A certain man owned the name of Mike. While very young he had been
brought from Mikeland, with a lot of other little Mikelanders, by a
kind lady who made a very handsome living in a genteel kind of slave
trade.
Immediately upon his arrival in America, Mike was rented by the kind
lady to another equally kind lady, who needed cheap help.
Notwithstanding this inauspicious start in life, Mike made his way; he
ran away from the kind lady who wanted cheap help and struggled up to
manhood unaided by similar philanthropists.
There were washerwomen in those days; Mike married one, putting into
the partnership, as offset to the washboard skill of his wife, a horse
and cart that were not new.
Although Mike could neither read nor write; although he made his living
by odd carting and by delivering clothes (which Mrs. Mike had washed)
to the owners, and although he was not known to be entitled to any
other name than “Mike”; he was proud and ambitious. He had no ancestors
to be proud of that he knew of, so he was proud of himself, and his
ambition was for his son, Michael, and he declared that “an eddication
he should have, so he should.” So Michael, the son of Mike, was
instructed in the mysteries of “readin’, ’ritin’ and figgerin’,” which
were the length, breadth and depth of “eddication” to the idea of Mike.
Michael fulfilled the ambitions of his father.
Whether Michael profited more by the practical instruction he gathered
from his father relative to horses, truck driving and general carting,
or by his “eddication” it is unnecessary to conclude. Suffice it
to relate, that by some means or other, and by attaining a high
proficiency as a liar, he made a large fortune as a horse dealer,
trader, stealer and manipulator.
Michael had an eye like a hawk. That is to say, he was a keen observer
of things, which is perhaps superfluous information considering that
he made a fortune; but his perceptive faculties were keen in other
directions than those necessary to get other people’s money and keep
it; consequently he observed that in society, whereunto he had sunk by
the weight of his wealth, he was at a disadvantage on account of his
ignorance. The “ould man” Mike, looked up to Michael as a marvel of
erudition; but Michael, although he did not know even what erudition
was, knew that education was not his. He knew he was ignorant, but he
held up his head and kept his mouth shut, which is one kind of wisdom,
and he made a very fair show even if he was forced to be silent when
people talked of things other than horses and dollars.
Privately Michael was of the opinion that Shakespeare was “outrageous,”
that there was no music without a “chune” to it; that the craze for old
china was “a regular fake,” that Japanese bric-a-brac were the worst he
ever saw, and that most pictures that society raved about, and the “old
masters” in particular, “bate the Dutch,” but he never said a word. He
never bluffed, so he never was called.
Alexander transpires at this point. Unto Mr. and Mrs. Michael was born
one son, and they called him Alexander, no doubt hoping that he would
be great. Alexander was carefully brought up among all the luxuries
that dollars can purchase; of course the aforesaid luxuries had a
newness about them which might be painful to the highly cultured; this
was to be expected. Dollars, although they can purchase everything that
goes to make luxury, cannot supply taste.
Michael worshipped education as his father before him had done, and he
decided that “Alexander should have an education that would ‘knock’ the
tar out of any education that ever was bought for money.” Michael was
ignorant of the fact that education is still a very uncertain quantity,
and that even experts do not agree on what is necessary to constitute
it.
Alexander inherited his father’s intelligence and soaked up his
education very readily. The details of his education are unessential
to this tale. It is enough to state that he got it, as it is generally
thought a gentleman should, through school, college and travel, and
at twenty-two he was, as his father expressed it, “educated up to the
handle.”
Alexander’s education bore fruit. The kind of fruit an education will
bear depends much upon what kind of an education is planted and the
ground it falls on. Michael expected that Alexander’s education would
bear fruit. What fruit he wished for or expected it is impossible to
surmise, for he never expressed his wishes or hopes; not being a judge
of educational fruit his ideas on the subject were probably rather
vague. Alexander shone in society for a year or two, much to his
father’s delight, but at the end of that time his shining was no longer
a novelty and was very expensive for Michael.
Michael decided to take his son into the horse business, which was
still flourishing like a palm tree, or a Cedar of Lebanon; he also
decided that he should marry.
A very nice family which had very small means had a very nice daughter
for sale; Michael bought her for his son. So these were wed. Big show
wedding and honeymoon trip very expensive for Michael.
When Alexander returned from his wedding trip he balked on the horse
business. “His wife was of such a nice family you know,” and besides,
“it is such a damnably plebian business, don’t you know.” Michael
interviewed Alexander in his library, in which were displayed a large
number of beautiful books, bran new, and the result of the interview
was that an occupation was agreed upon for Alexander. He became a stock
broker. Seat on Stock Exchange and swell office, very expensive for
Michael.
Alexander among stock gamblers and jobbers was like a lamb within the
shambles. The motto of stock speculators is not “Love your neighbor
as yourself,” but is “Strike lest ye be struck.” Alexander was struck
many times and hard. He learned the business, but unfortunately for
him, just about the time that he was beginning to consider that he
knew the business he was cornered and crushed. He failed for an amount
which was worth mentioning, which, of course, was very expensive for
Michael. After the failure Alexander consented to knuckle down to the
horse business, and about this time Michael began to give notes where
formerly he had given checks. Alexander was of the opinion that he
was now an experienced business man, but he wasn’t, and he proved no
addition to the horse business. Soon Michael began to ask for renewal
on notes and things began to be said about him; no man has credit so
good that he can afford to have things said about him. So Michael
called a meeting of his creditors, and the estate was so bad that fine
house, furniture, horses and carriages and everything that went to make
the luxurious home were swept away. Everyone blamed Alexander for the
ruin of his father, that is, everyone but Michael himself. Michael’s
views were expressed neatly and characteristically in a speech to his
creditors thusly:
“Gentlemen, me son can tell ye all why ‘telegram’ is no proper word to
use because its against the rules and regulations of strict etymology;
he can tell ye all a lot of other things that ye don’t know, ner me
neither, but he does not understand money. I made a mistake in the
education of me son, I neglected that branch of education which deals
with the science of making and saving money and keepin’ it when ye get
it. Me son is a fine spender, he was educated that way; I think I can
offer ye twelve cents on the dollar.”
Michael is now slowly rising from his ashes as those who fit their
environment must. Alexander is sinking in the outer darkness of the
unfit.
As ye sow so also shall others reap.
[Illustration]
By giving away your opinions you may discover their value.
* * * * *
He that enjoyeth many things hath many ways of happiness; he that
enjoyeth but one thing may have no way.