"Is that you, Cousin John?" said Lady Mary. "Is Sir Timothy gone? I
have not been away more than a few minutes, have I?"
She spoke quite brightly. Her cheeks were flushed, and her blue eyes
were sparkling with excitement.
John looked at her, and found himself wishing that her soft, brown
hair were not strained so tightly from her forehead, nor brushed so
closely to her head; the fashion would have been trying to a younger
face, and fatal to features less regularly delicate and correct. He
also wished she were not dressed like a Quaker's wife. The stiff, grey
poplin fitted like a glove the pretty curves of Lady Mary's slender
figure, but it lacked distinction, and appropriateness, to John's
fastidious eye. Then he reproached himself vehemently for allowing his
thoughts to dwell on such trifles at such a moment.
"Will you forgive me for going away the very day you come?" said Lady
Mary.
How quickly, how surprisingly, she recovered her spirits! She had
looked so weary and sad as she came down the stairs an hour ago. Now
she was almost gay. A feverish and unnatural gaiety, no doubt; but
those flushed cheeks, and glittering blue eyes--how they restored the
youthful loveliness of the face he had once thought the most beautiful
he ever saw!
"I am going to see the last of my boy. You'll understand, won't you?
You were an only son too. And your mother would have gone to the ends
of the earth to look upon your face once more, wouldn't she? Mothers
are made like that."
"Some mothers," said John; and he turned away his head.
"Not yours? I'm sorry," said Lady Mary, simply.
"Oh, well--you know, she was a good deal--in the world," he said,
repenting himself.
"I use to wish so much to live in the world too," said Lady
Mary, dreamily; "but ever since I was fifteen I've lived in this
out-of-the-way place."
"Don't be too sorry for that," said John; "you don't know what a
revelation this out-of-the-way place may be to a tired worker like me,
who lives always amid the unlovely sights and sounds of a city."
"Ah! but that's just it," she said quickly. "You see I'm not
tired--yet; and I've done no work."
"That is why it's such a rest to look at you," said John, smiling.
"Flowers have their place in creation as vegetables have theirs. But
we only ask the flowers to bloom peacefully in sheltered gardens;
we don't insist on popping them into the soup with the onions and
carrots."
Lady Mary laughed as though she had not a care in the world.
"It is quite refreshing to find that a big-wig like you can talk just
as much nonsense as a little-wig like me," she said; "but you don't
know, for all that, what the silence and monotony of life here _can_
be. The very voice of a stranger falls like music on one's ears. I was
so glad to see you, and you were so kind and sympathetic about--my
boy. And then, all in a moment, my joy was turned into mourning,
wasn't it? And Peter is going to the war, and it's all like a dreadful
dream; except that I know I shall wake up every morning only to
realize more strongly that it's true."
John remembered that he was dallying with his mission, instead of
fulfilling it.
"Sir Timothy cannot go to see his son off? That must be a grief to
him," he said.
"No; he isn't coming. He has business, I believe," said Lady Mary, a
little coldly. "There has been a dispute over some Crown lands, which
march with ours. Officials are often very dilatory and difficult to
deal with. Probably, however, you know more about it than I do. I am
going alone. I have just been giving the necessary orders. I shall
take a servant with me, as well as my maid, for I am such an
inexperienced traveller--though it seems absurd, at my age--that I am
quite frightened of getting into the wrong trains. I dread a journey
by myself. Even such a little journey as that. But, of course, nothing
would keep me at home."
"Only one thing," said John, in a low voice, "if I have judged your
character rightly in so short a time."
"What is that?"
"Duty."
She looked at him with sweet, puzzled eyes, like a child.
"Are you pleading Sir Timothy's cause, Cousin John?" she said, with a
little touch of offence in her tone that was only charming.
"I am pleading Sir Timothy's cause," said John, seriously.
"Love is stronger than duty, isn't it?" said Lady Mary.
"I hope not," said John, very simply.
"You mean my husband doesn't wish me to go?"
"Don't think me too presuming," he said pleadingly.
"I couldn't," said Lady Mary, naively. "You are older than I am, you
know," she laughed, "and a Q.C. And you know you would be my trustee
and my boy's guardian if anything ever happened to Sir Timothy. He
told me so long ago. And he reminded me of it to-day most solemnly. I
suppose he was afraid I shouldn't treat you with proper respect."
"He has honoured me very highly," said John. "In that case, it would
be almost my--my duty to advise you in any difficulty that might
arise, wouldn't it?"
"That means you want to advise me now?"
"Frankly, it does."
"And are _you_ going to tell me that I ought to stay at home, and let
my only boy leave England without bidding him God-speed?" said Lady
Mary incredulously. "If so, I warn you that you will never convince me
of that, argue as you may."
"No one is ever convinced by argument," said John. "But stern facts
sometimes command even a woman's attention."
"When backed by such powers of persuasion as yours, perhaps."
She faced him with sparkling eyes. Lady Mary was timid and gentle by
nature, but Peter's mother knew no fear. Yet she realized that if
John Crewys were moved to put forth his full powers, he might be a
difficult man to oppose. She met his glance, and observed that he
perfectly understood the spirit which animated her, and that it was
not opposition that shone from his bright hazel eyes, as he regarded
her steadily through his pince-nez.
"I am going to deal with a hard fact, which your husband is afraid to
tell you," said John, "because, in his tenderness for your womanly
weakness, he underrates, as I venture to think, your womanly courage.
Sir Timothy wants you to be with him here to-morrow because he has
to--to fight an unequal battle--"
"With the Crown?"
"With Death."
"What do you mean?" said Lady Mary.
"He has been silently combating a mortal disease for many months
past," said John, "and to-morrow morning the issue is to be decided.
Every day, every hour of delay, increases the danger. The great
surgeon, Dr. Herslett, will be here at eleven o'clock, and on the
success of the operation he will perform, hangs the thread of your
husband's life."
Lady Mary put up a little trembling hand entreatingly, and John's
great heart throbbed with pity. He had chosen his words deliberately
to startle her from her absorption in her son; but she looked so
fragile, so white, so imploring, that his courage almost failed him.
He came to her side, and took the little hand reassuringly in his
strong, warm clasp.
"Be brave, my dear," he said, with faltering voice, "and put aside,
if you can, the thought of your bitter, terrible disappointment. Only
_you_ can cheer, and inspire, and aid your husband to maintain the
calmness of spirit which is of such vital importance to his chance of
recovery. You can't leave him against his wish at such a moment;
not if you are the--the angel I believe you to be," said John, with
emotion.
There was a pause, and though he looked away from her, he knew that
she was crying.
John released the little hand gently, and walked to the fireplace to
give her time to recover herself. Perhaps his eye-glasses were dimmed;
he polished them very carefully.
Lady Mary dashed away her tears, and spoke in a hard voice he scarcely
recognized as hers.
"I might be all--you think me, John," she said, "if--"
"Ah! don't let there be an _if_," said John.
"But--"
"Or a _but_."
"It is that you don't understand the situation," she said; "you
talk as though Sir Timothy and I were an ordinary husband and wife,
entirely dependent on one another's love and sympathy. Don't you know
_he_ stands alone--above all the human follies and weaknesses of a
mere woman? Can't you guess," said Lady Mary, passionately, "that it's
my boy, my poor faulty, undutiful boy--oh, that I should call him
so!--who needs me? that it's his voice that would be calling in my
heart whilst I awaited Sir Timothy's pleasure to-morrow?"
"His _pleasure_?" said John, sternly.
"I am shocking you, and I didn't want to shock you," she cried, almost
wildly. "But you don't suppose he needs _me_--me myself? He only wants
to be sure I'm doing the right thing. He wants to give people no
chance of saying that Lady Mary Crewys rushed off to see her spoilt
boy whilst her husband hovered between life and death. A lay figure
would do just as well; if it would only sit in an armchair and hold
its handkerchief to its eyes; and if the neighbours, and his sisters,
and the servants could be persuaded to think it was I."
"Hush, hush!" said John.
"Do let me speak out; pray let me speak out," she said, breathless and
imploring, "and you can think what you like of me afterwards, when I
am gone, if only you won't scold now. I am so sick of being scolded,"
said Lady Mary. "Am I to be a child for ever--I, that am so old, and
have lost my boy?"
He thought there was something in her of the child that never grows
up; the guilelessness, the charm, the ready tears and smiles, the
quick changes of mood.
He rolled an elbow-chair forward, and put her into it tenderly.
"Say what you will," said John.
"This is comfortable," she said, leaning her head wearily on her hand;
"to talk to a--a friend who understands, and who will not scold.
But you can't understand unless I tell you everything; and Timothy
himself, after all, would be the first to explain to you that it isn't
my tears nor my kisses, nor my consolation he wants. You didn't think
so _really_, did you?"
John hesitated, remembering Sir Timothy's words, but she did not wait
for an answer.
"Yes," she said calmly, "he wishes me to be in my proper place. It
would be a scandal if I did such a remarkable thing as to leave
home on any pretext at such a moment. Only by being extraordinarily
respectable and dignified can we live down the memory of his father's
unconventional behaviour. I must remember my position. I must smell
my salts, and put my feet up on the sofa, and be moderately overcome
during the crisis, and moderately thankful to the Almighty when it's
over, so that every one may hear how admirably dear Lady Mary behaved.
And when I am reading the _Times_ to him during his convalescence,"
she cried, wringing her hands, "Peter--Peter will be thousands of
miles away, marching over the veldt to his death."
"You make very sure of Peter's death," said John, quietly.
"Oh yes," said Lady Mary, listlessly. "He's an only son. It's always
the only sons who die. I've remarked that."
"You make very sure of Sir Timothy's recovery."
"Oh yes," Lady Mary said again. "He's a very strong man."
Something ominous in John's face and voice attracted her attention.
"Why do you look like that?"
"Because," said John, slowly--"you understand I'm treating you as a
woman of courage--Dr. Blundell told me just now that--the odds are
against him."
She uttered a little cry.
The doctor's voice at the end of the hall made them both start.
"Lady Mary," he said, "you will forgive my interruption. Sir Timothy
desired me to join you. He feared this double blow might prove too
much for your strength."
"I am quite strong," said Lady Mary.
"He wished me to deliver a message," said the doctor.
"Yes."
"On reflection, Sir Timothy believes that he may be partly influenced
by a selfish desire for the consolation of your presence in wishing
you to remain with him to-morrow. He was struck, I believe, with
something Mr. Crewys said--on this point."
"God bless you, John!" said Lady Mary.
"Hush!" said John, shaking his head.
Dr. Blundell's voice sounded, John thought, as though he were putting
force upon himself to speak calmly and steadily. His eyes were bent on
the floor, and he never once looked at Lady Mary.
"Sir Timothy desires, consequently," he said, "that you will consider
yourself free to follow your own wishes in the matter; being guided,
as far as possible, by the advice of Mr. Crewys. He is afraid of
further agitation, and therefore asks you to convey to him, as quickly
as possible, your final decision. As his physician, may I beg you not
to keep him waiting?"
He left them, and returned to the study.
Though it was only a short silence that followed his departure, John
had time to learn by heart the aspect of the half-lighted, shadowy
hall.
There are some pauses which are illustrated to the day of a man's
death, by a vivid impression on his memory of the surroundings.
The heavy, painted beams crossing and re-crossing the lofty roof; the
black staircase lighted with wax candles, that made a brilliancy which
threw into deeper relief the darkness of every recess and corner; the
full-length, Early Victorian portraits of men and women of his own
race--inartistic daubs, that were yet horribly lifelike in the
semi-illumination; the uncurtained mullioned windows,--all formed a
background for the central figure in his thoughts; the slender womanly
form in the armchair; the little brown head supported on the white
hand; the delicate face, robbed of its youthful freshness, and yet so
lovely still.
"John," said Lady Mary, in a voice from which all passion and strength
had died away, "tell me what I ought to do."
"Remain with your husband."
"And let my boy go?" said Lady Mary, weeping. "I had thought, when
he was leaving me, perhaps for ever, that--that his heart would be
touched--that I should get a glimpse once more of the Peter he used to
be. Oh, can't you understand? He--he's a little--hard and cold to me
sometimes--God forgive me for saying so!--but you--you've been a young
man too."
"Yes," John said, rather sadly, "I've been young too."
"It's only his age, you know," she said. "He couldn't always be as
gentle and loving as when he was a child. A young man would think that
so babyish. He wants, as he says, to be independent, and not tied to a
woman's apron-string. But in his heart of hearts he loves me best in
the whole world, and he wouldn't have been ashamed to let me see it
at such a moment. And I should have had a precious memory of him for
ever. You shake your head. Don't you understand me? I thought you
seemed to understand," she said wistfully.
"Peter is a boy," said John, "and life is just opening for him. It is
a hard saying to _you_, but his thoughts are full of the world he
is entering. There is no room in them just now for the home he is
leaving. That is human nature. If he be sick or sorry later on--as I
know your loving fancy pictures him--his heart would turn even then,
not to the mother he saw waving and weeping on the quay, amid all the
confusion of departure, but to the mother of his childhood, of his
happy days of long ago. It may be "--John hesitated, and spoke very
tenderly--"it may be that his heart will be all the softer then,
because he was denied the parting interview he never sought. The young
are strangely wayward and impatient. They regret what might have been.
They do not, like the old, dwell fondly upon what the gods actually
granted them. It is _you_ who will suffer from this sacrifice, not
Peter; that will be some consolation to you, I suppose, even if it be
also a disappointment."
"Ah, how you understand!" said Peter's mother, sadly.
"Perhaps because, as you said just now, I have been a young man too,"
he said, forcing a smile. "Oh, forgive me, but let me save you; for I
believe that if you deserted your husband to-day, you would sorrow for
it to the end of your life."
"And Peter--" she murmured.
He came to her side, and straightened himself, and spoke hopefully.
"Give me your last words and your last gifts--and a letter--for Peter,
and send me in your stead to-night. I will deliver them faithfully. I
will tell him--for he should be told--of the sore straits in which you
find yourself. Set him this noble example of duty, and believe me, it
will touch his heart more nearly than even that sacred parting which
you desire."
Lady Mary held out her hand to him.
"Tell Sir Timothy that I will stay," she whispered.
John bent down and kissed the little hand in silence, and with
profound respect.
Then he went to the study without looking back.
When he was gone, Lady Mary laid her face upon the badly painted
miniature of Peter, and cried as one who had lost all hope in life.