HOW SIR ASINUS STAKED HIS GARTERS AGAINST A PISTOLE, AND LOST.
Sir Asinus fled like the wild huntsman, although there was this slight
difference between the feelings of the two characters:--the German
myth was himself the pursuer, whereas Sir Asinus imagined himself
pursued.
He looked around anxiously from time to time, under the impression
that his worthy friend and pedagogue was on his heels; and whenever a
traveller made his appearance, he was complimented with a scrutiny
from the flying knight which seemed to indicate apprehension--the
apprehension of being made a prisoner.
Just as Sir Asinus reached the outskirts of the town, he observed a
chariot drawn by six milk-white horses approaching from a county road
which debouched, like the highway, into Gloucester street; and when
this chariot arrived opposite, a head was thrust through the window,
and a good-humored voice uttered the words:
"Give you good day, my dear Tom!"
Sir Asinus bowed, with a laugh which seemed to indicate familiarity
with the occupant of the carriage, and said:
"Good morning, your Excellency--a delightful day."
"Yes," returned the voice, "especially for a race! What were you
scampering from? Come into the chariot and tell me all about it. I am
dying of weariness."
The movement was soon accomplished. His Excellency's footman mounted
the horse, and Sir Asinus entered the chariot and found himself
opposite an elderly gentleman, very richly clad, and with a smiling
and rubicund face which seemed to indicate a love of the best living.
This gentleman was Francis Fauquier, Governor of his Majesty's loyal
colony of Virginia; and he seemed to be no stranger to the young man.
"Now, what was it all about?" asked the Governor, laughing.
And when our friend related the mode of his escape from the worthy
Doctor, his Excellency shook the whole carriage in the excess of his
mirth.
They came thus to the "Raleigh Tavern," before the door of which the
Governor stopped a moment to say a word to the landlord, who, cap in
hand, listened. The Governor's conversation related to a great ball
which was to be held in the "Apollo room" at the Raleigh very soon;
and the chariot was delayed fully half an hour.
At last it drove on, and at the same moment his Excellency inclined
his head courteously to a gentleman mounted on horseback who was
passing.
"Ah, worthy Doctor Small!" he said, "a delightful day for a ride!"
Sir Asinus shrunk back into the extremest corner, and cast an
imploring look upon the Governor, who shook with laughter.
"Yes, yes, your Excellency," said the Doctor; "I have been inhaling
this delightful May morning with quite a youthful gusto."
"Riding for exercise, Doctor? An excellent idea."
"No, sir; I went a little way into the country to see a pupil."
"You saw him?"
"No, your Excellency."
"Why, that was very hard--a great reprobate, I fear."
"No; a wild young man who has lately deserted his Alma Mater."
"A heinous offence! I advise you to proceed against him for holding
out _in contumaciam_."
"Ah!" said the Doctor, "we must follow the old receipt for cooking a
hare in the present instance. We must first catch the offender."
And the good Doctor smiled.
"Well, Doctor, much success to you. Will you not permit me to convey
you to the college?"
The hair upon Sir Asinus's head stood up; then at the Doctor's reply
he breathed freely again. That reply was:
"No, I thank you; your Excellency is very good, but it is only a
step."
And the Doctor rode on with a bow.
Behind him rode Jacques, who had recognised his friend's horse, caught
a glimpse of him through the window, and now regarded him with languid
interest.
The chariot drew up at the gate of the palace. A liveried servant
offered his arm to the Governor; and passing along the walk beneath
the Scotch lindens which lined it, they entered the mansion.
The Governor led the way to his study, passing through two large
apartments ornamented with globe lamps and portraits of the King and
Queen.
Once in his favorite leather chair, his Excellency ordered wine to be
brought, emptied two or three glasses, and then receiving a pipe from
a servant, lit it by means of a coal respectfully held in readiness,
and commenced smoking.
Sir Asinus declined the pipe proffered to him, but applied himself to
the old sherry with great gusto--much to his Excellency's
satisfaction.
"You were near being discovered," said Fauquier, smiling; "then you
would have been made an example."
"_Ex gracia exempli_," said Sir Asinus, emptying his glass, and
translating into the original respectfully.
"Ah, you wild college boys! Now I wager ten to one that you were not
only playing truant at Shadynook, but making love."
"That is perfectly correct, your Excellency."
"See, I was right. You are a wild scamp, Tom. Who's your Dulcinea?"
"I decline answering that question, your Excellency. But my
rival--that is different."
"Well, your rival?"
"The dandified Adonis with the Doctor."
"Your friend, is he not?"
"Bosom friend; but what is the use of having friends, if we can't take
liberties with them?"
"As, courting their sweethearts!" said his Excellency, who seemed to
enjoy this sentiment very much.
"Yes, sir. I always put my friends under contribution. They are not
fit for any thing else. My rule is always to play off my wit on
friends; it coruscates more brilliantly when we know a man's foibles."
"Good--very profound!" said the Governor, laughing; "and I suppose the
present difficulty arises from the fact, that some of these
coruscations, as you call them, played around the person or character
of the worthy Doctor Small?"
"No, no, your Excellency. I left my country for my country's good--I
mean the college. My ideas were in advance of the age."
"How?"
"I suggested, in the Literary Society, the propriety of throwing off
the rule of Great Britain; I drew up a constitutional argument against
the Established Church in favor of religions toleration; and I
asserted in open lecture that all men were and of right should be
equally free."
The Governor shook with laughter.
"Did you?" he said.
"Yes," said Sir Asinus, assuming a grand tone.
"Well, I see now why you left your college for its good; this is
treason, heresy, and barbarism," said the Governor, merrily. "Where
has your Traitorship taken up your residence?"
"In Gloucester street," said Sir Asinus; "a salubrious and pleasant
lodging."
"Gloucester street! Why, your constitutional civil and religious
emancipation is not complete!"
"No, my dear sir--no."
"Come and live here with me in the palace; I'll protect you in your
rights with my guards and cannon."
"No, your Excellency," said Sir Asinus, laughing. "You are the
representative of that great system which I oppose. I am afraid of the
Greeks and their gifts."
"Zounds! let me vindicate myself. I an opponent of your ideas!" cried
the Governor, laughing.
"You are the representative of royalty."
"No, I am a good Virginian."
"You are an admirer of the Established Church."
The Governor whistled.
"That's it!" he said.
"You are the front of the aristocracy."
"My dear friend," said his Excellency, "ever since a blackguard in
Paris defeated me in a fair spadille combat--breast to breast, card to
card, by pure genius--I have been a republican. That fellow was a
_canaille_, but he won fifteen thousand pounds from me: he was my
superior. But let us try a game of cards, my dear boy. How are your
pockets?"
"Low," said Sir Asinus, ruefully.
"Never mind," said his Excellency, whose whole countenance had lighted
up at the thought of play; "I admire your garters--a pistole against
them."
"Done!" said Sir Asinus with great readiness; and they sat down to
play.
In two hours Sir Asinus was sitting at spadille in the exceedingly
undress costume of shirt, pantaloons, and silk stockings.
His coat was thrown on a chair; his worsted shoes were in one corner
of the room; and his cocked hat lay upon his waistcoat at the
Governor's feet.
The Governor took extreme delight in these practical jokes. He had won
these articles of Sir Asinus's clothing one after another; and now he
was about to commence with the remainder.
"Look! spadille, the ace!" he cried; "I have your neckcloth."
And his Excellency burst into a roar of laughter.
Sir Asinus slowly and sadly drew off his neckcloth, and deposited it
on the pile.
"Good!" cried his Excellency; "now for your short clothes!"
"No, no!" Sir Asinus remonstrated; "now, your Excellency!--mercy, your
Excellency! How would I look going through the town of Williamsburg
breechless?"
"You might go after night," suggested his Excellency, generously.
"No, no!"
"Well, well, I'll be liberal--my servant shall bring you a suit of
clothes from your apartment; of course these are mine."
A sudden thought struck Sir Asinus.
"I'll play your Excellency this ring against ten pistoles," he said;
"I lost sight of it."
"Done!" said his Excellency.
Sir Asinus won the game; and Fauquier, with the exemplary honesty of
the confirmed gambler, took ten pistoles from his purse and handed
them across the table.
"Nine pieces for my coat and the rest," said Sir Asinus persuasively;
"it is really impolite to be playing with your Excellency in such
deshabille as this."
"Willingly," said Fauquier, shaking with merriment.
And he pocketed the nine pistoles while Sir Asinus was making his
toilet at a Venetian mirror.
They then commenced playing again--Sir Asinus staking his pistole. He
won, and continued to win until night; when candles were brought, and
they commenced again.
By ten o'clock Sir Asinus had won fifteen thousand pistoles from the
Governor.
By midnight Fauquier, playing with the nerve of a great gambler, had
won them all back--laughing, careless, but not more careless than when
he lost.
At fifteen minutes past twelve he had won a bond for two hundred
pistoles from Sir Asinus; at sixteen minutes past twelve his
Excellency rose, and taking the cards up with both hands, threw them
out of the window.
Then rolling up the bond which Sir Asinus had executed a moment
before, he gracefully lit with it a pipe which he had just filled;
and, first telling a servant "to carry lights to the chamber next to
his own," said to Sir Asinus:
"My dear boy, I have done wrong to-night; but this is my master
passion. Cards have ruined me three distinct times; and if you play
you will inevitably follow my example and destroy your prospects. Take
my advice, and never touch them. If you have no genius for chance,
twelve months will suffice to ruin you. If you turn out a great
player, one half the genius you expend upon it will conquer a kingdom
or found an empire. If you prefer oxygen to air--gamble! If you think
_aquafortis_ healthier than water--_gamble_! If you consider fever and
fire the proper components of your blood--_gamble_! Take my advice,
and never touch a card again--your bond is ashes. Come, Tom, to bed!"
And his Excellency, laughing as good-humoredly as ever, led the way up
the broad staircase, preceded by a servant carrying a flambeau.
Sir Asinus found a magnificent apartment prepared for him--a velvet
fauteuil, silk-curtained bed, wax candles in silver candelabra; and
seeing that his guest was comfortably fixed, Governor Fauquier bade
him good night.
As for Sir Asinus, he retired without delay, and dreamed that he
ruined his Excellency at cards; won successively all his real and
personal estate; and lastly, having staked a thousand pistoles against
his commission as Governor, won that also. Then, in his dream, he rose
in his dignity, lit his pipe with the parchment, and made his
Excellency a low and generous bow.
As he did so, the day dawned.