The Little Ottleys
'Edith, I want you to look nice tonight, dear; what are you going to
wear?'
'My Other Dress,' said Edith.
'Is it all right?'
'It ought to be. Would you like to know what I've done to it? I've cut
the point into a square, and taken four yards out of the skirt; the
chiffon off my wedding-dress has been made into kimono sleeves; then I'm
going to wear my wedding-veil as a sort of scarf thrown carelessly over
the shoulders; and I've turned the pointed waist-band round, so that
it's quite _right_ and short-waisted at the back now, and--'
'Oh, don't tell me the horrible details! I think you might take a little
interest in _me_. I thought of wearing a buttonhole. Though you may have
forgotten it now, before I was a dull old married man, I was supposed to
dress rather well, Edith.'
'I know you were.'
'I thought I'd wear a white carnation.'
'I should wear two--one each side. It would be more striking.'
'That's right! Make fun of me! I hope you'll be ready in time. They dine
at eight, you know.'
'Bruce, you're not going to begin to dress yet, are you? It's only just
four.'
He pretended not to hear, and said peevishly--
'I suppose they don't expect _us_ to ask _them_? I daresay it's well
known we can't return all the hospitality we receive.'
'I daresay it is.'
'It's awful not having a valet,' said Bruce.
'But it would be more awful if we had,' said Edith. 'Where on earth
could we put him--except in the bathroom?'
'I don't think you'll look you're best tonight,' he answered rather
revengefully.
'Give me a chancel Wait till I've waved my hair!'
He read the paper for a little while, occasionally reading aloud
portions of it that she had already read, then complained that she took
no interest in public events.
'What do you think Archie brought home today,' she said to change the
subject, 'in his Noah's Ark? Two snails!' She laughed.
'Revolting! _I_ don't know where he gets his tastes from. Not from _my_
family, that I'm quite sure.' He yawned ostentatiously.
'I think I shall have a rest,' Bruce said presently. 'I had a very bad
night last night. I scarcely slept at all.'
'Poor boy!' Edith said kindly. She was accustomed to the convention of
Bruce's insomnia, and it would never have occurred to her to appear
surprised when he said he hadn't closed his eyes, though she happened to
know there was no cause for anxiety. If he woke up ten minutes before he
was called, he thought he had been awake all night; if he didn't he saw
symptoms of the sleeping sickness.
She arranged cushions on the sofa and pulled the blinds down. A minute
later he turned on the electric light and began to read again. Then he
turned it out, pulled up the blinds, and called her back.
'I want to speak to you about my friend Raggett,' he said seriously.
'I've asked him to dinner here tomorrow. What shall we have?'
'Oh, Bruce! Let's wait and settle tomorrow.'
'You don't know Raggett, but I think you'll like him. I _think_ you
will. In any case, there's no doubt Raggett's been remarkably decent to
me. In fact, he's a very good sort.'
'Fancy!' said Edith.
'Why do you say fancy?' he asked irritably.
'I don't exactly know. I must say something. I'm sure he's nice if he's
a friend of yours, dear.'
'He's a clever chap in his way. At least, when I say clever, I don't
mean clever in the ordinary sense.'
'Oh, I see,' said Edith.
'He's very amusing,' continued Bruce. 'He said a very funny thing to me
the other day. Very funny indeed. It's no use repeating it, because
unless you knew all the circumstances and the _characters_ of the people
that he told the story of, you wouldn't see the point. Perhaps, after
all, I'd better ask him to dine at the club.'
'Oh no! Let him come here. Don't you think I'm worthy to see Raggett?'
'Oh nonsense, dear, I'm very proud of you,' said Bruce kindly. 'It isn't
exactly that.... Mind you, Raggett's quite a man of the world--and yet
he _isn't_ a man of the world, if you know what I mean.'
'I see,' said Edith again.
'I can't decide whether to ask him here or not,' said Bruce, walking up
and down the room in agitation.
'Well, suppose we leave it till tomorrow. You can make up your mind
then,' she said good-naturedly.
Edith was dressed, when she found Bruce still in the throes of an
agitated toilet. Having lost his collar-stud, he sat down and gave
himself up to cold despair.
'You go without me,' he said in a resigned voice. 'Explain the
reason--no, don't explain it. Say I've got influenza--but then perhaps
they'll think you ought to look after me, and--'
'Here it is!' said Edith.
In the cab he recovered suddenly, and told her she looked awfully
pretty, which cheered her very much. She was feeling rather tired. She
had spent several hours in the nursery that day, pretending to be a baby
giraffe with so much success that Archie had insisted upon countless
encores, until, like all artists who have to repeat the same part too
often, she felt the performance was becoming mechanical.