“My dear sir,” said Mr. Morgan, rather agitated, “do not express yourself
so strongly and vehemently. It is derogatory to the sex to speak so.
It is more respectful to say, in these cases, that you do not venture
to entertain a hope; such a manner is generally understood and does not
sound like such positive objection.”
“I cannot help it, sir; I must talk in my own natural manner. I would
not speak disrespectfully of any woman; but nothing should induce me to
marry Miss Caroline Tomkinson; not if she were Venus herself, and Queen
of England in the bargain. I cannot understand what has given rise to the
idea.”
“Indeed, sir; I think that is very plain. You have a trifling case to
attend to in the house, and you invariably make it a pretext for seeing
and conversing with the lady.”
“That was her doing, not mine!” said I vehemently.
* * * * *
“But, my dear sir, I had no idea that you would carry it out to such
consequences. ‘Philandering,’ Miss Tomkinson called it. That is a hard
word, sir. My manner has been always tender and sympathetic, but I am not
aware that I ever excited any hopes; there never was any report about me.
I believe no lady was ever attached to me. You must strive after this
happy medium, sir.”
I was still distressed. Mr. Morgan had only heard of one, but there were
three ladies (including Miss Bullock) hoping to marry me. He saw my
annoyance.
“Don’t be too much distressed about it, my dear sir; I was sure you were
too honourable a man from the first. With a conscience like yours, I
would defy the world.”
I was very cowardly. I positively dared not go home; but at length I was
obliged to. I had done all I could to console Mr. Morgan, but he refused
to be comforted. I went at last. I rang the bell. I don’t know who opened
the door, but I think it was Mrs. Rose. I kept a handkerchief to my
face, and, muttering something about having a dreadful toothache, I flew
up to my room and bolted the door. I had no candle; but what did that
signify. I was safe. I could not sleep; and when I did fall into a sort
of doze, it was ten times worse waking up. I could not remember whether
I was engaged or not. If I was engaged, who was the lady? I had always
considered myself as rather plain than otherwise; but surely I had made a
mistake. Fascinating I certainly must be; but perhaps I was handsome. As
soon as day dawned, I got up to ascertain the fact at the looking-glass.
Even with the best disposition to be convinced, I could not see any
striking beauty in my round face, with an unshaven beard and a nightcap
like a fool’s cap at the top. No! I must be content to be plain, but
agreeable. All this I tell you in confidence. I would not have my little
bit of vanity known for the world.