Oh, I see thee, old and formal, fitted to thy petty part,
With a little hoard of maxims preaching down a
daughter's heart.
"They were dangerous guides the feelings--she herself
was not exempt--
Truly she herself had suffer'd"--perish in thy
self-contempt!
Mrs Clyde's appearance coming so suddenly upon the scene, acted as an
application of the cold douche to all the loving ardour with which I was
addressing Min. It completely spoiled the tableau; checking my eager
impetuosity in a moment, and causing me to remain, tongue-tied, in a
state of almost hopeless embarrassment.
Picture the unexpected presentment of the statue of "The Commander"
before Don Giovanni, and his horror at hearing words proceed from marble
lips! You will, then, be able to form some faint idea of my feelings,
when my pleasant position was thus interrupted by Min's mother. I was
altogether "nonplussed," to use a vulgar but expressive word.
Had she not come in so opportunely--or inopportunely, as _you_ may
think--I don't know what I might not have said.
You see, I was close to my darling, bending down over her and looking
into her beautiful face. I was fathoming the depths of her soul-
lighted, lustrous grey eyes; and, contiguity is sometimes apt in such
circumstances, I am told, to hurry one into the rashness of desperation,
bringing matters to a crisis. However, Mrs Clyde's entrance stopped
all this. I was brought up all at once, "with a round turn," like a
horse in full gallop pulled back on his haunches; or, "all standing," as
a boat with her head to the wind--whichever simile you may best prefer.
A shower-bath is a very excellent thing in its way, when taken at the
proper time and under certain conditions; but those two requirements
must be carefully considered beforehand, for the human frame is a fabric
of very delicate organisation. Any violent change, or hasty
interference with the regular and legitimate working of its functions,
may throw the whole machine out of gear, just as the sudden quickening
of an engine's motions will, probably, cause it to break down or turn it
off the line; while, on the other hand, a wholesome tonic, or fillip,
judiciously administered when occasion seems to demand it, like our
shower-bath, may often better enable it to discharge its duties and go
all the more smoothly and easily--as a tiny touch of the oil-can will
affect the movements of man's mammoth mechanical contrivances, that are
so typical of himself.
There are some people, I am aware, who object to the institution in
toto, arguing that it hurts the system with its unexpected shock, doing
more harm than good. There are others who believe in nothing but
shocks, and similar methods of treatment out of the common run; and
these "go in" for shower-baths, "a discretion"--though, without
discretion, would, perhaps, be a truer description. You may not be
informed, also, that the "institution" is frequently used in lunatic
asylums and penal establishments as an instrument of torture and
correction, being known to operate most efficaciously on obstreperous
and hardened criminals, when all other means of coercion have failed.
As it is with the shower-bath physically considered, so it is in regard
to the moral douche, to bring my apparent digression to a pointed
application. Properly taken, it nerves up the cerebral tissues;
experienced unawares, at right angles to previous paths of thought and
preparation, it reduces the patient to a temporary state of mental coma
and bewilderment--as exemplified in my case on the present unhappy
occasion.
I never felt so completely "flabbergasted," as sailors say, in my life,
as when Min's mother came into the room that afternoon, just at the
moment when I was meditating a master-stroke against the fortress of my
darling's heart.