Man is an affectionate creature; now the woman’s behaviour should
be such towards the man, as to requite his affection by increasing
his delectation; that the new-born love may not be ruined before
it be rooted. A spouse should carry herself so to her husband, as
not to disturb his love by her contention, nor to destroy his love
by her alienation. Husband and wife should be like two candles
burning together, which makes the house more lightsome; or like
two fragrant flowers bound up in one nosegay, that augments its
sweetness; or like two well-tuned instruments, which sounding
together, make the more melodious music. Husband and wife, what are
they but as two springs meeting, and so joining their streams, that
they make but one current? It is an unpleasing spectacle to view
any contention in that conjunction.
3. To his progeny, by the fruitfulness of her education; that so
her children in the flesh may be God’s children in the spirit, 1
Sam. i. 11. Hannah she vows, if the Lord will give her a son, she
would give him to the Lord, to serve him. A spouse should be more
careful of her children’s breeding, than she should be fearful
of her children’s bearing. Take heed, lest these flowers grow in
the devil’s garden.--Though you bring them out in corruption, yet
do not bring them up to damnation!--Those are not mothers but
monsters, that whilst they should be teaching their children the
way to heaven with their lips, are leading them the way to hell
with their lives. Good education is the best livery you can give
them living; and it is the best legacy you can leave them dying.
You let out your cares to make them great, O lift up your prayers
to make them good, that before you die from them, you may see
Christ live in them. Whilst these twigs are green and tender, they
should be bowed towards God. Children and servants are in a family,
as passengers in a boat; husband and wife, they are as a pair of
oars, to row them to their desired haven. Let these small pieces of
timber be hewed and squared for the celestial building. By putting
a sceptre of grace into their hands, you will set a crown of glory
upon their heads.
4. A help to his prosperity, by her faithful preservation, being
not a wanderer abroad, but a worker at home. One of the ancients
speaks excellently: She must not be a field-wife, like Dinah;
nor a street-wife, like Thamar; nor a window-wife, like Jezabel.
Phildeas, when he drew a woman, painted her under a snail-shell;
that she might imitate that little creature, that goes no further
than it can carry its house upon its head. How many women are
there, that are not labouring bees, but idle drones; that take up
a room in the hive, but bring no honey to it; that are moths to
their husbands’ estates, spending when they should be sparing. As
the man’s part is, to provide industriously, so the woman’s is, to
preserve discreetly; the one must not be carelessly wanting, the
other must not be causelessly wanting; the man must be seeking with
diligence, the woman must be saving with prudence. The cock and hen
both scrape together in the dust-heap, to pick up something for the
little chickens. To wind up this on a short bottom.
1. If the woman be a help to the man, then let not the man cast
dirt on the woman.
Secundus being asked his opinion of a woman, said, _Viri
naufragium, domus tempestas, quietus impedimentum_, &c. But surely
he was a monster and not a man; fitter for a tomb to bury him, than
a womb to bear him. Some have styled them to be like clouds in the
sky; like motes in the sun; like snuffs in the candle; like weeds
in the garden. But it is not good to play the butcher with that
naked sex, that hath no arms but for embraces. A preacher should
not be silent for those who are silent from preaching: because they
are the weaker vessels, shall they be broken all to pieces? Thou
that sayest women are evil, it may be thy expression flows from thy
experience; but I shall never take that mariner for my pilot, that
hath no better knowledge than the splitting of his own ship. Wilt
thou condemn the frame of all, for the fault of one? As if it were
true logic, because some are evil therefore none are good. He hath
ill eyes that disdains all objects. To blast thy helper is to blame
thy Maker. In a word, we took our rise from their bowels, and may
take our rest in their bosoms.
2. Is the woman to be a help to the man? Then let the man be a help
to the woman. What makes some debtors to be such ill pay-masters,
but because they look at what is owing to them, but not at what
is owing by them. If thou wouldst have thy wife’s reverence, let
her have thy respect. To force a tear from this relation, is that
which neither benefits the husband’s authority to enjoin, nor the
wife’s duty to perform. A wife must not be sharply driven, but
sweetly drawn. Compassion may bend her, but compulsion will break
her. Husband and wife should act towards each other with consent,
not by constraint. There are four things wherein the husband is a
meet-help to the wife.
1. In his protection of her from injuries. It is well observed by
one, that the rib of which woman was made, was taken from under his
arm: As the use of the arm is to keep off blows from the body, so
the office of the husband is to ward off blows from the wife. The
wife is the husband’s treasury, and the husband the wife’s armoury.
In darkness he should be her sun, for direction; in danger he
should be her shield for protection.
2. In his providing for her necessities. The husband must
communicate maintenance to the wife, as the head conveys influence
to the members; thou must not be a drone, and she a drudge. A man
in a married estate, is like a chamberlain in an inn, there is
knocking for him in every room. Many persons in that condition,
waste that estate in luxury, which should supply their wife’s
necessity. They have neither the faith of a Christian, nor the love
of a husband! It is a sad spectacle to see a virgin sold with her
own money unto slavery, when services are better than marriages;
the one receives wages, whilst the other buy their fetters.
3. In his covering of her infirmities. Who would trample upon a
jewel, because it is fallen in the dirt, or throw away a heap of
wheat for a little chaff, or despise a golden wedge, because it
retains some dross? These roses have some prickles. Now husbands
should spread a mantle of charity over their wives’ infirmities.
They be ill birds that defile their own nests. It is a great deal
better you should fast than feast yourselves upon their failings.
Some husbands are never well longer than they are holding their
fingers in their wife’s sores. Such are like crows, that fasten
only upon carrion. Do not put out the candle because of the snuff.
Husbands and wives should provoke one-another to love; and they
should love one-another notwithstanding of provocation. Take heed
of poisoning those springs from whence the streams of your pleasure
flow.
4. By his delighting in her society: a wife takes sanctuary not
only in her husband’s house, but in his heart. The tree of love
should grow up in the family, as the tree of life grew up in the
garden of Eden. They that choose their love, should love their
choice. They that marry where they affect not, will affect where
they marry not. Two joined together without love, are but tied
together to make one another miserable. And so I pass to the last
stage of the text, _A help-meet_.
‘A help,’ there is her _fallness_; ‘A meet-help,’ there is her
_fitness_. The angels were too much above him; the inferior
creatures too much below him; he could not step up to the former,
nor could he stoop down to the latter; the one was out of his
reach, the other was out of his race; but the woman is a parallel
line drawn equal with him. Meet she must be in three things.
1. In the harmony of her disposition. Husband and wife should be
like the image in a looking-glass, that answers in all properties
to the face that stands before it; or like an echo, that returneth
the voice it receiveth. Many marriages are like putting new wine
into old bottles. An old man is not a meet-help for a young woman:
He that sets a grey head upon green shoulders, hath one foot in the
grave and another in the cradle: Yet, how many times do you see the
spring of youth wedded to the winter of old age?--A young man is
not a meet-help for an old woman; raw flesh is but an ill plaister
for rotten bones. He that in his non-age marries another in her
dotage, his lust hath one wife in possession, but his love another
in reversion.
2. In heraldry of her condition. Some of our European nations are
so strict in their junctions, that it is against their laws for
the commonality to couple with the gentry. It was well said by
one, “If the wife be too much above her husband, she either ruins
him by her vast expenses, or reviles him with her base reproaches;
if she be too much below her husband, either her former condition
makes her too generous, or her present mutation makes her too
imperious.”--Marriages are styled matches, yet amongst those many
that are married, how few are there that are matched! Husbands and
wives are like locks and keys, that rather break than open, except
the wards be answerable.
3. In the holiness of her religion. If adultery may seperate a
marriage contracted, idolatry may hinder a marriage not perfected.
Cattle of divers kinds were not to ingender. 2 Cor. vi. 14. _Be
not unequally yoked, &c._ It is dangerous taking her for a wife,
who will not take God for a husband. It is not meet that one flesh
should be of two spirits. Is there never a tree thou likest in the
garden but that which bears forbidden fruit? There are but two
channels in which the remaining streams shall run:--1. To those men
that want wives, how to choose them. 2. To those women who have
husbands, how to use them.
Marriage is the tying of such a knot, that nothing but death can
unloose. Common reason suggests so much, that we should be long
a-doing that which can but once be done. Where one design hath been
graveled in the sands of delay, thousands have been split on the
rock of precipitance. Rash adventures yield gain. Opportunities are
not like tides, that when one is past, another returns; but yet
take heed of flying without your wings; you may breed such agues in
your bones, that may shake you to your graves. 1. Let me preserve
you from a bad choice. 2. Present you with a good one. To preserve
you from a bad choice, take that in three things: 1. Choose not for
beauty. 2. Choose not for dowry. 3. Choose not for dignity. He that
loves to beauty, buys a picture; he that loves for dowry, makes a
purchase; he that leaps for dignity, matches with a multitude at
once. The first of these is too blind to be directed; the second
too base to be accepted; the third too bold to be respected. 1.
Choose not by your eyes. 2. Choose not by your hands. 3. Choose not
by your ears.
1. Choose not by your eyes, looking at the beauty of the person.
Not but this is lovely in a woman; but that this is not all for
which a woman should be beloved. He that had the choice of many
faces stamps this character upon them all, _favour is deceitful
and beauty is vain_. The sun is more bright in a clear sky, than
when the horizon is clouded; but if a woman’s flesh hath more of
beauty than her spirit hath of christianity, it is like poison in
sweet-meats, most dangerous: “The sons of God saw the daughters of
men, that they were fair,” Gen. vi. 2. One would have thought that
they should rather have looked for grace in the heart, than for
beauty in the face: take care of running at the fairest signs; the
swan hath black flesh under her white feathers.
2. Choose not by your hands, for the bounty of the portion. When
Cato’s daughter was asked why she did not marry? she thus replied,
she could not find the man that loved her person above her portion.
Men love curious pictures, but they would have them set in golden
frames. Some are so degenerate as to think any good enough, who
have but goods enough. Take heed, for sometimes the bag and baggage
go together. The person should be a figure, and the portion a
cypher, which added to her, advances the sum, but alone signifies
nothing. When Themistocles was to marry his daughter, two suitors
courted her together, the one rich and a fool, the other wise but
poor; and being asked which of the two he had rather his daughter
should have? he answered _Mallem virum fine pecuni_: ‘I had rather
she should have a man without money, than money without a man.’
3. Choose not by your ears, for the dignity of her parentage. A
good old stock may nourish a fruitless branch. There are many
children who are not the blessings, but the blemishes of their
parents; they are nobly descended, but ignobly minded: Such was
Aurelius Antonious, of whom it was said, that he injured his
country of nothing, but being the father of such a child. There
are many low in their descents, that are high in their deserts;
such as the cobler’s son, who became a famous captain; when a great
person upbraided the meanness of his original, “My nobility,” said
he, “began with me, but thy nobility ends with thee.” Piety is a
greater honour than parentage. She is the best gentlewoman that
is heir of her own deserts, and not the degenerate offspring of
another’s virtue. To present you with a good choice in three things.
1. Choose such a one as will be a subject to your dominion. Take
heed of yoking yourselves with untamed heifers.
2. Choose such a one as may sympathize with you in your affliction.
Marriage is just like a sea voyage, he that enters into this ship,
must look to meet with storms and tempests, 1 Cor. vii. 20. _They
that marry shall have trouble in the flesh_. Flesh and trouble are
married together, whether we marry or no; now a bitter cup is too
much to be drunk by one mouth. A heavy burthen is easily carried by
assistance of other shoulders. Husband and wife should neither be
proud flesh, nor dead flesh. You are fellow-members, therefore you
should have a fellow-feeling. While one stands safe on the shore,
pity should be shown to him that is tost on the sea. Sympathy in
suffering is like a dry house in a wet day.
3. Choose such a one as may be serviceable to your salvation. A man
may think he hath a saint, when he hath a devil; but take heed of a
harlot, that is false to thy bed; and of a hypocrite, that is false
to thy God.
2. To those women who have husbands, how to use them. In two things.
1. Carry yourselves towards them with obedience. Let their power
command you, that their praise may commend you. Though you may
have your husband’s heart, yet you should love his will. Till the
husband leaves commanding, the wife must never leave obeying. As
his injunctions must be lawful, so her subjection must be loyal.
2. With faithfulness. In creation, God made not woman for many men,
or many women for one man. Every wife should be to her husband as
Eve was to Adam, a whole world of women; and every husband should
be to his wife as Adam was to Eve, a whole world of men. When a
river is divided into many channels, the main current starves.
To conclude, Good servants are a great blessing; good children a
greater blessing; but a good wife is the greatest blessing: And
such a help let him seek for her that wants one, let him sigh for
her that hath lost one, let him take pleasure in her that enjoys
one.
Where there is nothing but a picture of virtue, or a few shadowy
qualities that may subsist without any real excellency, death
will hide them for ever in the night of despair. The blackness of
darkness will close upon the naked and wandering ghost; whilst its
loathsome remains are consigned to oblivion and putrefaction in the
prison of the grave, with the prospect of a worse doom hereafter.
But where there is a living image of true goodness begun in this
state, death will deliver it with safety into the finishing hand
of eternity, to be produced with every mark of honour in the
open view of heaven; where its now mortal partner, rescued from
the dishonours of the dust, and brightened into the graces of
eternal youth, shall rejoin it in triumph, to suffer the pangs
of separation no more. EVERLASTING JEHOVAH! what a crown of joy
will it confer on the preacher in that day, if this little service
shall be rewarded with the reflection of having contributed to
the salvation or improvement of any of these young persons whom
he now addresses! If ever thine ear was open to my cry, hear me,
O Lord! hear me in their behalf. What cannot thy spirit perform,
perform by the weakest hand? May that spirit seal them to the day
of redemption. At that glorious period, may I meet you all amongst
the redeemed of the Lord, happy to see you shining with immortal
splendour in the general assembly and church of the first born,
transported to think that I shall live with you for ever, and
joining in the gratulations of your fellow-angels around the throne
of God, when He shall, in the sight of all, clothe you with the
garment of salvation, and cover you with the robe of righteousness,
as a bridegroom is decked with ornaments, and as a bride is adorned
with her Jewels. Amen.
LADY FRETFUL,
A SKETCH FROM REAL LIFE.
Her general style of conversation runs on the inconveniences to be
expected from this or that circumstance, and no one is so ingenious
in extracting unsuspected evil from plans of the fairest promise.
Is the weather fine, and a walk mentioned--It is hot--it is
dusty--the wind is in the east--there was rain in the morning--it
will be dirty--or it will rain before we reach home. Is she to go
out in the carriage; one road is too long for the horses--another
is unpleasant--another unsafe--and, in short, none are exactly
right. Yet she goes on these proposed expeditions, after all
possibility of pleasure has been reasoned and anticipated away.
If she is going out to dinner, she is sure the company will be
unpleasant--the servants will get drunk--she shall be robbed, or
overturned in coming home. If she is to have a party at home, she
knows every thing will go wrong--nobody will be amusing--the time
will hang heavy--the people will go away, execrating the stupidity
of the visit. If she sees any lady employed about a piece of work,
she prognosticates it will be unfashionable before it is finished,
she sees any one reading, she never new any good come of reading,
but to make young people unfit for conversation. If her husband is
going a hunting, she hates hunting, it is so dangerous. If he goes
for a ride, she is surprised he can take pleasure in sitting on his
horse for hours together. If he is in his library, she never saw
such a book-worm. If he sits in the parlour, she hates men always
at their wive’s apron strings. Thus does she sour every common
occurance of life by the most ingenious optical delusion, looking
at every thing in the worst point of view.
What absurdity to imbitter one’s alloted portion of happiness by
so obstinately persisting to anticipate inconvenience! Why not be
disposed to think fair appearances promise fair conclusions? Why,
if the sun shines in the morning, be unwilling to enjoy it then?
And, if it rains, why not be always inclined to hope the weather
will brighten?
THE
PILGRIM’S PROGRESS,
FROM THIS WORLD TO THAT WHICH IS TO COME.
[Illustration]
GLASGOW;
PRINTED FOR THE BOOKSELLERS.
[Illustration]
The progress of the Pilgrim is here represented by Christian
leaving the City of Destruction, in terror and alarm at its fate.
He is met by Evangelist, who, directed him to fly from the wrath to
come; and keep yonder shining light in his eye, where it should be
told him what to do.
[Illustration]
Christian had not proceeded far, till he fell into the slough of
Despond, and was relieved by one called Help, who set him on his
way. He was afterwards beguiled by Worldly-wiseman; but was again
put right way by Evangalist.
[Illustration]
Christian at length arrived at the gate, upon which was inscribed
“knock and it shall be opened.” He knocked and it was opened by one
Goodwill, who let him in. Beelzebub as he entered gave him a pull
but Christian escaped.
[Illustration]
Christian having fairly escaped Beelzebub and his emissaries;
was kindly welcomed by Goodwill, and shewed many rare sights by
Interpreter: he passed the walls of salvation and came to a cross,
where his bundle dropped off.
[Illustration]
Christian now being rid of his burden, pushed on more lightly,
and took the narrow path up the hill, and struggled hard till he
arrived at the arbour, prepared by the Lord of the place for weary
pilgrims, where he sat and refreshed himself.
[Illustration]
When Christian had got to the top of the hill he met two men
running, named Timorous and Mistrust; who said they had been bound
for Mount Zion, but meeting with two Lions, they were afraid:
Christian passed the Lions, who, being chained, could not hurt him.
[Illustration]
When Christian lift up his eyes, he beheld the Palace of Beautiful;
and after a few interrogations, was admitted by a damsel called
Discretion, who with her two sisters, Piety and Prudence, he held a
long conversation.
[Illustration]
After leaving these good damsels, Christian passed on his way; and
in the middle of the valley of Humiliation, he met with Apollion,
with whom he had a bloody struggle; Apollion throwing darts as
thick as hail: but at last Christian overcame.
[Illustration]
Now at the end of this valley was another called the valley of
the shadow of death; in the midst of which he perceived the mouth
of hell; from which flame and smoke issued out in such abundance,
that he was obliged to put up his sword and betake himself to
All-prayer.
[Illustration]
Shortly after this he came up with Faithful; with whom he held
sweet converse till they came to Vanity Fair. A merchant asking
what they would buy, they said the truth; which he took amiss, and
raised a hubbub; so that they were both taken up and put in a cage,
for public view.
[Illustration]
Christian and Faithful were brought before Mr. Hategood, to stand
their trial. Envy, Superstition, and Hypocrisy, were brought
forward as evidences, who did not fail to tell a partial story;
which a partial jury confirmed; and Faithful was condemned to die
at the stake.
[Illustration]
Faithful was then brought out and suffered at the stake: Thus came
he to his end, but there stood behind the multitude a chariot, and
horses into which he was taken up and carried through the clouds.
Christian escaping went on his way.
[Illustration]
Christian soon fell in with Hopeful, another pilgrim, with whom
he journeyed; and they having slept in the policies of Doubting
Castle, were taken prisoners, by Giant Despair, who treated them
harshly: a key found in Christian’s bosom, opened the doors, and
they made their escape.
[Illustration]
Having escaped from Giant Despair, they soon met with the Shepherds
of the Delectable Mountains. Leaving this country, they came to
the enchanted ground, where they fell in with some of the shining
inhabitants, of the City.
[Illustration]
Christian and Hopeful drawing nigh to the Celistial City, beheld
the streets were paved with pure gold, but there was a very deep
river through which they must pass the Pilgrims were alarmed and
begun to sink; but rose again and were welcomed on the other side
by two glorious persons.
[Illustration]
Christian’s wife and children wept for him, until a heavenly
messenger gave her a letter to follow her husband, and live with
him for ever. At first she was overcome, but taking the road with
all her children they fell in with Mercy, and went toward the
wicket gate.
[Illustration]
After they had got safely through the Slough of Despond, they
arrived at the gate, where they knocked a long time, till at length
the keeper called out “Who’s there,” and opened the gate, and
taking Christiana by the hand welcomed them saying “Suffer little
children to come unto me.”
[Illustration]
With some difficulty Mercy was admitted, and they safely arrived
at Interpreter’s house; supper being ready, and thanks given, they
partook of a hearty repast; Interpreter asked how she became a
pilgrim, she said, it was by the loss of her husband, and a letter
from the King of Zion.
[Illustration]
In the morning they were much refreshed. Greatheart was sent along
with them to guide them on their way. They passed the place where
the load fell from Christian’s back; and came to the place where
Simple, Sloth, and Presumption were hanging in chains.
[Illustration]
They soon arrived at the Hill of Difficulty; Greatheart shewed them
the spring where Christian drank; they then begun to ascend the
hill, but Christiana began to pant and want rest; but Greatheart
encouraged them, telling them they were near the Arbour, where they
would find rest.
[Illustration]