As they entered the house in Crown-street, they perceived that the door
would not open freely on its hinges, and Susan instinctively looked
behind to see the cause of the obstruction. She immediately recognised
the appearance of a little parcel, wrapped in a scrap of newspaper, and
evidently containing money. She stooped and picked it up. ‘Look!’ said
she, sorrowfully, ‘the mother was bringing this for her child last
night.’
But Mrs. Leigh did not answer. So near to the ascertaining if it were
her lost child or no, she could not be arrested, but pressed onwards
with trembling steps and a beating, fluttering heart. She entered the
bed-room, dark and still. She took no heed of the little corpse, over
which Susan paused, but she went straight to the bed, and withdrawing
the curtain, saw Lizzie,—but not the former Lizzie, bright, gay,
buoyant, and undimmed. This Lizzie was old before her time; her beauty
was gone; deep lines of care, and alas! of want (or thus the mother
imagined) were printed on the cheek, so round, and fair, and smooth,
when last she gladdened her mother’s eyes. Even in her sleep she bore
the look of woe and despair which was the prevalent expression of her
face by day; even in her sleep she had forgotten how to smile. But all
these marks of the sin and sorrow she had passed through only made her
mother love her the more. She stood looking at her with greedy eyes,
which seemed as though no gazing could satisfy their longing; and at
last she stooped down and kissed the pale, worn hand that lay outside
the bed-clothes. No touch disturbed the sleeper; the mother need not
have laid the hand so gently down upon the counterpane. There was no
sign of life, save only now and then a deep sob-like sigh. Mrs. Leigh
sat down beside the bed, and, still holding back the curtain, looked on
and on, as if she could never be satisfied.
Susan would fain have stayed by her darling one; but she had many calls
upon her time and thoughts, and her will had now, as ever, to be given
up to that of others. All seemed to devolve the burden of their cares on
her. Her father, ill-humoured from his last night’s intemperance, did
not scruple to reproach her with being the cause of little Nanny’s
death; and when, after bearing his upbraiding meekly for some time, she
could no longer restrain herself, but began to cry, he wounded her even
more by his injudicious attempts at comfort: for he said it was as well
the child was dead; it was none of theirs, and why should they be
troubled with it? Susan wrung her hands at this, and came and stood
before her father, and implored him to forbear. Then she had to take all
requisite steps for the coroner’s inquest; she had to arrange for the
dismissal of her school; she had to summon a little neighbour, and send
his willing feet on a message to William Leigh, who, she felt, ought to
be informed of his mother’s whereabouts, and of the whole state of
affairs. She asked her messenger to tell him to come and speak to
her,—that his mother was at her house. She was thankful that her father
sauntered out to have a gossip at the nearest coach-stand, and to relate
as many of the night’s adventures as he knew; for as yet he was in
ignorance of the watcher and the watched, who silently passed away the
hours upstairs.
At dinner-time Will came. He looked red, glad, impatient, excited. Susan
stood calm and white before him, her soft, loving eyes gazing straight
into his.
‘Will,’ said she, in a low, quiet voice, ‘your sister is upstairs.’
‘My sister!’ said he, as if affrighted at the idea, and losing his glad
look in one of gloom. Susan saw it, and her heart sank a little, but she
went on as calm to all appearance as ever.
‘She was little Nanny’s mother, as perhaps you know. Poor little Nanny
was killed last night by a fall down stairs.’ All the calmness was gone;
all the suppressed feeling was displayed in spite of every effort. She
sat down, and hid her face from him, and cried bitterly. He forgot
everything but the wish, the longing to comfort her. He put his arm
round her waist, and bent over her. But all he could say, was, ‘Oh,
Susan, how can I comfort you! Don’t take on so,—pray don’t!’ He never
changed the words, but the tone varied every time he spoke. At last she
seemed to regain her power over herself; and she wiped her eyes, and
once more looked upon him with her own quiet, earnest, unfearing gaze.
‘Your sister was near the house. She came in on hearing my words to the
doctor. She is asleep now, and your mother is watching her. I wanted to
tell you all myself. Would you like to see your mother?’
‘No!’ said he. ‘I would rather see none but thee. Mother told me thou
knew’st all.’ His eyes were downcast in their shame.
But the holy and pure, did not lower or vail her eyes.
She said, ‘Yes, I know all—all but her sufferings. Think what they must
have been!’
He made answer low and stern, ‘She deserved them all; every jot.’
‘In the eye of God, perhaps she does. He is the judge: we are not.’
‘Oh!’ she said with a sudden burst, ‘Will Leigh! I have thought so well
of you; don’t go and make me think you cruel and hard. Goodness is not
goodness unless there is mercy and tenderness with it. There is your
mother who has been nearly heart-broken, now full of rejoicing over her
child—think of your mother.’
‘I do think of her,’ said he. ‘I remember the promise I gave her last
night. Thou shouldst give me time. I would do right in time. I never
think it o’er in quiet. But I will do what is right and fitting, never
fear. Thou hast spoken out very plain to me; and misdoubted me, Susan; I
love thee so, that thy words cut me. If I did hang back a bit from
making sudden promises, it was because not even for love of thee, would
I say what I was not feeling; and at first I could not feel all at once
as thou wouldst have me. But I’m not cruel and hard; for if I had been,
I should na’ have grieved as I have done.’
He made as if he were going away; and indeed he did feel he would rather
think it over in quiet. But Susan, grieved at her incautious words,
which had all the appearance of harshness, went a step or two
nearer—paused—and then, all over blushes, said in a low soft whisper—
‘Oh Will! I beg your pardon. I am very sorry—won’t you forgive me?’
She who had always drawn back, and been so reserved, said this in the
very softest manner; with eyes now uplifted beseechingly, now dropped to
the ground. Her sweet confusion told more than words could do; and Will
turned back, all joyous in his certainty of being beloved, and took her
in his arms and kissed her.
‘My own Susan!’ he said.
Meanwhile the mother watched her child in the room above.
It was late in the afternoon before she awoke; for the sleeping draught
had been very powerful. The instant she awoke, her eyes were fixed on
her mother’s face with a gaze as unflinching as if she were fascinated.
Mrs. Leigh did not turn away; nor move. For it seemed as if motion would
unlock the stony command over herself which, while so perfectly still,
she was enabled to preserve. But by-and-bye Lizzie cried out in a
piercing voice of agony—
‘Mother, don’t look at me! I have been so wicked!’ and instantly she hid
her face, and grovelled among the bed-clothes, and lay like one dead—so
motionless was she.
Mrs. Leigh knelt down by the bed, and spoke in the most soothing tones.
‘Lizzie, dear, don’t speak so. I’m thy mother, darling; don’t be afeard
of me. I never left off loving thee, Lizzie. I was always a-thinking of
thee. Thy father forgave thee afore he died.’ (There was a little start
here, but no sound was heard). ‘Lizzie, lass, I’ll do aught for thee;
I’ll live for thee; only don’t be afeard of me. Whate’er thou art or
hast been, we’ll ne’er speak on’t. We’ll leave th’ oud times behind us,
and go back to the Upclose Farm. I but left it to find thee, my lass;
and God has led me to thee. Blessed be His name. And God is good too,
Lizzie. Thou hast not forgot thy Bible, I’ll be bound, for thou wert
always a scholar. I’m no reader, but I learnt off them texts to comfort
me a bit, and I’ve said them many a time a day to myself. Lizzie, lass,
don’t hide thy head so, it’s thy mother as is speaking to thee. Thy
little child clung to me only yesterday; and if it’s gone to be an
angel, it will speak to God for thee. Nay, don’t sob a that ‘as; thou
shalt have it again in Heaven; I know thou’lt strive to get there, for
thy little Nancy’s sake—and listen! I’ll tell thee God’s promises to
them that are penitent—only doan’t be afeard.’
Mrs. Leigh folded her hands, and strove to speak very clearly, while she
repeated every tender and merciful text she could remember. She could
tell from the breathing that her daughter was listening; but she was so
dizzy and sick herself when she had ended, that she could not go on
speaking. It was all she could do to keep from crying aloud.
At last she heard her daughter’s voice.
‘Where have they taken her to?’ she asked.
‘She is down stairs. So quiet, and peaceful, and happy she looks.’
‘Could she speak? Oh, if God—if I might but have heard her little voice!
Mother, I used to dream of it. May I see her once again—Oh mother, if I
strive very hard, and God is very merciful, and I go to heaven, I shall
not know her—I shall not know my own again—she will shun me as a
stranger and cling to Susan Palmer and to you. Oh woe! Oh woe!’ She
shook with exceeding sorrow.
In her earnestness of speech she had uncovered her face, and tried to
read Mrs. Leigh’s thoughts through her looks. And when she saw those
aged eyes brimming full of tears, and marked the quivering lips, she
threw her arms round the faithful mother’s neck, and wept there as she
had done in many a childish sorrow; but with a deeper, a more wretched
grief.
Her mother hushed her on her breast; and lulled her as if she were a
baby; and she grew still and quiet.
They sat thus for a long, long time. At last Susan Palmer came up with
some tea and bread and butter for Mrs. Leigh. She watched the mother
feed her sick, unwilling child, with every fond inducement to eat which
she could devise; they neither of them took notice of Susan’s presence.
That night they lay in each other’s arms; but Susan slept on the ground
beside them.
They took the little corpse (the little unconscious sacrifice, whose
early calling-home had reclaimed her poor wandering mother,) to the
hills, which in her life-time she had never seen. They dared not lay her
by the stern grand-father in Milne-Row churchyard, but they bore her to
a lone moorland graveyard, where long ago the quakers used to bury their
dead. They laid her there on the sunny slope, where the earliest
spring-flowers blow.
Will and Susan live at the Upclose Farm. Mrs. Leigh and Lizzie dwell in
a cottage so secluded that, until you drop into the very hollow where it
is placed, you do not see it. Tom is a schoolmaster in Rochdale, and he
and Will help to support their mother. I only know that, if the cottage
be hidden in a green hollow of the hills, every sound of sorrow in the
whole upland is heard there—every call of suffering or of sickness for
help is listened to, by a sad, gentle looking woman, who rarely smiles
(and when she does, her smile is more sad than other people’s tears),
but who comes out of her seclusion whenever there’s a shadow in any
household. Many hearts bless Lizzie Leigh, but she—she prays always and
ever for forgiveness—such forgiveness as may enable her to see her child
once more. Mrs. Leigh is quiet and happy. Lizzie is to her eyes
something precious,—as the lost piece of silver—found once more. Susan
is the bright one who brings sunshine to all. Children grow around her
and call her blessed. One is called Nanny. Her, Lizzy often takes to the
sunny graveyard in the uplands, and while the little creature gathers
the daisies, and makes chains, Lizzie sits by a little grave, and weeps
bitterly.