In Professor SKITTLES' chair--with the sun in my eyes. He has not begun
to read my character yet; he is still measuring--with tape this time. I
must say he takes great pains. Blazer contingent has moved up closer;
they pretend to recognise me as "Cousin BILL." Take no notice of
them--try to fix my thoughts far away--on ETHEL DERING. How pretty she
looked that night! Wonder, if I had plucked up my courage and spoken,
whether she might not have----However, I didn't, and she couldn't. How
full is life of these missed opportunities! ("You're leaving out his
nose, Guv'nor!" from a Blazer, and giggles from idiotic girls in front.)
I feel very forlorn and friendless up here. Professor has finished
measuring, and is preparing to "delineate" me.
Cross my legs, and compose myself to listen seriously. ("Cheer up, Sir;
he'll tell you when he's going to 'urt you!" _yelps a beast in the
background_.)
"Here we 'ave a gentleman," says the Professor, passing his hand along
the top of my head, "in some respects rather a contrast to our last
subject." (_I should hope so, indeed!_) "This gentleman's 'ed is the
second largest we have had under examination to-day." ("'Ear-'ear!"
_from the Blazers, and a meaningless suggestion that I should_ "make a
good 'atter!") "His Mental Brain is scarcely so large as we might
expect; in fact, if the development of the lower brain were in
proportion, we should find the gentleman--well, I _was_ going to say, an
idiot. Fortunately the brain, though not tall, is wide. He has Firmness,
Energy, and what we call Driving Power, very large. This is a very
curious gentleman"--("Oughter be stuffed!" _puts in a ruffian, and
everybody laughs--even the Professor--confound him!--smiles
indulgently_.) "He likes to go everywhere, and see everything. He can
sit down to a good dinner, and enjoy it." (_Shouldn't have thought that
a rare characteristic--but it delights the audience._) "His Self-Esteem
is large." (_There he is quite wrong--I haven't nearly_ enough!)
"Acquisitiveness also large; this gentleman believes in getting the full
value for his money." (_Don't believe I shall get it here, at all
events!_) "He is very cheerful and social." ("Don't he _look_ it, too!"
_from a Blazer, and, of course, roars of laughter._) "In fact, if he
were a little _less_ social, it would be better." (_This to me--who have
come down here for absolute seclusion. This Professor is a fool!_) "He
will be fond of his children and of his wife." ("And can't she comb his
'air for him!" _from the usual quarter_. _I am a bachelor, and this sort
of thing is getting scandalous._) Professor says, "I must appeal to this
gentleman's friends"--(_this gentleman's "friends!"_)--"to keep a little
more quiet while we are delineating. There is very small Eventuality--we
should like to see a little more Eventuality--he must try to cultivate
his Eventuality." (_Indeed? Perhaps he will kindly tell me how I am to
set about it!_) "Approbativeness large; so we shall see him very anxious
to gain the good opinion of others." (_When I don't care a straw what
people say of me! Phrenology is bosh--absolute bosh!_) "Destructiveness
small; this is not a gentleman who will do very much damage." (_Sighs of
mock relief from Blazers._) "Nor is he, we should find, particularly
combative." ... ("You 'aven't seen 'im of a Saturday night," _interrupts
some vulgar brute_.) Psha!--I won't listen; regard the audience with
calm reproach. What a face that is on the second bench! what a pair of
brown eyes!--kind of eyes _Juliet_ must have had. ETHEL'S are light
grey--what a serious, simple expression! She is not giggling, like all
those fools--I could almost fancy she feels for me. How superior she
seems to all the rest. ETHEL DERING herself could not look more
exquisitely out of place. In fact, I am not sure that ETHEL would keep
her countenance so well as this girl, who is bending forward with parted
lips, and that sweet, interested light in her eyes.... I am getting
sentimental. Was _Romeo_ ever "delineated"? Professor is summing me
up--I may as well listen.
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Illustration: July yet.
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Illustration: Row me O!
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