_Chelsea Knackatory._
Several frolicsome gentlemen hired a hackney-coach in 1724, to which
they affixed six horses; the coachman and postillion they habited as
kennel-sweepers or scavengers; and they placed as many shoe-boys as
could cling to the vehicle behind as footmen, with their stools on
their heads and baskets of implements by their sides. Thus equipped
they drove to the Ring in Hyde-park, and there entertained the company
with this species of eccentricity.
There is a certain degree of whim in some of the wagers we find
recorded in the newspapers, that, however absurd the bettors may
appear, a smile is excited perforce.
In the above year two gentlemen, full of money and destitute of wit,
had a dispute respecting the quantity that might be eaten at one meal.
This ended in a bet of 5_l._ proposed by one of them, that himself
and _another_ would eat a bushel of tripe, and drink four bottles of
wine, within an hour. The parties met at Islington, where the tripe was
produced and the wine displayed; nothing remained but the introduction
of the _another_; that _another_, gentle reader, proved a sharp-set
Bear, who fully justified his friend's prognostick with the tripe
diluted by three bottles of wine poured into it.
Applebee's Original Weekly Journal for November 19, 1726, has the
following curious article, which fills another niche in our Pantheon
of Eccentrics: "For the entertainment of our brother _dumplineers_,
we shall inform them of a curiosity contrived for their accommodation
at the Sun Tavern in St. Paul's Church-yard; which is the invention
of Mr. Johnston, the master of the house; being a larder erected in
the middle of his yard, which stands upon four pedestals, in a perfect
round twelve feet in circumference, in the lower part whereof is three
round shelves with cylindrical doors to open and shut; the same is
covered with a curious slab of black and white marble three feet in
diameter, and a direct circular figure, from whence the four pedestals
are carried up, between each of which are two sliding sashes with
convex glasses: the four pillars are adorned with curious iron-work
and other ornaments, as well for beauty as use, and a shelf runs round
the inside for containing proper provent for the stomach. In the midst
hangs a crown of iron painted and gilt, and the top rises into a dome
twelve feet in height, in the same manner as that of St. Paul's, which
is leaded over with four round or port holes covered with wire for the
conveniency of admitting the air and keeping out the flies. On the top
of the dome is a globe, upon which sits Bacchus astride upon a tun,
to signify his Godship is willing to lay a good foundation, that he
may be the better able to contain his liquor; on his head is the Sun
dispersing his rays; from the four sides are four sliding shelves which
draw out for the accommodation of such dumplineers as desire to drink
their wine at the fountain-head, or next the cellar door. The whole is
neatly painted and gilt."
There is sometimes a degree of eccentricity blended with revenge; an
instance of which occurred in 1727. The pastor of the parish of St.
Andrew Undershaft had differed with a female of his flock to a very
violent degree; in consequence, the lady renounced his spiritual
governance while living, and solemnly declared her corpse should not
receive the rites of burial from his lips when dead. This resolution
was communicated by the executors to the undertaker, who provided a
Clergyman to officiate at the funeral. As the Priest of the parish
had notice of this strange proceeding, he determined to prevent the
intruded Priest from performing the ceremony; but the latter, equally
tenacious, insisted on his right, in compliance with the lady's will. A
violent dispute succeeded, which terminated by both parties reading the
burial service.
After this shameful scene of impiety, the Parish Priest retired to the
Vestry-room, and enquired of the Clerk whether he had provided him
a ticket for hat-bands and gloves, as usual. The Clerk replying in a
surly manner that he had not, the Priest wreaked dire vengeance on his
body by a thorough beating[414:A]. In short the offending Clerk by his
Ecclesiastick
Was beat with fist instead of a stick.
The St. James's Evening Post of January 1728 mentions a nameless
oddity, who kept open house in his _own way_ during the holidays at a
Tavern near St. James's-market: "He treats all the company that comes,
provided they appear fit for a gentleman to keep company with; pays
his reckoning twice a day, and thinks no expence too great that their
eating and drinking can put him to. He never quits his room, or changes
his linen. The house has already received some hundreds of pounds from
him, and is likely to receive many more, if his constitution can but do
its duty. He proposes to hold it for three months; and it is said, this
is not the first time he has done so."
Abraham Simmonds, a tobacconist, who retired to enjoy a handsome
independence at Lewisham, died in 1728. His widow and executrix found,
to her utter dismay, upon opening his will, that he had directed his
body to be buried in his own orchard, wrapped in a blanket, without
any of the usual religious ceremonies; and that his favourite dog after
his natural decease should be deposited in the same grave. The lady
seems to have been a sagacious wife, and a good hand at a quibble.
She strictly complied with the eccentric wishes of Mr. Simmonds; but,
as that gentleman neglected to say his body must _remain_ in the
Orchard, she had it conveyed into a handsome coffin, and thence to the
church-yard, where the Parish Priest performed the burial rites.
Orator Henley, who is said to have restored the antient eloquence of
the pulpit, was frequently mentioned in the Newspapers _circa_ 1724 as
appointed to preach Charity Sermons. He appears however in 1726 to have
entered into the true spirit of eccentricity, and frequently advertised
in the following style:
"On Sunday July 31 the Theological Lectures of the Oratory begin in
the French Chapel in Newport-market, on the most curious subjects
in Divinity. They will be after the manner and of the extent of the
Academical Lectures. The first will be on the Liturgy of the Oratory,
without derogating from any other, at half an hour after three in the
afternoon. Service and Sermon in the morning will be at half an hour
after ten. The subjects will be always new, and treated in the most
natural manner. On Wednesday next, at five in the evening, will be an
Academical Lecture on Education antient and modern. The chairs that
were forced back last Sunday by the crowd, if they would be pleased to
come a very little sooner, would find the passage easy. As the town is
pleased to approve of this undertaking, and the institutor neither does
nor will act nor say any thing in it that is contrary to the laws of
God and his country; he depends on the protection of both, and despises
malice and calumny." One of the writers of the Weekly Journal says, the
fame of Henley led him to visit the Oratory, and adds, "About the usual
hour of the Orator's entering the public scene of action, a trap-door
gave way behind the pulpit, as if forced open by some invisible hand;
and at one large leap the Orator jumped to the desk, where he at once
fell to work. I eyed the person of the Orator thoroughly, and could
point out in every lineament of his face the features and muscles
of a Jew, with a strong tincture of the Turk. But, to come to his
oration, which turned on the important subject of Education antient and
modern--I had entertained hopes of meeting with something curious at
least, if not just, on the great theme he had made choice of; though,
instead of it, I heard nothing but a few common sentiments, phrases,
and notions, beat into the audience with hands, arms, legs, and head,
as if people's understandings were to be courted and knocked down with
blows, and gesture and grimace were to plead and atone for all other
deficiencies." The price of admission was one shilling.
Mr. Henley issued his notice of intended lectures in November 1728
in the ensuing strange manner: "At the Oratory in Newport-market,
to-morrow, at half an hour after ten, the Sermon will be on the Witch
of Endor. At half an hour after five the Theological lecture will be on
the Conversion and Original of the Scottish Nation, and of the Picts
and Caledonians; St. Andrew's relicks and panegyrick, and the character
and mission of the Apostles.
"On Wednesday at six, or near the matter, take your chance, will be a
medley Oration on the History, Merits, and Praise of Confusion, and of
Confounders in the road and out of the way.
"On Friday will be that on Dr. Faustus and Fortunatus and conjuration;
after each the Chimes of the Times, No. 23 and 24. N. B. Whenever the
prices of the seats are occasionally raised in the week-days, notice
will be given of it in the prints. An account of the performances
of the Oratory from the first to August last is published, with the
discourse on Nonsense; and if any Bishop, Clergyman, or other subject
of His Majesty, or the subject of any foreign Prince or state, can at
my years, and in my circumstances and opportunities, without the least
assistance or any patron in the world, parallel the study, choice,
variety, and discharge, of the said performances of the Oratory by his
own or any others, I will engage forthwith to quit the said Oratory.