Dolff hurried out of the room so bewildered and dazed that he neither
understood what this new revelation was, nor what he was sent out to do.
He felt himself hustled out of the room by his anxious sisters, while
Meredith was left to be the defender of the party against the madman.
The madman! What was it his mother had said. To fetch Vicars--but that
was not all--to get something out of his father’s coat. His father!
Dolff stopped a few steps from the door, out of which he had been thrust
to run in haste and bring what was wanted out of his father’s coat.
“My father,” Dolff said to himself, “has been dead since ever I can
remember. Who is my father?” He was completely bewildered. He remembered
his mother very well in her widow’s cap. And she was known everywhere to
be a widow. “Your father!”--he could not think what it meant. He
believed there must be some mistake, some strange illusion which had
fallen upon them, or which, perhaps, they had thought of, invented, to
prevent remark. “Your father!” could it have been said only to shut his
mouth?
It was due to Providence, not to Dolff, that Vicars came in his way,
drifting across the hall in pursuit of his patient. Vicars had the
famous pocket-book in his hand, and Dolff wondered vaguely what was the
meaning of it, and how it was that this pocket-book, like a property on
the stage, should be so mixed up with the poor man’s thoughts, if these
distracted fancies could be called thoughts. All that he could do was to
point towards the drawing-room, whither Vicars hastened. He had no
command of his voice to say anything, or of himself to be able to
exercise his own wits. He dropped in his dismay upon one of the hard
wooden chairs in the hall, and sat there staring vaguely before him,
trying to think.
There was a faint jar of the door, and a little figure came out
abruptly, as if escaping. It was Janet, whose smooth hair was a little
out of order, and her black dress crushed by the half embrace in which
the madman had held her. Janet was deeply humiliated by that embrace, by
having thus appeared before Meredith and all of them, the object of the
old man’s fondling. Her face was obscured by anger and annoyance, and
when Dolff sprang up and put himself in her way, the little governess
looked for a moment like a little fury, contemplating him with a desire
in her eyes to strike him to dust if she had been able--a fiery little
Gorgon, with the will without the power.
“What is it--what is it _now_?” she cried, clenching her hand as if she
would have struck him, yet at the same moment holding herself in with
difficulty from a fit of angry tears.
“Janet, don’t forsake me,” cried Dolff; “I am half mad, I don’t know
what to think. Who is he? Tell me who he is!”
“Mr. Harwood,” cried Janet, fiercely, “you--you are not a wise child.”
He looked at her with a naive wonder.
“I have never set up for being wise. You are far, far more quick than I
am. I suppose you understand it, Janet. I know you don’t care for me, as
I do for you; but you might feel for me a little. Oh, don’t turn away
like that--I know you’ve thrown me off; but help me--only help me. Who
is he? Tell me who he is.”
“Mr. Harwood,” said Janet, “how should I know your family history? He is
your father; any one can see that.”
“It is impossible,” said Dolff; “my father is dead.”
“Of course, I cannot know anything,” said Janet, with a cruel intention
which she did not disguise from herself, with her lip a little raised
over her white teeth like a fierce little animal at bay, “but I will
tell you what I think. Your father has done something which made it
better that he should be thought dead, and your mother has hidden him
away and kept him a close prisoner all these years: but now it is all
found out.”
“Done something--that made it better he should be thought dead!” Dolff
turned so deadly pale that the girl’s heart smote her. The place seemed
to turn round and round with him. He fell back against the wall as if he
would have fallen. “You don’t mean that!--you don’t mean that!” he
cried, piteously, stretching out his hands to her as if she could help
it.
“Oh! forgive me, Mr. Dolff. I did not mean to hurt you so.”
“Never mind about hurting me,” he said, hoarsely. “Is it true?”
She made no reply; what did she know about it? Perhaps it was not
true--but what else could any one think who was not a fool? If Dolff had
not been a fool he would have known that it must be so. She stood
confronting him for a minute while he stood there supporting himself
against the wall, hiding his face in his hands. And then Janet left him,
running upstairs to escape altogether from these family mysteries, with
which she had nothing to do. It had been very interesting at first, full
of excitement, like a story. But now Janet felt that it was a great
consolation to have nothing really to do with it, to retire and leave
these people to manage their own affairs. And she had in her veins an
entirely new excitement, something of her own enough to occupy all her
thoughts.
She ran upstairs, leaving Dolff in his dismay with his head hidden in
his hands--what had she to do with that?--and fled to her comfortable
room, where she sat down beside the blazing fire, and turned to her own
affairs--they were important enough now to demand her full attention.
Since she had written that letter, Janet herself had become subject to
all the suspenses, the doubts and alarms of independent life. What would
be thought of it? Would he still be in the same mind? Would he come to
take her away? And oh, biggest and most serious of all her questions,
if he did come, if he were still of the same mind, could she endure
him--could she accept the fate which she had thus invited for herself?
Janet had serious enough questions of her own to discuss with herself as
she sat over the glowing fire.
Poor Dolff did not know how long he stood there, with his head against
the wall. He was roused at last by the sound of a movement in the
drawing-room, and presently the door opened, and a sort of procession
came out. First of all, the strange new inmate of the house leaning upon
Vicars, looking back and kissing his hand to the others behind him, who
came crowding out in a group close to each other.
“I’ll come often now and sit an hour with you in the evening,” he said.
“Now that everybody’s paid, I’ll live a new life. My children, don’t be
frightened; I’ll take care of you all. For,” he said, stopping short,
turning Vicars round by the arm, “I’m to have a wheeled chair and go out
for an airing to-morrow. Hey, what do you think--an airing! That means
it’s all paid and everything right.”
“I wouldn’t, if I were you, say the same thing over not more than twenty
times,” said Vicars, sulkily; “and you won’t have no airing, I can tell
you, if you don’t come off to bed.”
“That’s Vicars all over,” said the smiling patient. “Vicars all over!
You would think he’s my master--and he’s only my servant! Yes--yes, it’s
all paid, and everything right--or how could I go out for an airing
to-morrow? There is plenty in the pocket-book for everybody. You
know--in the pocket-book. Eh! My! Where’s my pocket-book?” he cried,
suddenly changing his tone and searching in his breast-pocket. “Vicars,
do you hear? My pocket-book! Where’s my pocket-book? It’s not where I
always have it--I keep it here, you know, to keep it safe. My
pocket-book!” cried the poor maniac, tossing Vicars from him and waving
his arms wildly.
His distracted eyes caught at this moment the figure of Dolff standing
against the wall. Dolff had uncovered his pale and miserable
countenance: he was standing in the shade, mysterious, half seen, with
that very pale face looking out from the semi-dark. The madman rushed
towards him with a cry.
“There’s the thief! There’s the thief! Get hold of him before he gets
away! He’s got my pocket-book--lay hold of him! I’m not strong enough,”
he added, turning round with an explanatory look, “to do it myself.
Never getting any air you know, as I couldn’t till things were settled.
I’ve got very little strength.”
“I thought,” said Vicars, “as taking that pocket-book from him was a
mistake! He’s always a-looking back upon that pocket-book! You’ll have
to give it him back.”
“Don’t you remember, sir,” said Meredith, holding up a sealed packet,
“that you gave it to me to put it up--look at the seals, you stamped
them yourself. You gave it to me to pay off everything. Try to remember.
Here it is, safe and sound. You gave it to me yourself.”
“And who the devil are you,” said the invalid, “that I should give you
all my money? You’re not one of them: some fellow, Vicars, that Julia
has picked up. She’s always picking people up. Give it back, make him
give it back, Vicars--my money that’s meant to pay off everybody! Give
it back--back! I tell you I’ll pay them all myself! I’ll go out
to-morrow in the wheel-chair--you know, Vicars, the wheel-chair for the
airing--and pay them all myself!”
“Who is it,” said Dolff, coming forward out of the gloom, “who has to be
paid back? and who is this man? For you all seem to know.”
“Come, come, sir,” said Vicars; “it’s your time for bed. You’ll not go
nowhere, neither for an airing nor to pay them debts of yours, if you
don’t come straight off to bed.”
“Who is he?” cried Dolff, pushing upon the group. “Who are you? For I
will know.”
To the surprise of all, the madman, who had been so self-confident,
suddenly shrank behind Vicars, and, catching his arm, pulled him towards
the door that led to the wing.
“I’m afraid of that man,” he said, in a whispering, hissing tone.
“Vicars, get me home; get me out of sight. He’s an officer. Vicars, I’m
not safe with that man!”
“Hold your tongue, can’t you, Mr. Dolff, till I get him away,” cried
Vicars, pushing past. And in a moment the pair had disappeared within
the mysterious door, which swung after them, noiseless, closing without
a sound.
Dolff was left, pale and threatening, with Meredith and his two sisters
facing him. That they should know what he did not filled Dolff with a
sort of frenzy; and yet how could he continue to say that he did not
know?
“I wish,” cried Julia, stamping her foot, “that you two who know such a
lot would go away, and not speak to Dolff and me. You don’t belong to
us--at least Charley Meredith doesn’t belong to us, and Gussy thinks
more of him than of all of us together. Oh, Dolff, it only matters to
you and me! I believe,” cried Julia, catching her brother’s arm, “that
old madman’s our father, Dolff. I believe he is our father. It’s
terrible, it’s odious, and I will never forgive mamma. Why isn’t he
dead? as she said he was. Dolff--oh, don’t mind it so dreadfully! I
don’t mind it so dreadfully: he’s only mad--and that’s not wicked after
all.”
Dolff pushed past them all to where his mother sat in that temple of
brightness and comfort, in her chair. Everything that could be done for
her convenience and consolation in her incapacity was about her. She sat
there as in a sanctuary, the centre of the most peaceful house. And
there she had sat for years with the air of knowing nothing different,
fearing nothing, meeting every day that rose and every night that fell
with the same serene composure--a woman with nothing to conceal, nothing
to alarm her, occupied only with little cares of the family and
sympathies with others, and the knitting with which she was always busy.
To look at her, and to think of the burden that had been for so long
upon her shoulders, unknown, undreamed of, was a problem beyond the
reach of imagination. Never a line upon her brow, and all that mystery
and misery behind.
The room, usually so orderly, was a little disarranged to-night, the
chairs pushed about anyhow, and one lying where it fell, which had been
pushed over as Vicars led his patient out. And she had sat there
patiently and listened to the voices in the hall, knowing that another
encounter was taking place--knowing that her son was desperate, that he
had it in him to be violent, that it was enough to touch that secret
spring of madness which, for aught she could tell, the son of a mad
father might have inherited. Perhaps, had she been scanned at that
moment by any one more able to judge than Dolff, the signs of a conflict
might have been seen in her eyes, but to Dolff she appeared precisely as
she always was in her incredible calm. He placed himself in front of her
with the air of an angry man demanding an explanation from his inferior.
“Is that man my father?” he said.
“Dolff, this is not a way either to address me or to inquire about your
father. Yes, it is your father whom you have just seen, afflicted almost
all your lifetime, an object for pity and reverence, not for this angry
tone.”
“What had he done that you kept him shut up for fifteen years?”
“Done!” Even Mrs. Harwood’s steady tones faltered a little. “Why should
he have done anything, Dolff? He was mad. If it had been known that I
had kept him here he would have been taken from me, and how could I
tell that he would have been kindly treated, or humored, or waited on as
he would be at home? He was never violent, and I knew Vicars could
manage him. If you saw how carefully everything was arranged for him,
you would not think it was from want of affection--too much perhaps,”
she added, putting her handkerchief to her eyes.
“And what is the meaning, then, of this about paying, and the
pocket-book?” asked Dolff, half convinced.
Mrs. Harwood put her hands together with a little gesture of appeal.
“How can I explain the fancies of a mind that is astray?” she said. “He
has got something into his head, some distorted recollection of things
that happened before. He was not quite fortunate in his business,” she
added, with a slight trembling in her voice; “the worry about that was
supposed to have something to do with his breakdown.”
“Then there were, I suppose, people to pay--whom he thinks he has
provided for in that pocket book?”
He thought she gave an alarmed glance at some one behind him, and,
turning round, caught what seemed to him an answering glance in the eyes
of Meredith.
“_He_ knows,” cried Dolff; “you take him into your confidence, but give
only what you can’t help to me!”
“Charley is to appear for me before the commissioners,” said Mrs.
Harwood, with dignity; “I have given him all the information which was
ready for you had you not treated your mother as if she were an enemy
trying to injure you. If you do not know, it is your own fault.”
Dolff did not know what to think: his courage failed before his mother.
Perhaps it was true that Meredith (though he hated him) had stood by the
mother more than he, Dolff, had done, and was of more use in this great
family emergency. This thought stung him, but he could not escape from
it. And to think that if she had but been frank and honest--if he had
known of it, as he ought to have done, as soon as he was old enough to
understand----
“Oh, mother,” he cried, “why did you keep it from us? Why did I not know
long ago?”
A slight quiver came over Mrs. Harwood’s face.
“What I did I did for the best. One may be mistaken, but I thought it
best for you all,” she said.
“And I think Mrs. Harwood has had enough agitation for one night,” said
Meredith.
“You have nothing to do with it!” said Dolff, wildly, “you--what have
you to do with our family? What right have you with our secrets?--since
we have secrets,” the young man added, in a tone of despair.
And Meredith fixed his laughing eyes upon Dolff. He could laugh, however
serious the circumstances might be.
“There are some secrets,” he said, “which are supposed to be quite safe
with me--which it might be awkward for other people were I to let
escape.”
He looked Dolff full in the eyes, and his laugh drove the young man
almost to frenzy. But at the same time it recalled him to himself. He
dared not meet Meredith’s laughing eyes. As long as they should both
live this fellow would have him at a disadvantage. Dolff drew back with
a mortification and humiliation which were unspeakable. He had no longer
the courage to question his mother, to assert his own rights. He had the
right to know everything, to be the first to be consulted in his own
house. But that look was enough to silence him, to drive him back. Oh,
that he should have put such power into another’s hand! And for what?
For whom?
“If it will be any satisfaction to you, Dolff,” said Gussy, “I knew all
the time--at least, I have known for a year or two. Mamma told me, just
as she has told you, that he was--afflicted soon after Ju was born, and
that she knew they would not let her keep him if it was known. So it was
said he had died abroad, where he was for a little while. Is that so,
mamma?”
“You are quite right, my dear,” said Mrs. Harwood, who had quite
recovered her composure. “But with this in addition: that the news came
of his death, and that I had got my widow’s mourning and everything was
settled, when I found out that we had been mistaken. Vicars had gone
with him, and Vicars brought him back. He sent me a letter to say that
your father was not dead, but afflicted, and that he was bringing him
back. I could not tell what to do. I did not want to let anybody know.”
“Why?” said Dolff, who had plucked up a little courage. This time Gussy
and Julia both stood by him. They looked at their mother, the three
faces together, all so much alike, lit up with the same sentiment. “Why
did you make a mystery of it?” said Dolff. “Would it not have been
easier if everything had been frank and above-board?”
For a moment there was silence in the room. Mrs. Harwood made no reply.
For the first time in all these fifteen years she wavered, her
confidence forsook her, she had all but broken down. Another moment and
the silence itself would have betrayed that there was something
else--another secret still unrevealed. As she looked at them all
together, her three children all asking the same question with faces
overshadowed by a cloud of doubt, her strong heart almost gave way.
“Mrs. Harwood has already told you the reason,” said Meredith behind
them. “She knew that she would not be allowed to keep him, that he would
be carried off from her to an asylum----”
“Oh, children,” cried Mrs. Harwood, with a burst of sobbing which was
half relief, “it is hard, hard upon me to drive me back again to that
time! I had to take my resolution all at once. I had nobody to advise
me. I came up here, and took this house, and prepared it all myself. You
may see for yourselves how carefully it is done. I made the curtains and
things with my own hands. Oh, I did not spare any trouble to make him
comfortable! And we managed everything, Vicars and I. At first, even,
when he was not so weak, we managed to get him out sometimes to take the
air. We did everything for him. I was not laid up then. Why should I
defend myself before you as if you were my judges?” she cried, drying
her eyes hastily. “It was all for you.”
“Mamma,” said Julia, “you said just now it was because you would not be
allowed to keep him--because he would be taken from you and put into an
asylum: and now you say it was for us----”
Mrs. Harwood again raised her head and gave them a look; her countenance
changed, a flash of anger came over her face. She had borne everything
else, but these exasperating questions were more than she could bear.
She was about to answer with unusual passion when Meredith’s voice came
in again.
“You do not remember,” he said, “that to have a father in a lunatic
asylum is not the best thing in the world for a family. Mrs. Harwood
desired to save you that, to save you the anxiety of knowing he was
here, to bear everything herself and leave your minds free.”
“Charley,” cried Gussy, quickly, “thank you, you understand her better
than we have done. Oh, mamma, that was why you told me so little--even
me.”
“I did it for your sakes,” said the mother, yielding at last to an
exasperation beyond her power of resistance, and bursting into
uncontrolled tears.