I have just received intelligence of so astounding a character and
fraught with such glorious results to the great majority of mankind,
that, although I may be said to have partly promised to keep the
wondrous secret to myself until after I had turned the information to my
own enormous advantage, I do not hesitate to reveal to a delighted
universe, information which, if true, will so revolutionise the whole
constitution of society, that every individual member of the almost
innumerable class of the indebted, will feel at once enfranchised from
the demon that now pursues him with his insatiable demand for more, and
his poor oppressed soul will, as of old, sing with joy. What then is
this glorious discovery that is thus wondrously to relieve the gentlemen
of society from the base bondage of debt? I am naturally forbidden to
reveal all its minute details, but a general outline I feel justified in
laying before the world.
My informant, then, who will be one of the very first to take advantage
of the discovery directly it has reached a practical stage, assures me
that in an island somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, named I rather think
Ungyway, a discovery has been made of a Gold Mine of so extraordinary a
character that the precious metal lies in it in huge seams like those of
a copper or lead mine.
Now comes the financial part of this great discovery. My friend has
calculated that the money, owing by the various respectable classes of
society to whom I have already alluded, and the great National Debt,
could all be paid off for, say, a sum of 2000 millions. This somewhat
considerable amount could be raised from the Ungyway Gold Mine at a cost
of two millions of money only, and leave a large profit. The quantity of
gold to be so raised would be a mere trifle of 20,000 tons, which, at
the fixed price of £3 17_s._ 10_d._ per ounce, at which price the Bank
of England is compelled to purchase any quantity offered to it, would be
amply sufficient for all the glorious purposes to which I have referred.
The members of the class above alluded to, would be permitted to
purchase the quantity required by them to free them from their cruel
liabilities, at the cost price of the gold, so that a debt of £1,000
could be extinguished by, say, an expenditure of twenty shillings! and
the crushing National Debt by an immediate payment of about £750,000!
Away fly at once the iniquitous Income-Tax, and the duties on tea and
coffee, and wine and beer, and figs, and almonds and raisins!
No wonder that both France and Germany have been sending out expeditions
to discover this Fortunate Island, but all in vain; and long before
these lines meet the gaze of my astonished readers, the flag that has
braved a thousand years the battle and the breeze will be fluttering
bravely on the topmost towers of Ungyway. I need scarcely add that we
shall in future pay for all our imports in gold, and send away our
superabundant pauper population, native and foreign, each with about one
hundred golden sovereigns in his capacious pockets, the cost price of
which being about two shillings.
Of course the one thing to do before the great scheme is finally settled
by Messrs. ROTHSCHILD and BARING, will be to get largely into debt at
the present price of gold, and pay it off at the price of the future,
and so, as ROBINSON says, spoil the Israelites; and so great is his
faith in the success of the scheme, that he actually offers to join me
in the transaction, and to obtain the money on our joint security. I am
to give him my final answer on Saturday.