There is nothing in the world that so suddenly sobers wild excitement
and passion as to carry out its practical suggestions. A blow brings
down the pulses of wrath as nothing else can do. It is a dangerous
remedy, but it is a sure one.
Dolff was like a devil incarnate as he swooped down upon his victim and
beat his head against the stones. The moment he had done it--the moment
he had done it, he became a horrified, miserable, remorseful boy,
miserable beyond any words to describe. As soon as he heard that dull
thud on the pavement, and saw the white face turn unconscious in a
blank which he never doubted to be that of death, his own being came
back to him. His passion ended like the blowing out of a candle. What
had he done? What had he done? Instinctively he sprang back under the
shadow of the tree and the wall; but he had no thought of escape, or of
anything but the dreadful thing he had done. After a minute, when other
people crowded round the prostrate figure, he stole among the crowd and
entered with them, pushing like the rest through the narrow doorway, as
if he, too, were a spectator, to know all that happened. After the first
awful sobering and coming to himself, there came over him a passion of
eagerness and curiosity--a desire to know which for the moment made him
feel himself a spectator, too. He even asked the other lads who crowded
in along with him what it was, what had happened, and heard half-a-dozen
versions of his own deed as he shouldered his way on to get a place near
the door, with a strange feeling of being cut off from the house and all
in it, of being but a wretched spectator and inquirer, though with that
misery in his veins like molten fire. What was to hinder him pushing his
way among them, going in boldly, he whom nobody could suspect, the son
of the house, to see what was the matter? But Dolff could not do it.
Janet had been stronger of mind than he. She had managed to disengage
herself at once from the tumult, to steal in while attention was
diverted from her, to escape in the darkness and confusion. And so might
he have done: but he was incapable of thinking of himself or his own
safety, though instinct made him herd among the intruders, concealing
himself in the crowd. What he wanted to see was what had happened,
whether it was real, and the man killed, or if it were only, as he
almost hoped, a dreadful dream. He heard it said that the gentleman was
not dead, but it conveyed no impression to his mind, and he pushed
forward, peering over the shoulders of the others who crowded and gazed
at the unknown interior, with a horrible sense of familiarity yet
distance. There was the couch wheeled out of the library, the couch on
which he had himself lounged so often; there was Gussy, clasping her
hands together as if to keep herself up, standing as pale as death by
the foot of the couch; there was--heaven! was it Janet standing behind,
half concealing herself in the other’s shadow? It was not Janet then, he
said in his dull brain--not Janet that was the cause of it all, only
some horrible delusion to tempt him to his fate. There had been nothing
wrong except in him. He it was alone who had been to blame. She could
not have been there at all, since, she was here, horrified, full of
pity, helping, when he had killed. Oh, God! what had he done? He had
killed a man in some horrible mistake. Perhaps it was not Meredith at
all; if it was, it was his friend, Gussy’s betrothed, the friend of the
family. He had killed him--for what, for what? For nothing. His rage had
died off like fever. He was quite calm now, like one fallen from some
horrible height, shaking with the shock, and as miserable as if all the
miseries of earth had gathered on his head. It did not seem to him
unnatural that he should stand there among the crowd, struggling to get
a glimpse of what was going on in his own home, within his mother’s open
door.
He did not, however, follow the others when Janet drove them away.
Though it had filled him with consternation to see her there, and the
dull, dreadful thought that there had been no provocation, nothing but
delusion and mistake--it was yet with a kind of stupid fury and
repugnance that he saw her taking upon her to send away the crowd, to
act as if the house was hers. He hung behind in the dark, and seized her
arm with a wild feeling that he would like to crush her too to make her
feel, though apparently she had done no wrong. But these gave way to the
other anxiety, the deeper interest. After all there was but one thing
that it was, or would be, now or ever, of the slightest importance to
know--was he dead?
Janet gave no direct answer to his question. She said quickly,
“Come in now, take your place, and nobody will ever suspect. It is all
in your own hands.”
He did not understand what she meant. Suspect? What did it matter? There
was only one thing of consequence--was he dead?
“No,” said Janet. “No, no, no; do you understand! Go in, and say you
were in the garden. Oh, do you hear me? The men are coming round again.
Come in, and look as if--as if you were yourself.”
As if he were himself! He did not understand. He was not himself. He did
not know who he was. He had nothing to do in that house. He stood and
stared blankly at her, not knowing what she meant. But Janet was as keen
as he was dull. A passion of energy, of life, and purpose was in her.
His hand had dropped from her arm, but she seized him with both hers,
and dragged him into the house. She flew at him as if she meant to
assault him, putting down the collar of his coat, pulling off his cap,
thrusting a hat into his hand--a few hours since how those touches, this
familiarity, would have moved them both. She did it all now like a
nurse dressing a child, while he stood stupid, not resisting.
“Say you have just come in, and ask what has happened. For God’s sake
don’t mix them all up in it, and kill your mother. Nobody will ever
suspect--ah!” Janet saw through the open door the advancing gleam of the
policeman’s lantern. She left him with a little shake to rouse him to
energy, and ran forward to meet the constable. “Have you found the man?
Have you found anyone? Oh, here is Mr. Harwood, just come in; you can
speak to him. He doesn’t know what’s happened. I was trying to tell him.
Come in,” she said, “policeman; but don’t let all those people come in.
Come in and talk to Mr. Harwood; but shut the door.”
The policeman came in heavily, putting down his lantern on the floor.
“We’ve found nothing, miss, and I didn’t expect as we should. It was my
mate’s business to see as no one escaped while I saw after the
gentleman; but he’s got clear off, as they always do, along of men not
minding their own business. Evening, sir. It’s a dreadful business, this
is, to happen just at a gentleman’s door, and a friend of the family, as
they tell me.”
“I have just come in,” said Dolff, saying his lesson stupidly. And then
he added the only question that had any interest for him: “He’s not
dead?”
“Not at present,” said the policeman; “but the doctors say as they can’t
tell what an hour or two may bring forth.” He spoke hopefully, as of a
favorable turn the case might take. “It’s a deal of trouble for you,
sir, and the ladies, to have such a thing as this happen, as I was
a-saying, at your very door.”
“It’s very well, though,” said Janet, “for the poor gentleman to be so
near a friend’s house.”
Janet felt that the safety of this house, which she had perhaps betrayed
otherwise, but in which her own safety now lay, demanded all her
exertions. Despair had given her force. She was beginning to recover her
color in the stimulation of this dreadful emergency.
“That’s one way of looking at it, miss,” said the policeman. “My mates
they are busy a-hearing all the nonsense that them fellows can tell
them. I don’t believe they knows anything about it, for my part. I’ll
just wait here, sir, if I may, with leave, till I hears the doctor’s
last report.”
“Mr. Harwood is just going in, and he’ll bring it to you,” said Janet.
She dared not say any more, but she pointed towards the dining-room door
with an imperative movement. It was fortunate for Dolff that, at this
moment, his sister appeared. She came quickly into the hall, with an
exclamation of satisfaction.
“Oh, Dolff, you are here! I am thankful you are here. Have they got the
man? I have told them there will be a reward----”
Dolff could say nothing to his sister. His tongue clave to the roof of
his mouth. He repeated as he had done before, with a dull reiteration.
“Is he dead? He is not dead?”
“Oh, no, no, no, God be praised! That’s the chief thing, isn’t it?”
Gussy went up to her brother and twined her arm within his and, leaning
upon his shoulder, cried a little, with faint sobs. She was not a
demonstrative person, and the movement took him entirely by surprise. He
stood with his hands in his pockets, dully supporting her, saying
nothing, his mouth open and jaw dropped. There was no power of tragic
expression in Dolff’s commonplace countenance; but there was a dumb sort
of quiescent misery in it. He was capable of nothing, not even of a word
to shield himself. But then there was no one there who suspected
him--only Janet, who knew, and whose interest it was to protect him--to
silence all possibility of suspicion. She stood looking on, conscious of
the respectful sympathy of the policeman with the brother and sister,
and feeling a new and fierce impulse of hatred rising in her heart
towards the young man whom she was exerting herself so strenuously to
save.
In the midst of these efforts there came into her mind so strong an
impulse to denounce him that Janet was afraid of herself. Even while she
was scheming how best to divert all suspicion the voice seemed to
struggle up in her almost audibly--“Take him! take him. That is the
man!” How could she be sure that she would not yield to it at some
moment when the sight of him had driven her frantic with indignation and
impatience? That Gussy should seek his sympathy; that everybody should
look to Dolff to direct the search; that the very constable--and all the
time he was the man--he was the man!
A spasmodic shiver ran through Janet; she could hardly keep silent, and
yet her mind was busy inventing devices to protect him. She stood there
longing to fly from them all--to be alone, and able to relax her
self-bondage. But Janet felt that she dared not go away. He might betray
himself--or worse, and more likely still--he might betray her. He might
tell Gussy what share she had in the matter. It was what men did--to
punish a woman, regardless what trouble might fall upon themselves. She
stood with her hands firmly clasped, like a sentinel on guard.
This dreadful evening, however, came to an end, as all evenings do. The
crowd was made to pass on, to leave the house in quiet, though there
were still an unusual number of passengers and people loitering about
till far on in the night, notwithstanding the policeman who was on duty
near to keep them unmolested. And within all became quiet, except in so
far as dangerous illness in a house disturbs its habitual repose. A
nurse had been installed in the room in which Meredith lay, and Gussy
came and went throughout the night, holding occasional whispered
conferences in the hall with the doctor, who remained too.
The patient still lay insensible, entirely unconscious of what had
happened to him, with that utterly mournful and pathetic look which a
face that is unconscious takes. He had concussion of the brain, as well
as external injuries of a serious description, but it was as yet
impossible to pronounce whether he would die, or if he might yet
recover. Two of the servants were up in case anything might be wanted
during the night, a quite unnecessary precaution--one of the results of
the great and unusual excitement which had convulsed the house--but
except these women, who appeared now and then at the end of the passage
which led to the kitchen, very sleepy and with an air of conscious
self-sacrifice on their faces, no one else was suffered to be about.
Janet had asked to stay to be of use, but had been dismissed by Miss
Harwood--not unkindly.
“It’s not that I am not grateful, Janet. You stood by me this evening in
a way which I shall not forget; but you’re too young,” said Gussy, with
a sigh, “to sit up, unless it was a case in which your heart was
concerned.”
This speech of his sister’s for the first time roused Dolff a little. He
had been sitting all the evening with a stupefied air, saying nothing,
calling forth much sympathy and admiration from his mother, who
whispered to Janet how tender-hearted he was, how much he felt it. But
Gussy’s words roused him. He glanced at Janet, as Janet had glanced at
him with the same impulse, to say, “She’s the cause of it all,” as she
had felt to say, “That is the man.”
Their eyes met, and they both read what was in the other’s looks; a
certain fear, yet defiance, awoke between them. They were in each
other’s power. Janet had Dolff’s life in her hands, and he had her
reputation in his. They were both liable to all the risks of a sudden
impulse, to let the truth slip in a moment of provocation.
Janet watched the hardening and darkening of the face which had once
expressed only devotion and admiration, with a sinking of her heart. He
was more dangerous to her than she was to him. It was evident that to
see his sister’s trust in her was more than he could bear. After this,
however, they withdrew into their rooms with their different burdens.
Dolff sat smoking and dozing in his, not knowing what he was to do, or
how to meet the morrow. He was still stupid with misery, unable to use
his faculties, or to think for himself, as, poor fellow, he was but
little used to do at any time. He could not think, but only sit
miserable, feeling the night to be a century long, yet without any
desire for the morning. As for sleep, it was impossible, and yet, though
it was so impossible, he slept the greater part of the night.
As for Janet, there was no rest at all for her; the shock of the
terrible events which she had witnessed, which she knew she was the
cause of, had affected her nerves, and more than she was aware of: but
she had been obliged to thrust it aside from her, to control herself
with a hand of iron, to act with an independence and energy which she
did not know she possessed, which she had never had occasion to employ
before. How could she have had occasion to display them? could such a
horrible emergency ever occur twice? could it be possible that ever
again she should be placed in such a situation? Even now, when alone and
free from all immediate alarm, it was a continual struggle to keep from
giving vent to hysterical sounds, crying, or screaming aloud; or
convulsive sobbing, which runs into horrible pretence of laughter.
She was not a girl who had ever been humiliated by any such mastery of
her nerves over her will and mind. But a hundred frantic impulses seized
her during this terrible night. Sometimes she felt as if she must
precipitate herself from the window and escape for ever and ever into
the darkness; sometimes she felt disposed to tear everything about her,
even herself, in wild rage and excitement. Sometimes she walked
about--walked, run, flew, from one end of her room to another--unable to
calm herself down. And in calmer intervals she stole out of her room and
stood looking over the banisters, seeing Gussy come out of the room
where she was keeping watch, holding whispered conferences with the
doctor at the door, passing in for a moment to the other room where the
patient lay, from which the white-capped nurse, with her large apron
creating a high light in the partial darkness we aid out to get
something that was wanted.
All these noiseless movements of the watchers Janet looked upon from
above as if they were the incidents of a dream. It was all going on
before her in dumb show--an awful little dream, significant in its
silence. And the strange thing was that she felt no interest in the
patient round whose unseen bed these watchers were coming and going. All
the facts stood out before her. The horrors of the attempt, the touch as
she thought of sudden death, the panic of all that might follow, the
dreadful fear of being mixed up in it and exposed in her _rôle_ of
traitor to all the world, to the people at Clover who were fond of
her--but any other sentiment was wholly wanting.
She had brought all this upon herself and Meredith and Dolff, through
something which she had supposed to be love. It was all love, jealousy,
double dealing, the stratagems and deceits which are supposed to be
legitimate in love as in war. And yet it did not occur to Janet to care
whether Meredith lived or died. The others thought that the chief thing,
but she did not. What she would have liked most would have been that he
should disappear out of her consciousness altogether, and never be more
seen or heard of. She was almost impatient of the watchers and of all
the anxiety there was about him, as if it mattered what became of him!
She had felt as if she could almost strike at Dolff in her impatience
when, instead of attending to the precautions she prescribed to him to
save his owe life, he asked, “Is he dead?” For herself, if an earthquake
could have taken him away, buried him in the earth, so that his very
name should be extinguished, that was what Janet would have liked:
but----