Lo, my Daughter, a man came unto me saying:
“Let me be thy slave. For, behold, I am _all devotion_. And it is my
delight to serve a fair woman.”
And I looked at him and smiled sadly.
For I knew that he was _invulnerable_; and all my weapons were broken
against me.
But another came unto me saying:
“Behold! I am a _woman-hater_. Not one of them do I trust. Nay, not one
can deceive and allure me. For I have _their numbers_, all of them.”
And my heart was gladdened. For, by that sign, I knew that he was
_easy_. And my way was clear before me.
Verily, verily, men are of three varieties: the kind that must be
driven with whip and spur; the kind that must be coaxed with apples
and sugar; and the kind that must be blindfolded and _backed_ into the
shafts of matrimony.
And the woman-hater is like unto the last.
Therefore, I charge thee, when thou meetest one of these seek not to
argue with him, neither to convince him; but _agree_ with him sweetly,
that all thy sex is weak and untrustworthy.
Discourse sorrowfully upon the _pitfalls_ of flirtation, and the
_hollowness_ of love, and the _horrors_ of matrimony.
Declare boldly thy scorn for the New Woman, and for the Old Woman, and
for the Frivolous Woman, and for the Highbrow, and for the Lowbrow, and
all the women that are on the earth and in the heavens above the earth.
And when thou hast disarmed him, taking all his arguments from out his
mouth, speak sweetly concerning the beauties of _platonic friendship_
and wax rapturous in its praises.
Bring the cushion for his head, and the footstool for his feet, and
feed him from the chafing dish with the fruits of thine own cooking,
saying:
“I prithee, _do_ smoke, for it is so _chummy_! Yea, I beg of thee,
treat me as thou wouldst a _man_ friend.”
Let him hold thy hand.
And he shall say in his heart:
“Would to heaven I were not a Woman Hater, and that all women were like
unto her; for she is _sensible_ and _sincere_--and a bachelor flat was
never like _this_!”
And upon the seventh evening he shall fall down before thee and retract
all his words, eating them one by one.
And when thou remindest him of thy warnings and of thy fear of
marriage, he will seek to persuade thee and will comfort thee with
kisses and a solitaire.
Then shalt thou slip the bridle over his head and the reins shall be in
_thine_ hands. And there shall be _one less_ Woman Hater in the world.
For a _Woman Hater_, my Beloved, is like unto the simple ostrich, which
hideth its head in the sand and thinketh itself safe.
But he that professeth open adoration is like unto the park squirrel,
which will eat out of thine hand but can _never be caught_!