and hair. Now, a pipe is much easier to get sweet again after, unless,
of course, you carry it about in your pocket. Wore the jacket in your
father's smoking-room about a month ago! and old Cookson was soft enough
to swallow that. How old Slam would chuckle! I must tell him."
"Do you know, I am not quite certain that my tutor did altogether
believe that I had not been smoking," said Edwards, his conscience
stirring again a little bit now that he saw the man who had spoken so
kindly to him incurring the terrible risk of forfeiting Saurin's esteem
through a false imputation of too great credulity. "You see, he's a
good-natured chap, and I think he wanted to believe if he could, and as
my hair and breath did not smell, he gave me the benefit of the doubt."
"Thought it would bring discredit on his house if it were known to
contain a monster who smoked tobacco," said Saurin, "and so was glad to
pretend to believe the papa-smoking-room story. Well, it is possible;
old Cookson may not be so great a fool as he looks. Anyhow, I am glad
for your sake that he did not report you; old Jolliffe would not have
been humbugged. He would have said, `Your jacket stinks of tobacco, and
jackets don't smoke of themselves.' And you would have got it hot, old
fellow, for Jolliffe is mad against smoking."
CHAPTER FOUR.
AN OUTSIDE PROFESSOR.
Saurin's master passion of vanity caused him to be fond of low company.
This may sound odd to some, because many vain people are sycophants, who
will do anything to be seen in the company of persons of title or high
social position, and who cut the acquaintance of old friends, and even
benefactors when they dare and can do without them, when they are of
inferior grade. These are contented to shine with a reflected light;
but Saurin's pride was of a different description, and he chafed at
being a satellite, and always wanted to figure as a sun, the centre of
his companions, who must revolve around him. How small a sun did not
matter. And so, though really possessed of considerable abilities, he
was happier when in the company of boors and clodhoppers, who owned his
superiority and deferred to all he said, than he was with his equals,
who presumed to question his opinions, differ in their tastes, and laugh
at his failures. This natural disposition had, unfortunately, been
fostered by circumstances. He was an only child, born in India, and had
been sent over to England in his early infancy, and committed to the
care of an uncle. His parents died before they could come home, and he
never knew them. His uncle and guardian lost his wife very soon after
the boy was sent to him. He was older and had settled in life very much
earlier than his brother, and his two children (girls) were married and
living, at a distance. He resided nominally in the country, but after
his wife's death lived a great deal in London. So there was no one to
look properly after the orphan, who associated with grooms and
gamekeepers, and played with the village boys. Unfortunately the best
of these went to work, and it was only the idle good-for-nothings who
were available as playmates. When his uncle had an inkling of what was
going on he sent him to school, where he did not get on badly so far as
learning was concerned, but unfortunately he did not unlearn the lessons
taught him by bumpkin ne'er-do-weels, and when he went home for the
holidays he renewed his acquaintance with them with fresh zest. He had
a good voice, and would sing to the revellers at harvest homes and other
rural festivities as they sipped their ale, and delighted in their
applause and wonder at his cleverness, and in the deference they paid
him. When he went to Weston his ambition took at first a higher flight,
and he dreamed of dominating the school. With this idea he began to
study with some ardour, and his natural ability enabled him to make good
progress. At all the games in which success brought consideration he
also tried to attain proficiency, and he endeavoured in every way he
could think of to court popularity. But there were others as clever and
cleverer than himself, as good and better at football, running, and
cricket, and very many whose manners and disposition were more
attractive. He had not got the patient persistency of Tom Buller, or
with his superior quickness he might have gone far towards success. But
he wanted to establish his position at a jump, and every failure
discouraged and irritated him. And so his efforts became more and more
spasmodic, and he confined himself to trying to become the head of a
clique. But his overbearing vanity and selfishness would show itself
too glaringly at times, and many who accepted him as a leader at first
grew weary of him, and Edwards was his only really faithful follower.
Therefore he fell back upon Slam's, where certain young farmers of the
neighbourhood, for whom he sometimes provided drink, applauded his songs
and jokes, and fooled him to the top of his bent. But he none the less
chafed at his want of appreciation in the school, and bitterly hated
Crawley, who in a great measure filled the place which he coveted.
Since the cricket match in which he had figured so ignominiously, Saurin
had become a confirmed loafer, and frequented the old reprobate's yard
almost daily. And, indeed, a new attraction had been added to the
establishment. Wobbler, the pedestrian, a candidate for the ten-miles
championship of Somersetshire, was residing there during his training
for that world-renowned contest. It cannot be correctly said that
Wobbler was very good company, for indeed his conversational powers were
limited, which was perhaps fortunate, seeing that his language was not
very choice when he did speak. But he was a man of varied
accomplishments; not only could he walk, but he could run, and swim, and
box. Indeed he had only deserted the pugilistic for the pedestrian
profession because the former was such a poor means of livelihood,
closely watched as its members were by the police. Now, Saurin had long
wished to learn to box, an art which was not included in the curriculum
of the Weston gymnasium, and here was an opportunity. The professor's
terms were half-a-crown a lesson, provided there was a class of at least
four. The ordinary allowance of pocket-money at Weston was
eighteenpence a week, _plus_ tips, _plus_ what was brought back to
school after the holidays. In the words of Mr Slam, "it wouldn't run
to it." There were seven occasional frequenters of the forbidden yard
who were anxious to acquire the rudiments of the noble art of self-
defence, but half-a-crown a lesson was a prohibitive tariff. Indeed it
seemed contrary to principle to pay to learn anything. Saurin hit on a
way out of the difficulty; he wrote this letter to his guardian:
"My dear Uncle,--I should like to learn gymnastics, fencing, boxing,
and those things, but the regular man appointed to teach such things
here is a duffer, and makes it a bore, keeping you at dumb-bells and
clubs and such stupid work for ever, just to make the course last out,
for the charges are monstrous. And so, hearing about this, Professor
Wobbler, a first-rate instructor, I am told, has engaged a room in the
neighbourhood, where he gives lessons at half-a-crown each, or a
course of ten for one pound. It has to be kept secret, because the
man appointed by the school would have the boys forbidden to go there
if he knew. If you don't mind, will you please send the pound to me
or to Professor Wobbler. I will send you his receipt if you pay him
through me. Please do not mention the matter if it does not meet with
your approval, as I should be very sorry to take the poor man's bread
out of his mouth."
This part of the epistle, a cunning combination of the _suppressio veri_
and _suggestio falsi_, was given to all the others who were in the plot
to copy. I am sorry to say that in several instances, including those
of Saurin and Edwards, it was successful, and the class was formed.
The professor was not beautiful to look at. His forehead was low and
projecting, his eyes small, his nose flat, his lower jaw square and
massive. Neither were his words of instruction characterised by that
elegance which public lecturers often affect, but they were practical
and to the point, which after all is the chief thing to be looked at.
"You stands easy like," he said to Saurin, who was taking his first
lesson in an unfurnished room of Slam's house, the fine weather having
terminated in a thunderstorm, and a wet week to follow. "Don't plant
your feet as if you meant to grow to the floor, and keep your knees
straight--no, not stiff like that, I mean don't bend them. You wants to
step forwards or to step backwards, quick as a wink, always moving the
rear foot first, or else you'd stumble over it and get off your balance,
and that would give t'other a chance. You must be wary, wary, ready to
step up and hit, or step back out of reach. Keep your heyes on
t'other's, and that will help you to judge the distance. Take 'em off
for a bit of a second and you'll have his mawley well on your nose at
once. Now, your left arm and fut in advance, not too much; keep your
body square to the front. Your right arm across, guarding what we calls
the mark, that's just above the belt, where the wind is. Let your left
play up and down free, your foot and body moving with it graceful like.
That's better. Now, try to hit me in the face as hard as you can; you
won't do it, no fear; I should like to bet a pound to a shilling on that
every time, and I won't hold my hands up neither. It's just to show yer
what judging the distance is."
Saurin hesitated at first, and hit gently; but urged to try his best he
at last struck out sharply, but could not reach the professor's visage.
Sometimes he turned it slightly to the right, sometimes to the left, and
the blow went past his ear. Some times he just drew his head back, and
the pupil's fist came to within an inch of what he called his nose, but
never touched it. This was a way the professor had of showing his
credentials--it was his unwritten diploma proving his efficiency to
instruct in the noble art. After this the boxing gloves were put on,
and the pupil was directed to walk round the professor in a springy
manner, leading off at his face, the instructor throwing off the blows
with an upward movement of the right arm. Next, after a pause for rest,
they went on again, Saurin leading off, the professor parrying and
returning the blow, slowly at first, then quicker as the pupil gained
skill and confidence in warding off the hit. Then the instructor led
off, and the pupil parried and returned. Then one, two, three, four.
And so the first lesson ended, and Stubbs, who was another of the class,
was taken in hand. Now Stubbs had naturally let his beloved Topper
loose as he passed through the yard, and the dog followed him into the
room where the lesson was going on. So long as Stubbs led off at the
professor Topper was quiet and happy; his master he thought was worrying
someone, it was his human equivalent to killing a rat; but when the
professor led off at _him_, the case was different, and Topper, without
warning, went straight at the supposed assailant's throat. Fortunately
the professor had a bird's-eye handkerchief round his neck, which
protected it from the dog's teeth, for Topper sprang right up and fixed
him. It was frightful to look at, but Stubbs had the presence of mind
to seize his animal round the throat with both hands immediately and
drag him away; his teeth were so firmly set in the handkerchief that
that came too. No one is a hero at all hours, and Wobbler came as near
being frightened as a soldier or a pugilist can be supposed, without
libel, to do. This made him angry, and he used language towards the dog
and his anatomy, and his own anatomy, which is not customary in polite
society. Stubbs carried the offender down to his kennel and chained him
up, and on his return offered a peace-offering of beer, which was well
meant but unkind, seeing that the professor was in training and
restricted as to his potations. However, Topper's fangs had not broken
the skin, thanks to the handkerchief, though certainly not to Topper.
Mr Wobbler recovered his equanimity, and affably condescended to
apologise for his remarks.
"I'm almost afeard as I swore, gents," he observed, and his fear was
certainly well founded. "I was a trifled startled, you see, and
expressed myself as I felt, strong. Bull-terriers is nice dogs, and I'm
very partial to them, in their proper place, but that's not a hanging on
to my wind pipe; at least that's _my_ opinion. But I'm sorry if I spoke
rough, which is not in my habits. Nobody can say that Job Wobbler is
uncivil to his backers or his patrons."
A speech which was perhaps rather lacking in dignity for a professor.
The lesson then went on, and was succeeded by others, sometimes in the
room, sometimes in the orchard, according to the weather. And when the
pupils had attained a certain degree of proficiency they were paired off
against one another, first for leads-off, at the head, parry and return
at the body, stop and return at the head, and so forth. Finally, for
loose sparring, the professor standing by and stopping them when they
got wild, or began punching indiscriminately. Saurin made considerable
progress, and was a long way the best of the class--so much so, indeed,
that he had to play lightly with the others, or they would not all set
to with him. Even such a critic as Slam expressed his approval, and
this superiority was sugar and sack to Saurin, being indeed the first
consolation he had received since the mortification of being turned out
of the eleven. But, alas! sparring was not a recognised item of Weston
athletics, and he could not gain the applause of the whole school by his
proficiency, which was only known to a very few of the initiated.
Unless, indeed,--and here a thought which had long lain dormant in his
mind, for the first time assumed a distinct shape. Suppose he happened
to come to an open outbreak with Crawley, and it ended in a fight, what
an opportunity it would be to gratify his ambition and his hatred at the
same time! He did not actually plan anything of the kind, or say to
himself that he would pick a quarrel. The idea was merely a fancy, a
daydream. Man or boy must be bold as well as bad deliberately to form a
scheme for bringing about an encounter with a formidable enemy, and
Saurin was not particularly bold, certainly not rashly so, and Crawley
would be likely to prove a very awkward customer. Instructors of any
sort, whether they are professors of mathematics, or Hebrew, or of
dancing, or boxing, have this in common, that they are sure to take a
special interest in apt pupils; and so Mr Wobbler paid more attention
to Saurin than to the others, and showed him certain tricks, feints, and
devices which he did not favour everybody with. He also gave him some
hints in wrestling, and taught him the throw called the cross-buttock.
Saurin used likewise to go to the highroad along which the professor
took his daily walks in preparation for his match, and sometimes held
the stop-watch for him, and learned how to walk or run in a way to
attain the maximum of speed with a minimum of exertion. The mere
learning to box, and the necessary association with a man like Wobbler,
would not have done the boys much harm of itself. The deception
practised in order to obtain the money to pay him with, and the skulking
and dodging necessary for approaching and leaving Slam's premises
without being seen, were far more injurious to them, especially since
the great freedom allowed to the boys at Weston was granted on the
assumption that they would not take advantage of it to frequent places
which were distinctly forbidden. And to do them justice, the great
majority felt that they were on honour, and did not abuse the trust.
But for Saurin, and for Edwards and a few others who followed Saurin's
lead, the mischief did not end here. Mr Wobbler sometimes unbended--
Mr Saurin was such a "haffable gent" there was no resisting him--and
told anecdotes of his past experiences, which were the reverse of
edifying. It was a curious fact that every action upon which he prided
himself, or which he admired in his friends, was of a more or less
fraudulent nature; and Mr Slam, who was always present on these
occasions, shared these sentiments, and contributed similar
reminiscences of his own. It was true that the boys looked upon these
two, and upon the young sporting farmers who sometimes dropped in, and
boasted of poaching, and horse-cheating exploits in a spirit of
emulation, as "cads," who had a different code from their own; but it is
very difficult to associate with persons of any station in life who
think it clever to defraud others, and consider impunity as the only
test of right or wrong, and to laugh at their dishonourable tricks,
without blunting our own moral sense. We cannot touch pitch without
being defiled.
Another great evil was the beer-drinking, at any time, whether they were
thirsty or not, which went on. Worse still, spirits were sometimes
introduced. The frequenters of Slam's spent all their pocket-money at
that place in one way or another; and the pity of it was, that most of
them would much rather, certainly at starting, have laid it out in
oyster-patties, strawberry messes, and ices, than in forming habits
which they would very probably give their right arms to be rid of in
after-life. The best hope for them, next to being found out, was that
their course of boxing lessons would soon be over, and Mr Wobbler would
go away to walk his match and clear out of the neighbourhood, and that
then they would give up frequenting this disreputable hole before the
bad habits which they were so sedulously acquiring got a complete hold
upon them. As it was at present, Topper was the only living being that
had tried to do a good turn for them; if he had succeeded in worrying
the professor, the whole clique would have broken up.
CHAPTER FIVE.
HOSTILITIES COMMENCED.
Many Weston boys who had nothing to do with Slam, who did not care for
ratting, and saw no fun in being the proprietor of a dog that could only
be seen occasionally and by stealth, took a perfectly legitimate
interest in Wobbler as a competitor in the Somersetshire ten-miles
championship, and when it became generally known that he was training in
the neighbourhood (which was not for some time, nor until the number of
boxing lessons subscribed for by the Saurin class had been pretty well
exhausted), a good many repaired when time allowed to the nice bit of
straight highroad some two miles off where the pedestrian pounded along
daily, with his body inclined somewhat forward, his arms held in front
of his chest, a little stick in his right hand, fair heel and toe, at a
rate of over seven miles in the hour. A group, of which Penryhn was
one, were walking in that direction one afternoon, when Buller overtook
them at a sharp run, pulling up alongside his friend.
"So you have come then after all?" said Penryhn.
"Yes," replied Buller, mopping his forehead. "I finished the task I set
myself directly after you started, and thought I could catch you up.
But it's hot!"
"Is it true that you have been elected into the house eleven?"
"Yes," replied Buller; "it seems rum, doesn't it?"
"I don't know why it should. I am sure I am very glad, old fellow, for
I know that you wished it."
"Well, yes I did. I am uncommonly fond of cricket, don't you see, and
have tried hard to improve."
"That you must have done, by Jove! But how was it?"
"Well, Robarts said something to Crawley, and Crawley came up to me the
day before yesterday and said he had heard that I could bowl a bit;
would I come and give him a few balls. So I went and bowled to him for
an hour, and the result was that he called a house meeting, and I was
put into the eleven."
"You will be in the school eleven next year, you see."
"I don't know," replied Buller; "it depends on how I get on, you know.
I might make a regular mull of it."
"Bosh! not you; you have gone on improving too steadily for that," said
Penryhn confidently. "This is one of the milestones the chap comes to;
he will be here presently if we wait. What's the row over there?"
"Oh! one of those men with images, and some of our fellows, Saurin,
Edwards, and that lot, chaffing him."
An Italian with a large tray of plaster of Paris figures on his head was
tramping from one town to another, and seeing the groups of boys
gathered in different parts of the road, thought he might do a stroke of
business, so taking down the tray he solicited attention.
"I makes them all myself; I am poor man, but artist."
"Ah! and how do you sell them?" asked Saurin.
"Sheap, oh mosh too sheap; what you like to give."
"Will you take a shilling for the whole lot?"
"Oh! young gentleman, you make fun, you joke. Ha, ha! One shilling for
the beautiful little statues! What joke!"
"Too much, is it? I thought so; not but what they would make capital
cockshies."
A large pile of flints, hammered into a convenient size and form for
missiles, lay handy, ready for repairing the road, and the coincidence
caused Saurin's idea to become popular at once.
"Let's have one for a cockshy. Here's Bismark."
"He's a German, and I hate German; most abominable language I have had
to tackle yet. Stick Bismark up on that gate, and we will shy from the
other side of the road. Stick him up, I say, you jabbering idiot."
"Oh! sare, what pity to throw stone at the beautiful cast! Buy him and
take him home, no break him."
In spite of his remonstrances the great chancellor was set up on the
five-barred gate, and the boys began to pelt him from the heap of stones
on the opposite side of the road.
"And who is to pay me for my beautiful images?" asked the Italian, in
some trepidation for his money, it being difficult to say which of all
these eccentric young savages was the actual purchaser.
"Oh! whoever does not hit it shall owe you for it."
"But I should like that you pay now, before you throw."
"Why, you idiot, how can we tell who hits and who misses beforehand.
Stand out of the way can't you!"
"Good shot!" "That was near." "That has got him!" and down went the
bust in fragments. Then a Cupid was exposed to missiles far more
substantial than his own, and succumbed. His mama was next sent up by
these young Goths; fancy Venus herself being put in the pillory and
stoned! What one thing after that could they be expected to respect?
Not the infant Samuel, who, in spite of his supplicatory attitude, found
no pity. Not Sir Garnet Wolseley, who was exposed to as hot a fire as
he had ever been under before, with worse luck; not Mr Gladstone, nor
Minerva, nor Tennyson. The spirit of mischief, the thirst for
destruction, grew wilder by gratification, and soon the whole stock of
models was reduced to a heap of plaster fragments.
"Ah! well, I have sell them all quick to-day," said the Italian, putting
a good face on the business, which yet looked to him rather doubtful,
and it is very rare for people to indulge in mischief at their own
expense. "It is twenty shilling, one pound you owe me, sare," he added
to Saurin.
"I owe you!" cried Saurin. "I like that! Why, I hit more of them than
anyone else, and it was those who missed the lot who were to be
responsible. Go to them, man."
"Oh! gentleman, kind gentleman, you are making fun of me. You speak to
me first; you say, `Put up the figures for shy.' I poor man, you
gentleman. You laugh! Give me my money, you sare, or you, or you;" and
the Italian grasped his long black hair with both hands, and danced
about in a manner which amused his tormentors greatly, and their
laughter put him a rage.
"You rob me," he cried, "I will go to the police; I will have you put in
prison if you no pay me. Give me my money."
"We will make a cockshy of you if you don't look out," said one; and
another actually threw a stone at him, an example which others were
preparing to follow, when Crawley, with a group of boys who had seen
nothing of the early part of the business, came up, and seemed inclined
to take the Italian's part. The aggressors dropped their stones quietly
and began to slip away.