A perfect husband, who can find one?
For his price is far above gold bonds.
The heart of his wife rejoiceth in him, and he shall have no lack of
encouragement.
He worketh willingly with his hands and bringeth home _all_ his shekels.
He riseth without calling and lifteth the ice from off the dumbwaiter.
He starteth the kitchen range. He considereth his wife, and kisseth her
_occasionally_.
Six days of the week doth he labor for his moneys, and upon the seventh
doeth chores within the house for _relaxation_.
With his own hands he runneth the lawn mower and washeth the dog.
He layeth his hands to the parlor curtains and putteth up the portieres.
He hooketh his wife’s dresses up the back, _without_ mutterings.
He putteth the cat out by night.
He is _not_ afraid of the cook.
His ashes fall not upon the carpet, and his cigarette burneth not holes
in the draperies.
For he doeth his smoking on the piazza.
He weareth everlasting socks and seweth on his own buttons.
His overcoat doeth him two seasons.
Yet, when he ventureth abroad with his wife he donneth a _dress suit_
without grumbling.
The grouch knoweth him not and his breakfast always pleaseth him. His
mouth is filled with praises for his wife’s cooking. He doth _not_
expect chicken salad from left-over veal, neither the making of lobster
patties from an ham-bone.
His wife is known within the gates, when she sitteth among the officers
of her Club, by the fit of her gowns and her imported hats. He luncheth
meagrely upon a sandwich that he may adorn her with fine jewels. He
grumbleth not at the bills.
He openeth his mouth with praises and _noteth_ her new frock. And the
word of flattery is on his tongue.
He perceiveth not the existence of _other_ women.
He may be _trusted_ to mail a letter.
Lo, many men have I met in the world, but none like unto _him_.
Yet have ye all seen him--in your _dreams_!