"Behold him, Freshman!--forced no more to groan
O'er Virgil's devilish verses[9], and--his own;
Prayers are too tedious, lectures too abstruse,
He flies from T----ll's frown to 'Fordham's Mews;'
(Unlucky T----ll, doom'd to daily cares
By pugilistic pupils and by bears!)
Fines, tutors, tasks, conventions, threat in vain,
Before hounds, hunters, and Newmarket plain:
Rough with his elders; with his equals rash;
Civil to sharpers; prodigal of cash.
Fool'd, pillaged, dunn'd, he wastes his terms away;
And, unexpell'd perhaps, retires M.A.:--
Master of Arts!--as Hells and Clubs[10] proclaim,
Where scarce a black-leg bears a brighter name.
"Launch'd into life, extinct his early fire,
He apes the selfish prudence of his sire;
Marries for money; chooses friends for rank;
Buys land, and shrewdly trusts not to the Bank;
Sits in the senate; gets a son and heir;
Sends him to Harrow--for himself was there;
Mute though he votes, unless when call'd to cheer,
His son's so sharp--he'll see the dog a peer!
"Manhood declines; age palsies every limb;
He quits the scene, or else the scene quits him;
Scrapes wealth, o'er each departing penny grieves,
And Avarice seizes all Ambition leaves;
Counts cent. per cent., and smiles, or vainly frets
O'er hoards diminish'd by young Hopeful's debts;
Weighs well and wisely what to sell or buy,
Complete in all life's lessons--but to die;
Peevish and spiteful, doting, hard to please,
Commending every time save times like these;
Crazed, querulous, forsaken, half forgot,
Expires unwept, is buried--let him rot!"