_Bar_.
I have no dainties for ye Gentlemen,
Nor loads of meat, to make the room smell of 'em.
Only a dish to every man I have dedicated,
And if I have pleas'd his appetite.
_Lop_.
O, a Capon,
A Bird of grace, and be thy will, I honour it.
_Die_.
For me some fortie pound of lovely Beef,
Plac'd in a mediterranean sea of Brewis.
_Bar_.
Fall to, fall to, that we may drink and laugh after,
Wait diligently knaves.
_Mil_.
What rare bit's this?
An execution! bless me!
_Bar_.
Nay take it to ye,
There's no avoiding it, 'tis somewhat tough Sir,
But a good stomach will endure it easily,
The sum is but a thousand duckets Sir.
_Ars_.
A Capias from my Surgeon, and my Silk-man!
_Bar_.
Your carefull makers, but they have mar'd your diet.
Stir not, your Swords are gone: there's no avoiding me,
And these are Algazeirs, do you hear that passing bell?
_Lop_.
A strong Citation, bless me!
_Bar_.
Out with your Beads, Curate,
The Devil's in your dish: bell, book, and Candle.
_Lop_.
A warrant to appear before the Judges!
I must needs rise, and turn to th' wall.
_Bar_.
Ye need not,
Your fear I hope will make ye find your Breeches.
_All_.
We are betrai'd.
_Bar_.
Invited do not wrong me,
Fall to, good Guests, you have diligent men about ye,
Ye shall want nothing that may persecute ye,
These will not see ye start; Have I now found ye?
Have I requited ye? You fool'd the Lawyer,
And thought it meritorious to abuse him,
A thick ram-headed knave: you rid, you spur'd him,
And glorified your wits, the more ye wronged him;
Within this hour ye shall have all your Creditours,
A second dish of new debts, come upon ye,
And new invitements to the whip, _Don Diego_,
And Excommunications for the learned Curate,
A Masque of all your furies shall dance to ye.
_Ars_.
You dare not use us thus?
_Bar_.
You shall be bob'd, Gentlemen,
Stir, and as I have a life, ye goe to prison,
To prison, without pitie instantly,
Before ye speak another word to prison.
I have a better Guard without, that waits;
Do you see this man, _Don_ Curate? 'tis a Paratour
That comes to tell ye a delightfull story
Of an old whore ye have, and then to teach ye
What is the penaltie; Laugh at me now Sir,
What Legacie would ye bequeath me now,
(And pay it on the nail?) to fly my fury?
_Lop_.
O gentle Sir.
_Bar_.
Do'st thou hope I will be gentle,
Thou foolish unconsiderate Curate?
_Lop_.
Let me goe Sir.
_Bar_.
I'le see thee hang first.
_Lop_.
And as I am a true Vicar,
Hark in your ear, hark softly--
_Bar_.
No, no bribery.
I'le have my swindge upon thee; Sirra? Rascal?
You Lenten Chaps, you that lay sick, and mockt me,
Mockt me abominably, abused me lewdly,
I'le make thee sick at heart, before I leave thee,
And groan, and dye indeed, and be worth nothing,
Not worth a blessing, nor a Bell to knell for thee,
A sheet to cover thee, but that thou Stealest,
Stealest from the Merchant, and the Ring he was buried with
Stealest from his Grave, do you smell me now?
_Die_.
Have mercy on me!
_Bar_.
No Psalm of mercy shall hold me from hanging thee.
How do ye like your Breakfast? 'tis but short, Gentlemen,
But sweet and healthfull; Your punishment, and yours, Sir,
For some near reasons that concern my Credit,
I will take to my self.
_Am_.
Doe Sir, and spare not:
I have been too good a wife, and too obedient,
But since ye dare provoke me to be foolish--
_Lea_.
She has, yes, and too worthie of your usage,
Before the world I justifie her goodness,
And turn that man, that dares but taint her vertues,
To my Swords point; that lying man, that base man,
Turn him, but face to face, that I may know him.
_Bar_.
What have I here?
_Lea_.
A Gentleman, a free man,
One that made trial of this Ladies constancie,
And found it strong as fate; leave off your fooling,
For if you follow this course, you will be Chronicled.
_Enter_ Jamy _and_ Assistant.
For a devil, whilst a Saint she is mentioned,
You know my name indeed; I am now no Lawyer.
_Die_.
Some comfort now, I hope, or else would I were hanged up.
And yet the Judge, he makes me sweat.
_Bar_.
What news now?
_Jam_.
I will justifie upon my life and credit
What you have heard, for truth, and will make proof of.
_Assist_.
I will be ready at the appointed hour there,
And so I leave ye.
_Bar_.
Stay I beseech your worship,
And do but hear me.
_Jam_.
Good Sir, intend this business,
And let this bawling fool, no more words lawyer,
And no more angers, for I guess your reasons,
This Gentleman, I'le justifie in all places,
And that fair Ladies worth; let who dare cross it.
The Plot was cast by me, to make thee jealous,
But not to wrong your wife, she is fair and vertuous.
_Die_.
Take us to mercy too, we beseech your honour,
We shall be justified the way of all flesh else.
_Jam_.
No more talk, nor no more dissention lawyer,
I know your anger, 'tis a vain and slight one,
For if you doe, I'le lay your whole life open,
A life that all the world shall--I'le bring witness,
And rip before a Judge the ulcerous villanies,
You know I know ye, and I can bring witness.
_Bar_.
Nay good Sir, noble Sir.
_Jam_.
Be at peace then presently,
Immediatley take honest and fair truce
With your good wife, and shake hands with that Gentleman;
H'as honour'd ye too much, and doe it cheerfully.
_Lop_.
Take us along, for Heaven sake too.
_Bar_.
I am friends,
There is no remedie, I must put up all,
And like my neighbours rub it out by th' shoulders,
And perfect friends; _Leandro_ now I thank ye,
And there's my hand, I have no more grudge to ye,
But I am too mean henceforward for your Companie.
_Lea_.