We are pleased to note that the KING'S yacht _Britannia_ is about
again after being laid up since August, 1914.
***
Smoking and chatting periods have been introduced in some
Massachusetts factories. Extremists in this country complain that,
while this system may be all right, there is just the danger that
working periods might also be introduced.
***
We are pleased to report that the eclipse of the moon on May 3rd
passed off without any serious hitch. This speaks well for the police
arrangements.
***
"Audiences at the music-halls," writes an actor to the Press, "are
more difficult to move on Saturdays than on other days." This is not
our experience. On a Saturday we have often withdrawn without any
pressure after the first turn or two.
***
Sir L. WORTHINGTON EVANS, says a contemporary, has been asked to
investigate the mutton glut. What is wanted, we understand, is more
glutton and less mutt.
***
Mme. LANDRU, the wife of the Parisian "Bluebeard," has been granted a
divorce. We gather that there is something or other about her husband
which made their tastes incompatible.
***
It appears that Mr. JERRY MCVEAGH is of the opinion that the Home Rule
Bill is quite all right except where it applies to Ireland.
***
A visit to the Royal Academy this year again encourages us to believe
that, though we may be a bad nation, we are not so bad as we are
painted.
***
According to a morning paper a commercial traveller who became
violently ill in the Strand was found to have a small feather stuck
in the lower part of the throat. If people will eat fresh eggs in
restaurants they must be prepared to put up with the consequences.
***
The report that no inconvenience was experienced by any of the
passengers in the South London train which collided with a stationary
goods-engine now turns out to be incorrect. It transpires that a
flapper complains that she dropped two stitches in her jumper as a
result of the shock.
***
A water-spaniel was responsible last week for the overturning of a
motor-car driven by a Superintendent of the Police near Norton Village
in Hertfordshire. We understand that the dog has had his licence
endorsed for reckless walking.
***
According to a Manchester paper a new tram, while being tested, jumped
the lines and collided with a lamp-post. It is hoped that, when it
grows more accustomed to street noises, it will get over this tendency
to nervous excitement.
***
A serious set-back to journalism is reported from South Africa. It
appears that the Army aviator who flew from England to his home at
Johannesburg, after an absence of four and a half years, deliberately
arranged to see his parents before being interviewed by reporters.
***
In a London Police Court the other day a defendant stated that he
was so ashamed of his crime that he purchased a revolver with the
intention of shooting himself. On second thoughts he let himself off
with a caution.
***
Apparently the clothing of the Royal Air Force is not yet complete.
Large headings announcing an R.A.F. Divorce Suit appeared in several
papers recently, although its design and colouring were not mentioned.
***
Builders have been notified that the prices of wall-paper are to be
raised forty to fifty per cent. In view of the vital part played
by the wall-paper in the construction of the modern house, the
announcement has caused widespread consternation among building
contractors.
***
An American contemporary inquires why Germany cannot settle down. A
greater difficulty appears to be her inability to settle up.
***
A shop at Twickenham bears the notice, "Shaving while you wait."
This obviates the inconvenience of leaving one's chin at the barber's
overnight.
***
"Life and property," writes a correspondent, "are as safe in Hungary
to-day as they are in England." It should be borne in mind that there
is usually a motive underlying these alarmist reports.
***
"It is ten days," writes a naturalist, "since I heard the unmistakable
'Cuck, cuck, cuck' of the newly-arrived cuckoo at Hampstead." Not
to be confused with the "Cook, cook, cook!" of the newly-married
housewife at Tooting.
***
A weekly paper has an article entitled "The Lost Haggis." We always
have our initials put on a haggis with marking ink before despatching
it to be tailor-pressed.
***
At the annual meeting of the National Federation of Fish-fryers the
President asked whether it was not possible to make fried fish shops
more attractive. It appears that no serious attempt has yet been made
to discover a fish that gives off an aroma of violets when fried.
***
The Directors of the Underground offer a prize of twenty pounds to
their most polite employee. We have always felt that the conductor who
pushes you off a crowded train might at least raise his hat to you as
he moves out of the station.
***
After considering the Budget very carefully some people are veering
round to the theory that we didn't win the War, but just bought it.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "WHAT'S 'IS BUSINESS?"
"'E'S A TAXIDERMIST."
"OH, IS 'E? WELL, 'E SEEMS TO 'AVE DONE BETTER OUT OF IT THAN I
'AVE."]
* * * * *