On the morning when Lady Markham went upon that unfortunate visit to
Spears in his shop, which has been already recorded, both her husband
and daughter were early astir--astir in that way which so often occurs
in a family disturbed by domestic anxiety, when all are roused and in
movement before the ordinary time, yet all unwilling to begin the day,
to meet, to breakfast, to return once more to painful discussions of a
trouble which no discussions ever diminish. Lady Markham stole out,
thinking that both were asleep, while, on the other hand, both father
and daughter respected her restlessness, and used what expedients were
in their power to soothe their own.
Sir William had his writing-case, and the despatchbox which he carried
everywhere with him, taken down stairs, to the big, bare sitting-room,
in which his wife and he had discussed Paul on the previous night--a
high square room, like a box, as blank and featureless; and there sat
down, and made a pretence of writing his letters,--nay, more than a
pretence, for his mind was preternaturally clear, stirred into activity
and wakefulness more strenuous even than its wont, by the care which was
the undercurrent of all his thoughts, and perpetually present with him.
He wrote several letters about business, public and private, in which
his well-known terse and concentrated style was more concentrated and
terse than ever. And by times he laid down his pen, and breathed a sigh
out of the very depths of his chest, from the bottom of his heart. This
was all the sign he gave of the distractions which were in his mind. It
was much from him. He was not so overwhelmed as his wife by the
suggestion of Paul’s possible entanglement, but he was much more angry,
annoyed, and impatient of the folly which all his wisdom could not cure.
What can be more irritating, confusing, bewildering to a man who knows
himself a power and influence in the world: not to be able to influence
the being nearest to him to persuade his own son to hear reason! There
could not be a greater irony of fate. And behind this irritation and
annoyance there was the other mystery, which only he knew of--the danger
which menaced Paul in those prospects which Paul held so lightly, and
was ready to throw away on the lightest inducement. Would he care as
little for them if they were to disappear from him at the will of
another, not his own? To find himself thus, between two
impossibilities--between his young son whom he could no more move than
he could move a mountain, and another unknown being who for aught he
knew might be as little manageable as Paul, he was held fast and his
mind driven to bay. He kept himself out of the whirl of thought and
feeling which these perplexities raised by mere force of will, and sat
perfectly self-controlled at the bare table writing his letters, himself
as neat as usual, every fold of his trim attire in its right place, his
tie tied with all the usual exactitude, his sentences more sharply cut,
more tersely defined than ever. The suppressed excitement in him acted
as a powerful stimulant, quickening his heart’s action, and intensifying
the clearness of his brain; but now and then he put down his pen, forgot
the imperial problems which were easier to solve than these private
ones, and relieved his full heart with the labouring of a profound sigh;
then set to work once more.
The breakfast was brought in before Lady Markham appeared. Alice had
been up in her own room for, she thought, hours--trying to read, trying
to find any little trivial occupation, wandering to the window to gaze
out blindly, seeing nothing, fulfilling all the tricks of anxiety, as if
she, happy child, had been born to it, or had lived in no other
atmosphere all her days. And yet it was but a short time since the very
_a_, _b_, _c_, of this devouring absorbing passion, had been unknown to
her--so easily are all its habits learnt. She went down stairs when the
hour for breakfast arrived, and found Sir William very busy over his
papers.
“Where is your mother?” he said.
Alice did not know; but they easily concluded that being ready early she
had gone--it was not far--to see her boy in his rooms, perhaps to use
some argument with him which had been taught to her in the counsels of
the night.
“She will have gone to bring Paul to breakfast,” Alice said, feeling it
was her business to smile, and keep what show of liveliness was
possible. Then she made the tea, and going to the window once more stood
looking out, hearing in the silence the scratch of her father’s pen upon
the paper, and the bubbling and boiling of the urn upon the table.
By and by they sat down to breakfast. Lady Markham possibly was staying
with Paul. Perhaps he was late, as usual, and kept her waiting. It
seemed a cheerful token, a sign of good, to fall back upon Paul’s
lateness--that familiar home grievance which they all had laughed and
scolded about a hundred times. To say that he was “late as usual,” that
mamma no doubt had found him in bed, and was waiting for him, lazy
fellow, seemed to break the new and gloomy spell.
Just then, however, a step approached, and some one knocked; a servant,
and after him, their friend of yesterday, young Fairfax, very shamefaced
and blushing, who came to say that Lady Markham had sent him, that she
was taking off her hat up stairs, and would be down directly; and that
he was under her orders to wait here for something she wanted him to do.
Fairfax blushed to the roots of his hair, and was full of apologies.
“I am so sorry,” he said, “to disturb you; but Lady Markham----”
“Bring another cup,” said Sir William.
The waiter, who had ushered in Fairfax, had brought also a letter, which
was almost more surprising than the other visitor.
Sir William, however, was glad of any one who took him out of himself.
He looked at his letter, but it did not seem important. The postmark was
Markham Royal. There was no one there to give him uneasiness of any
kind. He took it up between his finger and thumb, as he said--“Bring
another cup.”
And then neither of the young people knew anything more about Sir
William till Lady Markham came in. He retired behind his letter as
behind a shield, and the others talked. Fairfax was somewhat shy. He
described how he had met Lady Markham in the fresh morning.
“It is the most pleasant time for walking if people only knew.”
“Did mamma go to see Paul? and oh, where is he? will not he come?” said
Alice.
The tears got into her voice. Had things gone so far that he would
refuse to come?
“I don’t think she has seen Markham,” said young Fairfax.
Lady Markham had brought him in with her that she might not be obliged
all at once to explain where she had been. The same reason made her
spend a longer time than was necessary in taking off her hat and putting
on the matronly cap with which she covered her beautiful hair. She
thought with the simple subtlety of an innocent woman that the
conversation would be in full course when she made her appearance and
any confusion on her own part be concealed. When she came in her manners
were of the conciliatory and effusive kind which is common to all
culprits desirous of avoiding explanations of equivocal conduct.
“I met Mr. Fairfax when I went out, and I met him again coming back,”
she said, “and he owned he had not breakfasted. I hope you are giving
him something to eat, Alice.”
Alice looked up anxiously in her mother’s eyes. Where was Paul? that
look inquired, but the glance with which Lady Markham replied conveyed
no information. She shrank from her child’s look, and sitting down
began to talk almost volubly.
“I went further than I meant to go; the morning was so lovely and
everything so still. Is it usually so still, so vacant, in summer, Mr.
Fairfax? In the country we are used to it--but to see a place usually so
full of young life in this state of quiet is strange. I met--scarcely
any one,” said Lady Markham. “William, you will have some more tea?”
Sir William did not make any answer. The letter which he had been
holding up dropped, or rather the hand which had held it dropped upon
his knee; and he was leaning back in his chair, Lady Markham could see
with the corner of her eye--but she did not look at him, not wishing to
risk the encounter.
“I thought I should be back before you were ready,” she said. “We are
all early this morning. I suppose it is because an inn is so unlike
home. William--Oh!” She rose to her feet in sudden alarm. “Are you ill?
What is the matter?”
He was leaning back in his chair, his head drooping against it, his face
very pale, his mouth open and his breath labouring and painful, but he
had not lost command of himself. When his wife rushed to him he tried
to smile.
“Feeling--faint,” he said, feebly.
It was a weakness to which he had been subject before. While they
hurried to get wine, eau-de-Cologne, all the usual restoratives, he,
still keeping up a vestige of a smile, did his best to fold up the
letter he was holding, and groped about for the envelope.
“I will put it away,” his wife said; but he made a slight negative
movement of his head and succeeded in pushing it into a letter-case,
which he always carried. The envelope had dropped on the floor. Who
thought anything of it? He had things to move him quite sufficient to
account for any disturbance of the heart without seeking for further
causes. After a while the faintness passed off, his breathing improved,
his heart began to beat naturally, and he came, or seemed to come, to
himself. When he went up stairs with Lady Markham’s anxious attendance,
Alice and the young man remained alone. These few minutes had done as
much as weeks generally do towards the growing acquaintance of these two
young persons. Fairfax had run hither and thither to get whatever they
wanted. He had supported Sir William up stairs. He had shared in the
alarm, the confusion, the trouble of the moment. Alice came down with
him after her father had been established in his room, to think of the
civilities which were due to a stranger. The half-eaten meal on the
table, the confusion of chairs, the air of human trouble and agitation
in the place had already made the bare room more like an inhabited
house. Alice faintly begged her companion to take his place again.
“Mamma will come presently. He will want nothing but quiet and rest: he
has been--worried--you know.”
“Yes,” said Fairfax; “it throws a light upon some things I never thought
of before. My people are robust, fortunately; they are only uncles and
aunts, who don’t suffer in the same way as one’s parents, I suppose.
But, Miss Markham, if any one had cared as much for me--I have given a
great deal more cause for anxiety than your brother has done. When I see
how you are all upset it makes me blush for myself.”
“Oh, Mr. Fairfax, it is so kind, so good of you to say so.”
“Is it?” he said, with genuine surprise; “now I wonder why? There is no
goodness about it, I fear, one way or the other. Only there are lots of
us that don’t realise--that can’t understand.”
Alice’s heart grew quite light. She considered that this independent
testimony was as good as a vindication of Paul. A young man, a comrade,
must know all about him, that was self-evident; and when he declared so
distinctly Paul’s superiority to himself what doubt could there be that
such an uncalled, generous witness must be trustworthy? She could have
laughed, or cried for pleasure.
“I should like mamma to hear you,” she said. “I suppose it is because he
is so much to us all that we are so foolish. You don’t think he will
really go away? That is what worries papa. He wants him to go into
parliament, and public life.”
Fairfax laughed.
“He is a lucky fellow. It is not possible to imagine that he could
willingly throw away all these chances; but if I can answer for
Markham’s heart I can’t answer for his head, Miss Markham. The one is as
right as a compass, but the other is packed full of crotchets I must
allow; and what he may be able to do in that way, how far he may go, I
would not undertake to say.”
Alice’s countenance fell, then brightened faintly again with a little
light of opposition.
“You may call them crotchets, Mr. Fairfax, but I am sure Paul’s ideas
are convictions, and what can he do but follow them out?”
“Ah, that is giving up the question,” said the other. “I believe they
are convictions; but you may be convinced of a foolish thing as well as
a wise one.”
“What he says is not foolish. I do not agree with it,” said Alice, “but
it is fine, it is noble; he would do what our Lord says, give up
everything for the poor.”
Fairfax shook his head.
“It sounds very fine in that way, Miss Markham; but that is not how Paul
puts it. It is not giving to the poor, but sharing with his equals that
is his thought, and I do not think you would like that. If they all had
their share to-morrow, half would have two shares next day--at least so
everybody says,” he went on with a laugh--“all the philosophers; and I
am sure Paul would have no share at all. He would have given it away to
somebody who persuaded him that he had not drawn a good lot. ‘Take it,’
he would say, ‘I can starve better than you can,’ for he is a fine
aristocrat, our friend Paul.”
“Do you call that being an aristocrat?”
“To be sure; isn’t it? A poor little _roturier_ like myself has not the
knack of it. I should say, ‘Take a cut at mine,’ as if it was an orange,
and hack at it myself among the rest. But Markham does things with a
grand air. He will always have it; indeed, I think that when he had got
his share to which he would allow he had an indisputable right, he would
prefer to give it away in a lordly manner, and keep nothing but his
magnanimity. That is what he is doing now.”
To have such an audience as Alice, with that glow of tender gratitude
and pleasure in her eyes, looking up to him, fixed upon his face, her
smile following every word of this pretended impartial and philosophical
description, was worth any man’s while. He was tempted to go on
romancing about Paul, giving him not only the praise he felt his due,
but a great deal more, in order to secure a little longer that rapt
attention. But perhaps it was better to stop, and leave her time enough
to say with her hands clasped, and her whole soul in her look--
“Mr. Fairfax, you make me very happy. They have whispered things to
mamma which have made her wretched; but it is ‘nothing but his
magnanimity:’ that was what you said?”
Lady Markham opened the door, and came into the room before Fairfax
could reply. She was preoccupied, and took no notice of the conversation
that was going on. “Your father has fallen asleep,” she said; “he is
very much exhausted. Oh, how I wish we had not left home.” Then she
perceived Fairfax, and added with a change of tone, “You have had no
breakfast. Alice, I thought you would attend to Mr. Fairfax.”
“Oh!” cried Alice, “do you think he cares about breakfast when we are in
such trouble? He has been telling me about Paul. Mamma, listen to him.
He must know. He says it is all Paul’s magnanimity--that was the word.”
“Oh, my dear, my dear,” cried Lady Markham, “it is my fault. I have made
everything worse. Oh! why will women interfere? We ought to have stayed
at home, and had patience. What can we do one way or another? I have
behaved like a fool and got my boy into more trouble. And now your
father. What shall we do if he is ill too?”
“Mamma, it is impossible that you can be to blame.”
“Quite impossible!” cried Fairfax. What gave him any right to speak? Yet
they took it as a matter of course. “And pardon me, Lady Markham, I do
not think there is any one much to blame. There is no harm in it at all.
If you could but see behind the scenes as I do! Spears is an
enthusiast--say a fanatic; he believes all he says, and Paul believes
him and thinks he thinks with him; but he does not altogether; and they
will differ more and more as time goes on. Patience, and it will come
right.”
“Ah, if I could have had patience! Do you know what anxiety means?” said
Lady Markham. “It is a determination not to be unhappy. What does it
matter whether I am happy or not--I have been very happy all my life. I
ought to bear it, and wait till God sends a cure; but we would not,
Alice--we would rush into it, knowing nothing, meddling. Oh, why should
women interfere!”
This strained Alice’s sense of natural justice.
“Have not women as much to do with it as men?” she said.
Lady Markham shook her head.
“I have made things worse--I have made everything worse. Mr. Fairfax,
will you go and tell Paul that his father is ill? Oh no, I have no right
to ask you to take so much trouble; but you are kind, I know. You have a
mother who would go out of her senses too, if anything was amiss. When
you tell her she will explain it all to you; how foolish, how foolish a
woman can be. Go and tell him that his father is ill. His father is not
a man to be ill for nothing. He will see it is no light matter when he
knows that his father is ill. There is something--a little--the matter
with Sir William’s heart--not much, thank God; but we ought to spare
him. Will you tell Paul?--but Alice, Alice, how could you be so
careless, Mr. Fairfax has had no breakfast!”
Lady Markham rose hastily, and drew a chair to the table, and turned to
him, pointing to it, with a tremulous smile about her mouth, though the
tears were standing in her eyes.
Was it possible that it was only yesterday he had come to know them? He
hurried out with his message, quite agitated by the sight of this family
trouble. It was no affair of his, and he had no mother as Lady Markham
suggested, to make him understand; but his heart seemed to be suddenly
filled up like an empty vessel with these new people’s affairs. He tried
to laugh at himself, but stopped in the midst of the effort, growing
portentously grave. Why should he laugh? If Sir William was ill, and
Paul on the point of abandoning his natural position and his native
country on a wildgoose chase, with which in all probability he would
soon be utterly disgusted, circumstances were very grave for the Markham
family. Perhaps Fairfax felt it all the more strongly that he in his own
person had no family to abandon. He felt the want so much that he
wondered all the more at one who, with all these pleasant things
belonging to him, should be willing to throw up everything, and go off
into the wilds with Spears--with Spears! he repeated to himself with
indignant, yet half-amused surprise. He did not know anything about
Janet, for the very good reason that till this morning there had been
nothing to know.
Fairfax walked very rapidly to Paul’s college, but did not find him. As
he however came slowly back again across the deserted quadrangle, he met
young Markham coming gloomily along, his head down, and his countenance
obscured. There was a sort of dull decision in Paul’s aspect, as if all
his affairs had been settled at a stroke, as if the hopes and
uncertainties of ordinary life were over for him. He who held his head
so high, whose step was so light and elastic with all the rapidity of a
visionary, came along now crushing the grass with a heavy foot, all the
lightness and youthfulness gone out of him. Fairfax looked at him with
an impulse of wonder. This favourite of fortune, so much beloved,
important to so many, with the world at his feet, what could have put so
much perverseness into his mind that he, of all men in the world, should
be discontented with his lot! How wonderful it was! Paul did not want to
be accosted, to be disturbed in his gloomy thoughts by any frivolous
interruption. He was about to pass with a sullen nod when Fairfax
stopped him against his will.
“Markham, I am sent to tell you that your father is ill.”
Paul stopped, and regarded him with sudden anger.
“What the devil,” he said, with altogether uncalled-for indignation,
“have you to do with my affairs?”
“Nothing in the world; but your father has been taken ill at the hotel,”
said Fairfax. His cheek flushed, too, but he subdued himself. “Lady
Markham sent me to tell you. I have nothing to do with it,” he said;
then went on, while the other stood and glared at him. Fairfax felt the
blood boiling in his veins; but to quarrel with the undutiful son was
not in his _consigne_. A man with three such people hanging (it seemed)
their happiness on his wayward conclusions: his father ill, his mother
with those beautiful eyes all strained with anxiety; his
sister--Fairfax’s eyes grew dim, as with a dazzlement of light, as he
seemed to see before him Alice, with her head raised, her hands clasped,
her blue eyes full of emotion--all for Paul. Good heavens! who dared
speak of equality? This fellow, who was ready to share everything with
his neighbours--how insensible he was to all those happinesses which he
could not share.