(_Marshal VON HINDENBERG and Admiral VON SCHEER._)
_The Admiral._ The beer, at any rate, is good.
_The Marshal._ Yes, the beer is good enough, Heaven be thanked! I only
wish everything else was as good as the beer.
_The Admiral._ So then there is grumbling here too. It was in my mind
that I should find everything here in first-rate order and everybody
delighted with the condition of things.
_The Marshal._ So? Then all I can say is that you expected too much.
You do not seem to realise how things are going with us. I suppose you
had thought the Russians were absolutely done for after what happened
to them last year. So thought the All-highest, who has a mania for
imagining complete victories and talking about them in language that
makes one ashamed of being a German. As if----
_The Admiral._ Yes, that's quite true. I'll tell you a little story
about that later on.
_The Marshal._ Well, he saw complete victory over the Russians, and
what does he do? He withdraws some of my best divisions to the Western
Front and throws them into that boiling cauldron at Verdun, where they
have all perished to the last man, and leaves me with my thinned line
to hold out as best I can; and, not content with this, he permits
those accursed Austrians to rush their troops, if indeed they are
worthy to be called by that name, headlong into Italy on a mad
adventure of their own and to get stuck there far beyond the
possibility of help. And then what happens? The moment arrives when
the new and immense Russian armies are trained, and when they have
rifles and cannons and ammunition in plenty, and one fine day they
wake up and hurl themselves against the Austrians, and helter-skelter
away go the whole set of Archdukes and Generals and Colonels and men,
each trying to see who has the longest legs and can use them quickest
for escaping. And I'm expected to bring up my fellows, who have quite
enough to do where they are, and to sacrifice them in helping this
rabble. "HINDENBURG," said the All-highest to me, "be up and doing.
Show yourself worthy of your ancient glory and earn more golden nails
for your wooden statue." "Majesty," I replied, "if you will leave
me my fighting men, you can keep all the golden nails that were ever
made." But at this he frowned, suspecting a joke: I have often noticed
that he does not like jokes.
_The Admiral._ Yes, I have noticed that myself, and I always do my
best to take him quite seriously. But I was going to tell you a little
story about our speechmaking hero. Here it is. As you know, he ordered
us out to fight the naval battle off Jutland.
_The Marshal._ Yes, I know--the great victory.
_The Admiral._ Hum-hum.
_The Marshal._ Well, wasn't it?
_The Admiral._ Ye-e-s, that is to say, not exactly what one
understands by great and not precisely what is meant by victory.
However, we can discuss that another time. What I wanted to tell you
was this. The speech our friend and KAISER made----
_The Marshal._ It was a highly coloured piece of fireworks.
_The Admiral._ Well, it was all prepared and written down days before
the fight was fought. I heard this from a sure source, from someone,
in fact, who had seen the manuscript and had afterwards caught sight
of the Imperial one rehearsing it before a looking-glass. Whatever
might have happened, the speech would have been the same, even if we
had returned into harbour with only one ship--and there was a time
when I thought we should hardly be able to do even that.
_The Marshal._ I wonder what would have happened to him if he had not
been able to deliver the speech at all.
_The Admiral._ He would have burst himself.
_The Marshal._ Yes, that is what would have happened to him.
_The Admiral._ Well, anyhow, the beer is good here.
_The Marshal._ Oh, yes, the beer is all right.
* * * * *