“You ought to be very rich, Mr. Caudle. I wonder who'd lend you five
pounds? But so it is: a wife may work and may slave! Ha, dear! the many
things that might have been done with five pounds! As if people picked
up money in the street! But you always were a fool, Mr. Caudle! I 've
wanted a black satin gown these three years, and that five pounds would
have pretty well bought it. But it's no matter how I go,--not at all.
Every body says I don't dress as becomes your wife--and I don't: but
what's that to you, Mr. Caudle? Nothing. Oh no! you can have fine
feelings for everybody but those belonging to you. I wish people knew
you, as I do--that's all. You like to be called liberal--and your poor
family pays for it.
“All the girls want bonnets, and when they're to get 'em I can't tell.
Half five pounds would have bought 'em--but now they must go without. Of
course, _they_ belong to you; and anybody but your own flesh and blood,
Mr. Caudle.
“The man called for the water-rate, to-day; but I should like to know
how people are to pay taxes, who throw away five pounds to every fellow
that asks them.
“Perhaps you don't know that Jack, this morning, knocked his
shuttle-cock through his bed-room window. I was going to send for the
glazier to mend it; but after you lent that five pounds I was sure we
couldn't afford it. Oh, no! the window must go as it is; and pretty
weather for a dear child to sleep with a broken window. He's got a
cold already on his lungs, and I shouldn't at all wonder if that broken
window settled him--if the dear boy dies, his death will be upon his
father's head; for I'm sure we can't now pay to mend windows. We might
though, and do a good many more things, if people didn't throw away
their five pounds.
“Next Tuesday the fire-insurance is due. I should like to know how it's
to be paid! Why, it can't be paid at all. That five pounds would have
just done it--and now, insurance is out of the question. And there never
were so many fires as there are now. I shall never close my eyes all
night,--but what's that to you, so people can call you liberal Mr.
Caudle '? Your wife and children may all be burnt alive in their
beds--as all of us to a certainty shall be, for the insurance _must_
drop. And after we've insured for so many years! But how, I should like
to know, are people to insure who make ducks and drakes of their five
pounds?
“I did think we might go to Margate this summer. There's poor little
Caroline, I'm sure she wants the sea. But no, dear creature! she must
stop at home--all of us must stop at home--she'll go into a consumption,
there's no doubt of that; yes--sweet little angel!--I've made up my mind
to lose her, _now_. The child might have been saved; but people can't
save their children and throw away their five pounds too.
“I wonder where poor little Cherub is! While you were lending that five
pounds, the dog ran out of the shop. You know, I never let it go into
the street, for fear it should be bit by some mad dog, and come home and
bite all the children. It wouldn't now at all astonish me if the animal
was to come back with the hydrophobia and give it to all the family.
However, what's your family to you, so you can play the liberal creature
with five pounds?
“Do you hear that shutter, how it's banging to and fro? Yes,--I know
what it wants as well as you, it wants a new fastening. I was going to
send for the blacksmith to-day. But now it's out of the question: _now_
it must bang of nights, since you've thrown away five pounds.
“Well, things are come to a pretty pass! This is the first night I ever
made my supper off roast beef without pickles. But who is to afford
pickles when folks are always lending five pounds?
“Ha! there's the soot falling down the chimney. If I hate the smell
of anything, it's the smell of soot. And you know it; but what are my
feelings to you? Sweep the chimney! Yes, it's all very fine to say,
sweep the chimney--but how are chimneys to be swept--how are they to be
paid for by people who don't take care of their five pounds?
“Do you hear the mice running about the room? _I_ hear them. If they
were only to drag you out of bed, it would be no matter. Set a trap
for them! Yes, it's easy enough to say--set a trap for 'em. But how are
people to afford the cheese, when every day they lose five pounds?
“Hark! I'm sure there's a noise down stairs. It wouldn't at all surprise
me if there were thieves in the house. Well, it _may_ be the cat; but
thieves are pretty sure to come in some night. There's a wretched
fastening to the back-door; but these are not times to afford bolts and
bars, when fools wont take care of their five pounds.
“Mary Anne ought to have gone to the dentist's to-morrow. She wants
three teeth taken out. Now, it can't be done. Three teeth that quite
disfigure the child's mouth. But there they must stop, and spoil the
sweetest face that was ever made. Otherwise, she'd have been a wife for
a lord. Now, when she grows up, who'll have her? Nobody. We shall die,
and leave her alone and unprotected in the world. But what do you care
for that? Nothing; so you can squander away five pounds.
“And now, see, Mr. Caudle, what a misery you've brought upon your
wretched family! I can't have a satin gown--the girls can't have new
bonnets--the water-rate must stand over--Jack must get his death through
a broken window--our fire-insurance can't be paid, so we shall all fall
victims to the devouring element--we can't go to Margate, and Caroline
will go to an early grave--the dog will come home and bite us all
mad--that shutter will go banging for ever--the soot will always
fall--the mice never let us have a wink of sleep--thieves be always
breaking in the house--and our dear Mary Anne be for ever left an
unprotected maid,--and all, all, Mr. Caudle, because _YOU WILL GO ON
LENDING FIVE POUNDS!_”