_Telegram No. 1._--Nothing could have been more terrible than the
scene following upon the earthquake. The houses sank through the
ground, and immediately a number of lions, tigers, and poisonous
serpents, attracted by the unusual occurrence, sprang upon the poor
inhabitants, and by their fierce attacks increased their misfortune.
But this was not all. Men and women, using swords, battle-axes, and
revolvers, fought amongst themselves, until the commotion created by
the landslip assumed the appearance of a pandemonium. At this moment,
to make confusion worse confounded, a heavy storm broke over the
fast-disappearing village, and thunderbolts fell like peas expelled
through a peashooter. As if this were not enough, several prairie
fires crept up, and the flames augmented the general discomfort. Take
it all and all, the sight was enough to make the cheek grow pale with
terror and apprehension.
_Telegram No. 2._--Please omit lions, tigers, poisonous serpents,
swords, battle-axes, revolvers, thunderbolts, prairie fires and cheek.
They were forwarded in Telegram No. 1 owing to a clerical error.
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MRS. R. STARTLED.--"Most extraordinary things are reported in the
papers!" observed Mrs. R. "Only the other day I either heard or read
that there was a dangerous glazier somewhere about in the Caucasus,
that he was using horrible language, and threatening to d---- you'll
excuse my using such a word--the Terek (whoever he may be), and that
then he was going to amuse--no, the word was 'divert'--somebody.
Clearly a lunatic. But who can be diverted by such antics? And why
don't they lock up the glazier?" [_On referring to the report, her
nephew read that "A glacier was causing great alarm." &c., &c., that
it was expected temporarily to "dam the Terek, and divert a vast body
of water_," &c.]
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[Illustration: PISCATORIAL POLITENESS.
(_From a Yorkshire stream._)
_Privileged Old Keeper_ (_to Member of Fishing Club, of profuse and
ruddy locks, who is just about to try for the Big Trout, a very wary
fish_). "KEEP YER HEAD DOON, SIR, KEEP YER HEAD DOON!" (_Becoming
exasperated._) "'ORD BOU IT, MAN, KEEP YER HEAD DOON! YER M'T AS WEEL
COME WI' A TORCH-LEET PROCESSION TO TAK' A FISH!"]
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