appeared, and, as usual on such occasions, when he had made the same
attempt before, a dreadful battle took place. Fifty active little boys
bravely flew upon the enemy, armed with their dinner-knives, and
looked like a nest of hornets, stinging him in every direction, till
he roared with pain, and would have run away; but the fairy Teach-all,
seeing his intention, rushed forward with the carving-knife, and
brandishing it high over her head, she most courageously stabbed him
to the heart.
If a great mountain had fallen to the earth it would have seemed like
nothing in comparison with the giant Snap-'em-up, who crushed two or
three houses to powder beneath him, and upset several fine monuments
that were to have made people remembered for ever. But all this would
have seemed scarcely worth mentioning had it not been for a still
greater event which occurred on the occasion, no less than the death
of the fairy Do-nothing, who had been indolently looking on at this
great battle without taking the trouble to interfere, or even to care
who was victorious; but being also lazy about running away, when the
giant fell, his sword came with so violent a stroke on her head that
she instantly expired.
Thus, luckily for the whole world, the fairy Teach-all got possession
of immense property, which she proceeded without delay to make the
best use of in her power.
In the first place, however, she lost no time in liberating Master
No-book from his hook in the larder, and gave him a lecture on
activity, moderation, and good conduct, which he never afterwards
forgot; and it was astonishing to see the change that took place
immediately in his whole thoughts and actions. From this very hour
Master No-book became the most diligent, active, happy boy in the
fairy Teach-all's garden; and on returning home a month afterwards, he
astonished all the masters at school by his extraordinary reformation.
The most difficult lessons were a pleasure to him, he scarcely ever
stirred without a book in his hand, never lay on a sofa again, would
scarcely even sit on a chair with a back to it, but preferred a
three-legged stool, detested holidays, never thought any exertion a
trouble, preferred climbing over the top of a hill to creeping round
the bottom, always ate the plainest food in very small quantities,
joined a temperance society, and never tasted a morsel till he had
worked very hard and got an appetite.
Not long after this an old uncle, who had formerly been ashamed of
Master No-book's indolence and gluttony, became so pleased at the
wonderful change that on his death he left him a magnificent estate,
desiring that he should take his name; therefore, instead of being any
longer one of the No-book family, he is now called Sir Timothy
Blue-stocking, a pattern to the whole country around for the good he
does to everyone, and especially for his extraordinary activity,
appearing as if he could do twenty things at once. Though generally
very good-natured and agreeable, Sir Timothy is occasionally observed
in a violent passion, laying about him with his walking-stick in the
most terrific manner, and beating little boys within an inch of their
lives; but on inquiry it invariably appears that he has found them out
to be lazy, idle, or greedy; for all the industrious boys in the
parish are sent to get employment from him, while he assures them that
they are far happier breaking stones on the road than if they were
sitting idly in a drawing-room with nothing to do.
THE GRAND FEAST
By Catherine Sinclair
Lady Harriet Graham was an extremely thin, delicate, old lady, with a
very pale face and a sweet, gentle voice, which the children delighted
to hear; for it always spoke kindly to them, and sounded like music,
after the loud, rough tones of Mrs. Crabtree. She wore her own gray
hair, which had become almost as white as the widow's cap which
covered her head. The rest of her dress was generally black velvet,
and she usually sat in a comfortable arm-chair by the fireside,
watching her grandchildren at play, with a large work-bag by her side,
and a prodigious Bible open on the table before her. Lady Harriet
often said that it made her young again to see the joyous gambols of
Harry and Laura; and when unable any longer to bear their noise, she
sometimes kept them quiet by telling them the most delightful stories
about what happened to herself when she was young.
Once upon a time, however, Lady Harriet suddenly became so very ill,
that Dr. Bell said she must spend a few days in the country, for
change of air, and accordingly she determined on passing a quiet week
at Holiday House with her relations, Lord and Lady Rockville.
Meanwhile, Harry and Laura were to be left under the sole care of Mrs.
Crabtree, so it might have been expected that they would both feel
more frightened of her, now that she was reigning monarch of the
house, than ever. Harry would obey those he loved, if they only held
up a little finger; but all the terrors of Mrs. Crabtree, and her
cat-o'-nine-tails, were generally forgotten soon after she left the
room; therefore he thought little at first about the many threats she
held out, if he behaved ill, but he listened most seriously when his
dear, sick grandmamma told him, in a faint, weak voice, on the day of
her departure from home, how very well he ought to behave in her
absence, as no one remained but the maids to keep him in order, and
that she hoped Mrs. Crabtree would write her a letter full of good
news about his excellent conduct.
Harry felt as if he would gladly sit still without stirring till his
grandmamma came back, if that could only please her; and there never
was any one more determined to be a good boy than he, at the moment
when Lady Harriet's carriage came round to the door. Laura, Frank, and
Harry helped to carry all the pillows, boxes, books, and baskets which
were necessary for the journey, of which there seemed to be about
fifty; then they arranged the cushions as comfortably as possible, and
watched very sorrowfully when their grandmamma, after kindly embracing
them both, was carefully supported by Major Graham and her own maid
Harrison into the chariot. Uncle David gave each of the children a
pretty picture-book before taking leave, and said, as he was stepping
into the carriage, "Now, children, I have only one piece of serious,
important advice to give you all, so attend to me! Never crack nuts
with your teeth."
When the carriage had driven off, Mrs. Crabtree became so busy
scolding Betty, and storming at Jack the footboy, for not cleaning her
shoes well enough, that she left Harry and Laura standing in the
passage, not knowing exactly what they ought to do first, and Frank,
seeing them looking rather melancholy and bewildered at the loss of
their grandmamma, stopped a moment as he passed on the way to school,
and said in a very kind, affectionate voice:
"Now, Harry and Laura, listen both of you--here is a grand opportunity
to show everybody that we can be trusted to ourselves, without getting
into any scrapes, so that if grandmamma is ever ill again and obliged
to go away, she need not feel so sad and anxious as she did to-day. I
mean to become nine times more attentive to my lessons than usual this
morning, to show how trustworthy we are, and if you are wise, pray
march straight up to the nursery yourselves. I have arranged a gown
and cap of Mrs. Crabtree's on the large arm-chair, to look as like
herself as possible, that you may be reminded how soon she will come
back, and you must not behave like the mice when the cat is out.
Good-bye! Say the alphabet backwards, and count your fingers for half
an hour; but when Mrs. Crabtree appears again, pray do not jump out of
the window for joy."
Harry and Laura were proceeding directly towards the nursery, as Frank
had recommended, when unluckily they observed, in passing the
drawing-room door, that it was wide open; so Harry peeped in, and they
began idly wandering round the tables and cabinets. Not ten minutes
elapsed before they both commenced racing about as if they were mad,
perfectly screaming with joy, and laughing so loudly at their own
funny tricks that an old gentleman who lived next door very nearly
sent in a message to ask what the joke was.
Presently Harry and Laura ran up and down stairs till the housemaid
was quite fatigued with running after them. They jumped upon the fine
damask sofas in the drawing-room, stirred the fire till it was in a
blaze, and rushed out on the balcony upsetting one or two geraniums
and a myrtle. They spilt Lady Harriet's perfumes over their
handkerchiefs,--they looked into all the beautiful books of
pictures,--they tumbled many of the pretty Dresden china figures on
the floor,--they wound up the little French clock till it was
broken,--they made the musical work-box play its tunes, and set the
Chinese mandarins a-nodding, till they very nearly nodded their heads
off. In short, so much mischief has seldom been done in so short a
time, till at last Harry, perfectly worn out with laughing and
running, threw himself into a large arm-chair, and Laura, with her
ringlets tumbling in frightful confusion over her face, and the beads
of her coral necklace rolling on the floor, tossed herself into a sofa
beside him.
"Oh what fun!" cried Harry, in an ecstasy of delight. "I wish Frank
had been here, and crowds of little boys and girls, to play with us
all day! It would be a good joke, Laura, to write and ask all our
little cousins and companions to drink tea here to-morrow evening!
Their mammas could never guess we had not leave from grandmamma to
invite everybody, so I daresay we might gather quite a large party!
Oh how enchanting!"
Laura laughed heartily when she heard this proposal of Harry's; and
without hesitating a moment about it, she joyously placed herself
before Lady Harriet's writing-table, and scribbled a multitude of
little notes, in large text, to more than twenty young friends, all of
whom had at other times been asked by Lady Harriet to spend the
evening with her.
Laura felt very much puzzled to know what was usually said in a card
of invitation; but after many consultations, she and Harry thought at
last that it was very nicely expressed, for they wrote these words
upon a large sheet of paper to each of their friends:
"Master Harry Graham and Miss Laura wish you to have the honor of
drinking tea with us to-morrow at six o'clock.
(Signed) HARRY and LAURA."
Laura afterwards singed a hole in her muslin frock while lighting one
of the vesta matches to seal these numerous notes, and Harry dropped
some burning sealing-wax on his hand in the hurry of assisting her;
but he thought that little accident no matter, and ran away to see if
the cards could be sent off immediately.
Now there lived in the house a very old footman, called Andrew, who
remembered Harry and Laura since they were quite little babies; and he
often looked exceedingly sad and sorry when they suffered punishment
from Mrs. Crabtree. He was ready to do anything in the world when it
pleased the children, and would have carried a message to the moon, if
they had only shown him the way. Many odd jobs and private messages he
had already been employed in by Harry, who now called Andrew upstairs,
entreating him to carry out all those absurd notes as fast as
possible, and to deliver them immediately, as they were of the
greatest consequence. Upon hearing this, old Andrew lost not a moment,
but threw on his hat, and instantly started off, looking like the
twopenny postman, he carried such a prodigious parcel of invitations;
while Harry and Laura stood at the drawing-room window, almost
screaming with joy when they saw him set out, and when they observed
that, to oblige them, he actually ran along the street at a sort of
trot, which was as fast as he could possibly go. Presently, however,
he certainly did stop for a single minute, and Laura saw that it was
in order to take a peep into one of the notes, that he might ascertain
what they were all about; but as he never carried any letters without
doing so, she thought that quite natural, and was only very glad when
he had finished, and rapidly pursued his way again.
Next morning, Mrs. Crabtree and Betty became very much surprised to
observe what a number of smart livery-servants knocked at the street
door, and gave in cards; but their astonishment became still greater
when old Andrew brought up a whole parcel of them to Harry and Laura,
who immediately broke the seals, and read the contents in a corner
together.
"What are you about there, Master Graham?" cried Mrs. Crabtree,
angrily. "How dare anybody venture to touch your grandmamma's
letters?"
"They are not for grandmamma!--they are all for us! every one of
them!" answered Harry, dancing about the room with joy, and waving the
notes over his head! "Look at this direction! For Master and Miss
Graham! put on your spectacles, and read it yourself, Mrs. Crabtree!
What delightful fun! the house will be as full as an egg!"
Mrs. Crabtree seemed completely puzzled what to think of all this, and
looked so much as if she did not know exactly what to be angry at, and
so ready to be in a passion if possible, that Harry burst out
a-laughing, while he said, "Only think, Mrs. Crabtree! here is
everybody coming to tea with us!--all my cousins, besides Peter Grey,
John Stewart, Charles Forrester, Anna Perceval, Diana Wentworth, John
Fordyce, Edmund Ashford, Frank Abercromby, Ned Russell, and Tom--"
"The boy is distracted!" exclaimed Betty, staring with astonishment.
"What does all this mean, Master Harry?"
"And who gave you leave to invite company into your grandmamma's
house?" cried Mrs. Crabtree, snatching up all the notes, and angrily
thrusting them into the fire. "I never heard of such doings in all my
life before, Master Harry! but as sure as eggs are eggs you shall
repent of this, for not one morsel of cake or anything else shall you
have to give any of the party; no, not so much as a crust of bread, or
a thimbleful of tea!"
Harry and Laura had never thought of such a catastrophe as this
before; they always saw a great table covered with everything that
could be named for tea, whenever their little friends came to visit
them, and whether it rose out of the floor, or was brought by
Aladdin's lamp, they never considered it possible that the table would
not be provided as usual on such occasions; so this terrible speech of
Mrs. Crabtree's frightened them out of their wits. What was to be
done? They both knew by experience that she always did what she
threatened, or something a great deal worse, so they began by bursting
into tears, and begging Mrs. Crabtree for this once to excuse them and
to give some cakes and tea to their little visitors; but they might as
well have spoken to one of the Chinese mandarins, for she only shook
her head with a positive look, declaring over and over again that
nothing should appear upon the table except what was always brought up
for their own supper--two biscuits and two cups of milk.
"Therefore say no more about it!" added she, sternly. "I am your best
friend, Master Harry, trying to teach you and Miss Laura your duty; so
save your breath to cool your porridge."
Poor Harry and Laura looked perfectly ill with fright and vexation
when they thought of what was to happen next, while Mrs. Crabtree sat
down to her knitting, grumbling to herself, and dropping her stitches
every minute, with rage and irritation. Old Andrew felt exceedingly
sorry after he heard what distress and difficulty Harry was in; and
when the hour for the party approached, he very good-naturedly spread
out a large table in the dining-room, where he put down as many cups,
saucers, plates, and spoons as Laura chose to direct; but in spite of
all his trouble, though it looked very grand, there was nothing
whatever to eat or drink except the two dry biscuits, and the two
miserable cups of milk, which seemed to become smaller every time that
Harry looked at them.
Presently the clock struck six, and Harry listened to the hour very
much as a prisoner would do in the condemned cell in Newgate, feeling
that the dreaded time was at last arrived. Soon afterwards several
handsome carriages drove up to the door, filled with little masters
and misses, who hurried joyfully into the house, talking and laughing
all the way upstairs, while poor Harry and Laura almost wished the
floor would open and swallow them up; so they shrunk into a distant
corner of the room, quite ashamed to show their faces.
The young ladies were all dressed in their best frocks, with pink
sashes and pink shoes; while the little boys appeared in their holiday
clothes, with their hair newly brushed and their faces washed. The
whole party had dined at two o'clock, so they were as hungry as hawks,
looking eagerly round, whenever they entered, to see what was on the
tea-table, and evidently surprised that nothing had yet been put down.
Laura and Harry soon afterwards heard their visitors whispering to
each other about Norwich buns, rice-cakes, sponge-biscuits, and
macaroons; while Peter Grey was loud in praise of a party at George
Lorraine's the night before, where an immense plum-cake had been
sugared over like a snowstorm, and covered with crowds of beautiful
amusing mottoes; not to mention a quantity of noisy crackers that
exploded like pistols; besides which, a glass of hot jelly had been
handed to each little guest before he was sent home.
Every time the door opened, all eyes were anxiously turned round,
expecting a grand feast to be brought in; but quite the contrary--it
was only Andrew showing up more hungry visitors; while Harry felt so
unspeakably wretched, that, if some kind fairy could only have turned
him into a Norwich bun at the moment, he would gladly have consented
to be cut in pieces, that his ravenous guests might be satisfied.
Charles Forrester was a particularly good-natured boy, so Harry at
last took courage and beckoned him into a remote corner of the room,
where he confessed, in whispers, the real state of affairs about tea,
and how sadly distressed he and Laura felt, because they had nothing
whatever to give among so many visitors, seeing that Mrs. Crabtree
kept her determination of affording them no provisions.
"What is to be done?" said Charles, very anxiously, as he felt
extremely sorry for his little friends. "If mamma had been at home,
she would gladly have sent whatever you liked for tea, but unluckily
she is dining out! I saw a loaf of bread lying on a table at home this
evening, which she would make you quite welcome to! Shall I run home,
as fast as possible, to fetch it? That would, at any rate, be better
than nothing!"
Poor Charles Forrester was very lame; therefore while he talked of
running, he could hardly walk; but Lady Forrester's house stood so
near that he soon reached home, when, snatching up the loaf, he
hurried back towards the street with his prize, quite delighted to see
how large and substantial it looked. Scarcely had he reached the door,
however, before the housekeeper ran hastily out, saying:
"Stop, Master Charles! stop! sure you are not running away with the
loaf for my tea; and the parrot must have her supper too. What do you
want with that there bread?"
"Never mind, Mrs. Comfit!" answered Charles, hastening on faster than
ever, while he grasped the precious loaf more firmly in his hand, and
limped along at a prodigious rate: "Polly is getting too fat, so she
will be the better of fasting for one day."
Mrs. Comfit, being enormously fat herself, became very angry at this
remark, so she seemed quite desperate to recover the loaf, and hurried
forward to overtake Charles; but the old housekeeper was so heavy and
breathless, while the young gentleman was so lame, that it seemed an
even chance which won the race. Harry stood at his own door,
impatiently hoping to receive the prize, and eagerly stretched out his
arms to encourage his friend, while it was impossible to say which of
the runners might arrive first. Harry had sometimes heard of a race
between two old women tied up in sacks, and he thought they could
scarcely move with more difficulty; but at the very moment when
Charles had reached the door, he stumbled over a stone, and fell on
the ground. Mrs. Comfit then instantly rushed up, and, seizing the
loaf, she carried it off in triumph, leaving the two little friends
ready to cry with vexation, and quite at a loss what plan to attempt
next.
Meantime a sad riot had arisen in the dining-room, where the boys
called loudly for their tea; and the young ladies drew their chairs
all round the table, to wait till it was ready. Still nothing
appeared; so everybody wondered more and more how long they were to
wait for all the nice cakes and sweetmeats which must, of course, be
coming; for the longer they were delayed, the more was expected.
The last at a feast, and the first at a fray, was generally Peter
Grey, who now lost patience, and seized one of the two biscuits, which
he was in the middle of greedily devouring, when Laura returned with
Harry to the dining-room, and observed what he had done.
"Peter Grey," said she, holding up her head, and trying to look very
dignified, "you are an exceedingly naughty boy, to help yourself! As a
punishment for being so rude, you shall have nothing more to eat all
this evening."
"If I do not help myself, nobody else seems likely to give me any
supper! I appear to be the only person who is to taste anything
to-night," answered Peter, laughing; while the impudent boy took a cup
of milk, and drunk it off, saying, "Here's to your very good health,
Miss Laura, and an excellent appetite to everybody!"
Upon hearing this absurd speech all the other boys began laughing, and
made signs, as if they were eating their fingers off with hunger. Then
Peter called Lady Harriet's house "Famine Castle," and pretended he
would swallow the knives, like an Indian juggler.
"We must learn to live upon air, and here are some spoons to eat it
with," said John Fordyce. "Harry! shall I help you to a mouthful of
moonshine?"
"Peter, would you like a roasted fly?" asked Frank Abercromby,
catching one on the window. "I daresay it is excellent for hungry
people,--or a slice of buttered wall?"
"Or a stewed spider?" asked Peter. "Shall we all be cannibals, and eat
one another?"
"What is the use of all those forks, when there is nothing to stick
upon them?" asked George Maxwell, throwing them about on the floor.
"No buns!--no fruit!--no cakes?--no nothing!"
"What are we to do with those tea-cups, when there is no tea?" cried
Frank Abercromby, pulling the table-cloth, till the whole affair fell
prostrate on the floor. After this, these riotous boys tossed the
plates in the air, and caught them, becoming at last so outrageous
that poor old Andrew called them a "meal mob!" Never was there so much
broken china seen in a dining-room before. It all lay scattered on the
floor in countless fragments, looking as if there had been a bull in a
china-shop, when suddenly Mrs. Crabtree herself opened the door and
walked in, with an aspect of rage enough to petrify a milestone. Now
old Andrew had long been trying all in his power to render the boys
quiet and contented. He had made them a speech,--he had chased the
ringleaders all round the room,--and he had thrown his stick at Peter,
who seemed the most riotous,--but all in vain; they became worse and
worse, laughing into fits, and calling Andrew "the police officer and
the bailiff." It was a very different story, however, when Mrs.
Crabtree appeared, so flaming with fury she might have blown up a
powder-mill.
Nobody could help being afraid of her. Even Peter himself stood stock
still, and seemed withering away to nothing when she looked at him;
and when she began to scold in her most furious manner, not a boy
ventured to look off the ground. A large pair of tawse then became
visible in her hand, so every heart sunk with fright, and the riotous
visitors began to get behind each other, and to huddle out of sight as
much as possible, whispering, and pushing, and fighting, in a
desperate scuffle to escape.
"What is all this?" cried she at the full pitch of her voice; "has
bedlam broke loose? Who smashed these cups! I'll break his head for
him, let me tell you that! Master Peter, you should be hissed out of
the world for your misconduct; but I shall certainly whip you round
the room like a whipping-top."