[Illustration]
"Man is essentially a dining animal. Creatures of the inferior races
eat and drink; only man dines!" And he should do it properly.
"To invite a friend to dinner," says Brillat Savarin, "is to become
responsible for his happiness so long as he is under your roof."
If, therefore, any lady would entertain her friends in the best manner
that her means permit, it will be well for her to understand the
routine of the table herself, and never trust entirely to the skill of
an ordinary cook. It is hardly to be expected that she should
understand the preparation of each dish, but she must be capable of
judging it when served. If she distrusts her own power of arranging a
_menu_, and seeing it properly carried out, the dinner should be
ordered from the best of caterers. Then, with full assurance of
perfect cookery, and faultless service, one may prepare one's list of
favored guests with a peaceful conscience and a mind free from care.
Invitations.
Forms of invitations suited to all classes of dinners, have been given
at length in the department devoted to that subject, and acceptances
and regrets for the same carefully explained, together with the
obligation upon every one to answer all such invitations at once,
either in the affirmative or negative. Since a dinner is, in all
respects, so important a social event that the least one can do is to
signify immediately one's course of action, Sidney Smith was not so
far out of the way when he burlesqued the solemnity of the occasion,
and the aversion that all dinner-givers have to an empty chair, when
he wittily wrote: "A man should, if he die after having accepted an
invitation to dinner, leave his executors a solemn charge to fill his
place."
Host and Hostess.
The hostess is expected to put her guests, as much as possible, at
their ease. She must encourage the timid, and watch the requirements
of all. No accident must ruffle her temper. In short, she must, for
the time, be that perfect woman who is--
"Mistress of herself though china fall."
She must not seem to watch her servants; she must not scold them. Her
brow must remain smooth through all embarrassing hitches, her smile be
bright and quick, her attentions close and complimentary to her
guests.
On the host devolves the duty of drawing out any of the guests with
whose particular specialties he is acquainted, and his manners, too,
must at least simulate ease, if he have it not. Let host and hostess
refrain from boasting of the price of any article of food upon the
table.
Whom to Invite.
All the tact and good breeding at the command of the hostess should be
exercised, first in choosing, then in arranging, the guests to be
present. Not too many are to be bidden to the ordinary dinner; six,
eight and twelve are desirable numbers, and four frequently forms the
cosiest party imaginable.
The reason of thus arranging for even numbers arises from the fact
that, in a mixed dinner party, it is well to have as many ladies as
gentlemen. The conversation will then be prevented from dropping into
long, or heated, discussions, both of which are destructive of
pleasure. It will also be found pleasant to invite the young, and
those of more advanced years, together for an occasion of this sort.
Large parties may be made very enjoyable, but where there are more
than eight or ten at table general conversation becomes
impracticable. Twenty-four, and even thirty, guests, however, when
well selected, may make a very brilliant and successful gathering. Too
brilliant a conversationalist is not always a desirable acquisition,
since he may silence and put in the shade the remainder of the company
to an extent that is hardly agreeable even to the meekest among them.
A small dinner of one's most intimate friends is easily arranged. An
eminent artist, author, musician, to pose as chief guest, renders it
always easy to select among one's other acquaintances a sufficient
number who would be pleased with, and pleasing to, this bright,
particular star. Or, if it be a bride, or a woman of fashion, to whom
the courtesy is to be extended, it is equally easy to find a
sufficient number of guests of similar social standing and aspirations
to make the occasion a success.
There is also the satisfaction of knowing that, as one cannot possibly
invite all of one's dear five hundred friends to a little dinner, no
one can be offended at being left out, thus rendering it easy to
choose one's list to fit the circumstances.
Do not invite more guests than there is room to comfortably seat.
Nothing so spoils a dinner as crowding the guests.
Seating the Guests.
Since, at no social entertainment are the guests so dependent upon one
another for mutual entertainment as at a dinner, both by reason of its
smallness and the compactness of arrangement, it will be seen that an
equal care devolves upon the hostess in seating as in inviting her
guests.
The most tedious of one's friends can be tolerated at a party where it
is possible to turn to others for relief, but to be chained for two or
three hours, with the necessity upon you of talking, or trying to
talk, to the same dull or conceited individual that the fates have
unkindly awarded as your companion, is a severe social strain upon
equanimity of soul.
Hence, each hostess should strive to so arrange her guests that
like-minded people should be seated together, and people with hobbies
should either be handed over to those likewise possessed, or into the
hands of some sympathetic listener, thus securing the pleasure of all.
Known enemies should be seated as far apart as possible, and, in
reality, should never be invited to the same dinner. If this should
inadvertently happen, they must remember that common respect for their
hostess demands that they recognize one another with ordinary
politeness.
Laying the Table.
Much has been said upon this subject in the department of "Table
Etiquette," and as laying the table formally for a state affair
approaches so nearly the proper setting of the home table, much will
be found there that is available upon this important topic.
The table, which, since the introduction of the extension, is no
longer the cosy round form which brought the guests so comfortably
near one another, should be first covered with heavy felting, or
double Canton flannel. Over this is to be laid the heaviest, snowiest
damask cloth that the linen closet affords. This should have been
faultlessly laundried, and is accompanied by large, fine napkins
matching the cloth in design. These should be very simply folded, and
without starch, and are laid just beyond the plate toward the center
of the table. Square is the best form for folding, and each should
contain a small thick piece of bread in its folds. This should be
about three inches long and at least an inch thick. This is to be
eaten with the soup, not crumbed into it. A roll sometimes takes its
place. Some hostesses have the bread passed in a silver basket.
A plate is furnished each place, large enough to contain the Majolica
plate for raw oysters. Of course a small plain plate may be used for
these, but those designed for the purpose are much more elegant. A
tiny, fancy salt is provided for each place (see farther in "Table
Etiquette").
Two knives, three forks, and a soup spoon, all of silver, are placed
at each plate. Some dinner-givers place the knives, forks, and spoon,
all on the right side of the plate, excepting the small,
peculiarly-shaped oyster fork, which is placed at the left, it having
been decided that raw oysters shall be eaten with the fork in the left
hand, prongs down.
Still other hostesses place the knives and spoon at the right hand,
the forks at the left, the oyster fork diagonally, with the prongs
crossing the handles of the others, the law of their arrangement being
nowise immutable in its nature.
Silver, glass, and china, should all be of the brightest. At the right
hand of each guest should be placed an engraved glass for water. To
make certain that these are in line all around, it is well to measure
with the hand from the edge of the table to the tip of the middle
finger and there place the glass; following this rule around the
entire circumference. This glass, if wine is used, gives a center,
round which the vari-colored wineglasses may be grouped.
A Well-Furnished Sideboard.
The sideboard should contain relays of knives, forks, and spoons, in
rows; glasses, dinner plates, finger bowls standing on the fruit
plates, as well as any other accessories that may be needed. At
another sideboard, or table, the head waiter, or the butler, does the
carving. If the room is small, this last may be relegated to hall or
pantry.
In luxurious houses the sideboards are often devoted to bewildering
displays of rare china, and cut glass, but in more modest domiciles
they are used simply for the needs of the hour.
Water carafes (water bottles) are placed between every two or three
guests. The table should be laid in time,--thus, if the dinner is to
be at seven, all things should be in readiness on table and sideboard
at six o'clock; this course preventing the slightest confusion. If the
dinner napkins are to be changed for smaller ones, these also should
be laid in readiness. All the cold dishes, salads, relishes,
condiments, etc., should also be on hand.
The most elegant tables frequently have a long mat, or scarf, of ruby,
or some other colored plush, with fringed and embroidered ends, laid
the entire length down through the center of the table. This affords a
charming contrast to the snowy napery, and sets the keynote of color
for the floral decorations. The center decorative pieces are now no
longer high, thus rendering a glimpse of the person opposite almost
impossible, but are low and long.
A mirror, framed in silver, may be set in the center of one of these
plush mats; and upon this artistically arranged floral decorations are
placed to be reflected in its polished depths. Where massive silver
table-wares are heirlooms in the family, they are used, despite their
height. Center pieces that are recent purchases, are usually of glass,
cut and jewelled, until their brilliancy is a marvel in the lamplight.
Table Decorations.
Where the resources of the dinner-giver are limited, the simple
decoration of a few flowers arranged in a fanciful basket, or a rare
old bowl filled with roses, is sufficient, and is far more indicative
of taste and breeding than many of the set floral pieces fresh from
the florist's hand, and speaking more eloquently of the size of his
bill, than of taste or appropriateness.
The fancy of the hour, and a pretty one it is, is for massing one
variety of flower for decorative purposes. Banks of crimson roses down
the center of the snowy cloth, or great clusters of vivid red flowers,
can be very effectively employed. Shells may be filled with flowers
and used as a table decoration. A large one in the middle, and a
smaller one on each side, has a pleasing effect. At each plate a small
bouquet of flowers may be laid, those for the gentlemen arranged as
buttonholes.
In choosing the flowers for decorations, avoid those blossoms having a
heavy fragrance, such as the tuberose, jasmines, syringas, as their
penetrating odor is productive of faintness in some, and is
disagreeable to many, while roses, lilies, lilacs, and many other
delicately-scented blossoms, are pleasant to all.
Naturalness is to be aimed at in these decorations, and set floral
pieces are in bad taste at a private dinner. Though hundreds of
dollars may have been spent in the fleeting loveliness of flowers, the
effect to be aimed at is naturalness rather than display. A border of
holly, or ivy leaves freshly gathered, may be sewed around the plush
scarf through the center of the table, and is a beautiful decoration,
far outshining gold embroidery and lace.
Harmonize the color of this scarf with the decorations of the
dining-room. Blue, however, or green, does not light up well, while
ruby, or some other red, brings out the effect of glass, china, and
silver to the best advantage. Old gold, or olive-brown, is also very
pretty. The dining-room should be carpeted to deaden the sound of
footsteps.
Lighting the Table.
Gas is, perforce, the most common, but not by any means the most
aesthetic means of table illumination, because of its heating and
glaring qualities. Wax candles are extremely pretty with tissue shades
to match the prevailing tint of the other decorations, besides giving
an opportunity for displaying all manner of pretty conceits in
candelabra. About twenty-six candles will, all other conditions being
favorable, light a table for twelve guests. Much depends, however, on
whether the dining-room is finished in light or dark woods as to the
number of candles required. Very carefully filled and carefully
cared-for lamps of pretty designs are also, especially in country
places, an admirable method of lighting the table.
Serving the Dinner.
There are two methods of performing this most important function of
the entire dinner, namely, service _a la Russe_, and the American
service. The first named, the Russian service, is universally adopted
in all countries at dinners where the requisite number of sufficiently
well-trained servants are to be had.
This service, which consists in having all articles of food carved,
and otherwise prepared, and brought to the guests separately by
waiters, or footmen, as they are called in England at private tables,
has the advantage of leaving the host and hostess free to converse
with their guests. It also has another advantage of presenting the
table, as the guests enter the room, free from dishes, save the oyster
plates, glass, silver, flowers, and perhaps at the two ends of the
board, Bohemian glass flagons, of ruby-red, containing such decanted
wines as do not need icing.
The table also, being so carefully cleared at the end of each course,
should present about the same faultless appearance at the close of the
feast as at its beginning. The guests being seated at their respective
places, Majolica plates containing raw oysters on the half-shell, or
otherwise, with a piece of lemon in the center are, if not already in
place, immediately put before each guest. The roll, or piece of bread,
should be at once removed from the folds of the napkin, and the
servants, when all are seated, pass red and black pepper. The oyster
plates are then removed and plates of soup follow, dished from a side
table by the head waiter, and served by two others, who pass down
opposite sides of the table carrying each two dishes. Where two kinds
of soup are provided, each guest is given the choice.
How the Dishes are to be Passed.
The servants, in passing the dishes, begin with the guest upon the
right hand of the master on one side of the table, ending with the
mistress of the house. Upon the other side they begin with the guest
upon her right and end with the host. As one servant passes the meat
or fish, another should follow, bearing the appropriate sauce or
vegetable that accompanies it.
The servants should wear thin-soled shoes, step lightly, be ungloved,
and always have a small-sized damask napkin wrapped around the thumb
of the right hand, as dexterity in handling the dishes requires that
they should extend the thumb over the edge of the dish.
They should pass all dishes at the left of the guests, that their
right hand may be free to take them. Wines only are excepted, these
being always poured at the right. Servants should never lean across
any guest at table in order to reach or pass an article.
In passing an _entree_ (ongtray), which is simply a dish served in the
first course after fish, the dish should be supplied with a silver
spoon and fork and held low enough so that the guests can help
themselves easily. _Entrees_ follow the roasts sometimes, as well as,
or instead of, coming after fish. Sweetbreads and croquettes come
under this head. These require hot plates.
The soup removed, which should be done quickly as possible, fish
should be immediately served, together with whatever vegetables form
the accompaniment. When these plates are removed the roast meats are
served on hot plates. One vegetable is usually served with each meat
course, and occasionally some vegetable forms a course by itself.
This, however, only lengthens out the repast, and is not to be
recommended.
A fresh plate is served with each course, it being the rule that no
two meals should be eaten from the same plate.
Serving the Different Courses.
Game forms the next course, with such sauces and accompaniments as are
desired. The salad follows and usually forms a course by itself,
accompanied by crackers, or thinly buttered half slices of brown
bread. These are usually passed in a silver breadbasket.
Roman punch, when it is served, comes between the roasts and the game,
thus preparing the palate for the new flavor. Cheese follows the salad
sometimes, and sometimes accompanies it. Then the ices and sweets.
When the ices are removed, the desert plates, overlaid with a dainty
doily, upon which is set a finger-bowl, are passed, and the fruits
appear. Confections are then served, to be followed with black coffee
in tiny after-dinner coffee-cups, which are passed on a salver,
together with lump sugar, and small gold or silver spoons; no cream.
The strong, French _Cafe et noir_ [Transcriber's Note: Cafe noir], or
black coffee, is always used.
If liquors are served they come in here, a decanter of Cognac being
frequently handed around with the coffee.
Jellies for the meats, relishes such as olives, celery and radishes;
all the sharp sauces and condiments which are to be used during the
meal, are on a sideboard, together with a silver breadbasket
containing a reserve of bread.
The butler should have some means of signalling for anything wanted by
means of a bell that rings in the kitchen, also of letting the cook
know when it is time to send up another course.
Guests, while not expected to ask for second helpings of any course,
are always permitted to ask for renewed supplies of bread, water or
champagne when wished.
All dishes are to be removed quietly, and either placed in a
dumbwaiter or given in charge of a maidservant just outside the door.
If it is necessary to have any dishes or silver used again, they must
be cleansed out of sight and hearing of the guests, as also no odor of
cookery must reach the dining-room. Large, flat baskets must be in
readiness to transport the china and silver to the kitchen.
To wait at a large dinner the attendants should average one to every
three people: hence, it will be well for the small household to engage
outside attendance. Very skilful servants have been known to
successfully attend to as many as six guests, but one must be sure of
this beforehand.
The Menu.
It will be seen after a perusal of this that the order of the formal,
modern dinner _a la Russe_, is very much as follows: Oysters, soup,
fish, roast, entrees, Roman punch, game, salad and cheese, dessert,
fruits, sweets, coffee. To make this clearer, one bill of fare will be
given as an example, always remembering that the number of courses may
be lessened in order to suit the taste or purse of the host. Many
courses are not a necessity, but the finest quality and the best of
cookery should mark each dish served.
Every dinner should begin with soup, to be followed by fish, and
include some kind of game. To this order there is no repeal, since
"soup is to the dinner," says De la Regnier, "what the portico is to
the building or the overture is to an opera." From this there is never
any deviation.
A standard bill of fare for a well-regulated dinner is as follows:
Oysters on the Half-shell. Mock Turtle Soup.
Salmon with Lobster Sauce. Cucumbers. Chicken Croquettes.
Tomato Sauce. Roast Lamb with Spinach.
Canvas-back Duck. Celery. String Beans served on Toast.
Lettuce Salad. Cheese Omelet.
Pineapple Bavarian Cream. Charlotte Russe.
Ices. Fruits. Coffee.
Each course may be served on dishes different from the other courses;
also fancy dishes, unlike any of the rest, may be used to pass
relishes, such as olives, and add greatly to the beauty of the table
service. Suitable sets for fish and game, decorated in accordance, are
greatly to be admired.
Menu holders are frequently very pretty, and upon the menu card itself
much taste and expense are sometimes lavished. Still it is not
considered good taste to have them at every plate, for the reason that
it savors too much of hotel style. The guests are expected to allow
their glasses to be filled at every course. If it is something for
which they do not care, they may content themselves with a few morsels
of bread and a sip or two of water until the next course is served.
The host should always have a menu at his plate, that he may see if
the dinner is moving properly in its appointed course.
Favors.
Very pretty favors besides flowers are frequently laid at the ladies'
plates to serve as souvenirs of the occasion. The location card or
name card may be very beautifully painted. Other articles, such as
decorated Easter eggs of plush, velvet, or satin handkerchief holders,
fans, painted satin bags, etc., are all in good taste. Each of them,
if possible, is made to open and disclose some choice confection. They
may be ordered in quantity from some house dealing in such articles,
or many of them can be prettily and inexpensively devised at home by
any one having sufficient time and taste. Baskets of flowers, with
bows of broad satin ribbon tied on one side the handle, are also
suitable for both ladies and gentlemen.
Gentlemen's favors are usually useful, such as scarf pins, sleeve
buttons, small purses, etc.
Wines, and How to Serve Them.
Fortunately, since more than once the first lady in our land, for the
time being, has proven to us by example that the stateliest of dinners
may be wineless, it is far from necessary that wine should be served.
Still, if wines are to be used, they should be brought on correctly,
each wine having its proper place in the varied courses of a dinner,
as each note has its fit position in a chord of music.
By long-established custom certain wines have come to be taken with
certain dishes. "Sherry and Sauterne," as given by a very good
authority, "go with soup and fish; Hock and Claret with roast meats;
Punch with turtle; Champagne with sweet breads or cutlets; Port with
venison; Port or Burgundy with other game; sparkling wines between the
meats and the confectionery; Madeira with sweets; Port with cheese;
Sherry and Claret, Port, Tokay and Madeira with dessert."
Red wines should never be iced, even in summer; Claret and Burgundy
should always be slightly warmed (left in a warm room is sufficient).
Claret-cup and Champagne are iced (some epicures object to this). Cool
the wines in the bottles. To put clear ice in the glasses is simply to
weaken the quality and flavor of the wine, and, as a matter of fact,
to serve wine and water.
The glasses for the various wines are usually grouped at the right of
the plate, and as different styles and sizes are used for different
wines, it is well for the novice to be accustomed to these in order to
avoid the awkwardness of putting forward the wrong glass. High and
narrow, also very broad and shallow glasses, are used for Champagne;
large, goblet-shaped glasses for Burgundy and a ruby-red glass for
Claret; ordinary wineglasses for Sherry and Madeira; green Bohemian
glasses for Hock; and large, bell-shaped glasses for Port.
Port, Sherry and Madeira are decanted. Hock and Champagne appear in
their native bottles. Claret and Burgundy are handed around in a
claret jug. In handing a bottle fresh from the ice-chest the waiter
wraps a napkin around it to absorb the moisture.
Coffee and liquors should be handed around when the dessert has been
about a quarter of an hour on the table. After this the ladies usually
retire, a custom that has happily fallen into disrepute, the coffee
being served without the liquors, and ladies and gentlemen partaking
of it together. Roman punch is served in all manner of dainty conceits
as to glass, imitations of flowers, etc.
Never allow servants to overfill the wineglasses. Ladies never empty
their glasses, and usually take but one kind of wine. This is
especially true of young ladies, who, very often, do not taste their
one glass.
Gracefully Declined.
If wine is not desired from principle, merely touching the brim of the
glass with the finger-tip is all the refusal a well-trained servant
needs. A still better plan is to permit one glass to be filled and
allow it to stand untasted at your plate. In responding to a health,
it is ungracious not to, at least, lift the glass and let its contents
touch the lips.
Never make your refusal of wine conspicuous. Your position as guest in
no wise appoints you a censor of your host's conduct in offering wine
at his table, and any marked feeling displayed on the subject would
simply show a want of consideration and good breeding.
A dinner given to a person of known temperance principles is often
marked, in compliment, by an entire absence of wine.
If there is but one wine served with a simple dinner, it should be
Sherry or Claret, and should be in glass decanters on the table. The
guests can help themselves; the hostess can offer it immediately after
soup.
The announcement of dinner is given as quietly as possible. The
butler, or head waiter, who should be in full evening dress, minus
gloves, quietly says, "Dinner is served," or, as in France, "Madame
is served." Better still, he catches the eye of the hostess and simply
bows, whereupon she immediately rises, and the guests following her
example, the order of the procession to the dining-room is formed at
once. The waiters, aside from the head one, are usually in livery.
Order of Precedence.
In the matter of going out to dinner the host takes precedence, giving
his right arm to the most honored lady guest. If the dinner is given
in honor of any particular guest, she is the one chosen, if not, any
bride that may be present, or the oldest lady, or some visitor from
abroad. The other guests then fall in line, gentlemen having had their
partners pointed out to them, and wherever necessary, introductions
are given. The hostess comes last of all, having taken the arm of the
gentleman most to be honored. In the dining-room no precedence is
observed after the host, save that the younger couples draw back and
allow their elders to be seated. Precedence of rank is not as common
here as in Europe.
On entering the door, if it is not wide enough to permit of two
entering abreast, the gentleman falls back a step and permits the lady
to enter first. All remain standing until the hostess seats herself,
when the guests find their places, either by means of name cards at
their plates, or by a few quiet directions, the gentlemen being seated
last. The highest place of honor for gentlemen is at the right of the
hostess, the next, at her left, and for ladies at the right and left
of their host.
The hostess should never eclipse her guests in her toilet, and neither
host nor hostess should endeavor to shine in conversation. To draw out
the guests, to lead the conversation in pleasant channels, to break up
long discussions, and to discover all possibilities of brilliancy in
the company around their board, should be their aim.
The hostess must never press dishes upon her guests, but they are
permitted, if they wish, to praise any viand that has pleased them.
The hostess must appear to be eating until all the company have
finished, and her watchful eye must see that every want is supplied.
At the close of the repast the hostess slightly bows to the lady at
the right of the host, when all the guests rise and return in order to
the drawing-room.
Where gentlemen remain around the table for that fraction of an
hour,--
"Across the walnuts and the wine,"
all rise, and the gentlemen remain standing until the ladies leave the
room. The gentleman who had the honor of escorting the hostess into
the table, walks with her to the door; here she pauses to allow the
host's companion to pass through, when the host, who has escorted her
thither, returns to the table, the other gentlemen following his
example. The hostess is the last lady to leave the room, whereupon her
escort closes the door and returns to the table, where the gentlemen
group themselves carelessly at one end of the table, for that half
hour of conversation and cigars. Where wine is not used the gentlemen
frequently remain behind for smoking, and some hosts immediately
withdraw with them to the smoking-room. Coffee is frequently served in
the drawing-room, where the ladies have had their little chat after
the return thither of the gentlemen.
Informal and Easy.
The hostess, assisted by a daughter, or a young lady friend, usually
pours the beverage, and the gentlemen pass it around to the ladies,
thus forming the most delightfully informal groups for conversation.
Sugar is passed by a servant, or else the hostess drops two or three
lumps of it in each saucer, a sugar bowl, with sugar tongs, standing
beside her. Cream is not the correct thing for after-dinner coffee.
Very many hostesses, however, prefer to have coffee and fruits finish
the table menu, after which the entire party retire to the
drawing-room, where, for the half or three-quarters of an hour
preceding their departure, soft music from some hidden orchestra may
be permitted to fill the air with harmony. Occasionally, a little
programme is arranged of music and song, to fill this interval. But,
in many cases, and wisely, conversation is the preferred
entertainment.
French Terms.
Good taste now dictates that the bill of fare, where one is printed or
written, should be couched in the "King's English," yet, one is so
frequently thrown in positions where a knowledge of the French terms
so often used in such cases is somewhat of necessity, that a short
glossary of the same may be useful:
_Menu_ Bill of fare.
_Cafe et noir_ Black coffee.
_Cafe au lait_ Coffee with milk.
A dinner begins with,
_Huitres_ Oysters.
Followed by,
_Potage_ Soup,
_Hors d'oeuvres_ Dainty dishes,
_Poisson_ Fish,
_Entremets_ Vegetables,
_Roti_ Roast,
_Entrees_ Dishes after roast,
_Gibier_ Game,
_Salades_ Salads,
_Fruits et dessert_ Fruits and dessert,
_Fromage_ Cheese,
_Cafe_ Coffee.
Right or Left Arm?
This is a disputed question, for the solution of which each party
gives valid reasons. Most gentlemen prefer to give the right arm,
since the seating of the lady is at the right side always; but many,
to preserve the feudal significance of the custom that bade the good
knight keep his sword arm free for defence, if need be, offer the
left. Since, too, dinner gowns have usually a train to be managed as
best it may, ladies also prefer the tender of the left arm, as that
leaves their own left arm free to manage the trailing, silken folds.
The right arm, however, has the balance of favor, though gentlemen
are bound to follow the example of their host as he precedes them to
the dining-room.
Further Hints.
Members of families should never be seated together. This rule has no
exceptions. A gentlemen should never forget the wants of the lady
under his charge, but the lady should remember not to monopolize his
attention exclusively. The gentleman is supposed to be particularly
attentive to the lady at his right, to pass the lady on his left
anything with which she may be unsupplied, and to be agreeable to the
lady opposite.
He will, even if a young man, feel it a mark of respect when he is
invited to take an elderly lady down, but if the hostess is careful
for the happiness of her guests, he will probably find a young lady at
his left hand. In selecting the number of guests, care should be taken
that it is not such as shall bring two ladies or two gentlemen
together. Odd numbers will do this, while even will not.
American Dinner Services.
The American dinner service is much more simple, and is the one
usually adopted in modest establishments in this country. One
well-trained maid should be able to render all the assistance required
at the table. Given the before-mentioned maid, a lady can, with
previous management, give a dinner as elegantly, and perhaps with more
perfect hospitality, than where the whole affair is relegated to the
hands of an experienced caterer.
In laying the table the same manner of arrangement is to be observed
as for dinner _a la Russe_, save that there are more dishes on the
board and the decorations are placed with a view to leaving all the
space possible.
Celery is now served in low, flat dishes, and these, together with
olives and various relishes, may be placed on the table in all manner
of dainty, ornamental dishes. Large spoons for the next course are
also supplied.
Oysters are in place when the guests enter the room, and the servant
sometimes passes brown bread to eat with them; this is cut thin,
buttered and folded. After passing this it is replaced on the
sideboard; water is then poured, when, beginning with the oyster plate
of the guest at the right of the host, she removes it, and the others,
as rapidly as possible, leaving the under plate.
Soup tureen, ladle, and plates, or bowls, are then placed before the
hostess and the maid, standing at her left hand, takes the plates one
by one, and passes them at the left hand of guests. This accomplished,
the tureen is removed, and the host, having finished his soup, is
ready for the fish, which is placed before him together with hot
plates, and potatoes in some form, accompanied or not by a salad.
Directions to Waiters.
The servant then proceeds to remove the soup-plates and the plates
beneath. By this time the host has divided the fish, and, standing at
his left hand, the maid takes the plates as he fills them, and passes
them, serving first the guest at his right. A piece of fish, a potato,
and a little fish sauce, are placed on each plate. If both salad and
potato are served at the same course, place the salad dish before the
hostess and let her serve it upon small, extra plates or dishes. If
salad alone is served, it is usually placed upon the plate with the
fish.
The fish-platter should now be removed. The plates may also be taken
when it is seen there is no more need of them, beginning with those
first served, as it is presumed they will have first finished, since
it is etiquette for each guest to begin eating so soon as the plate is
placed before him.
The next course is the roast. While the host is carving this, one or
more varieties of vegetables are set at hand. Portions of the meat and
the accompanying vegetable are placed on the same plate, and the
servant passes them in the same order as before, and immediately
follows them with the second or third vegetable dish, if two kinds
have been placed on the plate. This is where the gentleman sitting
next the lady on the host's right can help her and then himself,
afterwards moving it as she passes the plates, so that the other
gentlemen can do likewise.
If a double course is served, which is hardly advisable, save at very
large dinners, the lighter dish is placed before the hostess, and the
servant presents each plate to her for a portion before passing it.
After this the courses do not move so rapidly and the maid remains
standing a little back at the left of the hostess' chair where she can
easily observe the slightest signal. The hostess signs when the plates
are to be removed, and the principal dishes are allowed to remain
until the course is finished.
In removing courses no piling up of dishes should be allowed. One
plate in each hand is all that can be conveniently managed. After the
fish, if other forks are not on the table, they must be supplied for
the next course. After the plates are removed, the roast and smaller
dishes follow.
Salads and Desserts.
Sherbet, or wines, are served here, if at all. The game, or poultry,
comes next, salads or jelly accompanying it. The salad is placed
before the hostess. If salad is served in a separate course, it is
usually accompanied by cheese, and sometimes by small pieces of brown
bread, thinly buttered and folded.
This course finished, everything is removed from the table--plates,
dishes, relishes, etc.--crumbs brushed, and the principal dessert-dish
placed before the hostess together with every requisite for serving
it. The maid then passes the tart or pudding same as the other dishes,
taking two plates at a time, and beginning with the two ladies on
right and left of host, taking the others in order.
Each person, on receiving a plate in any course, begins to eat, since
this facilitates the serving of the dinner and gives warm dishes to
all. The maid, during this course, quietly arranges the fruit-plates,
finger-bowls, and the after-dinner coffees and tiny spoons upon the
sideboard, when she is ready to remove the dishes, and place the
fruit-plates in position. The coffees are then put at each guest's
right, unless they are to be served afterward in the drawing-room,
and the dinner service is virtually ended.
If wine is offered, it is served between the courses, the host helping
the lady at his right, and asking the gentleman next to do the same,
and so on around the table.
Both host and hostess should have been able to keep up an interest in
the conversation at table, and not to betray the slightest anxiety as
to the success of the affair. Host or hostess should never make
disparaging remarks as to the quality of dishes; and still less should
they refer to their costliness, and should know beforehand as to the
edge of the carving-knife, as the use of a steel is not permissible.
The foregoing rules will be found to embody the simplest and most
correct method of serving a dinner _a la American_ [Transcriber's
Note: a l'americaine].
Dinner Dress.
Ladies dress elegantly, and in any manner, or color, that fancy or
becomingness may dictate. Corsages, however, while open at the neck in
either square, or heart-shaped fashion, are not as low-cut as for a
ball-dress, while the sleeves are usually of demi-length. Gloves are
always worn, and not removed until seated at the table. They are not
resumed afterward unless dancing follows.
Very young ladies wear less expensive toilets of white or delicately
tinted wools, or light-weight silks.
Gentlemen are expected to wear the conventional evening dress. To be
gloved or not to be gloved is a vexed question with them. It is well
to be provided with a pair of light gloves, and let your own
self-possession and the example of others decide for you at the
moment. A gentleman faultlessly gloved cannot go far wrong.
Coming and Going.
Promptness in arriving is a virtue, but remember that you have no
claim upon the time of your host or hostess, until ten or fifteen
minutes before the hour appointed, and, if you inadvertently arrive
too soon you should remain in the dressing-room until very near the
hour.
Departure is from half to three-quarters of an hour after the repast,
and no matter what the entertainment, eleven o'clock should find every
dinner guest departed.
Functions.
The practice of calling the ordinary reception, ball, party or dinner
a "function" is simply a bad habit. It comes to us from England, where
a confusion of ideas has made this word the popular synonym for any
social happening. The error in England is perhaps pardonable, for the
reason that very many of the society performances there are actually
functions, and in course of time the unlearned and the careless have
come to call every society performance a function. The royal
"drawing-rooms" (so-called) are functions, and the Lord Mayor's dinner
is a function--in fine, that is a function which is "a course of
action peculiarly pertaining to any public office in church or state."
The receptions and dinners which, in his official capacity as
President of the World's Fair, Mr. Higinbotham gave were functions.
But the receptions, dinners, high teas, given by people holding no
official position whatsoever, do not partake of the nature of
"functions."
Dinner Favors.
Favors may be simple or elaborate, as the purse of the giver may
dictate. Appropriateness and simplicity, however, show better taste
than the extraordinary vagaries in which some indulge.
Among the really admirable selections which are offered by dealers of
many sorts, nothing is better than the bonbonnieres shown by
confectioners of the higher grade. They are delightful in color,
exquisite in design, and while they are made into receptacles for
sweets for the time being, they can later be turned to a dozen more
permanent uses. One design which is, perhaps, the most elegant of all,
takes the form of an opera bag. It is made of the heaviest cream-white
silk and has embroidered on it in dainty ribbon work forget-me-nots,
tiny rosebuds, or jessamine. At the top it is finished with the
popular extension clasp of fine burnished gilt, and when in use as a
favor is lined with tinted paper and filled with the finest chocolates
or with candied violets.
Slippers, too, are seen, and, while not of glass, are suggestive of
Cinderella's tiny foot. They are crocheted of fine colored cord, are
stiffened and molded over a form, then fitted with a bag of silk and
tied with ribbons of the same shade. Like the bags, they are made the
excuse of sweets, and, like them, they add to the decorative effect,
for they stand in coquettish fashion before each cover and challenge
the admiration inspired in the prince of fairy legend.
Books and "booklets" are much in vogue and make as acceptable favors
as any that can be desired if only selected with judgment and with
care. Small volumes of verse bound in vellum are always good. Single
poems from any one of the recognized poets put up in artistic booklet
form are as nearly perfect as favors can be. Book covers, too, are
good, and some bookmarks are shown that are excellent both in color
and in their evident ability to withstand the usage they are sure to
get if they are allowed to do any service at all.
One clever hostess who gave a dinner, and who handles her brush
unusually well, devised a book cover and leaflet combined that proved
a great success. She had the covers made in the regulation size of
pale sage chamois skin and added the decoration herself. She painted
each in the flower that the guest loved best, for her feminine
friends, and each in some convenient design for the men, and across
the corner was the name of each in quaint gold letters. She folded
heavy parchment paper in booklet form, and with her brush wrote in
silver bronze selections from the wit and wisdom of the ages. Then she
slipped the miniature books within the covers and left the brilliant
thoughts that they contained to start the conversational ball. Her
dinner was pronounced a great success, and it was remarked by many
that there was none of that awkward silence which so often precedes
the soup.
Table Etiquette.
[Illustration]
The minutiae of table etiquette offers to onlookers the best evidence
of good or ill-breeding, and in the graceful observance thereof is
displayed all the "difference between dining elegantly and merely
consuming food," for it is at the table that the ill-bred and the
well-bred man are most strongly contrasted.
How to eat soup, or partake of grapes, and what to do with a cherry
stone, though apparently trivial in themselves, are weighty matters
when taken as an index of social standing. And it is safe to say that
the young man who drank from his saucer, or the young woman who ate
peas with her knife, would court the risk of banishment from good
society.
In regard to the first essentials of table manners we are bound to
consider the laying of the table, the manner of being seated thereat,
the use of the napkin, the proper handling of those most invaluable
implements, knife, fork and spoon, together with a short dissertation
on those older implements, "Adam's knives and forks."
The Breakfast Table.
This first repast of the day should always be daintily and
appetizingly spread, and the etiquette there observed, as at all other
meals of the day, should be of a nature to render the observance on
more stately occasions second nature to the members of the family.
Children so trained will find little difficulty in after days as to
their table etiquette.
The table itself should be spread with clean linen, first overlaying
the surface with a sub-cloth of double canton flannel, felting, or a
white blanket that has seen its best days of usefulness. This is done
for the better appearance of the table linen, for the deadening of
sound, and the protection of the table from the heated dishes. The
table linen for home use need not be of the finest; cleanliness being,
after all, the chief requisite.
[Illustration: ETIQUETTE OF THE TABLE.]
Before the mistress of the house stands the tray covered with a large
napkin, or a prettily etched tray-cloth. This is filled with cups and
saucers. The coffee-urn is at her right hand with cream, sugar,
spoons, and waste-bowl convenient. In front of the master of the house
is spread a large napkin with the corner to the center of the table.
An ornamental carving cloth may be used in its place. On this is
placed whatever dish of meat it is his province to serve. On the
opposite side of the table dishes of bread and any hot breakfast rolls
or gems balance one another. The dish of potatoes stands close to, and
at the right of, the platter, ready to be served with the meat. Any
other vegetable served at the same meal should be placed at the left
of the platter.
Mats are wholly a style of the past. Where the dish is very hot, or
liable to soil the cloth, fringed squares of heavy linen, etched or
embroidered, take their place.
The castor, too, is banished from tables polite, and its place may be
taken by a few flowers, or bits of vine, in a simple vase. The butter
dish and the individual butters should be placed by the side of the
one who is to serve it. Fancy sauce and vinegar cruets, and salts and
peppers are grouped at each end of the table, sometimes on small trays
of hammered brass.
Knives, Forks and Napkins.
Heated plates are placed before the carver, and the carving knife
(well sharpened) and fork are placed, with their rest at his right. On
any occasion when plates are laid at each place, turn them face up. To
the right of the plate is the knife with edge turned from the person
to use it. As to the fork, authorities differ, some contending that it
should be placed on the right hand, and the knife next, with sharp
edge turned from the user. This latter fashion is best at simple meals
where but one knife and fork are used. Others contend that the fork
should be laid at the left. This latter fashion should be followed
where several knives and forks are necessary for an elaborate dinner.
The simply-folded napkin is at the left hand. The glass and individual
butter plate are placed near the point of the knife. To avoid waiting
where there is any haste, the butters may be filled before the family
are seated.
If oatmeal, or any porridge, is to be served, the dish should be
placed upon the table before the house mistress, together with the
requisite number of small bowls, or saucers, in which she serves it,
adding sugar and cream, or passing these, as seems best to her.
Afterwards these plates and the dish itself should be removed, when
the hot plates and the remainder of the breakfast should be brought
in.
Where there is fruit, as is the case in very nice homes, it is to form
a third course; all other dishes are to be removed before the fruit is
placed upon the table, and each person provided with a small plate
with a doily, or fruit napkin, laid upon it, a silver fruit knife,
and possibly a finger-bowl set upon the doily; also a teaspoon or
orange-spoon when oranges are on the table. If berries are served
fruit saucers will be required. In busy homes the fruit is frequently
placed upon the table at the beginning of the repast and served at its
end without change of plates. Many persons prefer to begin their
breakfast with fruit. The napery at breakfast may be colored if so
desired.
The Dinner Table.
The dinner table for home meals is laid very much after the fashion of
the breakfast table with the omission of the server. If there is to be
more than one course, such as a salad, another fork must be added, in
which case it will be best to place the forks at the left of the
plate. If there is fish, another extra fork, or else the appropriate
little fish knife and fork, is demanded. If a fork only is used, the
flakes of fish may be pushed upon the fork by means of a bit of bread.
A half slice of bread should lie in, or beside, the folded napkin. The
soup tureen is placed before the mistress of the house, together with
the soup dishes. Into each of these she puts a ladle full of soup and
passes it along. Where there is a servant to wait, he, or she, takes
each dish from her hand and serves those at table, always passing to
their left hand in so doing. When the soup is removed, the under
plates should also be taken and hot plates brought in for the next
course.
The meat is placed before the carver, dishes of vegetables flanking
either side. The plates are filled and passed, or else handed around
by a servant. Sometimes the meat only is put on the plates and the
dishes of vegetables are passed from one to another at the table or
handed around by a servant. Do not place a quantity of small vegetable
dishes at each plate; it is too suggestive of hotel and restaurant
life; peas and some other similarly cooked vegetables are an exception
to this rule. Side dishes, such as pickles, etc., are placed on the
table when it is first laid.
If a salad is to form the next course, all the dishes should be
carried out, the meat being taken first, then the dishes of
vegetables, after that, plates and butter plates. A tray is much
better to transfer all articles except large platters. Never permit a
maid to scrape the contents of one plate into another, with a clatter
of knives and forks, and then triumphantly bear off the entire pile at
once. The salad is to be eaten with a silver fork, and is served with
rolls or biscuit. Where the home dinner is simple the salad is
frequently served in small dishes and passed during the progress of
the repast.
Before dessert is brought on, all table furniture should be removed
save glasses and water bottle, and the cloth brushed free from crumbs
with crumb-tray and napkin, or scraper, in preference to a brush,
which is apt to soil the cloth. The dessert is then to be placed on
the table and the mistress serves the pastry or pudding on small
plates or saucers which are placed before her. Tea, coffee, or
chocolate, may now be handed around, but never sooner. At a very
ceremonious dinner they appear last of all.
If fruit is to follow the pastry, fruit plates, arranged as for
breakfast, must be substituted for the dessert plates, as soon as the
guests are done with these.
It is to be expected that each family will adapt the above outline to
suit their own needs, omitting such features as they have neither time
to devote to nor servants to accomplish. The ideas here given,
however, are suitable as the nucleus of the most elaborate dinner, or
may be simplified to fit the plainest repast.
The Supper Table.
The table for supper is laid very much after the general plan given
for breakfast, with the exception of the oatmeal. If the tea is made
at the table, which is the daintiest way, the other adjuncts of the
tray must be supplemented by a dainty brass or bronze hot-water kettle
swung over an alcohol lamp, and a pretty tea caddy. Lovely silver
caddies, with lock and key, are to be had and make an appropriate
wedding gift. A "cosy" or thick wadded cap for setting over the
teapot, to keep the heat in, is another pretty essential, which may be
made as ornamental as is liked. At supper cold meats are usually
served, and cake is taken with the fruit, while vegetables, unless
those served in salad form, are omitted.
The Lunch Table.
In cities, the lunch takes the place of the twelve o'clock dinner,
just as the late city dinner replaces the supper, dear to country
hearts.
The table for lunch is laid much like that for supper, the dishes
being all placed at the table at one time, and the ladies of the
family, for to them it is usually devoted, gathering around it without
the formality of a servant.
Signs of Ill-Breeding.
The order of laying the table, and serving the dishes having been
given, it now remains to give some information as to the conduct of
those at the table. This is rendered more necessary from the fact that
many well-dressed, and apparently well-bred people, sin so grievously
against the simplest laws of table etiquette, as not only to display
their own want of breeding, but to actually annoy those about them by
their sins of omission and commission.
The most important table implements are knife, fork, and spoon, and
with these we begin, in the order of their prominence.
The Fork.
The fork having, as one writer happily suggests, "subjugated the
knife," demands our first attention. The subjugation of the knife is
so complete in this country, England, France and Austria that any
attempt to give the knife undue prominence at table is looked upon as
a glaring offense against good taste. This aversion to the use of the
knife probably arose first from the more agreeable sensation to the
lips that is produced by the delicate tines of a fork in contrast to
the broad blade of a knife. Also the fact that the steel of which
knives were, and are still, to some extent, made, imparts, by contact,
a disagreeable flavor to many articles of food.
In the use of the knife and fork daintiness should be cultivated.
They should be held with the handles resting in the palms of the hands
when cutting, or separating food; but, in conveying food to the mouth,
the handle of the fork should not be kept against the palm, as to do
so would give it an awkward appearance in lifting to the lips. Fork
and knife should be held firmly but without any apparent exertion of
strength.
Never strive to load the fork with meat and vegetables at the same
time. To do so is to commit an offence against manners and digestion,
and never push the food from the fork with the knife. Take upon the
fork what it will easily carry and no more.
Oyster forks are usually provided when oysters on the shell are
served. Either the right or the left hand may be employed in lifting
them to the lips. The shell should be steadied with the other hand.
The fork may be handled with either hand, the right being more
generally used. It is well, however, to be trained in the use of both
hands, thus avoiding the slight awkwardness attending the constant
changing of the fork from one hand to the other.
[Illustration: THE CORRECT POSITION FOR HOLDING KNIFE AND FORK.]
In using the fork in the left hand it should be lifted to the lips,
tines pointing downward. The fork, which should convey but a very
moderate amount of food, should always be carried to the mouth in a
position as nearly parallel to it as possible. This does away with the
thrusting motion and the awkward sweep of the elbow that is so
annoying to the onlooker.
The fork is also used to convey back to the plate bits of bone or
other substances unfit to swallow. Eject them quietly upon the fork
and quickly deposit them upon the edge of the plate.
The softer cheeses are eaten with a fork. As to the harder varieties,
some use the fork and others break with the fork and convey to the
mouth with the fingers.
Use the fork to break up a potato on your plate; do not touch it with
the knife. Ices, stiffly preserved fruits, etc., are all eaten with a
fork. In fact, the fork is to convey all food to the mouth that is not
so liquid in its nature as to require the use of a spoon.
The Spoon.
The spoon comes next as an article of importance at the table. Soups,
all thinly cooked vegetables, canned and stewed fruits, peaches and
cream, melons, oranges by some, very thick chocolate, Roman punch, and
other dishes that common sense will dictate at the moment, are to be
partaken of by its aid. One should _drink_ tea and coffee, however,
and not spoonful it. Use the teaspoon to gently stir up and dissolve
the sugar in the cup, then lay it in the saucer and lift the cup to
the lips by the handle. Never be guilty of leaving the spoon in the
cup and compassing it with one or more fingers in carrying it to the
lips.
In partaking of soup the spoon should be swept through the liquid away
from the person, lifted to the mouth, and the soup taken noiselessly
from the side of the spoon. In thus lifting any liquids from the
further side of the dish, or cup, there is time for any drop adhering
to the outside to fall in the dish before carrying to the lips.
Only to gentlemen possessed of a luxuriant mustache is it permitted to
take soup from the point of the spoon, always providing they can do so
skilfully and without an awkward use of the arm. The gold or silver
spoons for after-dinner coffee are very small, as befits the dainty
cups of egg-shell china.
The Knife.
Properly, the knife may be said to have no use at the table save to
assist the fork in separating food into morsels fit for mastication.
Never, no, _never_, permit it to be introduced into the mouth upon any
occasion whatever. To do so is the height of ill-breeding.
Adam's Knives and Forks.
There are a number of things that the most fashionable and well-bred
people now eat at the dinner table with their fingers. They are:
Olives, to which a fork should never be applied; asparagus, whether
hot or cold, when served whole, as it should be; lettuce, which, when
served in whole leaves, should be dipped in the dressing or in a
little salt; celery, which may be properly placed upon the tablecloth
beside the plate.
To these may be added strawberries, when served with the stems on, as
they are in most elegant houses. Dip them in cream and then in sugar
(sometimes sugar only is served), holding by the stem end and eating
in one or more bites, according to size.
Bread, toast, and all tarts and small cakes; fruit of all kinds,
except melons and preserves, which are eaten with a spoon; cheese,
except the softer varieties; all these are eaten with the fingers,
even by the most fastidious people. Even the leg, or other small piece
of a bird is taken up daintily in the fingers of one hand at
fashionable dinners.
Water cress is taken in the fingers. It is usually served upon a
shallow dish or a basket, a fringed napkin covering bottom and sides.
Artichokes, also, are eaten with the fingers. Lump sugar may be taken
with the fingers, if no tongs are provided. If a plate of hot,
unbroken biscuit is passed, one may be broken off with the fingers.
Napkin and Finger-Bowl.
Napkins vary in size, from the diminutive, fancy doily, for ornament
rather than use, through all gradations, up to the largest sized
dinner napkin. In using these do not spread over the entire lap, nor
fasten under the chin bib-fashion, nor in the buttonhole, and, if a
man, do not tuck in the vest pockets. All these are fashions which
should have been outgrown in the nursery. Simply unfold and lay
carelessly in the lap on one knee, use to wipe the lips lightly, or
the finger tips when necessary.
Some very exquisite people manage to eject fruit seeds, or skins, or
anything unfit to swallow, from the lips into the napkin, by pressing
it against the mouth, then dropping them skilfully from its folds upon
the plate. All such careful observances tend to remove, as much as
possible, from the modern repast, the prosaic, and unromantic ideas
suggested by the idea of eating.
Finger-bowls are brought on the table after the dessert is removed and
before the fruit is served. They are usually placed before each
individual on the fancy glass or china plate that is to be used for
the fruit, a fancy doily being laid between the bowl and plate. Remove
bowl and doily at once to the right hand side, leaving plate free for
the fruit. This doily is frequently an elaborate article of fancy
work, not for use but ornament. Hence, unless its place is taken by a
fruit napkin or smaller napkin, as is sometimes done, passed around
before dessert, the dinner napkin is used.
Avoiding Fruit Stains.
Some hostesses dislike to have fruit stains upon their elegant dinner
napkins; hence, the custom of supplying smaller napkins at the
beginning of dessert. This, however, cumbers the dinner with much
serving and is not to be recommended. If done, the smaller napkins are
to be passed around, and the large ones permitted to remain.
At the close of the dinner the napkin is not to be folded, but left
lying loosely at the side of the plate. If a guest in the house,
however, unless fresh napkins are supplied at every meal, they should
be folded and placed in the napkin ring.
The rule for using napkins is that they be touched gently to the lips,
and the finger-tips wiped daintily upon them, but as "nice customs
courtesy to great kings," so, to those gentlemen possessing luxuriant
mustaches, a greater freedom is permitted in its use.
The finger-bowls are to be two-thirds full of slightly warmed water,
and a rose geranium leaf or a slice of lemon should float upon the
surface of each. The fingers of one hand at a time are to be dipped in
the water, rubbing the leaf or lemon between them to remove any odor
of food, and then dried upon the napkin.
Sometimes, after partaking of meats, one may dip a corner of the
napkin in the finger-bowl, and, allowing it to drop back of the dry
portion of the napkin, wipe the lips with it. A gentleman is
permitted to moisten and wipe his mustache in the same manner.
Remember, always to exercise the greatest care not to have the
operation a very visible one, as it is not particularly attractive to
the onlooker.
A small glass of perfumed water is sometimes placed in the center of
the finger-bowl for this purpose. Lift it to the lips and sip
slightly, being careful not to have the appearance of taking it for a
beverage, and immediately dry the lips upon the napkin.
While eating meats, etc., use the napkin before touching the lips to a
glass, else the crystal edge may present a very disagreeable spectacle
to one's neighbors.
General Table Etiquette.
In seating one's self at table, assume a comfortable position, neither
so close as to be awkward, nor so far away as to endanger the clothing
by dropping food in its passage from table to lips. Sit upright, and
do not bend over to take each mouthful of food.
If a gentleman is accompanied by a lady, he should draw her chair out
from the table, and, when she is seated, assist her in putting it back
in position, unless in some public dining place, where this office
will be assumed by a waiter.
On being seated, remove the roll, or piece of bread, from the napkin
(the best form for this bread is in blocks four inches thick and about
three inches long), unfold the napkin, lay it upon the knee, and
quietly wait your turn to be served. Never handle, or play with, any
articles on the table; it bespeaks ill-breeding. Never drum on the
table with the fingers.
As soon as a bowl of soup, or a plate of oysters is offered you,
begin, without any appearance of haste, to eat. This facilitates
serving, as, by the time the last are served, the first will have
finished their half-ladleful of soup (which is all that society
allows) and the waiter may begin to remove the first course. The old
custom of waiting until everyone was served before beginning is no
long countenanced, since "soup is nothing, if not hot," and by waiting
it is decidedly cooled.
Never, unless requested so to do, pass a plate on to a neighbor that
has been handed to you. It is supposed that the carver knows what he
intends for each guest. When dishes are passed, help yourself as
quickly as possible, and never insist upon some one having it first.
If a gentleman, you may help the lady next you from its contents, if
she so desire.
Always take the food offered in a course. Quietly wait and talk while
others eat, rather than call the attention of the table to your likes
and dislikes, and disarrange the whole order of serving. If a
gentleman, see that the lady you have brought down wants for nothing,
and let the lady, on her side, take care not to entirely monopolize
the attention of her escort.
How to Treat Waiters.
If, for any cause, the services of a waiter are desired, catch his eye
quietly, and on his approach, state your own or the lady's wishes, in
a low tone of voice. This same rule of conduct will apply to public
places, where the knocking of spoons against cups, and other noisy
attempts to gain the attention of a waiter cannot be too greatly
discouraged.
Never thank a servant for passing any of the dishes or wines; that is
his business; but for any personal service, such as picking up a
fallen napkin, or replacing a dropped knife by another, it is proper
to return a murmured "Thank you," not "Thanks."
A lady should never look up in a waiter's face while giving an order,
refusing wine, or thanking him for any special service. This savors of
familiarity, and should be avoided. A man, however, that is attentive
will see that a lady has none of these things to do.
At table one may talk to one's neighbor on either side, or to those
directly opposite, if the center decorations are not too high; but it
is absolutely ill-bred to lean across an individual to converse with
some one on the other side. Of course, at a small dinner, or at the
family table, conversation is expected to be general. Never attempt to
converse while the mouth is filled with food, and never _have_ the
mouth filled with food; it is bad both for manners and digestion.
Decline any dish passed that you do not wish with "Thank you, not
any;" if by a waiter, "Not any," is sufficient. Do not enter into any
explanations as to your tastes, nor the whys and wherefores of your
refusal. That interests no one but yourself.
If wine is served, do not call the attention of everyone to the fact
that you do not drink it. The table of a friend, to which you have had
the honor of an invitation, is no place for a temperance lecture. Do
not reverse the glass; it is a needlessly conspicuous act; simply
motion the waiter away with your finger on the edge of the glass, or
shake your head. Some, still more careful, allow a glass to be filled
for them at first, and, by letting it stand untasted, show to the
waiter that further offers are useless. If a lady does not wish more
wine than remains in her glass, let her make a little motion of
dissent when the waiter is about to replenish it, otherwise a good
glass of wine is wasted. In drinking wine, lift the glass by the stem,
instead of by the bowl. Young ladies, if they drink wine, had best
content themselves with one glassful. "Rosebuds" should not indulge.
The latest dictum declares that sparkling wines should be drunk at
once and not sipped.
Sundry Rules and Hints.
Never display any hesitation in selecting food. If your host asks what
part of a fowl you prefer, at once give your choice. To say you have
none is an annoyance. Never tip the plate in order to dip up the last
spoonful of soup. In partaking of soup, or imbibing any liquid, do so
noiselessly. Be sure not to spread the elbows while using knife and
fork. Keep them close to your side while cutting meats.
Never try to dispose of the last mouthful of soup, the last morsel of
food. "It is not expected," says one writer, "that your plate should
be sent away cleansed by your gastronomic exertions." On no account
cool any drink or soup with the breath. Never pour tea or coffee into
the saucer to cool it. Never drink from the saucer; it is an
unpardonable sin.
With salads small knifes and forks are often furnished, where the
salad is served uncut with dressing. Again, the uncut leaves are taken
in the fingers and dipped in the salt or dressing. The roll is to be
eaten with the salad.
Individual salts are an American fashion. If used, it is proper to
take salt from them with the knife, if they are the open salts. In the
most stylish circles great favor is shown to ample silver _salieres_
with their accompanying salt spoons or shovels. Salt, thus taken,
should be deposited upon the left hand rim of the plate. The custom
followed by so many of depositing little piles of salt on the
tablecloth is very annoying to the hostess, as giving her table a
shabby look during the removal of courses. Salt is the only condiment
placed upon the table at a dinner; the others are passed with the
course demanding their use. Neither is butter put upon the table at an
elaborate dinner: the small square of bread or the roll furnished, are
to be eaten without.
Use of Knife and Fork.
Peppers and salts are to be shaken with one hand. Never use the other
to in any wise expedite the distribution of their contents.
Never cut up all the meat on your plate at once, in morsels fit for
eating; to do so savors of the nursery. But, on the other hand, do not
seem to be perpetually using your knife and fork at table. Be sure not
to insert fork or spoon too far into the mouth. Never turn the spoon
over in the mouth in the effort to free it entirely from its contents.
Do not let the most adhesive of food betray you into this most
disagreeable of habits. Take small mouthfuls and there will be less
danger of this occurring. Handle knife and fork carefully, so as not
to cause any unnecessary clatter at table.
Waiters pass all food to the left, and all dishes are removed at the
left. Wine is passed at the right. All dishes that are being passed
must be held low enough so that the guests can help themselves without
difficulty.
When there is a waiter to remove the dishes from the table, the guests
should never assist in the work by piling small dishes, etc., upon
their plate. Simply place knife and fork upon the plate.
In passing the plate for a second helping, remove knife and fork and
hold easily by the handles. Never ask for a second helping of soup, or
of anything at a course dinner. At an informal repast, where there is
but one principal dish, it is proper to pass the plate for more. A
second helping of fish chowder is allowable, but not of soup.
Food should be masticated quietly, and with the lips closed. Drink all
liquids without the slightest sound.
Never butter bread that is to be eaten with soup. To do this is only
less vulgar than to thicken the soup with the crumbs of bread. Simply
eat the bit of bread with the soup. Take the soup that is brought you,
even if you do not care for it, so as not to interrupt the order of
the dinner by a refusal.
Disgusting Habits.
Lift cups by the handles, and wineglasses by the stem, and do not tip
them up, until almost reversed upon the face, in order to drain the
last drop. It is not necessary, and really bad form to completely
empty a wineglass.
Never pick the teeth at the table. Such habits are well calculated to
disgust sensitive people, and should be performed in private as much
as any other portion of our daily toilet.
Never rinse the mouth with the last mouthful of coffee, tea or water;
nothing can be more disagreeable.
Bread should be broken by the fingers in pieces sufficient for
mouthfuls, as it is needed. Never butter a slice and cut with a knife;
butter each piece as needed. Butter should never be eaten in large
quantities.
Cake is broken in bits and eaten from the fingers. Very rich, crumbly,
or filled cake may be eaten with a fork; tarts also, unless they are
of a nature to permit the use of the fingers, and pastry of all kinds,
as well as puddings not too liquid in form.
Muffins can be eaten from the plate with a fork, or they can be torn
apart, buttered, and eaten while held in the fingers, like toasted
bread. Hot gems can be torn apart and partaken of in the same way.
Never take one piece of bread or cake and then reject it for another.
If any little accident should occur at table, do not apologize for it;
let it pass without note, and it will be apt to escape observation. If
there should be anything accidentally spilled upon the cloth, the
waiter should quickly remove the traces, and spread a fresh napkin
over the soiled spot.
Fruits.
Apples are pared with a silver knife at table, and eaten in small
sections from the fingers. There is often much time devoted to paring
fruit by holding it on a fork, not touching it with the fingers. This
is unnecessary, unless when a gentleman is preparing the fruit for a
lady, or where the peach or pear is too juicy to do otherwise.
Grapes are plucked from their stems and the pulp squeezed into the
mouth, while the fingers hold the skin which is then laid on one side
the plate. This is far daintier than to put the fruit in the mouth and
then eject the skin into the hand or upon the plate. Bananas are
peeled and eaten from the plate with a fork. Oranges are skinned,
divided into sections, and eaten from the fingers, rejecting the seeds
into the hand. Some prefer, however, to cut the end of the orange and
eat the pulp with a spoon. Pineapple is the only fruit that must be
eaten with a knife and fork.
Silver knives and forks must always be used with fruits, as steel
becomes colored by contact with the fruit juices and imparts a
disagreeable flavor.
Green corn, in ear, is a stumbling-block, and perhaps one's best plan
would be to conform to the custom of the table where you may be. In
eating it directly from the ear hold it in one hand only. Some
hostesses provide small doilies with which to hold the ear.
If a guest is pleased with any particular dish on the table, a
delicate compliment upon its unusual excellence is always pleasing to
the hostess.