Some idea of the heat experienced in this country last week can be
deduced from the fact that several bricklayers were distinctly seen to
wipe their brows in their own time.
***
It is all very well for LENIN to talk about Great Britain recognising
Russia, while his followers are doing their best to render the place
almost unrecognisable.
***
Normally, says Dr. GEOFFREY KEYNES, a person has fifteen thousand
millions of blood corpuscles circulating in his body. People suffering
with insomnia might try counting them in bed.
***
According to a scientific journal, tests recently made show that
microbes cannot live long on coins. "Middle Class" writes to say this
is nothing new to him, as no germ could live on his salary.
***
The promoters of the Milk and Dairies Bill hope to ensure clean milk
for the public. They seem to have thought out an improvement on the
present system by which certain dairymen are in the habit of washing
their milk.
***
It took nature several million years, says _The New York World_,
to make a ton of coal. It looks as if she has arranged to charge us
retrospectively by the hour for the stuff.
***
A gold wedding-ring has been found inside a large doe rabbit which was
shot recently in a wheat-field near Wilbury. The question arises, "Do
modern rabbits go through the marriage ceremony?"
***
The latest fad of the American golfer is to have a small painting made
of himself in the act of driving. We feel, however, that it will be
some time before English golfers will place orders for plaster casts
of their language.
***
Nearly all the extra firemen required for the London Fire Brigade have
been engaged. Clients are assured that arrears of fires will now be
worked off with all speed.
***
According to a daily paper a severe thunderstorm which recently
visited Luton was not heard by the audience in a local concert hall.
It is rumoured that a performer was at the time reciting a chapter of
Lord FISHER'S autobiography.
***
A strike of incubator-makers is threatened and many grocers who stock
breakfast-eggs fear that a lot of chicks may come out in sympathy.
***
According to an evening paper a young lady who was chased by a bull
in a provincial meadow ran a quarter of a mile and jumped a stream
sixteen feet wide before gaining safety. Not much of a jump, surely,
considering the long run she took.
***
"Whilst motoring between Baldock and Grantham one is struck by the
greenness of the growing wheat and barley," states a writer in a motor
journal. The regularity with which these cereal grasses adopt this
colour is certainly worthy of attention.
***
Our heart goes out to the American travellers who set foot on our
shores at Southampton one day last week just five minutes after
closing-time.
***
In their recent match against Sussex the first four Middlesex batsmen
each scored a century. We understand that in order to obviate a
recurrence of this sort of thing a movement is on foot to increase the
number of runs in a century to a hundred and fifty.
***
We are informed that "a man arrested by Dutch fishermen in the belief
that it was the CROWN PRINCE making his escape turned out to be a
notorious jewel thief." The error seems to have been excusable.
***
The case of the dock labourer who appeared at a County Court in a
tail coat and white waistcoat is now explained. The man's valet, who
usually looks after these things for him, had gone on strike for more
wages.
***
Charged with taking one hundred and forty-five pounds of his
employers' money a Newcastle office-boy was stated to have been
reading trashy novels. It was thought to be only fair to the financial
papers that the public should know where he got the idea from.
***
"I reckon I can drink fifty pints a day, easy," a witness told the
Portsmouth magistrates. He may do it for a while, but sooner or later
his arm is bound to go back on him.
***
"Under British guidance," says a contemporary, "Persia's future is
bright with promise." We know nothing of its future, but its present
seems to be scintillating with performance under Bolshevik direction.
***
"Cave exploration," declares a writer in _The Daily Mail_, "is a most
fascinating sport." There is always the thrilling possibility that you
may find another Liberal principle hidden away somewhere.
***
Owing to the increased cost of living it is said that burglars will
now only book jewel robberies of two thousand pounds and over.
* * * * *
[Illustration: CHAGRIN OF MEMBER OF ADVANCED ART GROUP AT NECESSITY OF
MAKING THE LETTERING OF HIS POSTER INTELLIGIBLE.]
* * * * *
"NEW POLICY IN IRELAND.