IV

When, late in the evening, Bertha entered her room, the idea which she

had taken into her head of going up to the attic at once and fetching

down the case with the letters seemed to her to be almost venturesome.

She was afraid that some one in the house might observe her on her

nocturnal pilgrimage, and might take her for mad. She could, of course,

go up the next morning quite conveniently and without causing any stir;

and so she fell asleep, feeling like a child who has been promised an

outing into the country on the following day.

She had much to do the next forenoon; her domestic duties and piano

lessons occupied the whole of the time. She had to give her sister-in-law

an account of her visit to Vienna. Her story was that in the afternoon

she had gone for a walk with her cousin, and the impression was conveyed

that she had made an excuse to Frau Rupius at the request of Agatha.

It was not until the afternoon that she went up to the attic and brought

down the dusty travelling-case, which was lying beside a trunk and a

couple of boxes--the whole collection covered with an old and torn piece

of red-flowered coffee-cloth. She remembered that her object on the last

occasion on which she had opened the case had been to put away the

papers which her parents had left behind. On her return to her room she

opened the case and perceived lying on top of the other contents a number

of letters from her brothers and other letters, with the handwriting of

which she was not familiar; then she found a neat little bundle

containing the few letters which her parents had addressed to her: these

were followed by two books of her mother's household accounts, a little

copybook dating back to her own schooldays and containing entries of

timetables and exercises, a few programmes of the dances which she had

attended when a young girl, and, finally, Emil Lindbach's letters, which

were wrapped up in blue tissue paper, torn here and there. And now she

was able to fix the very day on which she had last held those letters in

her hand, although she had not read them on that occasion. It was when

her father had been lying ill for some time and, for whole days, she had

not once gone outside the door.

She laid the bundle aside. She wanted, first of all, to see all the other

things which had been stored in the case, and concerning which she was

consumed with curiosity. A number of letters lay in a loose heap at the

bottom of the case, some with their envelopes and others without. She

cast her eye over them at random. There were letters from old friends, a

few from her cousin, and here was one from the doctor who had courted her

in the old days. In it he asked her to reserve for him the first waltz

at the medical students' dance. Here--what was it? Why, it was that

anonymous letter which some one had addressed to her at the

Conservatoire. She picked it up and read:

"My Dear Fraulein,

"Yesterday I again had the good fortune to have an opportunity of

admiring you on your daily walk; I do not know whether I had also the

good fortune to be observed by you."

No, he had not had that good fortune. Then followed three pages of

enthusiastic admiration, and not a single wish, not a single bold word.

She had, moreover, never heard anything more of the writer.

Here was a letter signed by two initials, "M.G." That was the impudent

fellow who had once spoken to her in the street, and who in this

letter made proposals--wait a minute, what were they? Ah, here was the

passage which had sent the hot blood mounting to her brow when she had

first read it:

"Since I have seen you, and since you have looked on me with a glance so

stern and yet seemingly so full of promise, I have had but one dream, but

one yearning--that I might kiss those eyes!"

Of course, she had not answered the letter; she was in love with Emil at

the time. Indeed, she had even thought of showing him the letter, but was

restrained by the fear of rousing his jealousy. Emil had never learned

anything of "M. G."

And that piece of soft ribbon that now fell into her hands?... A

cravat ... but she had quite forgotten whose it was, and why she had kept

it.

Here again was a little dance album in which she had written the names of

her partners. She tried to call the young men to mind, but in vain.

Though, by the way, it was at that very dance that she had met that man

who had said such passionate words to her as she had never heard from any

other. It seemed as though he suddenly emerged a victor from among the

many shadows that hovered around her. It must have happened during the

time when she and Emil had been meeting each other less frequently. How

strange it was ... or had it only been a dream? This passionate admirer

had clasped her closely in his arms during the dance--and she had not

offered the slightest resistance. She had felt his lips in her hair, and

it had been incredibly pleasant ... Well, and then?--she had never seen

him again.

It suddenly seemed to her that, after all, in those days she had had

many and strange experiences, and she was lost in amazement at the way

in which all these memories had slumbered so long in the travelling case

and in her soul.... But no, they had not slumbered; she had thought of

all these things many a time: of the men who had courted her, of the

anonymous letter, of her passionate partner at the dance, of the walks

with Emil--but only as if they had been merely such things as go to

constitute the past, the youth which is allotted to every young girl,

and from which she emerges to lead the placid life of a woman. On the

present occasion, however, it seemed to Bertha as if these recollections

were, so to speak, unredeemed promises, as if in those experiences of

distant days there lay destinies which had not been fulfilled; nay,

more, as if a kind of deception had long been practised upon her, from

the very day on which she had been married until the present moment; as

if she had discovered it all too late; and here she was, unable to lift

a finger to alter her destiny.

Yet why should it seem so?... She thought of all these futile things, and

there beside her, wrapped up in tissue paper, still lay the treasure, for

the sake of which alone she had rummaged in the case--the letters of the

only man she had loved, the letters written in the days when she had been

happy. How many women might there be now who envied her because that very

man had once loved her--loved her with a different, better, chaster love

than that which he had given any of the women who had followed her in his

affections. She felt herself most bitterly deceived that she, who could

have been his wife if ... if ... her thoughts broke off.

Hurriedly, as though seeking to rid her mind of doubt, or rather,

indeed, of fear, she tore off the tissue paper and seized the letters.

And she read--read them one after another. Long letters, short letters;

brief, hasty notes, like: "To-morrow evening, darling, at seven o'clock!"

or "Dearest, just one kiss ere I go to sleep!" letters that covered many

pages, written during the walking tours which he and his fellow students

had taken in the summer; letters written in the evening, in which he had

felt constrained to impart to her his impressions of a concert

immediately on returning home; endless pages in which he unfolded his

plans for the future; how they would travel together through Spain and

America, famous and happy ... she read them all, one after another, as

though tortured by a quenchless thirst. She read from the very first,

which had accompanied a few pieces of music, to the last, which was dated

two and a half years later, and contained nothing more than a greeting

from Salzburg.

When she came to an end she let her hands fall into her lap and gazed

fixedly at the sheets lying about. Why had that been the last letter? How

had their friendship come to an end? How could it have come to an end?

How had it been possible that that great love had died away? There had

never been any actual rupture between Emil and herself; they had never

come to any definite understanding that all was over between them, and

yet their acquaintanceship had ended at some time or other--when?... She

could not tell, because at the time when he had written that card to her

from Salzburg she had still been in love with him. She had, as a matter

of fact, met him in the autumn--indeed, during the winter of the same

year everything had seemed once more to blossom forth. She remembered

certain walks they had taken over the crunching snow, arm in arm, beside

St. Charles' Church--but when was it that they had taken the last of

these walks? They had, to be sure, never taken farewell of each

other.... She could not understand it.

How was it that she had been able so easily to renounce a happiness which

it might yet have been within her power to retain? How had it come about

that she had ceased to love him? Had the dullness of the daily routine of

her home life, which weighed so heavily upon her spirits ever since she

had left the Conservatoire, lulled her feelings to sleep just as it had

blunted the edge of her ambitions? Had the querulous remarks of her

parents on the subject of her friendship with the youthful

violinist--which had seemed likely to lead to nothing--acted on her with

such sobering effect?

Then she recalled to mind that even at a later date, when some months had

elapsed since she had last seen him, he had called at her parents' house,

and had kissed her in the back room. Yes, that had been the last time of

all. And then she remembered further that on that occasion she had

noticed that his relation towards women had changed; that he must have

had experiences of which she could know nothing--but the discovery had

not caused her any pain.

She asked herself how it all would have turned out if in those days she

had not been so virtuous, if she had taken life as easily as some of the

other girls? She called to mind a girl at the Conservatoire with whom she

had ceased to associate on finding that her friend had an intrigue with a

dramatic student. She remembered again the suggestive words which Emil

had spoken as they were walking together past his window, and the

yearning that had come over her as they stood by the bank of the Wien. It

seemed inconceivable that those words had not affected her more keenly at

the moment, that that yearning had been awakened within her only once,

and then only for so short a time. With a kind of perplexed amazement she

thought of that period of placid purity and then, with a sudden agonized

feeling of shame which drove the blood to her temples, of the cold

readiness with which she had given herself afterwards to a man whom she

had never loved. The consciousness that whatever happiness she had tasted

in the course of her married life had been gained in the arms of the

husband she had not loved made her shudder with horror, for the first

time, in its utter wretchedness. Had that, then, been life such as her

thoughts had depicted to her, had that been the mystic happiness such as

she had yearned for?... And a dull feeling of resentment against

everything and everybody, against the living and the dead, began to

smoulder within her bosom. She was angry with her dead husband and with

her dead father and mother; she was indignant with the people amongst

whom she was now living, whose eyes were always upon her so that she

dared not allow herself any freedom; she was hurt with Frau Rupius, who

had not turned out to be such a friend that Bertha could rely on her for

support; she hated Klingemann because, ugly and repulsive as he was, he

desired to make her his wife; and finally she was violently enraged with

the man she had loved in the days of her girlhood, because he had not

been bolder, because he had withheld from her the ultimate happiness, and

because he had bequeathed her nothing but memories full of fragrance, yet

full of torment. And there she was, sitting in her lonely room amongst

the faded mementoes of a youth that had passed unprofitably and

friendlessly; there she was, on the verge of the time when there would be

no more hopes and no more desires--life had slipped through her fingers,

and she was thirty and poor.

She wrapped up the letters and the other things, and threw them, all

crumpled as they were, into the case. Then she closed it and went over to

the window.

Evening was at hand. A gentle breeze was blowing over from the direction

of the vine-trellises. Her eyes swam with unwept tears, not of grief, but

of exasperation. What was she to do? She, who had, without fear and

without hope, seen the days, nights, months, years extending into the

future, shuddered at the prospect of the emptiness of the evening which

lay before her.

It was the hour at which she usually returned home from her walk. On that

day she had sent the nursemaid out with Fritz--not so much as once did

she yearn for her boy. Indeed, for one moment there even fell on her

child a ray of the anger which she felt against all mankind and against

her fate. And, in her vast discontent, she was seized with a feeling of

envy against many people who, at ordinary times, seemed to her anything

but enviable. She envied Frau Martin because of the tender affection of

her husband; the tobacconist's wife because she was loved by Herr

Klingemann and the captain; her sister-in-law, because she was already

old; Elly, because she was still young; she envied the servant, who was

sitting on a plank over there with a soldier, and whom she heard

laughing. She could not endure being at home any longer; She took up her

straw hat and sunshade and hurried into the street. There she felt

somewhat better. In her room she had been unhappy; in the street she was

no more than out of humour.

In the main thoroughfare she met Herr and Frau Mahlmann, to whose

children she gave music lessons. Frau Mahlmann was already aware that

Bertha had ordered a costume from a dressmaker in Vienna on the

previous day, and she began to discuss the matter with great

weightiness. Later on, Bertha met her brother-in-law, who came towards

her from the chestnut avenue.

"Well," he said, "so you were in Vienna yesterday! Tell me, what did you

do with yourself there? Did you have any adventures?"

"What do you mean?" asked Bertha, looking at him in great alarm, as

though she had done something she ought not, and had been found out.

"What? You had no adventures? But you were with Frau Rupius; all the men

must surely have run after you?"

"What on earth has come into your head? Frau Rupius' conduct is

irreproachable! She is one of the most well-bred ladies I know."

"Quite so, quite so! I am not saying a word against Frau Rupius or you."

She looked him in the face. His eyes were gleaming, as they often did

when he had had a little too much to drink. She could not help recalling

that somebody had once foretold that Herr Garlan would die of an

apoplectic stroke.

"I must pay another visit to Vienna myself one of these days," he said.

"Why, I haven't been there since Ash Wednesday. I should like to see some

of my acquaintances once again. The next time you and Frau Rupius go, you

might just take me with you."

"With pleasure," answered Bertha. "I shall have to go again, of course,

before long, to have my costume tried on."

Garlan laughed.

"Yes, and you can take me with you, too, when you try it on."

He sidled up closer to her than was necessary. It was a way he had always

to squeeze up against her, and, moreover, she was accustomed to his

jokes, but on the present occasion she thought him particularly

objectionable. She was very much annoyed that he, of all men, always

spoke of Frau Rupius in such a suspicious way.

"Let us sit down," said Herr Garlan; "if you don't mind."

They both sat down on a seat. Garlan took the newspaper from his pocket.

"Ah!" said Bertha involuntarily.

"Will you have it?" asked Garlan.

"Has your wife read it yet?"

"Tut, tut!" said Garlan disdainfully. "Will you have it?"

"If you can spare it."

"For you--with pleasure. But we might just as well read it together."

He edged closer to Bertha and opened the paper.

Herr and Frau Martin came along, arm in arm, and stopped before them.

"Well, so you are back again from the momentous journey," said

Herr Martin.

"Ah, yes, you were in Vienna," said Frau Martin, nestling against her

husband. "And with Frau Rupius, too," she added, as though that implied

an aggravation of the offence.

Once more Bertha had to give an account of her new costume. She told them

all about it in a somewhat mechanical manner, indeed; but she felt, none

the less, that it was long since she had been such an interesting

personage as she was now.

Klingemann went by, bowed with ironical politeness, and turned round to

Bertha with a look which seemed to express his sympathy for her in having

to be friendly with such people.

It seemed to Bertha as though she were gifted that day with the ability

to read men's glances.

It began to grow dark. They set off together towards the town. Bertha

suddenly grew uneasy at not having met her boy. She walked on in

front with Frau Martin, who turned the conversation on to the subject

of Frau Rupius. She badly wanted to find out whether Bertha had

observed anything.

"But what do you mean, Frau Martin? I accompanied Frau Rupius to her

brother's house, and called for her there on my way back."

"And are you convinced that she was with her brother the whole time?"

"I really don't know what you expect Frau Rupius to do! Where would she

have been then?"

"Well," said Frau Martin; "really, you are an artless creature. I must

say--or are you only putting on? Do you quite forget then ..."

Then she whispered something into Bertha's ear, at which the latter grew

very red. She had never heard such an expression from a woman. She was

indignant.

"Frau Martin," she said, "I am not so old myself either and, as you see,

it is quite possible to live a decent life in such circumstances."

Frau Martin was a little taken aback.

"Yes, of course!" she said. "Yes, of course! You must, I dare say, think

that I am a little over-nice in such matters."

Bertha was afraid that Frau Martin might be about to give her some

further and more intimate disclosures, and she was very glad to find

that, at that moment, they had reached the street corner where she could

say good-bye.

"Bertha, here's your paper!" her brother-in-law called after her.

She turned round quickly and took the paper. Then she hastened home.

Fritz had returned and was waiting for her at the window. She hurried up

to him. She embraced and kissed him as though she had not seen him for

weeks. She felt that she was completely engrossed with love for her boy,

a fact which, at the time, filled her with pride. She listened to his

account of how he had spent the afternoon, where he had been, and with

whom he had played. She cut up his supper for him, undressed him, put him

to bed, and was satisfied with herself. Her state of mind of the

afternoon, when she had rummaged among the old letters, had cursed her

fate and had even envied the tobacconist's wife, seemed to her, at the

thought of it, as an attack of fever. She ate a hearty supper and went to

bed early. Before falling to sleep, however, it occurred to her that she

would like to read the paper. She stretched her limbs, shook up the soft

bolster so that her head should be higher, and held the paper as near the

candle as possible.

As her custom was, she first of all skimmed through the theatrical and

art news. Even the short announcements, as well as the local reports, had

acquired a new interest for her, since her trip to Vienna. Her eyelids

were beginning to grow heavy when all at once she observed the name of

Emil Lindbach amongst the personal news. She opened her eyes wide, sat up

in bed and read the paragraph.

"Emil Lindbach, violinist to the Court of Bavaria, whose great success at

the Spanish Court we were recently in a position to announce, has been

honoured by the Queen of Spain, who has invested him with the Order of

the Redeemer."

A smile flitted across her lips. She was glad, Emil Lindbach had obtained

the Order of the Redeemer.... Yes ... the man whose letters she had been

reading that very day ... the man who had kissed her--the man who had

once written to her that he would never adore any other woman.... Yes,

Emil--the only man in all the world in whom she really had still any

interest--except her boy, of course. She felt as though this notice in

the paper was intended only for her, as though, indeed, Emil himself had

selected that expedient, so as to establish some means of communication

with her. Had it not been he, after all, whose back she had seen in the

distance on the previous day? All at once she seemed to be quite near to

him; still smiling, she whispered to herself: "Herr Emil Lindbach,

violinist to the Court of Bavaria, ... I congratulate you...."

Her lips remained half open. An idea had suddenly come to her. She got up

quickly, donned her dressing-gown, took up the light and went into the

adjoining room. She sat down at the table and wrote the following letter

as fluently as though some one were standing beside her and dictating it,

word for word:

"DEAR EMIL,

"I have just read in the newspaper that the Queen of Spain has honoured

you by investing you with the Order of the Redeemer. I do not know

whether you still remember me"--she smiled as she wrote these

words--"but, all the same, I will not let this opportunity slip without

congratulating you upon your many successes, of which I so often have the

pleasure of reading. I am living most contentedly in the little town

where fate has cast me; I am getting on very well!

"A few lines in reply would make me very happy.

"Your old friend,

"BERTHA.

"P.S.--Kind regards also from my little Fritz (five years old)."

She had finished the letter. For a moment she asked herself whether she

should mention that she was a widow; but even if he had not known it

before, it was quite obvious from her letter. She read it over and nodded

contentedly. She wrote the address.

"Herr Emil Lindbach, violinist to the Court of Bavaria, Holder of the

Order of the Redeemer ..." Should she write all that? He was certain to

have many other Orders also ... "Vienna ..."

But where was he living at present? That, however, was of no consequence

with such a celebrated name. Moreover the inaccuracy in the address would

also show that she did not attach so very much importance to it all; if

the letter reached him--well, so much the better. It was also a way of

putting fate to the test.... Ah, but how was she to know for a certainty

that the letter had arrived or not? The answer might, of course, quite

easily fail to reach her if.... No, no, certainly not! He would be sure

to

thank her. And so, to bed.

She held the letter in her hand. No, she could not go to bed now, she

was wide awake again. And, moreover, if she did not post the letter until

next morning it would not go before the midday train, and would not reach

Emil before the day after. That was an interminably long time. She had

just spoken to him, and were thirty-six hours to be allowed to elapse

before her words reached his ears?... Supposing she did not wait, but

went to the post now?... no, to the station? Then he would have the

letter at ten o'clock the next morning. He was certain to be late in

rising--the letter would be brought into his room with his breakfast....

Yes, she must post the letter at once!

Quickly she dressed again. She hurried down the stairs--it was not yet

late--she hastened along the main street to the station, put the letter

in the yellow box, and was home again.

As she stood in her room, beside the tumbled bed, and she saw the paper

lying on the floor and the candle flickering, it seemed as though she had

returned from a strange adventure. For a long time she remained sitting

on the edge of the bed, gazing through the window into the bright,

starlit night, and her soul was filled with vague and pleasurable

expectations.

V

"My Dear Bertha!

"I am wholly unable to tell you how glad I was to receive your letter. Do

you really still think of me, then? How curious it is that it should have

been an Order, of all things, that was the cause of my hearing from you

again! Well, at all events, an Order has at least had some significance

for once in a way! Therefore, I heartily thank you for your

congratulations. But, apart from all that, don't you come to Vienna

sometimes? It is not so very far, after all. I should be immensely

pleased to see you again. So come soon!

"With all my heart,

"Your old

"Emil."

Bertha was sitting at breakfast, Fritz beside her. He was chatting, but

she was not listening to him. The letter lay before her on the table.

It seemed miraculous. Two nights and a day ago she had posted her letter,

and here was his reply already. Emil had not allowed a day to pass, not

even an hour! He had written to her as cordially as if they had only

parted the previous day.

She looked out of the window. What a splendid morning it was! Outside

the birds were singing, and from the hills came floating down the

fragrance of the early summer-tide.

Bertha read the letter again and again. Then she took Fritz, lifted him

up and kissed him to her heart's content. It was long since she had

been so happy.

While she was dressing she turned things over in her mind. It was

Thursday; on Monday she had to go to Vienna again to try on the costume.

That was four long days, just the same space of time as had elapsed since

she had dined at her brother-in-law's--what a long time it seemed to have

to wait. No, she must see Emil sooner than that. She could, of course, go

the very next morning and remain in Vienna a few days. But what excuse

could she make to the people at home?... Oh, she would be sure to find

some pretext. It was more important to decide in what way she should

answer his letter and tell him where she would meet him.... She could not

write and say: "I am coming, please let me know where I can see you...."

Perhaps he would answer: "Come to my rooms...." No, no, no! It would be

best to let him have a definite statement of fact. She would write to the

effect that she was going to Vienna on such and such a day and was to be

found at such and such a place....

Oh, if she only had someone with whom she could talk the whole thing

over!... She thought of Frau Rupius--she had a genuine yearning to tell

her everything. At the same time she had an idea that, by so doing, she

might become more intimate with her and might win her esteem. She felt

that she had become much more important since the receipt of Emil's

letter. Now she remarked, too, that she had been very much afraid that

Emil might quite possibly have changed and become conceited, affected and

spoiled--just as was the case with so many celebrated men. But there was

not the slightest trace of such things in the letter; there was the same

quick, heavy writing, the same warmth of tone, as in those earlier

letters. What a number of experiences he might well have had since she

had last seen him--well, had not she also had many experiences, and were

they not all seemingly obliterated?

Before going out she read Emil's letter again. It grew more like a living

voice; she heard the cadence of the words, and that final "Come soon"

seemed to call her with tender yearning. She stuck the letter into her

bodice and remembered how, as a girl, she had often done the same with

his notes, and how the gentle touch had sent a pleasant thrill coursing

through her.

First of all, she went to the Mahlmanns', where she gave the twins their

music lesson. Very often the finger exercises, to which she had to

listen there, were positively painful to her, and she would rap the

children on the knuckles when they struck a false note. On the present

occasion, however, she was not in the least strict. When Frau Mahlmann,

fat and friendly as ever, came into the room and inquired whether Bertha

was satisfied, the latter praised the children and added, as though

suddenly inspired:

"Now, I shall be able to give them a few days' holiday."

"Holiday! How will that be, then, dear Frau Garlan?"

"You see, Frau Mahlmann, I have no choice in the matter. What do you

think, when I was in Vienna lately my cousin begged me so pressingly to

be sure to come and spend a few days with her--"

"Quite so, quite so," said Frau Mahlmann.

Bertha's courage kept rising, and she continued to add falsehood to

falsehood, taking a kind of pleasure in her own boldness:

"I really wanted to put it off till June. But this very morning I had a

letter from her, saying that her husband is going away for a time, and

she is so lonely, and just now"--she felt the letter crackle, and had an

indescribable desire to take it out; but yet restrained herself--"and I,

think I shall perhaps take advantage of the opportunity...."

"Well, to tell the truth," said Frau Mahlmann, taking Bertha by both

hands, "if I had a cousin in Vienna, I would like to stay with her a week

every fortnight!"

Bertha beamed. She felt as though an invisible hand was clearing away

the obstacles which lay in her path; everything was going so well. And,

indeed, to whom, after all, was she accountable for her actions?

Suddenly, however, the fear flashed through her mind that her

brother-in-law really intended to go with her to Vienna. Everything

became entangled again; dangers cropped up and suspicion lurked even

under the good-natured smile of Frau Mahlmann....

Ah, she must on no account fail to take Frau Rupius into her confidence.

Directly the lesson was over she went to call upon her.

It was not until she had found Frau Rupius in a white morning gown,

sitting on the sofa, and had observed the surprised glance with which the

latter received her, that it struck Bertha that there was anything

strange in her early visit, and she said with affected cheerfulness:

"Good morning! I'm early to-day, am I not?"

Frau Rupius remained serious. She had not the usual smile on her lips.

"I am very glad to see you. The hour makes no difference to me."

Then she threw her a questioning glance, and Bertha did not know what to

say. She was annoyed, too, at the childish embarrassment, of which she

could not rid herself in the presence of Frau Rupius.

"I wanted," she said, at length, "to ask you how you felt after

our trip."

"Quite well," answered Frau Rupius, rather stiffly. But all at once

her features changed, and she added with excessive friendliness:

"Really, it was my place to have asked you. I am accustomed to those

trips, you know."

As she said this she looked through the window and Bertha mechanically

followed her gaze, which wandered over to the other side of the market

square to an open window with flowers on the sill. It was quite calm, and

the repose of a summer day shrouded the slumbering town. Bertha would

have dearly liked to sit beside Frau Rupius and be kissed upon the brow

by her, and blessed; but at the same time she had a feeling of compassion

towards her. All this puzzled her. For what reason, indeed, had she

really come? And what should she say to her?... "I'm going to-morrow to

Vienna to see the man who used to be in love with me when I was a

girl?"... In what way did all that concern Frau Rupius? Would it really

interest her in the very slightest degree? There she sat as if surrounded

by something impenetrable; it was impossible to approach her. _She_ could

not approach her, that was the trouble. Of course, there was a word by

means of which it was possible to find the way to her heart, only Bertha

did not know it.

"Well, how is your little boy?" asked Frau Rupius, without taking her

eyes off the flowers in the opposite window.

"He is going on as well as ever. He is very well-behaved, and is a

marvellously good child!"

The last word she uttered with an intentional tenderness as though Frau

Rupius was to be won over by that means.

"Yes, yes," answered the latter, her tone implying that she knew he was

good, and had not asked about that. "Have you a reliable nursemaid?"

she added.

Bertha was somewhat astonished at the question.

"My maid has, of course, many other things to attend to besides her

nurse's duties," she replied; "but I cannot complain of her. She is also

a very good cook."

"It must be a great happiness to have such a boy," said Frau Rupius very

drily, after a short interval of silence.

"It is, indeed, my only happiness," said Bertha, more loudly than was

necessary.

It was an answer which she had often made before, but she knew that, on

that day, she was not speaking with entire sincerity. She felt the

sheet of paper touch her skin, and, almost with alarm, she realized

that she had also deemed it a happiness to have received that letter.

At the same time it occurred to her that the woman sitting opposite her

had neither a child nor even the prospect of having one, and Bertha

would have been glad to take back what she had said. Indeed, she was on

the point of seeking some qualifying word. But, as if Frau Rupius was

able to see into her soul, and as if in her presence a lie was

impossible, she said at once:

"Your only happiness? Say, rather, 'a great happiness,' and that is no

small thing! I often envy you on that score, although I really think

that, apart from such considerations, life in itself is a joy to you."

"Indeed, my life is so lonely, so...."

Anna smiled.

"Quite so, but I did not mean that. What I meant was that the fact that

the sun is shining and the weather is now so fine also makes you glad."

"Oh yes, very glad!" replied Bertha assiduously. "My frame of mind is

generally dependent on the weather. During that thunderstorm a few days

ago I was utterly depressed, and then, when the storm was over--"

Frau Rupius interrupted her.

"That is the case with every one, you know."

Bertha grew low-spirited. She felt that she was not clever enough for

Frau Rupius; she could never do any more than follow the ordinary lines

of conversation, like the other women of her acquaintance. It seemed as

though Frau Rupius had arranged an examination for her, which she had not

passed, and, all at once, she was seized with a great apprehension at the

prospect of meeting Emil again. What sort of a figure would she cut in

his presence? How shy and helpless she had become during the six years

of her narrow existence in the little town!

Frau Rupius rose to her feet. The white morning gown streamed around her;

she looked taller and more beautiful than usual, and Bertha was

involuntarily reminded of an actress she had seen on the stage a very

long time ago, and to whom at that moment Frau Rupius bore a remarkable

resemblance. Bertha said to herself: If I were only like Frau Rupius I am

sure I would not be so timid. At the same time it struck her that this

exquisitely lovely woman was married to an invalid--might not the gossips

be right then, after all? But here, again, she was unable to pursue

further her train of thought; she could not imagine in what way the

gossips could be right. And at that moment it dawned upon her mind how

bitter was the fate to which Frau Rupius was condemned, no matter whether

she now bore it or resisted it.

But, as if Anna had again read Bertha's thoughts, and could not tolerate

that the latter should thus insinuate herself into her confidence, the

uncanny gravity of her face relaxed suddenly, and she said in an

innocent tone:

"Just fancy, my husband is still asleep. He has acquired the habit of

remaining awake until late at night, reading and looking at engravings,

and then he sleeps on until midday. As for that, it is quite a matter

of habit; when I used to live in Vienna I was incredibly lazy about

getting up."

And thereupon she began to chat about her girlhood, cheerfully, and with

a confiding manner such as Bertha had never before noticed in her. She

told about her father, who had been an officer on the Staff, about her

mother, who had died when she was quite a young woman; and about the

little house in the garden of which she had played as a child. It was

only now that Bertha learned that Frau Rupius had first become acquainted

with her husband when he was just a boy; he had lived with his parents in

the adjoining house, and had fallen in love with Anna and she with him,

while they were both children. To Bertha the whole period of Frau Rupius'

youth appeared as if radiant with bright sunbeams, a youth replete with

happiness, replete with hope; and it seemed to her, moreover, that Frau

Rupius' voice assumed a fresher tone when she went on to relate about the

travels which she and her husband had undertaken in the early days of

their married life.

Bertha let her talk and hesitated to interrupt her with a word, as though

she were a somnambulist wandering on the ridge of a roof. But while Frau

Rupius was speaking of her past, a period through which the blessedness

of being loved ever beamed brightly as its chiefest glory, Bertha's soul

began to thrill with the hope of a happiness for herself such as she had

not yet experienced. And while Frau Rupius was telling of the walking

tours through Switzerland and the Tyrol, which she had once undertaken

with her husband, Bertha pictured herself wandering by Emil's side on

similar paths, and she was filled with such an immense yearning that she

would dearly have liked at once to get up, go to Vienna, seek him out,

fall into his arms, and at last, at last to taste those delights which

had hitherto been denied her.

Her thoughts wandered so far that she did not notice that Frau Rupius had

long since fallen silent, and was sitting on the sofa, staring at the

flowers in the window of the house over the way. The utter stillness

brought Bertha back to reality; the whole room seemed to her to be filled

with some mysterious atmosphere, in which the past and the future were

strangely intermingled. She felt that there existed an incomprehensible

connexion between herself and Frau Rupius. She rose to her feet,

stretched out her hand, and, as if it were quite a matter of course, the

two ladies kissed each other good-bye like a couple of old friends.

On reaching the door Bertha remarked:

"I am going to Vienna again to-morrow for a few days."

She smiled as she spoke, like a girl about to be married.

After leaving Frau Rupius, Bertha went to her sister-in-law. Her nephew

was already sitting at the piano, improvising in a very wild manner. He

pretended not to have noticed her enter, and proceeded to practise his

finger exercises, which he played in an attitude of stiffness, assumed

for the occasion.

"We will play a duet to-day," said Bertha, endeavouring to find the

volume of Schubert's marches.

She paid not the least attention to her own playing, and hardly noticed

how, in using the pedals, her nephew touched her feet.

In the meantime Elly came into the room and kissed her aunt.

"Ah, just so, I had quite forgotten that!" said Richard, and, whilst

continuing to play, he placed his lips close to Bertha's cheek.

Her sister-in-law came in with her bunch of keys rattling and a deep

dejection on her pale and indistinct features.

"I have given Brigitta notice," she said in a feeble tone. "I couldn't

endure it any longer."

"Shall I get you a maid in Vienna?" asked Bertha with a facility which

even surprised her.

And now for the second time she told the fiction which she had invented

about her cousin's invitation, with even greater assurance than before,

and, moreover, with a little amplification this time. Along with the

secret joy which she found in the telling, she felt her courage

increasing at the same time. Even the possibility of being joined by her

brother-in-law no longer alarmed her. She felt, too, that she had an

advantage over him, because of the way in which he was in the habit of

sidling up to her.

"How long are you thinking of staying in the town, then?" asked her

sister-in-law.

"Two or three days; certainly no longer. And in any case, of course, I

should have had to go on Monday--to the dressmaker."

Richard strummed on the keys, but Elly stood with both arms resting on

the piano, gazing at her aunt with a look almost of terror.

"Whatever is the matter with you?" asked Bertha involuntarily.

"Why do you ask that?" said Elly.

"You are looking at me," said Bertha, "as queerly as though--well, as

though you did not like the idea of missing your music lessons for a

couple of days."

"No, it is not that," replied Elly, smiling. "But ... no, I can't

tell you."

"What is it, though?" asked Bertha.

"No, please, I really can't tell you."

She hugged her aunt, almost imploringly.

"Elly," said her mother, "I cannot permit you to have any secrets."

She sat down as though most deeply grieved and very tired.

"Well, Elly," said Bertha, filled with a vague fear, "if I were to

beg you--"

"But you mustn't laugh at me, Aunt."

"Certainly not."

"Well, you see, Aunt, I was so frightened when you were away in Vienna

that last time--I know very well it is silly--but it is because ...

because of the number of carriages in the streets."

Bertha drew a deep breath as of relief, and stroked Elly's cheeks.

"I will be sure to take great care. You can be quite easy in your mind."

Her sister-in-law shook her head.

"I am afraid that Elly will turn out a most eccentric girl."

Before Bertha left the house she arranged with her sister-in-law that she

would come back to supper, and that she would hand over Fritz to the care

of her relations while she as away in Vienna.

After dinner, Bertha sat down at the writing table, read over Emil's

letter a few more times, and made a rough draft of her reply.

"My Dear Emil,

"It was very good of you to answer me so soon. I was very happy"--she

crossed out "very happy" and substituted "very glad"--"when I received

your dear note. How much has changed since we last saw each other! You

have become a famous virtuoso since then, which I, for my part, was

always quite sure that you would be"--she stopped and struck out the

whole sentence--"I also share your desire to see me soon again"--no, that

was mere nonsense! This was better: "I should be immensely delighted to

have an opportunity of talking to you once more."--Then an excellent

idea occurred to her, and she wrote with great zest: "It is really

strange that we have not met for so long, for I come to Vienna quite

often; for instance, I shall be there this week-end...." Then she allowed

her pen to drop and fell into thought. She was determined to go to Vienna

the next afternoon, to put up at an hotel, and to sleep there, so as to

be quite fresh the following day, and to breathe the air of Vienna for a

few hours before meeting him. The next question was to fix a meeting

place. That was easily done. "In accordance with your kind wish I am

writing to let you know that on Saturday morning at eleven o'clock...."

No, that was not the right thing! It was so businesslike, and yet again

too eager--"if," she wrote, "you would really care to take the

opportunity of seeing your old friend again, then perhaps you will not

consider it too much trouble to go to the Art and History Museum on

Saturday morning at eleven o'clock. I will be in the gallery of the Dutch

School"--as she wrote that she seemed to herself rather impressive and,

at the same time, everything of a suspicious nature seemed to be removed.

* * * * *

She read over the draft. It appeared to her rather dry, but, after all,

it contained all that was necessary, and did not compromise her in any

way. Whatever else was to happen would take place in the Museum, in the

Dutch gallery.

She neatly copied out the draft, signed it, placed it in an envelope,

and hurried down the sunny street to post the letter in the nearest box.

On arriving home again she slipped off her dress, donned a dressing-gown,

sat down on the sofa, and turned over the leaves of a novel by

Gerstacker, which she had read half a score of times already. But she was

unable to take in a word. At first, she attempted to dismiss from her

mind the thoughts which beset her, but her efforts met with no success.

She felt ashamed of herself, but all the time she kept dreaming that she

was in Emil's arms. Why ever did such dreams come to her? She had never,

even for a moment, thought of such a thing! No, ... she would not think

of

it, either ... she was not that sort of woman.... No, she could not be

anyone's mistress--and even on this occasion.... Yes, perhaps if she were

to go to Vienna once more and again ... and again ... yes, much

later--perhaps. And besides, he would not even so much as dare to speak

of such a thing, or even to hint at it.... It was, however, useless to

reason like this; she could no longer think of anything else. Ever more

importunate came her dreams and, in the end, she gave up the struggle.

She lolled indolently in the corner of the sofa, allowed the book to slip

from her fingers and lie on the floor, and closed her eyes.

When she rose to her feet an hour later a whole night seemed to have

passed, and the visit to Frau Rupius seemed, in particular, to be far

distant. Again she wondered at this confusion of time--in truth, the

hours appeared to be longer or shorter just as they chose.

She dressed in order to take Fritz for a walk. She was in the tired,

indifferent mood which usually came over her after an unaccustomed

afternoon nap. It was that mood in which it is scarcely possible to

collect one's thoughts with any degree of completeness, and in which the

usual appears strange, but as though it refers to some one else. For the

first time, it seemed strange to Bertha that the boy, whom she was now

helping into his coat, was her own child, whose father had long been

buried, and for whom she had endured the pangs of motherhood.

Something within her urged her to go to the cemetery again that day. She

had not, however, the feeling that she had a wrong to make reparation

for, but that she must again politely visit some one to whom she had

become a stranger for no valid reason. She chose the way through the

chestnut avenue. There the heat was particularly oppressive that day.

When she passed out into the sun again a gentle breeze was blowing and

the foliage of the trees in the cemetery seemed to greet her with a

slight bow. As she passed through the cemetery gates with Fritz the

breeze came towards her, cool, even refreshing. With a feeling of gentle,

almost sweet, weariness, she walked through the broad centre avenue,

allowed Fritz to run on in front, and did not mind when he disappeared

from her sight for a few seconds behind a tombstone, though at other

times she would not have allowed such behaviour. She remained standing

before her husband's grave. She did not, however, look down at the

flower-bed, as was her general custom, but gazed past the tombstone and

away over the wall into the blue sky. She felt no tears in her eyes; she

felt no emotion, no dread; she did not even realize that she had walked

over the dead, and that there beneath her feet he, who had once held her

in his arms, had crumbled into dust.

Suddenly she heard behind her hurried footsteps on the gravel, such as

she was not generally accustomed to hear in the cemetery. Almost shocked,

she turned round. Klingemann was standing before her, in an attitude of

greeting, holding in his hand his straw hat, which was fixed by a ribbon

to his coat button. He bowed deeply to Bertha.

"What a strange thing to see you here!" she said.

"Not at all, my dear lady, not at all! I saw you from the street; I

recognized you by your walk."

He spoke in a very loud tone, and Bertha almost involuntarily murmured:

"Hush!"

A mocking smile at once made its appearance on Klingemann's face.

"He won't wake up," he muttered, between his clenched teeth.

Bertha was so indignant at this remark that she did not attempt to find

an answer, but called Fritz, and was about to depart.

Klingemann, however, seized her by the hand.

"Stop," he whispered, gazing at the ground.

Bertha opened her eyes wide; she could not understand.

Suddenly Klingemann looked up from the ground and fixed his eyes

on Bertha's.

"I love you, you see," he said.

Bertha uttered a low cry.

Klingemann let go her hand, and added in quite an easy

conversational tone:

"Perhaps that strikes you as rather odd."

"It is unheard of!--unheard of!"

Once more she sought to go, and she called Fritz.

"Stop! If you leave me alone now, Bertha...." said Klingemann, now in a

suppliant tone.

Bertha had recovered her senses again.

"Don't call me Bertha!" she said, vehemently. "Who gave you the right to

do so? I have no wish to say anything further to you ... and here, of all

places!" she added, with a downward glance, which, as it were, besought

the pardon of the dead.

Meanwhile Fritz had come back. Klingemann seemed very disappointed.

"My dear lady," he said, following Bertha, who, holding Fritz by the

hand, was slowly walking away: "I recognize my mistake. I should have

begun differently and not said that which seems now to have frightened

you, until I had come to the end of a well-turned speech."

Bertha did not look at him, but said, as though she were speaking

to herself:

"I would not have considered it possible; I thought you were a

gentleman...."

They were at the cemetery gate. Klingemann looked back again, and in his

glance there was something of regret at not having been able to play out

his scene at the graveside to a finish. Hat in hand, and twisting the

ribbon, by which it was fastened, round his finger, and still keeping by

Bertha's side, he went on to say:

"All I can do now is to repeat that I love you, that you pursue me in my

dreams--in a word, you must be mine!"

Bertha came to a standstill again, as if she were terrified.

"You will, perhaps, consider my remarks insolent, but let us take

things as they are. You"--he made a long pause--"are alone in the

world. So am I--"

Bertha stared him full in the face.

"I know what you are thinking of," said Klingemann. "That is all of no

consequence; that is all done with the moment you give the word. I have a

dim presentiment that we two suit each other very well. Yes, unless I am

very much deceived, the blood should be flowing in your veins, my dear

lady, as warm...."

The glance which Bertha now gave him was so full of anger and loathing

that Klingemann was unable to complete the sentence. He therefore

began another.

"Ah, when you come to think of it, what sort of a life is it that I am

now leading? It is even a long, long time since I was loved by a noble

woman such as you are. I understand, of course, your hesitation, or

rather, your refusal. Deuce take it, of course it needs a bit of

courage--with such a disreputable fellow as I am, too ... although,

perhaps, things are not quite so bad. Ah, if I could only find a human

soul, a kind, womanly soul!"--He emphasized the "womanly soul"--"Yes, my

dear lady, it was as little meant to be my fate as it was yours to pine

away and grow crabbed in such a hole of a town as this. You must not be

offended if I ... if I--"

The words began to fail him when he approached the truth. Bertha looked

at him. He seemed to her at that moment to be rather ridiculous, almost

pitiable, and very old, and she wondered how it was that he still had

the courage, not so much as to propose to her, as even simply to court

her favour.

And yet, to her own amazement and shame, there overflowed from these

unseemly words of a man who appeared absurd to her, the surge, so to

speak, of desire. And when his words had died away she heard them again

in her mind--but as though from the lips of another who was waiting for

her in Vienna--and she felt that she would not be able to withstand this

other speaker. Klingemann continued to talk; he spoke of his life as

being a failure, but yet a life worth saving. He said that women were to

be blamed for bringing him so low, and that a woman could raise him up

again. Away back in his student days he had run away with a woman, and

that had been the beginning of his misfortunes. He talked of his

unbridled passions, and Bertha could not restrain a smile. At the same

time she was ashamed of the knowledge which seemed to her to be implied

by the smile....

"I will walk up and down in front of your window this evening," said

Klingemann, when they reached the gate. "Will you play the piano?"

"I don't know."

"I will take it as a sign."

With that he went away.

In the evening she supped, as she had so often done, at her

brother-in-law's house. At the table she sat between Elly and Richard.

Mention was made of her approaching journey to Vienna as though it was

really nothing more than a matter of paying a visit to her cousin,

trying on the new costume at the dressmaker's, and executing a few

commissions in the way of household necessities, which she had promised

to undertake for her sister-in-law. Towards the end of supper, her

brother-in-law smoked his pipe, Richard read the paper to him, her

sister-in-law knitted, and Elly, who had nestled up close beside Bertha,

leaned her childish head upon her aunt's breast. And Bertha, as her

glance took in the whole scene, felt herself to be a crafty liar. She,

the widow of a good husband, was sitting there in a family circle which

interested itself in her welfare so loyally; by her side was a young

girl who looked up at her as on an older friend. Hitherto she had been a

good woman, honest and industrious, living only for her son. And now,

was she not about to cast aside all these things, to deceive and lie to

these excellent people, and to plunge into an adventure, the end of

which she could foresee? What was it, then, that had come over her these

last few days, by what dreams was she pursued, how was it that her whole

existence seemed only to aspire towards the one moment when she would

again feel the arms of a man about her? She had but to think of it and

she was seized with an indescribable sensation of horror, during which

she seemed devoid of will, as if she had fallen under the influence of

some strange power.

And while the words that Richard was reading beat monotonously upon her

ear, and her fingers played with the locks of Elly's hair--she resisted

for the last time; she resolved that she would be steadfast--that she

would do no more than see Emil once again, and that, like her own mother

who had died long ago, and like all the other good women she knew--her

cousin in Vienna, Frau Mahlmann, Frau Martin, her sister-in-law,

and ... yes, certainly Frau Rupius as well--she would belong only to him

who made her his wife. As soon, however, as she thought of that, the

idea flashed through her mind, like lightning: if he himself...if

Emil.... But she was afraid of the thought, and banished it from her. Not

with such bold dreams as these would she go to meet Emil. He, the great

artist, and she, a poor widow with a child...no, no!--she would see him

once again ... in the Museum of course, at the Dutch gallery ... once

only, and that for the last time, and she would tell him that she did not

wish for anything else than to see him that once. With a smile of

satisfaction she pictured to herself his somewhat disappointed face;

and, as if practising beforehand for the scene, she knitted her brow and

assumed a stern cast of countenance, and had the words ready on her lips

to say to him: "Oh, no, Emil, if you think that...." But she must take

care not to say it in quite too harsh a tone, in order that Emil might

not, as on that previous occasion ... twelve years before! ... cease to

plead after only the one attempt. She intended that he should beg a

second time, a third time--ah, Heaven knew, she intended that he should

continue to plead until she gave way.... For she felt, there in the midst

of all those good, respectable, virtuous people, with whom, indeed, she

would soon no longer be numbered, that she would give way the moment he

first asked her. She was only going to Vienna to be _his_, and after

that, if needs must be, to die.

On the afternoon of the following day Bertha set off. It was very hot,

and the sun beat down upon the leather-covered seats of the railway

carriage. Bertha had opened the window and drawn forward the yellow

curtain, which, however, kept flapping in the breeze. She was alone. But

she scarcely thought of the place towards which she was travelling; she

scarcely thought of the man whom she was about to see again, or of what

might be in store for her--she thought only of the strange words she had

heard, an hour before her departure. She would gladly have forgotten

them, at least for the next few days. Why was it that she had been unable

to remain at home during those few short hours between dinner and her

departure? What unrest had driven her on this glowing hot afternoon out

from her room, on to the street, into the market, and bade her pass Herr

Rupius' house? He was sitting there upon the balcony, his eyes fixed on

the gleaming white pavement, and over his knees, as usual, was spread the

great plaid rug, the ends of which were hanging down between the bars of

the balcony railings; in front of him was the little table with a bottle

of water and a glass. When he perceived Bertha his eyes became fixed upon

her, as though he were making some request to her, and she observed that

he beckoned her with a slight movement of the head.

Why had she obeyed him? Why had she not taken his nod simply as a

greeting and thanked him and gone upon her way? When, however, in answer

to his nod, she turned towards the door of the house, she saw a smile of

thanks glide over his lips and she found it still on his countenance when

she went out to him on the balcony, through the cool, darkened room, and,

taking his outstretched hand, sat down opposite to him on the other side

of the little table.

"How are you getting on?" she asked.

At first he made no answer; then she observed from the working of his

face that he wanted to say something, but seemed as if he was unable to

utter a word.

"She is going to ..." he broke out at length. These first words he

uttered in an unnecessarily loud voice; then, as though alarmed at the

almost shrieking tone, he added very softly: "My wife is going to

leave me."

Bertha involuntarily looked around her.

Rupius raised his hands, as if to reassure her.

"She cannot hear us She is in her room; she is asleep."

Bertha was embarrassed.

"How do you know?..." she stammered. "It is impossible--quite

impossible!"

"She is going away--away, for a time, as she says ... for a time ... do

you understand?" "Why, yes, to her brother, I suppose."

"She is going away for ever ... for ever! Naturally she does not like to

say to me: Good-bye, you will never see me again! So she says: I should

like to travel a little; I need a change; I will go to the lake for a few

weeks; I should like to bathe; I need a change of air! Naturally she does

not say to me: I can endure it no longer; I am young and in my prime and

healthy; you are paralysed and will soon die; I have a horror of your

affliction and of the loathsome state that must supervene before it is at

an end. So she says: I will go away only for a few weeks, then I will

come back again and stay with you."

Bertha's painful agitation became merged in her embarrassment.

"You are certainly mistaken," was all that she could answer.

Rupius hastily drew up the rug, which was on the point of slipping down

off his knees. He seemed to find it chilly. As he continued to speak, he

drew the rug higher and higher, until finally he held it with both hands

pressed against her breast.

"I have seen it coming; for years I have seen this moment coming.

Imagine what sort of an existence it has been; waiting for such a

moment, defenceless and forced to be silent!--Why are you looking at me

like that?"

"Oh, no," said Bertha, looking down at the market square.

"Well, I beg your pardon for referring to all this. I had no intention of

doing so, but when I saw you walking past--well, thank you very much for

having listened to me."

"Please don't mention it," said Bertha, mechanically stretching out

her hand to him. He did not notice it, however, and she let it lie

upon the table.

"Now it is all over," said Herr Rupius; "now comes the time of

loneliness, the time of dread."

"But has your wife ... she loves you, I'm sure of it!... I am quite

certain that you are giving yourself needless anxiety. Wouldn't the

simplest course be, Herr Rupius, for you to request your wife to forego

this journey?"

"Request?..." said Herr Rupius, almost majestically. "Can I pretend to

have the right to do so? AH these last six or seven years have only been

a favour which she has granted me. I beg you, consider it. During all

these seven years not a word of complaint at the waste of her youth has

passed her lips."

"She loves you," said Bertha, decisively; "and that is the chief point."

Herr Rupius looked at her for a long time.

"I know what is in your mind, although you do not venture to say it. But

your husband, my dear Frau Bertha, lies deep in the grave, and does not

sleep by your side night after night."

He looked up with a glance that seemed to ascend to Heaven as a curse.

Time was getting on; Bertha thought of her train.

"When is your wife going to start?"

"Nothing has been said about that yet--but I am keeping you, perhaps?"

"No, not at all, Herr Rupius, only.... Hasn't Anna told you? I'm going to

Vienna to-day, you know."

She grew burning red. Once more he gazed at her for a long time. It

seemed to her as though he knew everything.

"When are you coming back?" he asked drily.

"In two or three days."

She would have liked to say that he was mistaken, that she was not going

to see a man whom she loved, that all these things about which he was

worrying were sordid and mean, and really of not the slightest importance

to women--but she was not clever enough to find the right words to

express herself.

"If you come back in two or three days' time you may, perhaps, find my

wife still here. So, good-bye! I hope you will enjoy yourself."

She felt that his glance had followed her as she went through the dark,

curtained room and across the market square. And now, too, as she sat in

the railway carriage, she felt the same glance and still in her ears kept

ringing those words, in which there seemed to lie the consciousness of

an immense unhappiness, which she had not hitherto understood. The

torment of this recollection seemed stronger than the expectation of any

joys that might be awaiting her, and the nearer she approached to the

great city the heavier she became at heart. As she thought of the lonely

evening that lay before her she felt as though she were travelling,

without hope, towards some strange, uncertain destination. The letter,

which she still carried in her bodice, had lost its enchantment; it was

nothing but a piece of crackling paper, filled with writing, the corners

of which were beginning to get torn. She tried to imagine what Emil now

looked like. Faces bearing a slight resemblance to his arose before her

mind's eye; many times she thought that she had surely hit upon the right

one, but it vanished immediately. Doubts began to assail her as to

whether she had done the right thing in travelling so soon. Why had she

not waited, at least, until Monday?

Then she was obliged, however, to confess to herself that she was going

to Vienna to keep an appointment with a young man, with whom she had not

exchanged a word for ten years, and who, perhaps, was expecting a quite

different woman from the one who was travelling to see him on the morrow.

Yes, that was the cause of all her uneasiness; she realized it now. The

letter which was already beginning to chafe her delicate skin was

addressed to Bertha, the girl of twenty; for Emil, of course, could not

know what she looked like now. And, although for her own part, she could

assure herself that her face still preserved its girlish features and

that her figure, though grown fuller, still preserved the contours of

youth, might he not see, in spite of all, how many changes a period of

ten years had wrought in her, and, perhaps, even destroyed without her

having noticed it herself?

The train drew up at Klosterneuburg. Bertha's ears were assailed by the

sound of many clear voices and the clatter of hurrying footsteps. She

looked out of the window. A number of schoolboys crowded up to the train

and, laughing and shouting, got into the carriages. The sight of them

caused Bertha to call to mind the days of her childhood, when her

brothers used to come back from picnics in the country, and suddenly

there came before her eyes a vision of the blue room in which the boys

had slept. She seemed to feel a tremor run through her as she realized

how all the past was scattered to the wind; how those to whom she owed

her existence had died, how those with whom she had lived for years under

one roof were forgotten; how friendships which had seemed to have been

formed to last for ever had become dissolved. How uncertain, how mortal,

everything was!

And he ... he had written to her as if in the course of those ten years

nothing had changed, as if in the meantime there had not been funerals,

births, sorrows, illnesses, cares and--for him, at least--so much good

fortune and fame. Involuntarily she shook her head. A kind of perplexity

in the face of so much that was incomprehensible came over her. Even the

roaring of the train, which was carrying her along to unknown adventures,

seemed to her as a chant of remarkable sadness. Her thoughts went back to

the time, by no means remote, in fact no more than a few days earlier,

when she had been tranquil and contented, and had borne her existence

without desire, without regret and without wonder. However had it

happened that this change had come over her? She could not understand.

The train seemed to rush forward with ever-increasing speed towards its

destination. Already she could see the smoke of the great city rising

skywards as out of the depths. Her heart began to throb. She felt as if

she was awaited by something vague, something for which she could not

find a name, a thing with a hundred arms, ready to embrace her. Each

house she passed knew that she was coming; the evening sun, gleaming on

the roofs, shone to meet her; and then, as the train rolled into the

station, she suddenly felt sheltered. Now for the first time, she

realized that she was in Vienna, in _her_ Vienna, the town of her youth

and of her dreams, that she was home. Had she not given the slightest

thought to that before? She did not come from home--no, now she had

arrived home. The din at the station filled her with a feeling of

comfort, the bustle of people and carriages gladdened her, everything

that was sorrowful had been shed from her.

There she stood at the Franz Josef Station in Vienna, on a warm May

evening, Bertha Garlan, young and pretty, free and accountable to no one,

and on the morrow she was to see the only man whom she had ever

loved--the lover who had called her.

She put up at a little hotel near the station. She had determined to

choose one of the less fashionable, partly for the sake of economy, and

partly, too, because she stood in awe, to a certain extent, of smart

waiters and porters. She was shown to a room on the third floor with a

window looking out on the street. The chambermaid closed the window when

the visitor entered, and brought some fresh water, the boots placed her

box beside the stove, and the waiter placed before her the registration

paper, which Bertha filled up immediately and unhesitatingly, with the

pride that comes of a clear conscience.

A feeling of freedom as regards external circumstances, such as she had

not known for a long time, encompassed her; there were none of the petty

domestic cares of the daily round, there was no obligation to talk to

relations or acquaintances; she was at liberty that evening to do just as

she liked.

When she had changed her dress she opened the window. She had already

been obliged to light the candles, but out of doors it was not yet quite

dark. She leaned her elbows on the window-sill and looked down. Again she

remembered her childhood, when she had often looked down out of the

windows in the evenings, sometimes with one of her brothers, who had

thrown his arm around her shoulders. She also thought of her parents with

so keen an emotion that she was on the verge of tears.

Down below the street lamps were already alight. Well, at all events, she

must find something to do. She thought of what might be happening the

next day at that hour.... She could not picture it to herself. At that

moment, it just happened that a lady and gentleman drove by the hotel in

a cab. If things turned out in accordance with her wishes, Emil and she

should be going for a drive together into the country the next

morning--yes, that would be nicest. Some quiet spot away from the town in

a restaurant garden, a candle lamp on the table, and he beside her, hand

in hand like a pair of young lovers. And then back again--and then....

No, she would rather not imagine anything further! Where was he now, she

wondered. Was he alone? Or was he at that very instant engaged in talking

with some one? And with whom--a man?--a woman?--a girl? But, after all,

was it any concern of hers? For the present it was certainly not any

concern of hers. And to Emil it mattered just as little that Herr

Klingemann had proposed to her the previous day, that Richard, her

precocious nephew, kissed her sometimes, and that she had a great

admiration for Herr Rupius. She would be sure to ask him on the

morrow--yes, she must be certain as regards all these points before

she ... well, before she went with him in the evening into the country.

So then she decided to go out--but where? She stopped, irresolute, at

the door. All she could do was to go for a short walk and then have

supper ... but again, where? A lady alone.... No, she would have supper

here in her room at the hotel, and go to bed early so that she might have

a good night's rest and look fresh, young and pretty in the morning.

She locked the door and went out into the street. She turned towards the

inner town, and proceeded at a very sharp pace, for she did not like

walking alone in the evening. Soon she reached the Ring and went past the

University, and on to the Town Hall. But she took no pleasure at all in

this aimless rambling. She felt bored and hungry, and went back to her

hotel in a tramcar. She had no great desire to seek her room. From the

street she had already noticed that the dining-room of the hotel was

barely lighted and evidently empty. She had supper there, after which she

grew tired and sleepy and, with an effort, went up the three flights of

stairs to her room. As she sat on the bed and undid her shoe laces, she

heard ten o'clock chime in a neighbouring church steeple.

When she awoke in the morning she hurried, first of all, to the window

and drew up the blinds with a great longing to see the daylight and the

town. It was a sunny morning, and the air was as fresh as if it had come

flowing down from a thousand springs in the forests and hills into the

streets of the town. The beauty of the morning acted on Bertha as a good

omen; she wondered at the strange, foolish manner in which she had spent

the previous evening--as if she had not quite correctly understood why

she had come to Vienna. The certainty that the repose of a whole night no

longer separated her from the longed-for hour filled her with a sense of

great gladness. All at once, she could no longer understand how it was

that she could have come to Vienna, as she had done just recently,

without daring to make even an attempt to see Emil. Finally, too, she

wondered how it was that she had, for weeks, months, perhaps years,

needlessly deferred availing herself of the opportunity of seeing him.

The fact that she had scarcely thought of him during the whole time, did

not occur to her at first, but, when at length she did realize it, she

was amazed at that, most of all.

At last only four more hours were to be endured, and then she would see

him. She lay down on the bed again; she reclined, at first, with her eyes

wide open, and she whispered to herself, as though she wanted to

intoxicate herself with the words: "Come soon!" She heard Emil himself

speak the words, no longer far away, no, but as though he were close by

her side. His lips breathed them on hers: "Come soon!" he said, but the

words meant: "Be mine! be mine!" She opened her arms as though making

ready to press her beloved to her heart. "I love you," she said, and

breathed a kiss into the air.

At length she got up and dressed. This time she had brought with her a

simple grey costume, cut in the English fashion, which, according to the

general opinion of her friends, suited her very well, and she was quite

content with herself when she had completed her toilet. She probably did

not look like a fashionable lady of Vienna, but, on the other hand, she

had not the appearance of a fashionable lady from the country either; it

seemed to her that she looked more like a governess in the household of

some Count or Prince, than anything else. Indeed, as a matter of fact,

there was something of the young, unmarried lady in her aspect; no one

would have taken her for a married woman and the mother of a

five-year-old boy. She thought, with a slight sigh, that truly she would

have done better to have remained unmarried. But, as to that, she was

feeling that day very much like a bride.

Nine o'clock! Still two long hours to wait! What could she do in the

meantime? She sat down at the table, ordered coffee and sipped it slowly.

There was no sense in remaining indoors any longer; it was better to go

out into the open air at once.

For a time she walked about the streets of the suburb, and she took a

particularly keen pleasure in the wind blowing on her cheeks. She asked

herself: What was Fritz doing at that moment? Probably Elly was playing

with him. Bertha took the road which led towards the public gardens; she

was glad to go for a walk through the avenues, in which, many years ago,

she had played as a child. She entered the garden by the gate opposite

the Burg-theatre. At that early hour of the day there were but few people

in the gardens. Children were playing on the gravel; governesses and

nursemaids were sitting on the seats; little girls were running about

along the steps of the Temple of Theseus and under its colonnade. Elderly

people were walking in the shade of the avenues; young men, who were

apparently studying from large writing books, and ladies, who were

reading books, had taken their seats in the cool shade of the trees.

Bertha sat on a seat and watched two little girls who were jumping over a

piece of string, as she had so often done herself, when a child--it

seemed to her, in just the same spot. A gentle breeze blew through the

foliage; from afar she heard the calls and laughter of some children

playing "catch." The cries came nearer and nearer; and then the children

ran trooping past her. She felt a thrill of pleasure when a young man in

a long overcoat walked slowly by and turned round to look at her for a

second time, when he reached the end of the avenue. Then there passed by

a young couple; the girl, who had a roll of music in her hand, was

neatly but somewhat strikingly dressed; the man was clean-shaven and was

wearing a light summer suit and a tall hat. Bertha thought herself most

experienced when she fancied that she was able with certainty to

recognize in the girl a student of music, and in her companion a young

man who had just gone on the stage. It was very pleasant to be sitting

there, to have nothing to do, to be alone, and to have people walking,

running and playing like this before her. Yes, it would be nice to live

in Vienna and be able to do just as she liked. Well, who could say how

everything would turn out, what the next few hours would bring forth,

what prospects for her future life that evening would open out before

her? What was it then, that really forced her to live in that dreadful

little town? After all, in Vienna she would be able to supplement her

income by giving music lessons just as easily as at home. Why not,

indeed? Moreover, in Vienna, better terms were to be obtained for music

lessons.... Ah, what an idea!... if he came to her aid; if he, the famous

musician, recommended her? Why, certainly it would only need one word

from him. What if she were to speak to him on the subject? And would it

not also be a most advantageous arrangement in view of her child? In a

few years' time he would have to go to school, and then, of course, the

schools were so much better in Vienna than at home. No, it was quite

impossible for her to pass all her life in the little town--she would

have to move to Vienna, and that, too, at no distant date. Moreover, even

if she had to economise here, and--and.... In vain she attempted to

restrain the bold thoughts which now came rushing along.... If she should

take Emil's fancy, if he should again ... if he should still be in love

with her ... if he should ask her to be his wife? If she could be a bit

clever, if she avoided compromising herself in any way, and understood

how to fascinate him--she felt rather ashamed of her craftiness. But,

after all, was it so bad that she should think of such things,

considering that she was really in love with him, and had never loved any

other man but him? And did not the whole tone of his letter give her the

right to indulge in such thoughts?

And then, when she realised that in a few minutes she was to meet him who

was the object of her hopes, everything began to dance before her eyes.

She rose to her feet, and nearly reeled. She saw the young couple, who

had previously walked past her, leave the gardens by the road leading to

the Burgplatz. She went off in the same direction. Yonder, she saw the

dome of the Museum, towering and gleaming. She decided to walk slowly, so

as not to appear too excited or even breathless when she met him. Once

more she was seized with a thrill of fear--suppose he should not come?

But whatever happened, she would not leave Vienna this time without

seeing him.

Would it not, perhaps, even be better if he did not come, she wondered.

She was so bewildered at that moment ... and supposing she was to say

anything silly or awkward.... So much depended on the next few

minutes--perhaps her whole future....

There was the Museum before her. Up the steps, through the entrance, and

she was standing in the large, cool vestibule. Before her eyes was the

grand staircase and, yonder, where it divided to right and left, was the

colossal marble statue of Theseus slaying the Minotaur. Slowly she

ascended the stairs and, as she looked round about her, she grew calmer.

The magnificence of her surroundings captivated her. She looked up at the

galleries which, with their golden railings, ran round the interior of

the dome. She came to a stop. Before her was a door, above which appeared

in gilt letters: "Dutch School."

Her heart gave a sudden convulsive throb. Before her eyes lay the row of

picture galleries. Here and there she saw people standing before the

pictures. She entered the first hall, and gazed attentively at the first

picture hanging at the very entrance. She thought of Herr Rupius'

portfolio. And then she heard a voice say:

"Good morning, Bertha."