It was not till some evenings after this that Mr. Charles Meredith made
his appearance again.
To tell the truth, he had been a little alarmed by his position in
respect to Miss Harwood. The applause they had received at the concert,
which somehow enveloped both of them in a sort of unity--a oneness which
was embarrassing, and provoked inquiries and looks of intelligence,
glances and hints of all sorts--had given him a little shock. It had not
affected Gussy in the same way, for Gussy was far more deeply and truly
touched than her partner in that success. She had given up her whole
being to him with the unreasonable confidence which is sometimes to be
seen in an otherwise unimaginative and unemotional woman, never doubting
from the first the object of his attentions, feeling that he could have
but one reason for his frequent visits, and that the gradual manner in
which she herself had been separated and swept up, as it were, into his
identity, was the natural result of a strong and certain desire on his
part to attract and appropriate her--an unquestionable feeling to which
her gradually elicited responses were natural and fitting. It never
occurred to Gussy, who was a little narrow, as was natural to her
education and circumstances, but very sensible and just, that Meredith’s
sentiments, which had been so distinctly shown, could be anything but
definite and certain. To her there appeared nothing accidental, nothing
fortuitous, in the way in which it had all come about. Gradually he had
secured the _entrée_ and the complete freedom of intercourse which is
not very common in English houses. There had been a break during his
absence in the country, but this break had been followed by a return to
all the old habits, by the resumption of all his claims upon her
attention and sympathy, those claims to which she had already responded
in all sincerity and good faith. Gussy had no sensation of having gone a
step further than she had been led and persuaded to go. She had no doubt
whatever that of this intercourse, which he had so sought, so organized,
so firmly established, every step was intended. He had set himself, she
believed, to win her love, to gain her heart. What other reason could
there be? It was all his doing. He it was who had pressed for each new
extension of privilege: for what?--for no conceivable reason save one,
that he loved her, and desired to make her love him.
Such was Gussy’s theory. She had been first flattered, then touched by
these assiduities, and finally, there being no reason whatever against
it, she had yielded to the gradually growing response in her own bosom.
She was not unaware that this might attain to greater potency than the
demand which had evoked it, for he was a man, about in the world, and
having a great many things to distract him, whereas she was a woman with
nothing particular in her mind save this new interest which filled her
thoughts night and day. There was no doubt that it might grow more
engrossing than his love. She was aware of the danger, and quite
reasonable about it; but his had been the first--his had been the
foundation of all. She was not ashamed of loving him, nor even of the
impatience that now devoured her to have him speak and put the whole on
the footing of a known and established certainty. It wanted that, at the
point to which the matter had now reached. As soon as they had once
understood each other, all would be well. Understood each other! Yes,
they did so already; but it was necessary that it should be
clear--spoken out--settled. Gussy could not tell what it was that
restrained her lover. But she was restless and a little impatient,
knowing that, by this time, the certainty ought to be fully
comprehended of all, and the result known.
It had not been anything in the nature of jealousy which had made her
unwilling to take advantage of Janet’s services, but only an
indisposition to let any third party come in--to have another associated
in the already long-lingering duet which she had every reason to believe
was to continue all her life. He had chosen that way of drawing her to
him which, in the circumstances of the family, was the most effectual
way, the easiest--perhaps the only manner in which he could have secured
the attention which was due to her mother and sister first, and which it
would otherwise have been so difficult to obtain. And it had become a
method dear to her--and she did not like to have any one come in, to
disturb the isolation in which their music wrapped them. This was
all--no fear of a new face or attraction for him--no feeling of rivalry.
Janet was perhaps incapable of comprehending how very far the young
woman, so much less clever, less instructed in the usual course of
affairs, perhaps less intelligent than herself, was from thinking of any
such danger.
But all this was quite apart from Mr. Charles Meredith and his
sentiments, which had not at any time been those believed in by Gussy.
He had found it amusing and piquant to make his way into that secluded,
but most respectably secluded, house in St. John’s Wood. A little
curiosity of his own, the secret of a something to be found out even in
the heart of that respectability, had for a moment mingled with his
other motives; but that had found little encouragement in anything he
saw or heard, and had gradually died out, leaving behind a pleasurable
privilege--an amusing variety to his other engagements, an ever-ready
way of spending an evening in which he had nothing else to do. He had
known the Harwoods almost all his life, and this familiarity, to begin
with, had made the domestic circle the more easily comprehensible to
him: the unmanageable child, Ju, who lost no opportunity of showing how
undesirable she thought his presence; the mother, mysteriously incapable
of leaving her chair, though her children frankly declared their
disbelief in her inability; the room so bright and full of comfort with
that shadowy background which seemed made for a romance, tickled the
fancy of the young man. He had an inclination towards Gussy
Harwood--liked her--felt that, if he were ever to come the length of
marrying, she would be a very suitable wife for him, and her respectable
fortune a very comfortable foundation on which to begin life. And then
he was very fond of music--music, that is, represented by new songs and
duets in which his own fine tenor might be enhanced by a gentle soprano
acknowledged to be very sweet, yet in no way capable of eclipsing the
richer tones it accompanied.
All these mingled sentiments had led him to the course of conduct which
he had pursued for some time before Janet’s appearance, but into which
her sudden appearance had imported a little difference. It will be seen
that these vague and mingled sentiments were entirely unlike that for
which he had credit in the mind of Augusta Harwood--the steady and
serious love by which she supposed him to be moved. The foregone
conclusion of a happy marriage, a household equally respectable, and
still more bright than that in which the preliminaries took place had no
existence. It was always on the cards, of course, that Gussy Harwood and
he might marry and settle down together. It would not be a very romantic
conclusion, still Meredith was aware that he himself was not at all a
romantic personage, and it would not in any way be a bad arrangement.
But where was the need of going so far as that? He liked to know where
he could spend an evening pleasantly when he pleased; he liked to hear
the sound of his own voice, and even to feel that the voice of the other
performer was not likely to beguile the applauses of their audience away
from himself--when they had an audience; he liked to have those
excellent dinners from time to time, with the other man who could not
help perceiving how entirely the entertainment was for Meredith’s
gratification. All these things were very pleasant, and Mrs. Harwood was
quite able, no doubt, to take care of her own daughter and all the
_convenances_, and it was none of his business to watch over Gussy in
case his continual visits should be misunderstood.
But the concert had certainly made a little crisis in this easy
intercourse--the concert and Janet’s appearance on the scene, and the
little excitement she had produced, and the additional signs of regard
it had been necessary to lavish upon Gussy, to make her feel herself
always the first person, notwithstanding any interest that another might
call forth. He had felt that a great step had been taken in that
concert. To be sure it could not, strictly speaking, be asserted to mean
anything at all. A duet between a soprano and a tenor--what more
innocent? Their voices suited; what had their persons or their lives to
do with it? Charles Meredith knew, however, that though this might be
true enough in the case of most tenors and sopranos, it would not be
true as between Gussy Harwood and himself. The audience was not an
audience drawn from the larger public, which might have known nothing
further, but a St. John’s Wood audience, which knew everything about
him, and that he visited the Harwoods “every day of his life.” This was
not exactly true, but it was how he heard it stated in the dark, outside
the concert-room, by one of the departing hearers. All those present
knew them, and knew all about them, and naturally made their remarks:
“Of course it will be a match; he is there every day of his life.”
What a vulgar definiteness there is in these criticisms! People who
pretend to be one’s friends, yet speak of one without a gleam of
understanding, as if all one’s intentions were cut and dry. Meredith
felt angry, but he dared not show it, for it was clearly his duty to
escort Gussy home, and to tell Mrs. Harwood what a success it had been.
But after that he was seized with a panic, and did not come back. He saw
that a crisis had come, as well as any one--a crisis which seemed to him
very premature, and for which he was unprepared.
I think there is some allowance to be made for young men who in these
days hesitate about taking the last step which makes marriage
inevitable. We are not now discussing the so-called “smart” people, who
live after their kind, and afford no rule for the rest of the world, but
young men of occupations, who have, as people say, their own way to
make. A small income very often represents a great deal more than it is
to an unmarried man, with all the luxury of the clubs behind him: and it
represents a great deal less than it is to the man who is going to
marry--witness all the foolish statistics periodically placed before the
world. It is rather surprising how, when the moment and the impulse
comes, all these precautions are so easily thrown to the winds: but
there is nobody in modern society so well off as the young man with a
small competency, a good club, and a tolerable acquaintance. It is
heroic of him to risk all his comforts and immunities, the things he can
do, and the things nobody expects him to do, for the sake of a young
woman who on her side is much better off at home, if she would only
think so. But, fortunately for the race if not for the individual,
nature scorns all such judicious reflections, and follows its own
impulse at whatsoever expense.
Meredith, however, who was not in love, but only amiably, pleasurably
inclined towards Gussy Harwood, felt their full force when he was thus
pulled up and brought face to face with inevitable consequences. In his
present circumstances he was very well off indeed: he had all that a
young man could desire. He knew a number of people, and was civil to
them, and derived from this a little benefit of dinner-parties, dances,
and invitations from Saturday till Monday, for which he was not expected
to do anything except to continue to be civil in return. And he could
also entertain at his club a friend or two when he pleased. I do not
know whether the dinners at the more modest clubs are as good as those
of which we read in novels, at which the very fine gentlemen dispense
and enjoy hospitality; but they are almost sure to be better than those
which a Mrs. Charles Meredith, in a little villa in the suburbs, or in a
little flat high up in the district styled W., could produce with great
trouble, a complete _bouleversement_ of the small household, and a
greengrocer from round the corner to wait. The servants at the club are
real servants, the dinners quite genuine, and giving no extra trouble.
If Charles Meredith had been in love, it would have been unpardonable in
him to have made any such reflection. But then he was not in love. And
he was startled, and paused in the face of fate.
He might not perhaps have done so with quite so much perturbation if
there had not been at the same time a little point of interest in his
mind about the other little girl who had appeared so inopportunely in
St. John’s Wood. He was not in the least in love with Janet. But she was
amusing--a great deal more amusing than Gussy, with all whose opinions
and inclinations he was acquainted, and who changed little from any
standing-point she had once taken. It amused him to get possession of
the governess, to make her play, to watch her looks, and communicate
with her telegraphically, nobody being aware of that intercourse. That
Janet did not respond, or, at least, did not willingly respond, made it
all the more piquant, for even a glance of indignation now and then, a
flash of anger, was a reply, and he could read in the involuntary
movement of her little shoulders, as she played, a hundred little
criticisms and signs of what she was thinking; the thrill of displeasure
at a false note made him laugh, and the clang of accompaniment with
which she would suddenly drown a failure--all this imported a new
element into the evening with which he was delighted. But all these
amusements would have to be put a stop to if he married and settled down
to domestic felicity and the enjoyment of a sensible companion and a
comfortable life at home.
All of which things made Charles Meredith pause; but after a week or so
he began to feel that his hesitation, if too prolonged, would in its way
produce a decision which he desired as little as the other. And then he
remembered that Dolff was at home, which would always make a diversion
and stave off explanations. These deliberations have seemed to occupy a
long period; yet it was not, after all, a very long period. About ten
days after the concert, the door being open to admit of the exit of
Dolff, who, in all the glories of evening costume, was stepping forth
towards a waiting hansom, ready to convey him to some evening festivity,
Charles Meredith slipped in unheard, with his usual little roll of
music, but less than his usual confidence and calm. He was met in the
hall by Julia, who had come out to superintend her brother’s departure,
and whose pleasure in Dolff’s entertainment and finery was brought to a
sudden pause by the apparition of a figure less beloved. She gave vent,
having no watch upon her, to that sound which had died from her lips, or
rather from her teeth, for so long, but with which she had been wont to
welcome Meredith.
“Oh!” or rather “S--s!” said Julia, “so this is you--again----”
“Yes, my dear child, it is I--again,” he replied, with a mocking bow and
smile.