A DOGGY PLACE.
When first cut adrift from Kitty, I felt disgusted with service and
had a great mind not to be a maid again, because I knew I should hate
waiting on any other mistress. But people who have to earn their own
living cannot afford to be fanciful, and reflection soon showed me
the unwisdom of throwing up in a pet a profession in which I had now
acquired some little experience; so, within a couple of days after
my return to London, I was once more advertising for a place as
travelling-maid.
The next consideration was how I was to get myself a character, as I
certainly could not apply to my late employers for one. Of course it
was open to me to supply myself with it in the same way I had done
before; but though I had then thought it a good joke and laughed at
the deception I practised, yet somehow I did not find myself taking
to the idea nearly as kindly now. I had been in the habit of making
fools of people for the mere fun of the thing, and had regarded a
falsehood much as the historian Green says that Queen Elizabeth did,
_i.e._ as an intellectual means of meeting a difficulty. But my views
seemed to have undergone an alteration of late, and I was conscious
of a certain amount of repugnance for what was untrue, which perhaps
showed that my intercourse with Kitty had had some effect in
educating my conscience, and that I had imbibed something of her
contempt for lies. Therefore I hesitated about writing a false
character; and no doubt my scruples were all the more lively in
consequence of my recent detection and narrow escape of prosecution
for forgery; for I had a horror of going to prison.
Consider as I might, however, I could see no honest way out of the
difficulty. A character I _must_ have, as without one I had no chance
of a situation, and without a situation I should starve. And as I had
no one to give me a character, I was bound to give it myself.
So--with a sigh for my own roguery--I took a pen and indited an
epistle, highly recommending Caroline Jill, from a lady with whom she
had lived two years and eight months, and who, before departing for
the Cape (where she did not want to be accompanied by a maid) had
written this character for the aforesaid Jill. I flatter myself it
was an artistic composition, decidedly complimentary, and yet not
ascribing to me such perfection as might arouse suspicion by its
incompatibility with the frailty of human nature.
After waiting for two or three weeks without receiving a single
answer to my advertisement, and searching the papers diligently
during that time without discovering any place advertised of the kind
that I wanted, I came to the conclusion that travelling-maids were at
a discount just at present. Living in lodgings and earning nothing
was too expensive a process to be continued long, so it seemed to me
that I had better alter my plans, and try and be something which was
_not_ at a discount. Should I go in for being a shopwoman? But that
was a monotonous existence, I thought, with not enough chance of
variety and amusement to suit me. And then it struck me that I might
let my talents as courier-maid lie idle for a while, and try for an
ordinary lady's-maid's situation. I knew that my lack of dressmaking
knowledge was much against that scheme; but still I _might_ have the
luck to meet with one of those ladies who always have their dresses
made out. At any rate I determined to make the attempt.
As soon as possible next morning I procured one or two newspapers,
copied the addresses of as many advertisers for ladies-maids as I
should be able to go and see in the day, and set off to call upon
these ladies. At every place, however, I found that dressmaking was
an indispensable qualification, and I returned to my lodgings weary
and unsuccessful. Next day I repeated the process with no better
result; and on the third day also it was just the same story over
again. Wherever I went there was a universal demand for dressmaking
on the part of the maid; and I began to wonder if, in all England,
there existed such a person as a struggling dressmaker; and if so,
why she did not instantly take to lady's-maiding.
Though discouraged by these repeated failures, I thought I would
still persevere a little longer before giving up, and accordingly
started on a fourth day's round as before. In the course of them I
came to the house of a Mrs. Torwood, who lived in Chester Square. My
ring at her bell was not answered for several minutes, and I was
thinking of repeating it when a noise something like a miniature
steam-engine approaching from within the house made me pause to see
what was coming. Directly afterwards the door was opened, and I
perceived that the pulling and blowing I had heard proceeded from a
fat, apoplectic-looking man-servant, to whom stairs were evidently
antipathetic, and who was panting tremendously after his ascent from
the inferior regions to the front-door. Being too much out of breath
to waste words, he only nodded affirmatively when I inquired whether
his mistress was at home and disengaged.
"Then please will you go and tell her," I said, "that I have called
about the maid's place, and ask if she can see me now?"
By this time he had recovered sufficiently to be able to speak.
"Why it's _hanother_ of 'em! Is this hever going to hend?" he groaned
in a melancholy voice, when he heard what my errand was. Then, some
happy thought seemed to occur to him, for his face brightened, and he
muttered to himself, "But why shouldn't she and me settle it? _I'll_
soon see if it's hany good her going further." And without stirring
from the spot, or giving the slightest indication of any intention of
taking my message, he addressed me thus:
"'Scuse me hasking, miss, but was your father, or hany near
rela_tive_ of yours, a 'untsman?"
"No," I answered, whereupon his countenance fell a little, and he
resumed:
"Or a gamekeeper, p'raps?"
I repeated the negative, and he looked still more disappointed, but
continued:
"No hoffence, miss, if I hasks one more question, and that is, 'ave
you hever, in hany way, bin abitooally brought in contack with
kennels, or packs of 'ounds?"
I shook my head; feeling not a little astonished at all this
questioning.
"Hah, then there's not a ghost of a chance as you'll take the place,"
he exclaimed regretfully, "and you may as well say good day, for I
can't in conshence hadvise you to go a wasting of your valuable time
with seeing the missis! I'm sorry--very; for I'm quite sick of a
hopening this old door to maids come about the sitooation, and I did
'ope as you might 'ave done, and put a bend to it. But its no use;
from what you've told me, I can see plainly as you won't do."
That the man was a character was evident; but as I was getting tired
of standing talking to him, and did not at all wish to receive his
confidences about his employers, I politely reiterated my former
request that he would go and find out if his mistress would see me.
"Well; but 'aven't I just _told_ you as it's no good?" he returned,
looking at me with an air of aggrieved surprise. "When I tells you as
I _knows_ as you hain't the individooal for the place, can't you go
hoff agin quietly, without a giving no more trouble? If you 'aven't
no considerashin for yourself, you might 'ave some for _me_, and not
give me all the wear and tear of toiling hup a lot of steps just for
nothing."
The seriousness with which he seemed to expect that I should accept
his opinion, and be satisfied to go away without having seen the lady
of the house, was intensely ludicrous, and I had some difficulty in
keeping my countenance.
"I am quite grieved to be so troublesome," I said, "but I have a
strange fancy for always making sure for myself whether a place will
suit me or not, and I'm afraid I really must ask you to be so good as
to let the lady know I am here."
He did not at all resent this (to him, probably, incomprehensible)
pertinacity on my part, but only put on a sort of resigned-martyr
air, saying:
"Come halong then, since you hinsists hupon it. But you'll soon find
as I was right, and p'raps that'll make you less hinkredulous of my
words hanother time. If you honly knowed what a lot of maids I've a
took hup these 'ere blessid stairs and down hagain, all for nothing!
Putting a hunfair strain hupon a man's lungs, _I_ considers it; but
there!--people _are_ so thoughtless."
He took care to reduce the strain upon his lungs to a minimum by
making me accompany him as far as the first landing on the stairs,
and wait there whilst he proceeded to the drawing-room. Thus, when he
had ascertained that his mistress would see me, it was only necessary
for him to lean over the banisters and beckon, whereby he avoided
having to descend any steps to fetch me, and could wait placidly till
I joined him on the first floor to be ushered into Mrs. Torwood's
presence.
There were dogs dispersed about the room in all directions, and my
entrance was the signal for a sudden chorus of sharp barks, which
gave me some clue to a comprehension of the butler's enigmatical
allusions to a kennel. It would have been impossible to hear oneself
speak had the clamour continued; but it subsided as quickly as it had
arisen, and, with two exceptions, the dogs took no more notice of me.
One exception was a terrier, who uttered subdued yaps at intervals,
as if half-ashamed of it; and the other was a collie, who thought he
would like my umbrella (which I held in my hand), and who kept
sidling up with an innocent air, and giving unobtrusive tugs at the
coveted object from time to time, apparently in hopes of getting
possession of it at some unguarded moment when I might be too much
engrossed in talking to his mistress to notice his proceedings. The
rest of the dogs, however, evidently thought that they had done their
duty conscientiously when they had proclaimed my advent, and that
there was no need to pursue the subject further. Very possibly they
considered barking to be the proper canine equivalent to the human
practice of announcing a visitor's name, which is only done on the
visitor's entrance, and not repeated afterwards.
Mrs. Torwood looked to me pretty, elegantly dressed, and silly, and
I guessed her age to be about thirty. She began by asking me my
name; after I had told her that, I expected the usual queries as to
qualifications would follow, and waited with dread for the mention of
that abominable dressmaking which had so often been my rock ahead.
But her next remark was quite unlike anything I had anticipated. She
hesitated a moment, and then said:
"You see these dogs of mine? Well, I can assure you that they are the
nicest, best-behaved darlings possible, and not a bit of trouble. Why
any one should mind doing anything for them, I can't conceive; but so
many maids _do_ object to it, for some unaccountable reason or other,
that I had better tell you at once that I expect my maid to brush and
comb these dogs every morning and take them out walking, besides
washing them once a week. So if you would dislike that, of course it
is no use my thinking of engaging you."
Certainly this was rather a variety on the ordinary ideas of what a
lady's-maid's duties would be; but as I had always been fond of
animals, I did not feel averse to the notion. Still, as Mrs. Torwood
evidently thought it likely that I should make difficulties about
undertaking the dogs, I would not be in too great a hurry to consent,
and would appear to make rather a favour of it. So I paused to
consider, and then asked: "How many dogs are there to look after,
m-m?"
"There are six at present," she replied; "but of course, if I were to
get any new ones, you would have them also."
It flashed upon me that here was an excellent opportunity for
escaping the demand for dressmaking which had hitherto been my
stumbling-block at every place for which I had applied.
"I have never been expected to take care of any lower animals
before," I said, speaking as like a dignified lady's-maid as I
could; "still, I would not object to oblige you by doing so, provided
no dressmaking is required."
"Why not?" she inquired, looking surprised.
"Because I know I should not have time for it," I answered.
"Oh, but the dogs won't take you the whole day," she returned. "I
don't say you would have time for a great deal of dressmaking. But
surely you might manage just a little--especially if you weren't
hurried about it?"
"There will be you to wait upon, and your clothes to keep in order,
m-m," said I, "and that, with washing, combing, and taking out six
dogs, is quite as much as I could _think_ of undertaking to get
through in the day; because if I undertook anything more, I know I
should only fail to give you satisfaction."
She hesitated. She had, however, met with so many maids who had from
the first moment flatly refused to have to do with her pets, that one
like me, who had no objection to them, seemed to her a _rara avis_.
Besides, her present maid was just going away, and she was in a hurry
to secure another. And therefore, after a little more opposition, my
firmness carried the day, and the obnoxious dressmaking was conceded.
Then we discussed other details, and I had to produce the character
with which I was provided. This, and the account of myself which I
gave, being deemed satisfactory, the interview terminated in my
engagement as her maid--upon which office I was to enter in another
three days.
She rang the bell when I left the room, and in the hall I found the
fat butler waiting to see that I left the premises without committing
any depredations on the plate or other portable property.
"Well; so now you knows as I was right, I s'pose, and that you might
as well 'ave gone away at once when I told you," he observed.
"Not exactly," I returned, "seeing that I have taken the situation."
"You don't say so!" he cried joyfully, elevating his eyebrows in
extreme surprise. "Thank goodness for that; and I honly 'opes as
you'll keep it, so as I shan't 'ave no more worrit with maids coming
about the place! What haggeravated me, you see, was knowing all the
time as they was _sure_ not to take it, and that I was just a
trotting hup and down them beastly old stairs, all for nothing. A man
doesn't like to think as he's being sackerificed in vain; and that
there's no hobjeck in heggsershuns sitch as may land him in a
consumpshun or a hastma."
"But you made sure once too often," I said, laughing; "you declared
that it was no use showing _me_ upstairs, and yet you were wrong, you
see."
"Not a bit of it," he retorted severely; "no young 'ooman need think
as she'll make me out wrong so heasy as all that. Did you never 'ear
tell of the eggsepshun as proves the rule? Because that's what _you_
are, let me tell you; and I doesn't form my judgment by eggsepshuns
but by rules! Precious slow those eggsepshuns are in showing
theirselves, too, sometimes. I've known one keep a man waiting till
he's just wore out, instead of 'urrying to the fore sharp when 'twas
wanted, as it _might_ 'a done."
Having thus refuted the charge of error, and given me a pretty broad
hint that I--by not making my appearance on the scene sooner--had
incurred the responsibility of his numerous needless journeys up and
downstairs on behalf of aspirant maids, he relaxed his severity, and
bid me good-bye with a graciousness which showed he bore no malice
for the injuries I had done him.
I returned his farewell civilly, little dreaming that this man would
ever give me a means of annoying my hated step-mother; then I went
straight to buy a dog-whistle, which seemed to me a most essential
article for Mrs. Torwood's maid to possess.
It was on that same day, I remember, that the papers announced the
engagement of the Hon. K. Mervyn to Lord Clement. I had not expected
it to come quite so soon, but otherwise was not at all surprised; for
I had never doubted that the Earl's chance of winning her would go up
as soon as Captain Norroy was out of the question.