_Enter_ Bartolus.
_Bar_.
Open the doors, and give me room to chafe in
Mine own room, and my liberty: why Maid there,
Open I say, and do not anger me,
I am subject to much fury: when, ye Dish-clout?
When do ye come? asleep ye lazie Hell-hound?
Nothing intended, but your ease, and eating?
No body here? why Wife, why Wife? why Jewel?
No tongue to answer me? pre'thee, good Pupil,
Dispense a little with thy careful study,
And step to th' door, and let me in; nor he neither?
Ha! not at's study? nor asleep? nor no body?
I'le make ye hear: the house of ignorance,
No sound inhabits here: I have a Key yet
That commands all: I fear I am Metamorphiz'd.
_Enter_ Lopez, Arsenio, Milanes, Diego.
_Lop_.
He keeps his fury still, and may do mischief.
_Mil_.
He shall be hang'd first, we'll be sticklers there, boys.
_Die_.
The hundred thousand Dreams now, that possess him
Of jealousie, and of revenge, and frailtie,
Of drawing Bills against us, and Petitions.
_Lop_.
And casting what his credit shall recover.
_Mil_.
Let him cast till his Maw come up, we care not.
You shall be still secured. [_A great noise within_.
_Die_.
We'll pay him home then;
Hark what a noise he keeps within!
_Lop_.
Certain
H'as set his Chimneys o' fire, or the Devil roars there.
_Die_.
The Codixes o'th' Law are broke loose, Gentlemen.
_Ars_.
He's fighting sure.
_Die_.
I'le tell ye that immediately--
[_Exit_.
_Mil_.
Or doing some strange out-rage on himself.
_Ars_.
Hang him, he dares not be so valiant.
_Enter_
Diego.
_Die_.
There's no body at home, and he chafes like a Lyon,
And stinks withal. [_Noise still_.
_Lop_. No body?
_Die_.
Not a Creature,
Nothing within, but he and his Law-tempest,
The Ladles, Dishes, Kettles, how they flie all!
And how the Glasses through the Rooms!
_Enter_ Bartolus.
_Ars_.
My friend sure
Has got her out, and now he has made an end on't.
_Lop_.
See where the Sea comes? how it foams, and brustles?
The great Leviathan o'th' Law, how it tumbles?
_Bar_.
Made every way an Ass? abus'd on all sides?
And from all quarters, people come to laugh at me?
Rise like a Comet, to be wonder'd at?
A horrid Comet, for Boys tongues, and Ballads?
I will run from my wits.
_Enter_ Amaranta, Leandro.
_Ars_.
Do, do, good Lawyer,
And from thy mony too, then thou wilt be quiet.
_Mil_.
Here she comes home: now mark the salutations;
How like an Ass my friend goes?
_Ars_.
She has pull'd his ears down.
_Bar_.
Now, what sweet voyage? to what Garden, Lady?
Or to what Cousins house?
_Ama_.
Is this my welcome?
I cannot go to Church, but thus I am scandal'd,
Use no devotion for my soul, but Gentlemen--
_Bar_.
To Church?
_Amar_.
Yes, and ye keep sweet youths to wait upon me,
Sweet bred-up youths, to be a credit to me.
There's your delight again, pray take him to ye,
He never comes near me more to debase me.
_Bar_.
How's this? how's this? good wife, how, has he wrong'd ye?
_Ama_.
I was fain to drive him like a sheep before me,
I blush to think how people fleer'd, and scorn'd me.
Others have handsome men, that know behaviour,
Place, and observance: this silly thing knows nothing,
Cannot tell ten; let every Rascal justle me,
And still I push'd him on as he had been coming.
_Bar_. Ha! did ye push him on? is he so stupid?
_Ama_.
When others were attentive to the Priest,
Good devout Gentleman, then fell he fast,
Fast, sound asleep: then first began the Bag-pipes,
The several stops on's nose made a rare musick,
A rare and loud, and those plaid many an Anthem.
Put out of that, he fell straight into dreaming.
_Ars_.
As cunning, as she is sweet; I like this carriage.
_Bar_.
What did he then?
_Ama_.
Why then he talked in his Sleep too,
Nay, I'le divulge your moral vertues (sheeps-face)
And talk'd aloud, that every ear was fixt to him:
Did not I suffer (do you think) in this time?
Talk of your bawling Law, of appellations
Of Declarations, and Excommunications:
Warrants, and Executions: and such Devils
That drove all the Gentlemen out o'th' Church, by hurryes,
With execrable oaths, they would never come there again.
Thus am I served and man'd.
_Lean_.
I pray ye forgive me,
I must confess I am not fit to wait upon ye:
Alas, I was brought up--
_Ama_.
To be an Asse,
A Lawyers Asse, to carry Books, and Buckrams.
_Bar_.
But what did you at Church?
_Lop_.
At Church, did you ask her?
Do you hear Gentlemen, do you mark that question?
Because you are half an Heretick your self, Sir,
Would ye breed her too? this shall to the Inquisition,
A pious Gentlewoman reproved for praying?
I'le see this filed, and you shall hear further, Sir.
_Ars_.
Ye have an ill heart.
_Lop_.
It shall be found out, Gentlemen,
There be those youths will search it.
_Die_.
You are warm Signiour,
But a Faggot will warm ye better: we are witnesses.
_Lop_.
Enough to hang him, do not doubt.
_Mil_.
Nay certain,
I do believe h'as rather no Religion.
_Lop_.
That must be known too, because she goes to Church, Sir?
_O monstrum infirme ingens!_
_Die_.
Let him go on, Sir,
His wealth will build a Nunnery, a fair one,
And this good Lady, when he is hang'd and rotten,
May there be Abbess.
_Bar_.
You are cozen'd, honest Gentlemen,
I do not forbid the use but the form, mark me.
_Lop_.
Form? what do you make of form?
_Bar_.
They will undo me,
Swear, as I oft have done, and so betray me;
I must make fair way, and hereafter, Wife,
You are welcome home, and henceforth take your pleasure,
Go when ye shall think fit, I will not hinder ye,
My eyes are open now, and I see my errour,
My shame, as great as that, but I must hide it.
The whole conveyance now I smell, but _Basta_,
Another time must serve: you see us friends, now
Heartily friends, and no more chiding, Gentlemen,
I have been too foolish, I confess, no more words,
No more, sweet Wife.
_Ama_.
You know my easie nature.
_Bar_.
Go get ye in: you see she has been angry:
Forbear her sight a while and time will pacify;
And learn to be more bold.
_Lean_.
I would I could,
I will do all I am able.
[_Exit_.
_Bar_.
Do _Leandro_,
We will not part, but friends of all hands.
_Lop_.
Well said,
Now ye are reasonable, we can look on ye.
_Bar_.
Ye have jerkt me: but for all that I forgive ye,
Forgive ye heartily, and do invite ye
To morrow to a Breakfast, I make but seldom,
But now we will be merry.
_Ars_.
Now ye are friendly,
Your doggedness and niggardize flung from ye.
And now we will come to ye.
_Bar_.
Give me your hands, all;
You shall be welcome heartily.
_Lop_.
We will be,
For we'll eat hard.
_Bar_.
The harder, the more welcome,
And till the morning farewell; I have business.
[_Exit_.
_Mil_.
Farewel good bountiful _Bartolus_, 'tis a brave wench,
A suddain witty thief, and worth all service:
Go we'll all go, and crucifie the Lawyer.
_Die_.
I'le clap four tire of teeth into my mouth more
But I will grind his substance.
_Ars_.
Well _Leandro_,
Thou hast had a strange Voyage, but I hope
Thou rid'st now in safe harbour.
_Mil_.
Let's go drink, Friends,
And laugh aloud at all our merry may-games.
_Lop_.
A match, a match, 'twill whet our stomachs better.
[_Exeunt_.
_Actus Quintus. Scena Prima._
_Enter_ Violante _and_ Servant.
_Ser_.
Madam, he's come. [_Chair and stools out_.
_Viol_.
'Tis well, how did he look,
When he knew from whom you were sent? was he not startled?
Or confident? or fearful?
_Ser_.
As appear'd
Like one that knew his fortune at the worst,
And car'd not what could follow.
_Viol_.
'Tis the better,
Reach me a Chair: so, bring him in, be careful
That none disturb us: I will try his temper,
And if I find him apt for my employments,
_Enter_ Jamie, Servant.
I'le work him to my ends; if not, I shall
Find other Engines.
_Ser_.
There's my Lady.
_Viol_.
Leave us.
_Jam_.
You sent for me?
_Viol_.
I did, and do's the favour,
Your present state considered and my power,
Deserve no greater Ceremony?
_Jam_.
Ceremonie?
I use to pay that where I owe a duty,
Not to my Brothers wife: I cannot fawn,
If you expect it from me, you are cozen'd,
And so farewel.
_Viol_.
He bears up still; I like it.
Pray you a word.
_Jam_.
Yes, I will give you hearing
On equal terms, and sit by you as a friend,
But not stand as a Sutor: Now your pleasure?
_Viol_.
You are very bold.
_Jam_.
'Tis fit: since you are proud,
I was not made to feed that foolish humour,
With flattery and observance.
_Viol_.
Yet, with your favour,
A little form joyn'd with respect to her,
That can add to your wants, or free you from 'em
(Nay raise you to a fate, beyond your hopes)
Might well become your wisdom.
_Jam_.
It would rather
Write me a Fool, should I but only think
That any good to me could flow from you,
Whom for so many years I have found and prov'd
My greatest Enemy: I am still the same,
My wants have not transform'd me: I dare tell you,
To your new cerus'd face, what I have spoken
Freely behind your back, what I think of you,
You are the proudest thing, and have the least
Reason to be so that I ever read of.
In stature you are a Giantess: and your Tailor
Takes measure of you with a Jacobs Staff,
Or he can never reach you, this by the way
For your large size: now, in a word or two,
To treat of your Complexion were decorum:
You are so far from fair, I doubt your Mother
Was too familiar with the _Moor_ that serv'd her,
Your Limbs and Features I pass briefly over,
As things not worth description; and come roundly
To your Soul, if you have any; for 'tis doubtful.
_Viol_. I laugh at this, proceed.
_Jam_.
This Soul I speak of,
Or rather Salt to keep this heap of flesh
From being a walking stench, like a large Inn,
Stands open for the entertainment of
All impious practices: but there's no Corner
An honest thought can take up: and as it were not
Sufficient in your self to comprehend
All wicked plots, you have taught the Fool, my Brother,
By your contagion, almost to put off
The nature of the man, and turn'd him Devil,
Because he should be like you, and I hope
Will march to Hell together: I have spoken,
And if the Limning you in your true Colours
Can make the Painter gracious, I stand ready
For my reward, or if my words distaste you,
I weigh it not, for though your Grooms were ready
To cut my Throat for't, be assur'd I cannot
Use other Language.
_Viol_.
You think you have said now,
Like a brave fellow: in this Womans War
You ever have been train'd: spoke big, but suffer'd
Like a tame Ass; and when most spur'd and gall'd
Were never Master of the Spleen or Spirit,
That could raise up the anger of a man,
And force it into action.
_Jam_.
Yes, vile Creature,
Wer't thou a subject worthy of my Sword,
Or that thy death, this moment, could call home
My banish'd hopes, thou now wer't dead; dead, woman;
But being as thou art, it is sufficient
I scorn thee, and contemn thee.
_Viol_.
This shews nobly,
I must confess it: I am taken with it,
For had you kneel'd and whin'd and shew'd a base
And low dejected mind, I had despis'd you.
This bravery (in your adverse fortune) conquers
And do's command me, and upon the suddain
I feel a kind of pity, growing in me,
For your misfortunes, pity some say's the Parent,
Of future love, and I repent my part
So far in what you have suffered, that I could
(But you are cold) do something to repair
What your base Brother (such _Jamie_ I think him)
Hath brought to ruine.
_Jam_.
Ha?
_Viol_.
Be not amaz'd,
Our injuries are equal in his Bastard,
You are familiar with what I groan for,
And though the name of Husband holds a tye
Beyond a Brother, I, a poor weak Woman,
Am sensible, and tender of a wrong,
And to revenge it would break through all lets,
That durst oppose me.
_Jam_.
Is it possible?
_Viol_.
By this kiss: start not: thus much, as a stranger
You may take from me; but, if you were pleas'd,
I should select you as a bosom friend,
I would print 'em thus, and thus.
_Jam_.
Keep off.
_Viol_.
Come near,
Near into the Cabinet of my Counsels:
Simplicity and patience dwell with Fools,
And let them bear those burthens, which wise men
Boldly shake off; be mine and joyn with me,
And when that I have rais'd you to a fortune,
(Do not deny your self the happy means)
You'll look on me with more judicious eyes
And swear I am most fair.
_Jam_.
What would this Woman?
The purpose of these words? speak not in riddles,
And when I understand, what you would counsel,
My answer shall be suddain.
_Viol_.
Thus then _Jamie_,
The objects of our fury are the same,
For young _Ascanio_, whom you Snake-like hug'd
(Frozen with wants to death) in your warm bosom,
Lives to supplant you in your certain hopes,
And kills in me all comfort.
_Jam_.
Now 'tis plain,
I apprehend you: and were he remov'd--
_Viol_.
You, once again, were the undoubted heir.
_Jam_.
'Tis not to be deny'd; I was ice before,
But now ye have fir'd me.--
_Viol_.
I'le add fuel to it,
And by a nearer cut, do you but steer
As I direct you, wee'l bring our Bark into
The Port of happiness.
_Jam_.
How?
_Viol_.
By _Henriques_ death:
But you'l say he's your Brother; in great fortunes
(Which are epitomes of States and Kingdoms)
The politick brook no Rivals.
_Jam_.
Excellent!
For sure I think out of a scrupulous fear,
To feed in expectation, when I may
(Dispensing but a little with my conscience)
Come into full possession, would not argue
One that desir'd to thrive.
_Viol_.
Now you speak like
A man that knows the World.
_Jam_.
I needs must learn
That have so good a Tutress: and what think you,
(_Don Henrique_ and _Ascanio_ cut off)
That none may live, that shall desire to trace us
In our black paths, if that _Octavio_
His foster Father, and the sad _Jacinta_,
(Faith pitie her, and free her from her Sorrows)
Should fall companions with 'em? When we are red
With murther, let us often bath in blood,
The colour will be scarlet.
_Viol_.
And that's glorious,
And will protect the fact.
_Jam_.
Suppose this done:
(If undiscovered) we may get for mony,
(As that you know buyes any thing in _Rome_)
A dispensation.
_Viol_.
And be married?
_Jam_.
True.
Or if it be known, truss up our Gold and Jewels,
And fly to some free State, and there with scorn--
_Viol_.
Laugh at the laws of _Spain_.
'Twere admirable.
_Jam_.
We shall beget rare children. I am rapt with
The meer imagination.--
_Viol_.
Shall it be done?
_Jam_.
Shall? 'tis too tedious: furnish me with means
To hire the instruments, and to your self
Say it is done already: I will shew you,
E're the Sun set, how much you have wrought upon me,
Your province is only to use some means,
To send my Brother to the Grove that's neighbour
To the west Port of th' City; leave the rest
To my own practice; I have talk'd too long,
But now will doe: this kiss, with my Confession,
To work a fell revenge: a man's a fool,
If not instructed in a Womans School.
[_Exeunt_.