haven't you gone? I told you to go. In God's name, go!" he growled
threateningly. "Leave me alone, I tell you."
She gathered her dressing-gown closer round her. She felt as though the
cold struck through it to her body. She felt utterly prostrated--and,
oh, so terribly, so helplessly sorry for poor old John! She hated
leaving him alone, and wished there was somebody else there to console
him. She made an advance towards him, holding out her hands.
"Don't come here! Don't come near me!" he said in a low voice.
She drew back; her eyes were on him and full of pity. Now the cheque
came into her mind.
"And that?" she whispered.
"I think I shall kill you if you don't go," he said, with a sudden
unsteadiness in his voice.
"Oh, I'll go!" she murmured disconsolately. "I'll leave you alone." She
put her hands up before her face and gave a choking sob. "It's all no
use now."
She began to walk across the room, her face covered in her hands, her
dressing-gown trailing on the floor behind her. But when she had got
half-way, she turned on him in a fit of weak petulance.
"I didn't want to go to him; I tried not to. I did all I could to avoid
going to him. It was you who insisted. You made me go. How could I help
it? I hated it! And now----" She came a step towards him, and her voice
changed to a very humble sad pleading: "It's very long ago, dear John,
many years ago. It was all over many years ago."
He did not speak. He motioned her away with his hand; her appeal did not
seem to reach him at all. For all he did, he might not have heard it.
With a long sigh she turned away, and walked unsteadily to the door.
When she reached it, she turned again, and looked at him. He was putting
the cheque back in the despatch-box with awkward trembling hands. She
went slowly up to her room and sat down before the dying embers of the
fire there.
John would send back the cheque! He must send it back now; it would be a
fearful thing to keep it, knowing what he did. And if he sent it back,
all that happened then would be on her head! He mustn't send it back!
She started up once in a panic, ready to rush down and implore him to
keep it--implore him to commit the baseness of keeping it. No, she could
not do that. If she were never to speak with him again, her last word
ought to be to beseech him to send it back. But to send it back was
ruin. Between the remorseless alternatives of calamity and degradation
her mind oscillated in helpless indecision.
Through long hours of the night John Fanshaw wrestled with himself; and
when at last he crawled up to his dressing-room, flung off his coat and
waistcoat, put on his slippers, and stretched himself exhausted on his
bed, he declared that he could come and had come to no conclusion--that
it was too hard for him. He was trying to deceive himself. There was a
conclusion which he would not own, which had crept and insinuated itself
into his mind, while he struggled against it and denied it to himself.
He could not send back nor destroy the cheque. Still his hands had
refused that office. He could not face the City without it, could not
endure the calamity and the ruin which the loss of it would mean. But
neither would he face that fact and what it meant--that he was to become
a party to the transaction, to recognise, to condone, and to pardon. He
had no right to keep his anger, his indignation, the repulsion which
made him drive Christine from his presence, if he were her accomplice.
If he kept and used the cheque, what right had he to moral indignation,
to a husband's just anger, to a true man's repulsion at the shame and
the deceit? Yet he would not give up these things. He hugged them in his
heart, even while he hugged the idea of the cheque, and all the virtue
of the cheque, in his mind. He would be saved, but he would not touch
the hand that saved him. That conclusion did not bear thinking of. But
conclusions which do not bear thinking of are none the less thought out;
they take possession of the protesting mind; they establish themselves
there. Then they seek sophisms, excuses, pleas for themselves; they
point to the good results which spring from them. Time and familiarity
rob them of some of their ugliness; they grow habitual; they govern
actions, shape lives, and condition character. John Fanshaw would have
it both ways--salvation by his wife's sin, and horror at it.
So Harriet Courtland would have love and loyalty, though she bridled not
her evil rage. So Mrs. Bolton would think honest and kindly emotions
could flourish in a life like hers. So Grantley Imason asked all her
inmost life and love of another, though the lock was kept turned on his
own. So Sibylla would give the rein to impulse, and persuade herself
that she performed a duty. So young Blake would seek to be made good by
the enjoyment of his darling sin. Only dainty little Christine looked
open-eyed at the pleasure she had won and at the ruin it had made. She
saw these things clearly as she sat sleepless through the night. And
when she watched her husband start for his work the next morning, though
he had told her nothing, though not a word had passed between them, she
knew well that Caylesham's cheque was in his pocket and would find its
way to the bank that day. John would have his salvation--with or without
its price.