The old devil had done up the two brothers, and now went to Iván. The
old devil took the shape of a general, and he came to Iván and tried to
persuade him to provide himself with an army.
"It will not do for a king to live without an army," he said. "Just
command me, and I will gather soldiers from among your people, and will
get you up an army."
Iván took his advice.
"All right," he said, "get me up an army: teach them to play good
music,--I like that."
The old devil started to go over the kingdom, to gather volunteers. He
said that they should go and get their crowns shaved, for which they
would get a bottle of vódka each, and a red cap.
The fools laughed at him.
"We have all the liquor we want," they said, "for we distil it
ourselves, and as for caps, our women will make us any we want, even
motley ones, with tassels at that."
Not one of them would go. The old devil went to Iván and said:
"Your fools will not go of their own will; you will have to force them."
"All right," he said, "drive them by force!"
And so the old devil announced that all the fools were to inscribe
themselves as soldiers, and that Iván would execute those who would not
go.
The fools came to the general and said:
"You say that the king will have us killed if we do not become soldiers,
but you do not tell us what we shall have to do as soldiers. They say
that soldiers, too, are killed."
"Yes, that cannot be helped."
When the fools heard that, they became stubborn.
"We will not go," they said. "If so, let us be killed at home! Death
cannot be escaped anyway."
"Fools that you are!" said the old devil. "A soldier may be killed or
not, but if you do not go, King Iván will certainly have you killed."
The fools considered the matter, and went to see Iván the Fool.
"Your general has come," they said, "and tells us all to turn soldiers.
'If you become soldiers,' he says, 'you may be killed, or not, but if
you do not become soldiers King Iván will certainly put you to death.'
Is that true?"
Iván began to laugh.
"How can I, one man, have you all put to death? If I were not a fool, I
should explain that to you, but as it is, I do not understand it
myself."
"If so," they said, "we shall not become soldiers."
"All right," he said, "don't."
The fools went to the general and refused to become soldiers.
The old devil saw that his business did not work, so he went to the King
of Cockroachland, and got into his favour.
"Let us go," he said, "and wage war on King Iván, and vanquish him. He
has no money, but he has plenty of grain, and cattle, and all kinds of
things."
The King of Cockroachland went out to make war: he had gathered a large
army, and collected guns and cannon, and left his borders, to enter
Iván's kingdom.
People came to Iván and said:
"The King of Cockroachland is coming against us."
"All right," he said, "let him come."
The King of Cockroachland crossed the border, and sent the
advance-guard to find Iván's army. They looked and looked for it, and
could not find it. They thought that they might wait for it to show up.
But they heard nothing about it,--there was no army to fight.
The King of Cockroachland sent out his men to take possession of the
villages. The soldiers came to one village,--and there the fools jumped
out to look at the soldiers and to marvel at them. The soldiers began to
take away the grain and the cattle: the fools gave it all up, and did
not resist. The soldiers went to the next village, and the same
happened. The soldiers walked for a day or two, and everywhere the same
happened. They gave up all they had, and nobody resisted, and they
invited the soldiers to come and live with them:
"If you, dear people," they said, "have not enough to live on in your
country, come and settle among us."
The soldiers walked and walked, but no army was to be found; everywhere
people were living, and feeding themselves and other people, and they
did not resist, but invited them to come and live with them.
The soldiers felt bad, and they came back to the King of Cockroachland.
"We cannot fight here," they said, "so take us to some other place: war
would be a good thing, but this is as though we were to cut soup. We
cannot fight here."
The King of Cockroachland grew wroth, and commanded his soldiers to
march through the whole kingdom, and destroy villages and houses, and
burn the grain and kill the cattle.
"If you do not obey my command," he said, "I shall have you all
executed."
The soldiers became frightened, and began to carry out the king's
command. They started to burn the houses and the grain, and to kill the
cattle. And still the fools did not resist, but only wept. The old men
wept, and the old women wept, and the children wept.
"Why do you offend us? Why do you destroy the property? If you need it,
take it along!"
The soldiers felt ashamed. They did not go any farther, and the whole
army ran away.