Harry Gordon passed the night upon the sofa in Miss Bethune’s
sitting-room. It was his opinion that her nerves were so shaken and her
mind so agitated that the consciousness of having some one at hand
within call, in case of anything happening, was of the utmost
consequence. I don’t know that any one else in the house entertained
these sentiments, but it was an idea in which he could not be shaken,
his experience all tending in that way.
As a matter of fact, his nerves were scarcely less shaken than he
imagined hers to be. His mother! Was that his mother who called
good-night to him from the next room? who held that amusing colloquy
with the doctor through the closed door, defying all interference, and
bidding Dr. Roland look after his patient upstairs, and leave her in
peace with Gilchrist, who was better than any doctor? Was that his
mother? His heart beat with a strange confusion, but made no answer. And
his thoughts went over all the details with an involuntary scepticism.
No, there was no voice of nature, as she had fondly hoped; nothing but
the merest response to kind words and a kind look had drawn him towards
this old Scotch maiden lady, who he had thought, with a smile, reminded
him of something in Scott, and therefore had an attraction such as
belongs to those whom we may have known in some previous state of being.
What a strange fate was his, to be drawn into one circle after another,
one family after another, to which he had no right! And how was he to
convince this lady, who was so determined in her own way of thinking,
that he had no right, no title, to consider himself her son? But had he
indeed no title? Was she likely to make such a statement without proof
that it was true, without evidence? He thought of her with a kind of
amused but by no means disrespectful admiration, as she had stood
flinging from her the miserable would-be thief, the wretched, furtive
creature who was no match for a resolute and dauntless woman. All the
women Harry had ever known would have screamed or fled or fainted at
sight of a live burglar in their very bed-chamber. She flung him off
like a fly, like a reptile. That was not a weak woman, liable to be
deceived by any fancy. She had the look in her eyes of a human creature
afraid of nothing, ready to confront any danger. And could she then be
so easily deceived? Or was it true, actually true? Was he the son--not
of a woman whom it might be shame to discover, as he had always
feared--but of a spotless mother, a person of note, with an established
position and secure fortune? The land which he was to manage, which she
had roused him almost to enthusiasm about, by her talk of crofters and
cotters to be helped forward, and human service to be done--was that
land his own, coming to him by right, his natural place and
inheritance? Was he no waif and stray, no vague atom in the world
drifting hither and thither, but a man with an assured position, a
certain home, a place in society? How different from going back to South
America, and at the best becoming a laborious clerk where he had been
the young master! But he could not believe in it.
He lay there silent through the short summer night, moving with
precaution upon the uneasy couch, which was too short and too small, but
where the good fellow would have passed the night waking and dosing for
anybody’s comfort, even were it only an old woman’s who had been kind to
him. But was she his mother--his mother? He could not believe it--he
could not, he could not! Her wonderful speeches and looks were all
explained now, and went to his heart: but they did not convince him, or
bring any enlightenment into his. Was she the victim of an illusion,
poor lady, self-deceived altogether? Or was there something in it, or
was there nothing in it? He thought of his father, and his heart
revolted. His poor father, whom he remembered with the halo round him of
childish affection, but whom he had learned to see through other
people’s eyes, not a strong man, not good for very much, but yet not one
to desert a woman who trusted in him. But of the young man’s thoughts
through that long uneasy night there was no end. He heard whisperings
and movements in the next room, subdued for his sake as he subdued his
inclination to turn and toss upon his sofa for hers, during half the
night. And then when the daylight came bright into the room through the
bars of the venetian blind there came silence, just when he had fully
woke up to the consciousness that life had begun again in a new world. A
little later, Gilchrist stole into his room, bringing him a cup of tea.
“You must come upstairs now; there’s a room where ye will get some
sleep. She’s sound now, and it’s broad daylight, and no fear of any
disturbance,” she said.
“I want no more sleep. I’ll go and get a bath, and be ready for whatever
is wanted.” He caught her apron as she was turning away, that apron on
which so many hems had been folded. “Don’t go away,” he said. “Speak to
me, tell me, Gilchrist, for heaven’s sake, is this true?”
“The Lord knows!” cried Gilchrist, shaking her head and clasping her
hands; “but oh, my young gentleman, dinna ask me!”
“Whom can I ask?” he said. “Surely, surely you, that have been always
with her, can throw some light upon it. Is it true?”
“It is true--true as death,” said the woman, “that all that happened to
my dear leddy; but oh, if you are the bairn, the Lord knows; he was but
two days old, and he would have been about your age. I can say not a
word, but only the Lord knows. And there’s nothing--nothing, though she
thinks sae, that speaks in your heart?”
He shook his head, with a faint smile upon his face.
“Oh, dinna laugh, dinna laugh. I canna bear it, Mr. Harry; true or no’
true, it’s woven in with every fibre o’ her heart. You have nae parents,
my bonnie man. Oh, could you no’ take it upon ye, true or no’ true?
There’s naebody I can hear of that it would harm or wrong if you were to
accept it. And there’s naebody kens but me how good she is. Her exterior
is maybe no’ sae smooth as many; but her heart it is gold--oh, her heart
it is gold! For God’s sake, who is the Father of all of us, and full of
mercy--such peety as a father hath unto his children dear--oh, my young
man, let her believe it, take her at her word! You will make her a happy
woman at the end of a’ her trouble, and it will do ye nae harm.”
“Not if it is a fiction all the time,” he said, shaking his head.
“Who is to prove it’s a fiction? He would have been your age. She thinks
you have your grandfather’s een. I’m no’ sure now I look at you but
she’s right. She’s far more likely to be right than me: and now I look
at you well I think I can see it. Oh, Mr. Harry, what harm would it do
you? A good home and a good inheritance, and to make her happy. Is that
no’ worth while, even if maybe it were not what you would think perfitly
true?”
“It can’t be half true, Gilchrist; it must be whole or nothing.”
“Weel, then, it’s whole true; and I’ll gang to the stake for it. Is she
not the one that should know? And if you were to cast her off the morn
and break her heart, she would still believe it till her dying day.
Turn round your head and let me look at you again. Oh, laddie, if I were
to gang to the stake for it, you have--you have your grandfather’s
een!”