FROM THURSDAY SEPTEMBER I. TO SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 3, 1709.
"SIR,[1]
"It must be allowed, that Esquire Bickerstaff is of all authors the most
ingenuous. There are few, very few, that will own themselves in a
mistake, though all the World sees them to be in downright nonsense.
You'll be pleased, Sir, to pardon this expression, for the same reason
for which you once desired us to excuse you when you seemed anything
dull. Most writers, like the generality of Paul Lorrain's[2] saints, seem
to place a peculiar vanity in dying hard. But you, Sir, to show a good
example to your brethren, have not only confessed, but of your own accord
mended the indictment. Nay, you have been so good-natured as to discover
beauties in it, which, I will assure you, he that drew it never dreamed
of: And to make your civility the more accomplished, you have honoured
him with the title of your kinsman,[3] which, though derived by the left
hand, he is not a little proud of. My brother (for such Obadiah is) being
at present very busy about nothing, has ordered me to return you his
sincere thanks for all these favours; and, as a small token of his
gratitude, to communicate to you the following piece of intelligence,
which, he thinks, belongs more properly to you than to any others of our
modern historians.
"_Madonella_, who as it was thought had long since taken her flight
towards the ethereal mansions, still walks, it seems, in the regions of
mortality; where she has found, by deep reflections on the revolution[4]
mentioned in yours of June the 23rd, that where early instructions have
been wanting to imprint true ideas of things on the tender souls of those
of her sex, they are never after able to arrive at such a pitch of
perfection, as to be above the laws of matter and motion; laws which are
considerably enforced by the principles usually imbibed in nurseries and
boarding-schools. To remedy this evil, she has laid the scheme of a
college for young damsels; where, instead of scissors, needles, and
samplers; pens, compasses, quadrants, books, manuscripts, Greek, Latin,
and Hebrew, are to take up their whole time. Only on holidays the
students will, for moderate exercise, be allowed to divert themselves
with the use of some of the lightest and most voluble weapons; and proper
care will be taken to give them at least a superficial tincture of the
ancient and modern Amazonian tactics. Of these military performances, the
direction is undertaken by Epicene,[5] the writer of 'Memoirs from the
Mediterranean,' who, by the help of some artificial poisons conveyed by
smells, has within these few weeks brought many persons of both sexes
to an untimely fate; and, what is more surprising, has, contrary to her
profession, with the same odours, revived others who had long since been
drowned in the whirlpools of Lethe. Another of the professors is to be a
certain lady, who is now publishing two of the choicest Saxon novels[6],
which are said to have been in as great repute with the ladies of Queen
Emma's Court, as the 'Memoirs from the New Atalantis' are with those of
ours. I shall make it my business to enquire into the progress of this
learned institution, and give you the first notice of their
'Philosophical Transactions[7], and Searches after Nature.'
"Yours, &c.
"TOBIAH GREENHAT."
[Footnote 1: This letter was introduced:
"From my own Apartment, September 2.
"The following letter being a panegyric upon me for a quality which every
man may attain, an acknowledgment of his faults; I thought it for the
good of my fellow writers to publish it." [T.S.]]
[Footnote 2: The Rev. Paul Lorrain was ordinary of Newgate Prison from
1698 until 1719. He issued the dying speeches and confessions of the
condemned criminals in the form of broadsheets. In these confessions,
the penitence of the criminals was most strongly emphasized, hence the
term "Lorrain's saints." Lorrain died in 1719. [T.S.]]
[Footnote 3: Isaac Bickerstaff, commenting on the letter in No. 59,
printed above, says: "I have looked over our pedigree upon the receipt of
this epistle, and find the Greenhats are a-kin to the Staffs. They
descend from Maudlin, the left-handed wife of Nehemiah Bickerstaff,
in the reign of Harry II." [T.S.]]
[Footnote 4: See No. 32 _ante_. [T.S.]]
[Footnote 5: Mrs. Mary de la Rivière Manley, author of "Memoirs of
Europe, towards the Close of the Eighth Century" (1710), which she
dedicated to Isaac Bickerstaff, and of "Secret Memoirs and Manners ...
from the New Atalantis" (1709). She was associated with Swift in the
writing of several pamphlets In support of the Harley Administration,
and in his work on "The Examiner" (see vol. v., pp. 41, 118, and 171 of
the present edition of Swift's works).
Epicene is an allusion to Ben Jonson's comedy, "Epicoene; or, the
Silent Woman" (1609).
Mrs. Manley seems to have credited Steele with this attack on her, for
she attacked him, in turn, in her "New Atalantis," and printed, in her
dedication to the "Memoirs of Europe," Steele's denial of the authorship
of this paper. This did not, however, prevent her making new charges
against him. "The Narrative of Guiscard's Examination," "A Comment on Dr.
Hare's Sermon," and "The Duke of Marlborough's Vindication," were written
either by herself, or at the suggestion of, and with instructions from,
Swift. [T.S.]]
[Footnote 6: Mrs. Elizabeth Elstob (1683-1756), a niece of the learned
Dr. Hickes, issued, in 1709, "An English-Saxon Homily on the Birthday
of St. Gregory." The work was dedicated to Queen Anne. She was a friend
of Mary Granville, afterwards Mrs. Pendarves, and better known as Mrs.
Delany. [T.S.]]
[Footnote 7: An allusion to "Useful Transactions in Philosophy," etc.,
January and February, 1708/9, which commenced with an article entitled
"An Essay on the Invention of Samplers," by Mrs. Arabella Manly (_sic_).
She had a friend, Mrs. Betty Clavel. [T.S.]]