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1595

LOVE'S LABOUR'S LOST

by William Shakespeare

Dramatis Personae.

FERDINAND, King of Navarre

BEROWNE, lord attending on the King

LONGAVILLE, " " " " "

DUMAIN, " " " " "

BOYET, lord attending on the Princess of France

MARCADE, " " " " " " "

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO, fantastical Spaniard

SIR NATHANIEL, a curate

HOLOFERNES, a schoolmaster

DULL, a constable

COSTARD, a clown

MOTH, page to Armado

A FORESTER

THE PRINCESS OF FRANCE

ROSALINE, lady attending on the Princess

MARIA, " " " " "

KATHARINE, lady attending on the Princess

JAQUENETTA, a country wench

Lords, Attendants, etc.

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SCENE:

Navarre

ACT I. SCENE I.

Navarre. The King's park

[Enter the King, BEROWNE, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAIN.]

KING. Let fame, that all hunt after in their lives,

Live regist'red upon our brazen tombs,

And then grace us in the disgrace of death;

When, spite of cormorant devouring Time,

Th' endeavour of this present breath may buy

That honour which shall bate his scythe's keen edge,

And make us heirs of all eternity.

Therefore, brave conquerors- for so you are

That war against your own affections

And the huge army of the world's desires-

Our late edict shall strongly stand in force:

Navarre shall be the wonder of the world;

Our court shall be a little Academe,

Still and contemplative in living art.

You three, Berowne, Dumain, and Longaville,

Have sworn for three years' term to live with me

My fellow-scholars, and to keep those statutes

That are recorded in this schedule here.

Your oaths are pass'd; and now subscribe your names,

That his own hand may strike his honour down

That violates the smallest branch herein.

If you are arm'd to do as sworn to do,

Subscribe to your deep oaths, and keep it too.

LONGAVILLE. I am resolv'd; 'tis but a three years' fast.

The mind shall banquet, though the body pine.

Fat paunches have lean pates; and dainty bits

Make rich the ribs, but bankrupt quite the wits.

DUMAIN. My loving lord, Dumain is mortified.

The grosser manner of these world's delights

He throws upon the gross world's baser slaves;

To love, to wealth, to pomp, I pine and die,

With all these living in philosophy.

BEROWNE. I can but say their protestation over;

So much, dear liege, I have already sworn,

That is, to live and study here three years.

But there are other strict observances,

As: not to see a woman in that term,

Which I hope well is not enrolled there;

And one day in a week to touch no food,

And but one meal on every day beside,

The which I hope is not enrolled there;

And then to sleep but three hours in the night

And not be seen to wink of all the day-

When I was wont to think no harm all night,

And make a dark night too of half the day-

Which I hope well is not enrolled there.

O, these are barren tasks, too hard to keep,

Not to see ladies, study, fast, not sleep!

KING. Your oath is pass'd to pass away from these.

BEROWNE. Let me say no, my liege, an if you please:

I only swore to study with your Grace,

And stay here in your court for three years' space.

LONGAVILLE. You swore to that, Berowne, and to the rest.

BEROWNE. By yea and nay, sir, then I swore in jest.

What is the end of study, let me know.

KING. Why, that to know which else we should not know.

BEROWNE. Things hid and barr'd, you mean, from common sense?

KING. Ay, that is study's god-like recompense.

BEROWNE. Come on, then; I will swear to study so,

To know the thing I am forbid to know,

As thus: to study where I well may dine,

When I to feast expressly am forbid;

Or study where to meet some mistress fine,

When mistresses from common sense are hid;

Or, having sworn too hard-a-keeping oath,

Study to break it, and not break my troth.

If study's gain be thus, and this be so,

Study knows that which yet it doth not know.

Swear me to this, and I will ne'er say no.

KING. These be the stops that hinder study quite,

And train our intellects to vain delight.

BEROWNE. Why, all delights are vain; but that most vain

Which, with pain purchas'd, doth inherit pain,

As painfully to pore upon a book

To seek the light of truth; while truth the while

Doth falsely blind the eyesight of his look.

Light, seeking light, doth light of light beguile;

So, ere you find where light in darkness lies,

Your light grows dark by losing of your eyes.

Study me how to please the eye indeed,

By fixing it upon a fairer eye;

Who dazzling so, that eye shall be his heed,

And give him light that it was blinded by.

Study is like the heaven's glorious sun,

That will not be deep-search'd with saucy looks;

Small have continual plodders ever won,

Save base authority from others' books.

These earthly godfathers of heaven's lights

That give a name to every fixed star

Have no more profit of their shining nights

Than those that walk and wot not what they are.

Too much to know is to know nought but fame;

And every godfather can give a name.

KING. How well he's read, to reason against reading!

DUMAIN. Proceeded well, to stop all good proceeding!

LONGAVILLE. He weeds the corn, and still lets grow the weeding.

BEROWNE. The spring is near, when green geese are a-breeding.

DUMAIN. How follows that?

BEROWNE. Fit in his place and time.

DUMAIN. In reason nothing.

BEROWNE. Something then in rhyme.

LONGAVILLE. Berowne is like an envious sneaping frost

That bites the first-born infants of the spring.

BEROWNE. Well, say I am; why should proud summer boast

Before the birds have any cause to sing?

Why should I joy in any abortive birth?

At Christmas I no more desire a rose

Than wish a snow in May's new-fangled shows;

But like of each thing that in season grows;

So you, to study now it is too late,

Climb o'er the house to unlock the little gate.

KING. Well, sit out; go home, Berowne; adieu.

BEROWNE. No, my good lord; I have sworn to stay with you;

And though I have for barbarism spoke more

Than for that angel knowledge you can say,

Yet confident I'll keep what I have swore,

And bide the penance of each three years' day.

Give me the paper; let me read the same;

And to the strictest decrees I'll write my name.

KING. How well this yielding rescues thee from shame!

BEROWNE. [Reads] 'Item. That no woman shall come within a mile

my court'- Hath this been proclaimed?

LONGAVILLE. Four days ago.

BEROWNE. Let's see the penalty. [Reads] '-on pain of losing her

tongue.' Who devis'd this penalty?

LONGAVILLE. Marry, that did I.

BEROWNE. Sweet lord, and why?

LONGAVILLE. To fright them hence with that dread penalty.

BEROWNE. A dangerous law against gentility.

[Reads] 'Item. If any man be seen to talk with a woman within

the term of three years, he shall endure such public shame as

the

rest of the court can possibly devise.'

This article, my liege, yourself must break;

For well you know here comes in embassy

The French king's daughter, with yourself to speak-

A mild of grace and complete majesty-

About surrender up of Aquitaine

To her decrepit, sick, and bedrid father;

Therefore this article is made in vain,

Or vainly comes th' admired princess hither.

KING. What say you, lords? Why, this was quite forgot.

BEROWNE. So study evermore is over-shot.

While it doth study to have what it would,

It doth forget to do the thing it should;

And when it hath the thing it hunteth most,

'Tis won as towns with fire- so won, so lost.

KING. We must of force dispense with this decree;

She must lie here on mere necessity.

BEROWNE. Necessity will make us all forsworn

Three thousand times within this three years' space;

For every man with his affects is born,

Not by might mast'red, but by special grace.

If I break faith, this word shall speak for me:

I am forsworn on mere necessity.

So to the laws at large I write my name; [Subscribes]

And he that breaks them in the least degree

Stands in attainder of eternal shame.

Suggestions are to other as to me;

But I believe, although I seem so loath,

I am the last that will last keep his oath.

But is there no quick recreation granted?

KING. Ay, that there is. Our court, you know, is haunted

With a refined traveller of Spain,

A man in all the world's new fashion planted,

That hath a mint of phrases in his brain;

One who the music of his own vain tongue

Doth ravish like enchanting harmony;

A man of complements, whom right and wrong

Have chose as umpire of their mutiny.

This child of fancy, that Armado hight,

For interim to our studies shall relate,

In high-born words, the worth of many a knight

From tawny Spain lost in the world's debate.

How you delight, my lords, I know not, I;

But I protest I love to hear him lie,

And I will use him for my minstrelsy.

BEROWNE. Armado is a most illustrious wight,

A man of fire-new words, fashion's own knight.

LONGAVILLE. Costard the swain and he shall be our sport;

And so to study three years is but short.

[Enter DULL, a constable, with a letter, and COSTARD.]

DULL. Which is the Duke's own person?

BEROWNE. This, fellow. What wouldst?

DULL. I myself reprehend his own person, for I am his Grace's

farborough; but I would see his own person in flesh and

blood.

BEROWNE. This is he.

DULL. Signior Arme- Arme- commends you. There's villainy

abroad;

this letter will tell you more.

COSTARD. Sir, the contempts thereof are as touching me.

KING. A letter from the magnificent Armado.

BEROWNE. How low soever the matter, I hope in God for high

words.

LONGAVILLE. A high hope for a low heaven. God grant us

patience!

BEROWNE. To hear, or forbear hearing?

LONGAVILLE. To hear meekly, sir, and to laugh moderately; or,

forbear both.

BEROWNE. Well, sir, be it as the style shall give us cause to

climb

in the merriness.

COSTARD. The matter is to me, sir, as concerning Jaquenetta.

The manner of it is, I was taken with the manner.

BEROWNE. In what manner?

COSTARD. In manner and form following, sir; all those three: I

was

seen with her in the manor-house, sitting with her upon the

form,

and taken following her into the park; which, put together,

is in

manner and form following. Now, sir, for the manner- it is

the

manner of a man to speak to a woman. For the form- in some

form.

BEROWNE. For the following, sir?

COSTARD. As it shall follow in my correction; and God defend

the

right!

KING. Will you hear this letter with attention?

BEROWNE. As we would hear an oracle.

COSTARD. Such is the simplicity of man to hearken after the

flesh.

KING. [Reads] 'Great deputy, the welkin's vicegerent and sole

dominator of Navarre, my soul's earth's god and body's

fost'ring

patron'-

COSTARD. Not a word of Costard yet.

KING. [Reads] 'So it is'-

COSTARD. It may be so; but if he say it is so, he is, in

telling

true, but so.

KING. Peace!

COSTARD. Be to me, and every man that dares not fight!

KING. No words!

COSTARD. Of other men's secrets, I beseech you.

KING. [Reads] 'So it is, besieged with sable-coloured

melancholy, I

did commend the black oppressing humour to the most wholesome

physic of thy health-giving air; and, as I am a gentleman,

betook

myself to walk. The time When? About the sixth hour; when

beasts

most graze, birds best peck, and men sit down to that

nourishment

which is called supper. So much for the time When. Now for

the

ground Which? which, I mean, I upon; it is ycleped thy park.

Then

for the place Where? where, I mean, I did encounter that

obscene

and most prepost'rous event that draweth from my snow-white

pen

the ebon-coloured ink which here thou viewest, beholdest,

surveyest, or seest. But to the place Where? It standeth

north-north-east and by east from the west corner of thy

curious-knotted garden. There did I see that low-spirited

swain,

that base minnow of thy mirth,'

COSTARD. Me?

KING. 'that unlettered small-knowing soul,'

COSTARD. Me?

KING. 'that shallow vassal,'

COSTARD. Still me?

KING. 'which, as I remember, hight Costard,'

COSTARD. O, me!

KING. 'sorted and consorted, contrary to thy established

proclaimed

edict and continent canon; which, with, O, with- but with

this I

passion to say wherewith-'

COSTARD. With a wench.

King. 'with a child of our grandmother Eve, a female; or, for

thy

more sweet understanding, a woman. Him I, as my ever-esteemed

duty pricks me on, have sent to thee, to receive the meed of

punishment, by thy sweet Grace's officer, Antony Dull, a man

good repute, carriage, bearing, and estimation.'

DULL. Me, an't shall please you; I am Antony Dull.

KING. 'For Jaquenetta- so is the weaker vessel called, which I

apprehended with the aforesaid swain- I keep her as a vessel

thy law's fury; and shall, at the least of thy sweet notice,

bring her to trial. Thine, in all compliments of devoted and

heart-burning heat of duty,

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO.'

BEROWNE. This is not so well as I look'd for, but the best that

ever I heard.

KING. Ay, the best for the worst. But, sirrah, what say you to

this?

COSTARD. Sir, I confess the wench.

KING. Did you hear the proclamation?

COSTARD. I do confess much of the hearing it, but little of the

marking of it.

KING. It was proclaimed a year's imprisonment to be taken with

wench.

COSTARD. I was taken with none, sir; I was taken with a damsel.

KING. Well, it was proclaimed damsel.

COSTARD. This was no damsel neither, sir; she was a virgin.

KING. It is so varied too, for it was proclaimed virgin.

COSTARD. If it were, I deny her virginity; I was taken with a

maid.

KING. This 'maid' not serve your turn, sir.

COSTARD. This maid will serve my turn, sir.

KING. Sir, I will pronounce your sentence: you shall fast a

week

with bran and water.

COSTARD. I had rather pray a month with mutton and porridge.

KING. And Don Armado shall be your keeper.

My Lord Berowne, see him delivered o'er;

And go we, lords, to put in practice that

Which each to other hath so strongly sworn.

[Exeunt KING, LONGAVILLE, and DUMAIN.]

BEROWNE. I'll lay my head to any good man's hat

These oaths and laws will prove an idle scorn.

Sirrah, come on.

COSTARD. I suffer for the truth, sir; for true it is I was

taken

with Jaquenetta, and Jaquenetta is a true girl; and therefore

welcome the sour cup of prosperity! Affliction may one day

smile

again; and till then, sit thee down, sorrow.

[Exeunt]

SCENE II.

The park

[Enter ARMADO and MOTH, his page.]

ARMADO. Boy, what sign is it when a man of great spirit grows

melancholy?

MOTH. A great sign, sir, that he will look sad.

ARMADO. Why, sadness is one and the self-same thing, dear imp.

MOTH. No, no; O Lord, sir, no!

ARMADO. How canst thou part sadness and melancholy, my tender

juvenal?

MOTH. By a familiar demonstration of the working, my tough

signior.

ARMADO. Why tough signior? Why tough signior?

MOTH. Why tender juvenal? Why tender juvenal?

ARMADO. I spoke it, tender juvenal, as a congruent epitheton

appertaining to thy young days, which we may nominate tender.

MOTH. And I, tough signior, as an appertinent title to your old

time, which we may name tough.

ARMADO. Pretty and apt.

MOTH. How mean you, sir? I pretty, and my saying apt? or I apt,

and

my saying pretty?

ARMADO. Thou pretty, because little.

MOTH. Little pretty, because little. Wherefore apt?

ARMADO. And therefore apt, because quick.

MOTH. Speak you this in my praise, master?

ARMADO. In thy condign praise.

MOTH. I will praise an eel with the same praise.

ARMADO. That an eel is ingenious?

MOTH. That an eel is quick.

ARMADO. I do say thou art quick in answers; thou heat'st my

blood.

MOTH. I am answer'd, sir.

ARMADO. I love not to be cross'd.

MOTH. [Aside] He speaks the mere contrary: crosses love not

him.

ARMADO. I have promised to study three years with the Duke.

MOTH. You may do it in an hour, sir.

ARMADO. Impossible.

MOTH. How many is one thrice told?

ARMADO. I am ill at reck'ning; it fitteth the spirit of a

tapster.

MOTH. You are a gentleman and a gamester, sir.

ARMADO. I confess both; they are both the varnish of a complete

man.

MOTH. Then I am sure you know how much the gross sum of

deuce-ace

amounts to.

ARMADO. It doth amount to one more than two.

MOTH. Which the base vulgar do call three.

ARMADO. True.

MOTH. Why, sir, is this such a piece of study? Now here is

three

studied ere ye'll thrice wink; and how easy it is to put

'years'

to the word 'three,' and study three years in two words, the

dancing horse will tell you.

ARMADO. A most fine figure!

MOTH. [Aside] To prove you a cipher.

ARMADO. I will hereupon confess I am in love. And as it is base

for

a soldier to love, so am I in love with a base wench. If

drawing

my sword against the humour of affection would deliver me

from

the reprobate thought of it, I would take Desire prisoner,

and

ransom him to any French courtier for a new-devis'd curtsy. I

think scorn to sigh; methinks I should out-swear Cupid.

Comfort

me, boy; what great men have been in love?

MOTH. Hercules, master.

ARMADO. Most sweet Hercules! More authority, dear boy, name

more;

and, sweet my child, let them be men of good repute and

carriage.

MOTH. Samson, master; he was a man of good carriage, great

carriage, for he carried the town gates on his back like a

porter; and he was in love.

ARMADO. O well-knit Samson! strong-jointed Samson! I do excel

thee

in my rapier as much as thou didst me in carrying gates. I am

love too. Who was Samson's love, my dear Moth?

MOTH. A woman, master.

ARMADO. Of what complexion?

MOTH. Of all the four, or the three, or the two, or one of the

four.

ARMADO. Tell me precisely of what complexion.

MOTH. Of the sea-water green, sir.

ARMADO. Is that one of the four complexions?

MOTH. As I have read, sir; and the best of them too.

ARMADO. Green, indeed, is the colour of lovers; but to have a

love

of that colour, methinks Samson had small reason for it. He

surely affected her for her wit.

MOTH. It was so, sir; for she had a green wit.

ARMADO. My love is most immaculate white and red.

MOTH. Most maculate thoughts, master, are mask'd under such

colours.

ARMADO. Define, define, well-educated infant.

MOTH. My father's wit my mother's tongue assist me!

ARMADO. Sweet invocation of a child; most pretty, and

pathetical!

MOTH. If she be made of white and red,

Her faults will ne'er be known;

For blushing cheeks by faults are bred,

And fears by pale white shown.

Then if she fear, or be to blame,

By this you shall not know;

For still her cheeks possess the same

Which native she doth owe.

A dangerous rhyme, master, against the reason of white and

red.

ARMADO. Is there not a ballad, boy, of the King and the Beggar?

MOTH. The world was very guilty of such a ballad some three

ages

since; but I think now 'tis not to be found; or if it were,

would neither serve for the writing nor the tune.

ARMADO. I will have that subject newly writ o'er, that I may

example my digression by some mighty precedent. Boy, I do

love

that country girl that I took in the park with the rational

hind

Costard; she deserves well.

MOTH. [Aside] To be whipt; and yet a better love than my

master.

ARMADO. Sing, boy; my spirit grows heavy in love.

MOTH. And that's great marvel, loving a light wench.

ARMADO. I say, sing.

MOTH. Forbear till this company be past.

Enter DULL, COSTARD, and JAQUENETTA

DULL. Sir, the Duke's pleasure is that you keep Costard safe;

and

you must suffer him to take no delight nor no penance; but 'a

must fast three days a week. For this damsel, I must keep her

the park; she is allow'd for the day-woman. Fare you well.

ARMADO. I do betray myself with blushing. Maid!

JAQUENETTA. Man!

ARMADO. I will visit thee at the lodge.

JAQUENETTA. That's hereby.

ARMADO. I know where it is situate.

JAQUENETTA. Lord, how wise you are!

ARMADO. I will tell thee wonders.

JAQUENETTA. With that face?

ARMADO. I love thee.

JAQUENETTA. So I heard you say.

ARMADO. And so, farewell.

JAQUENETTA. Fair weather after you!

DULL. Come, Jaquenetta, away. Exit with JAQUENETTA

ARMADO. Villain, thou shalt fast for thy offences ere thou be

pardoned.

COSTARD. Well, sir, I hope when I do it I shall do it on a full

stomach.

ARMADO. Thou shalt be heavily punished.

COSTARD. I am more bound to you than your fellows, for they are

but

lightly rewarded.

ARMADO. Take away this villain; shut him up.

MOTH. Come, you transgressing slave, away.

COSTARD. Let me not be pent up, sir; I will fast, being loose.

MOTH. No, sir; that were fast, and loose. Thou shalt to prison.

COSTARD. Well, if ever I do see the merry days of desolation

that I

have seen, some shall see.

MOTH. What shall some see?

COSTARD. Nay, nothing, Master Moth, but what they look upon. It

not for prisoners to be too silent in their words, and

therefore

I will say nothing. I thank God I have as little patience as

another man, and therefore I can be quiet.

Exeunt MOTH and COSTARD

ARMADO. I do affect the very ground, which is base, where her

shoe,

which is baser, guided by her foot, which is basest, doth

tread.

I shall be forsworn- which is a great argument of falsehood-

if I

love. And how can that be true love which is falsely

attempted?

Love is a familiar; Love is a devil. There is no evil angel

but

Love. Yet was Samson so tempted, and he had an excellent

strength; yet was Solomon so seduced, and he had a very good

wit.

Cupid's butt-shaft is too hard for Hercules' club, and

therefore

too much odds for a Spaniard's rapier. The first and second

cause

will not serve my turn; the passado he respects not, the

duello

he regards not; his disgrace is to be called boy, but his

glory

is to subdue men. Adieu, valour; rust, rapier; be still,

drum;

for your manager is in love; yea, he loveth. Assist me, some

extemporal god of rhyme, for I am sure I shall turn sonnet.

Devise, wit; write, pen; for I am for whole volumes in folio.

Exit

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ACT II. SCENE II.

The park

Enter the PRINCESS OF FRANCE, with three attending ladies,

ROSALINE, MARIA, KATHARINE, BOYET, and two other LORDS

BOYET. Now, madam, summon up your dearest spirits.

Consider who the King your father sends,

To whom he sends, and what's his embassy:

Yourself, held precious in the world's esteem,

To parley with the sole inheritor

Of all perfections that a man may owe,

Matchless Navarre; the plea of no less weight

Than Aquitaine, a dowry for a queen.

Be now as prodigal of all dear grace

As Nature was in making graces dear,

When she did starve the general world beside

And prodigally gave them all to you.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Good Lord Boyet, my beauty, though but

mean,

Needs not the painted flourish of your praise.

Beauty is bought by judgment of the eye,

Not utt'red by base sale of chapmen's tongues;

I am less proud to hear you tell my worth

Than you much willing to be counted wise

In spending your wit in the praise of mine.

But now to task the tasker: good Boyet,

You are not ignorant all-telling fame

Doth noise abroad Navarre hath made a vow,

Till painful study shall outwear three years,

No woman may approach his silent court.

Therefore to's seemeth it a needful course,

Before we enter his forbidden gates,

To know his pleasure; and in that behalf,

Bold of your worthiness, we single you

As our best-moving fair solicitor.

Tell him the daughter of the King of France,

On serious business, craving quick dispatch,

Importunes personal conference with his Grace.

Haste, signify so much; while we attend,

Like humble-visag'd suitors, his high will.

BOYET. Proud of employment, willingly I go.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. All pride is willing pride, and yours is

so.

[Exit BOYET]

Who are the votaries, my loving lords,

That are vow-fellows with this virtuous duke?

FIRST LORD. Lord Longaville is one.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Know you the man?

MARIA. I know him, madam; at a marriage feast,

Between Lord Perigort and the beauteous heir

Of Jaques Falconbridge, solemnized

In Normandy, saw I this Longaville.

A man of sovereign parts, peerless esteem'd,

Well fitted in arts, glorious in arms;

Nothing becomes him ill that he would well.

The only soil of his fair virtue's gloss,

If virtue's gloss will stain with any soil,

Is a sharp wit match'd with too blunt a will,

Whose edge hath power to cut, whose will still wills

It should none spare that come within his power.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Some merry mocking lord, belike; is't so?

MARIA. They say so most that most his humours know.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Such short-liv'd wits do wither as they

grow.

Who are the rest?

KATHARINE. The young Dumain, a well-accomplish'd youth,

Of all that virtue love for virtue loved;

Most power to do most harm, least knowing ill,

For he hath wit to make an ill shape good,

And shape to win grace though he had no wit.

I saw him at the Duke Alencon's once;

And much too little of that good I saw

Is my report to his great worthiness.

ROSALINE. Another of these students at that time

Was there with him, if I have heard a truth.

Berowne they call him; but a merrier man,

Within the limit of becoming mirth,

I never spent an hour's talk withal.

His eye begets occasion for his wit,

For every object that the one doth catch

The other turns to a mirth-moving jest,

Which his fair tongue, conceit's expositor,

Delivers in such apt and gracious words

That aged ears play truant at his tales,

And younger hearings are quite ravished;

So sweet and voluble is his discourse.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. God bless my ladies! Are they all in love,

That every one her own hath garnished

With such bedecking ornaments of praise?

FIRST LORD. Here comes Boyet.

Re-enter BOYET

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Now, what admittance, lord?

BOYET. Navarre had notice of your fair approach,

And he and his competitors in oath

Were all address'd to meet you, gentle lady,

Before I came. Marry, thus much I have learnt:

He rather means to lodge you in the field,

Like one that comes here to besiege his court,

Than seek a dispensation for his oath,

To let you enter his unpeopled house.

[The LADIES-IN-WAITING mask]

Enter KING, LONGAVILLE, DUMAIN, BEROWNE,

and ATTENDANTS

Here comes Navarre.

KING. Fair Princess, welcome to the court of Navarre.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. 'Fair' I give you back again; and 'welcome'

have not yet. The roof of this court is too high to be yours,

and

welcome to the wide fields too base to be mine.

KING. You shall be welcome, madam, to my court.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. I will be welcome then; conduct me thither.

KING. Hear me, dear lady: I have sworn an oath-

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Our Lady help my lord! He'll be forsworn.

KING. Not for the world, fair madam, by my will.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Why, will shall break it; will, and nothing

else.

KING. Your ladyship is ignorant what it is.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Were my lord so, his ignorance were wise,

Where now his knowledge must prove ignorance.

I hear your Grace hath sworn out house-keeping.

'Tis deadly sin to keep that oath, my lord,

And sin to break it.

But pardon me, I am too sudden bold;

To teach a teacher ill beseemeth me.

Vouchsafe to read the purpose of my coming,

And suddenly resolve me in my suit. [Giving a paper]

KING. Madam, I will, if suddenly I may.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. You will the sooner that I were away,

For you'll prove perjur'd if you make me stay.

BEROWNE. Did not I dance with you in Brabant once?

KATHARINE. Did not I dance with you in Brabant once?

BEROWNE. I know you did.

KATHARINE. How needless was it then to ask the question!

BEROWNE. You must not be so quick.

KATHARINE. 'Tis long of you, that spur me with such questions.

BEROWNE. Your wit 's too hot, it speeds too fast, 'twill tire.

KATHARINE. Not till it leave the rider in the mire.

BEROWNE. What time o' day?

KATHARINE. The hour that fools should ask.

BEROWNE. Now fair befall your mask!

KATHARINE. Fair fall the face it covers!

BEROWNE. And send you many lovers!

KATHARINE. Amen, so you be none.

BEROWNE. Nay, then will I be gone.

KING. Madam, your father here doth intimate

The payment of a hundred thousand crowns;

Being but the one half of an entire sum

Disbursed by my father in his wars.

But say that he or we, as neither have,

Receiv'd that sum, yet there remains unpaid

A hundred thousand more, in surety of the which,

One part of Aquitaine is bound to us,

Although not valued to the money's worth.

If then the King your father will restore

But that one half which is unsatisfied,

We will give up our right in Aquitaine,

And hold fair friendship with his Majesty.

But that, it seems, he little purposeth,

For here he doth demand to have repaid

A hundred thousand crowns; and not demands,

On payment of a hundred thousand crowns,

To have his title live in Aquitaine;

Which we much rather had depart withal,

And have the money by our father lent,

Than Aquitaine so gelded as it is.

Dear Princess, were not his requests so far

From reason's yielding, your fair self should make

A yielding 'gainst some reason in my breast,

And go well satisfied to France again.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. You do the King my father too much wrong,

And wrong the reputation of your name,

In so unseeming to confess receipt

Of that which hath so faithfully been paid.

KING. I do protest I never heard of it;

And, if you prove it, I'll repay it back

Or yield up Aquitaine.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. We arrest your word.

Boyet, you can produce acquittances

For such a sum from special officers

Of Charles his father.

KING. Satisfy me so.

BOYET. So please your Grace, the packet is not come,

Where that and other specialties are bound;

To-morrow you shall have a sight of them.

KING. It shall suffice me; at which interview

All liberal reason I will yield unto.

Meantime receive such welcome at my hand

As honour, without breach of honour, may

Make tender of to thy true worthiness.

You may not come, fair Princess, within my gates;

But here without you shall be so receiv'd

As you shall deem yourself lodg'd in my heart,

Though so denied fair harbour in my house.

Your own good thoughts excuse me, and farewell.

To-morrow shall we visit you again.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Sweet health and fair desires consort your

Grace!

KING. Thy own wish wish I thee in every place.

[Exit with attendants]

BEROWNE. Lady, I will commend you to mine own heart.

ROSALINE. Pray you, do my commendations;

I would be glad to see it.

BEROWNE. I would you heard it groan.

ROSALINE. Is the fool sick?

BEROWNE. Sick at the heart.

ROSALINE. Alack, let it blood.

BEROWNE. Would that do it good?

ROSALINE. My physic says 'ay.'

BEROWNE. Will YOU prick't with your eye?

ROSALINE. No point, with my knife.

BEROWNE. Now, God save thy life!

ROSALINE. And yours from long living!

BEROWNE. I cannot stay thanksgiving. [Retiring]

DUMAIN. Sir, I pray you, a word: what lady is that same?

BOYET. The heir of Alencon, Katharine her name.

DUMAIN. A gallant lady! Monsieur, fare you well. Exit

LONGAVILLE. I beseech you a word: what is she in the white?

BOYET. A woman sometimes, an you saw her in the light.

LONGAVILLE. Perchance light in the light. I desire her name.

BOYET. She hath but one for herself; to desire that were a

shame.

LONGAVILLE. Pray you, sir, whose daughter?

BOYET. Her mother's, I have heard.

LONGAVILLE. God's blessing on your beard!

BOYET. Good sir, be not offended;

She is an heir of Falconbridge.

LONGAVILLE. Nay, my choler is ended.

She is a most sweet lady.

BOYET. Not unlike, sir; that may be. Exit LONGAVILLE

BEROWNE. What's her name in the cap?

BOYET. Rosaline, by good hap.

BEROWNE. Is she wedded or no?

BOYET. To her will, sir, or so.

BEROWNE. You are welcome, sir; adieu!

BOYET. Farewell to me, sir, and welcome to you.

Exit BEROWNE. LADIES Unmask

MARIA. That last is Berowne, the merry mad-cap lord;

Not a word with him but a jest.

BOYET. And every jest but a word.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. It was well done of you to take him at his

word.

BOYET. I was as willing to grapple as he was to board.

KATHARINE. Two hot sheeps, marry!

BOYET. And wherefore not ships?

No sheep, sweet lamb, unless we feed on your lips.

KATHARINE. You sheep and I pasture- shall that finish the jest?

BOYET. So you grant pasture for me. [Offering to kiss her]

KATHARINE. Not so, gentle beast;

My lips are no common, though several they be.

BOYET. Belonging to whom?

KATHARINE. To my fortunes and me.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Good wits will be jangling; but, gentles,

agree;

This civil war of wits were much better used

On Navarre and his book-men, for here 'tis abused.

BOYET. If my observation, which very seldom lies,

By the heart's still rhetoric disclosed with eyes,

Deceive me not now, Navarre is infected.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. With what?

BOYET. With that which we lovers entitle 'affected.'

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Your reason?

BOYET. Why, all his behaviours did make their retire

To the court of his eye, peeping thorough desire.

His heart, like an agate, with your print impressed,

Proud with his form, in his eye pride expressed;

His tongue, all impatient to speak and not see,

Did stumble with haste in his eyesight to be;

All senses to that sense did make their repair,

To feel only looking on fairest of fair.

Methought all his senses were lock'd in his eye,

As jewels in crystal for some prince to buy;

Who, tend'ring their own worth from where they were glass'd,

Did point you to buy them, along as you pass'd.

His face's own margent did quote such amazes

That all eyes saw his eyes enchanted with gazes.

I'll give you Aquitaine and all that is his,

An you give him for my sake but one loving kiss.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Come, to our pavilion. Boyet is dispos'd.

BOYET. But to speak that in words which his eye hath disclos'd;

I only have made a mouth of his eye,

By adding a tongue which I know will not lie.

MARIA. Thou art an old love-monger, and speakest skilfully.

KATHARINE. He is Cupid's grandfather, and learns news of him.

ROSALINE. Then was Venus like her mother; for her father is but

grim.

BOYET. Do you hear, my mad wenches?

MARIA. No.

BOYET. What, then; do you see?

MARIA. Ay, our way to be gone.

BOYET. You are too hard for me. Exeunt

<<THIS ELECTRONIC VERSION OF THE COMPLETE WORKS OF WILLIAM

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ACT III. SCENE I.

The park

Enter ARMADO and MOTH

ARMADO. Warble, child; make passionate my sense of hearing.

[MOTH sings Concolinel]

ARMADO. Sweet air! Go, tenderness of years, take this key, give

enlargement to the swain, bring him festinately hither; I

must

employ him in a letter to my love.

MOTH. Master, will you win your love with a French brawl?

ARMADO. How meanest thou? Brawling in French?

MOTH. No, my complete master; but to jig off a tune at the

tongue's

end, canary to it with your feet, humour it with turning up

your

eyelids, sigh a note and sing a note, sometime through the

throat, as if you swallowed love with singing love, sometime

through the nose, as if you snuff'd up love by smelling love,

with your hat penthouse-like o'er the shop of your eyes, with

your arms cross'd on your thin-belly doublet, like a rabbit

on a

spit, or your hands in your pocket, like a man after the old

painting; and keep not too long in one tune, but a snip and

away.

These are complements, these are humours; these betray nice

wenches, that would be betrayed without these; and make them

men

of note- do you note me?- that most are affected to these.

ARMADO. How hast thou purchased this experience?

MOTH. By my penny of observation.

ARMADO. But O- but O-

MOTH. The hobby-horse is forgot.

ARMADO. Call'st thou my love 'hobby-horse'?

MOTH. No, master; the hobby-horse is but a colt, and your love

perhaps a hackney. But have you forgot your love?

ARMADO. Almost I had.

MOTH. Negligent student! learn her by heart.

ARMADO. By heart and in heart, boy.

MOTH. And out of heart, master; all those three I will prove.

ARMADO. What wilt thou prove?

MOTH. A man, if I live; and this, by, in, and without, upon the

instant. By heart you love her, because your heart cannot

come by

her; in heart you love her, because your heart is in love

with

her; and out of heart you love her, being out of heart that

you

cannot enjoy her.

ARMADO. I am all these three.

MOTH. And three times as much more, and yet nothing at all.

ARMADO. Fetch hither the swain; he must carry me a letter.

MOTH. A message well sympathiz'd- a horse to be ambassador for

ass.

ARMADO. Ha, ha, what sayest thou?

MOTH. Marry, sir, you must send the ass upon the horse, for he

very slow-gaited. But I go.

ARMADO. The way is but short; away.

MOTH. As swift as lead, sir.

ARMADO. The meaning, pretty ingenious?

Is not lead a metal heavy, dull, and slow?

MOTH. Minime, honest master; or rather, master, no.

ARMADO. I say lead is slow.

MOTH. You are too swift, sir, to say so:

Is that lead slow which is fir'd from a gun?

ARMADO. Sweet smoke of rhetoric!

He reputes me a cannon; and the bullet, that's he;

I shoot thee at the swain.

MOTH. Thump, then, and I flee. Exit

ARMADO. A most acute juvenal; volable and free of grace!

By thy favour, sweet welkin, I must sigh in thy face;

Most rude melancholy, valour gives thee place.

My herald is return'd.

Re-enter MOTH with COSTARD

MOTH. A wonder, master! here's a costard broken in a shin.

ARMADO. Some enigma, some riddle; come, thy l'envoy; begin.

COSTARD. No egma, no riddle, no l'envoy; no salve in the mail,

sir.

O, sir, plantain, a plain plantain; no l'envoy, no l'envoy;

salve, sir, but a plantain!

ARMADO. By virtue thou enforcest laughter; thy silly thought,

spleen; the heaving of my lungs provokes me to ridiculous

smiling. O, pardon me, my stars! Doth the inconsiderate take

salve for l'envoy, and the word 'l'envoy' for a salve?

MOTH. Do the wise think them other? Is not l'envoy a salve?

ARMADO. No, page; it is an epilogue or discourse to make plain

Some obscure precedence that hath tofore been sain.

I will example it:

The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee,

Were still at odds, being but three.

There's the moral. Now the l'envoy.

MOTH. I will add the l'envoy. Say the moral again.

ARMADO. The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee,

Were still at odds, being but three.

MOTH. Until the goose came out of door,

And stay'd the odds by adding four.

Now will I begin your moral, and do you follow with my

l'envoy.

The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee,

Were still at odds, being but three.

ARMADO. Until the goose came out of door,

Staying the odds by adding four.

MOTH. A good l'envoy, ending in the goose; would you desire

more?

COSTARD. The boy hath sold him a bargain, a goose, that's flat.

Sir, your pennyworth is good, an your goose be fat.

To sell a bargain well is as cunning as fast and loose;

Let me see: a fat l'envoy; ay, that's a fat goose.

ARMADO. Come hither, come hither. How did this argument begin?

MOTH. By saying that a costard was broken in a shin.

Then call'd you for the l'envoy.

COSTARD. True, and I for a plantain. Thus came your argument

in;

Then the boy's fat l'envoy, the goose that you bought;

And he ended the market.

ARMADO. But tell me: how was there a costard broken in a shin?

MOTH. I will tell you sensibly.

COSTARD. Thou hast no feeling of it, Moth; I will speak that

l'envoy.

I, Costard, running out, that was safely within,

Fell over the threshold and broke my shin.

ARMADO. We will talk no more of this matter.

COSTARD. Till there be more matter in the shin.

ARMADO. Sirrah Costard. I will enfranchise thee.

COSTARD. O, Marry me to one Frances! I smell some l'envoy, some

goose, in this.

ARMADO. By my sweet soul, I mean setting thee at liberty,

enfreedoming thy person; thou wert immured, restrained,

captivated, bound.

COSTARD. True, true; and now you will be my purgation, and let

loose.

ARMADO. I give thee thy liberty, set thee from durance; and, in

lieu thereof, impose on thee nothing but this: bear this

significant [giving a letter] to the country maid Jaquenetta;

there is remuneration, for the best ward of mine honour is

rewarding my dependents. Moth, follow. Exit

MOTH. Like the sequel, I. Signior Costard, adieu.

COSTARD. My sweet ounce of man's flesh, my incony Jew!

[Exit MOTH]

Now will I look to his remuneration. Remuneration! O, that's

the

Latin word for three farthings. Three farthings-

remuneration.

'What's the price of this inkle?'- 'One penny.'- 'No, I'll

give

you a remuneration.' Why, it carries it. Remuneration! Why,

it is

a fairer name than French crown. I will never buy and sell

out of

this word.

Enter BEROWNE

BEROWNE. My good knave Costard, exceedingly well met!

COSTARD. Pray you, sir, how much carnation ribbon may a man buy

for

a remuneration?

BEROWNE. What is a remuneration?

COSTARD. Marry, sir, halfpenny farthing.

BEROWNE. Why, then, three-farthing worth of silk.

COSTARD. I thank your worship. God be wi' you!

BEROWNE. Stay, slave; I must employ thee.

As thou wilt win my favour, good my knave,

Do one thing for me that I shall entreat.

COSTARD. When would you have it done, sir?

BEROWNE. This afternoon.

COSTARD. Well, I will do it, sir; fare you well.

BEROWNE. Thou knowest not what it is.

COSTARD. I shall know, sir, when I have done it.

BEROWNE. Why, villain, thou must know first.

COSTARD. I will come to your worship to-morrow morning.

BEROWNE. It must be done this afternoon.

Hark, slave, it is but this:

The Princess comes to hunt here in the park,

And in her train there is a gentle lady;

When tongues speak sweetly, then they name her name,

And Rosaline they call her. Ask for her,

And to her white hand see thou do commend

This seal'd-up counsel. There's thy guerdon; go.

[Giving him a shilling]

COSTARD. Gardon, O sweet gardon! better than remuneration; a

'leven-pence farthing better; most sweet gardon! I will do

it,

sir, in print. Gardon- remuneration! Exit

BEROWNE. And I, forsooth, in love; I, that have been love's

whip;

A very beadle to a humorous sigh;

A critic, nay, a night-watch constable;

A domineering pedant o'er the boy,

Than whom no mortal so magnificent!

This wimpled, whining, purblind, wayward boy,

This senior-junior, giant-dwarf, Dan Cupid;

Regent of love-rhymes, lord of folded arms,

Th' anointed sovereign of sighs and groans,

Liege of all loiterers and malcontents,

Dread prince of plackets, king of codpieces,

Sole imperator, and great general

Of trotting paritors. O my little heart!

And I to be a corporal of his field,

And wear his colours like a tumbler's hoop!

What! I love, I sue, I seek a wife-

A woman, that is like a German clock,

Still a-repairing, ever out of frame,

And never going aright, being a watch,

But being watch'd that it may still go right!

Nay, to be perjur'd, which is worst of all;

And, among three, to love the worst of all,

A whitely wanton with a velvet brow,

With two pitch balls stuck in her face for eyes;

Ay, and, by heaven, one that will do the deed,

Though Argus were her eunuch and her guard.

And I to sigh for her! to watch for her!

To pray for her! Go to; it is a plague

That Cupid will impose for my neglect

Of his almighty dreadful little might.

Well, I will love, write, sigh, pray, sue, and groan:

Some men must love my lady, and some Joan. Exit

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ACT IV. SCENE I.

The park

Enter the PRINCESS, ROSALINE, MARIA, KATHARINE, BOYET, LORDS,

ATTENDANTS,

and a FORESTER

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Was that the King that spurr'd his horse so

hard

Against the steep uprising of the hill?

BOYET. I know not; but I think it was not he.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Whoe'er 'a was, 'a show'd a mounting mind.

Well, lords, to-day we shall have our dispatch;

On Saturday we will return to France.

Then, forester, my friend, where is the bush

That we must stand and play the murderer in?

FORESTER. Hereby, upon the edge of yonder coppice;

A stand where you may make the fairest shoot.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. I thank my beauty I am fair that shoot,

And thereupon thou speak'st the fairest shoot.

FORESTER. Pardon me, madam, for I meant not so.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. What, what? First praise me, and again say

no?

O short-liv'd pride! Not fair? Alack for woe!

FORESTER. Yes, madam, fair.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Nay, never paint me now;

Where fair is not, praise cannot mend the brow.

Here, good my glass, take this for telling true:

[Giving him money]

Fair payment for foul words is more than due.

FORESTER. Nothing but fair is that which you inherit.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. See, see, my beauty will be sav'd by merit.

O heresy in fair, fit for these days!

A giving hand, though foul, shall have fair praise.

But come, the bow. Now mercy goes to kill,

And shooting well is then accounted ill;

Thus will I save my credit in the shoot:

Not wounding, pity would not let me do't;

If wounding, then it was to show my skill,

That more for praise than purpose meant to kill.

And, out of question, so it is sometimes:

Glory grows guilty of detested crimes,

When, for fame's sake, for praise, an outward part,

We bend to that the working of the heart;

As I for praise alone now seek to spill

The poor deer's blood that my heart means no ill.

BOYET. Do not curst wives hold that self-sovereignty

Only for praise sake, when they strive to be

Lords o'er their lords?

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Only for praise; and praise we may afford

To any lady that subdues a lord.

Enter COSTARD

BOYET. Here comes a member of the commonwealth.

COSTARD. God dig-you-den all! Pray you, which is the head lady?

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Thou shalt know her, fellow, by the rest

that

have no heads.

COSTARD. Which is the greatest lady, the highest?

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. The thickest and the tallest.

COSTARD. The thickest and the tallest! It is so; truth is

truth.

An your waist, mistress, were as slender as my wit,

One o' these maids' girdles for your waist should be fit.

Are not you the chief woman? You are the thickest here.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. What's your will, sir? What's your will?

COSTARD. I have a letter from Monsieur Berowne to one

Lady Rosaline.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. O, thy letter, thy letter! He's a good

friend

of mine.

Stand aside, good bearer. Boyet, you can carve.

Break up this capon.

BOYET. I am bound to serve.

This letter is mistook; it importeth none here.

It is writ to Jaquenetta.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. We will read it, I swear.

Break the neck of the wax, and every one give ear.

BOYET. [Reads] 'By heaven, that thou art fair is most

infallible;

true that thou art beauteous; truth itself that thou art

lovely.

More fairer than fair, beautiful than beauteous, truer than

truth

itself, have commiseration on thy heroical vassal. The

magnanimous and most illustrate king Cophetua set eye upon

the

pernicious and indubitate beggar Zenelophon; and he it was

that

might rightly say, 'Veni, vidi, vici'; which to annothanize

the vulgar,- O base and obscure vulgar!- videlicet, He came,

saw,

and overcame. He came, one; saw, two; overcame, three. Who

came?-

the king. Why did he come?- to see. Why did he see?-to

overcome.

To whom came he?- to the beggar. What saw he?- the beggar.

Who

overcame he?- the beggar. The conclusion is victory; on whose

side?- the king's. The captive is enrich'd; on whose side?-

the

beggar's. The catastrophe is a nuptial; on whose side?- the

king's. No, on both in one, or one in both. I am the king,

for so

stands the comparison; thou the beggar, for so witnesseth thy

lowliness. Shall I command thy love? I may. Shall I enforce

thy

love? I could. Shall I entreat thy love? I will. What shalt

thou

exchange for rags?- robes, for tittles?- titles, for thyself?

-me. Thus expecting thy reply, I profane my lips on thy foot,

eyes on thy picture, and my heart on thy every part.

Thine in the dearest design of industry,

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO.

'Thus dost thou hear the Nemean lion roar

'Gainst thee, thou lamb, that standest as his prey;

Submissive fall his princely feet before,

And he from forage will incline to play.

But if thou strive, poor soul, what are thou then?

Food for his rage, repasture for his den.'

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. What plume of feathers is he that indited

this

letter?

What vane? What weathercock? Did you ever hear better?

BOYET. I am much deceived but I remember the style.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Else your memory is bad, going o'er it

erewhile.

BOYET. This Armado is a Spaniard, that keeps here in court;

A phantasime, a Monarcho, and one that makes sport

To the Prince and his book-mates.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Thou fellow, a word.

Who gave thee this letter?

COSTARD. I told you: my lord.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. To whom shouldst thou give it?

COSTARD. From my lord to my lady.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. From which lord to which lady?

COSTARD. From my Lord Berowne, a good master of mine,

To a lady of France that he call'd Rosaline.

PRINCESS OF FRANCE. Thou hast mistaken his letter. Come, lords,

away.

[To ROSALINE] Here, sweet, put up this; 'twill be thine

another

day. Exeunt PRINCESS and TRAIN

BOYET. Who is the shooter? who is the shooter?

ROSALINE. Shall I teach you to know?

BOYET. Ay, my continent of beauty.

ROSALINE. Why, she that bears the bow.

Finely put off!

BOYET. My lady goes to kill horns; but, if thou marry,

Hang me by the neck, if horns that year miscarry.

Finely put on!

ROSALINE. Well then, I am the shooter.

BOYET. And who is your deer?

ROSALINE. If we choose by the horns, yourself come not near.

Finely put on indeed!

MARIA. You Still wrangle with her, Boyet, and she strikes at

the

brow.

BOYET. But she herself is hit lower. Have I hit her now?

ROSALINE. Shall I come upon thee with an old saying, that was a

man

when King Pepin of France was a little boy, as touching the

hit

it?

BOYET. So I may answer thee with one as old, that was a woman

when

Queen Guinever of Britain was a little wench, as touching the

hit

it.

ROSALINE. [Singing]

Thou canst not hit it, hit it, hit it,

Thou canst not hit it, my good man.

BOYET. An I cannot, cannot, cannot,

An I cannot, another can.

Exeunt ROSALINE and KATHARINE

COSTARD. By my troth, most pleasant! How both did fit it!

MARIA. A mark marvellous well shot; for they both did hit it.

BOYET. A mark! O, mark but that mark! A mark, says my lady!

Let the mark have a prick in't, to mete at, if it may be.

MARIA. Wide o' the bow-hand! I' faith, your hand is out.

COSTARD. Indeed, 'a must shoot nearer, or he'll ne'er hit the

clout.

BOYET. An if my hand be out, then belike your hand is in.

COSTARD. Then will she get the upshoot by cleaving the pin.

MARIA. Come, come, you talk greasily; your lips grow foul.

COSTARD. She's too hard for you at pricks, sir; challenge her

bowl.

BOYET. I fear too much rubbing; good-night, my good owl.

Exeunt BOYET and MARIA

COSTARD. By my soul, a swain, a most simple clown!

Lord, Lord! how the ladies and I have put him down!

O' my troth, most sweet jests, most incony vulgar wit!

When it comes so smoothly off, so obscenely, as it were, so

fit.

Armado a th' t'one side- O, a most dainty man!

To see him walk before a lady and to bear her fan!

To see him kiss his hand, and how most sweetly 'a will swear!

And his page a t' other side, that handful of wit!

Ah, heavens, it is a most pathetical nit!

Sola, sola! Exit COSTARD

SCENE II.

The park

From the shooting within, enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and

DULL

NATHANIEL. Very reverent sport, truly; and done in the

testimony of

a good conscience.

HOLOFERNES. The deer was, as you know, sanguis, in blood; ripe

the pomewater, who now hangeth like a jewel in the ear of

caelo,

the sky, the welkin, the heaven; and anon falleth like a crab

the face of terra, the soil, the land, the earth.

NATHANIEL. Truly, Master Holofernes, the epithets are sweetly

varied, like a scholar at the least; but, sir, I assure ye it

was

a buck of the first head.

HOLOFERNES. Sir Nathaniel, haud credo.

DULL. 'Twas not a haud credo; 'twas a pricket.

HOLOFERNES. Most barbarous intimation! yet a kind of

insinuation,

as it were, in via, in way, of explication; facere, as it

were,

replication, or rather, ostentare, to show, as it were, his

inclination, after his undressed, unpolished, uneducated,

unpruned, untrained, or rather unlettered, or ratherest

unconfirmed fashion, to insert again my haud credo for a

deer.

DULL. I Said the deer was not a haud credo; 'twas a pricket.

HOLOFERNES. Twice-sod simplicity, bis coctus!

O thou monster Ignorance, how deformed dost thou look!

NATHANIEL. Sir, he hath never fed of the dainties that are bred

a book;

He hath not eat paper, as it were; he hath not drunk ink; his

intellect is not replenished; he is only an animal, only

sensible

in the duller parts;

And such barren plants are set before us that we thankful

should

be-

Which we of taste and feeling are- for those parts that do

fructify in us more than he.

For as it would ill become me to be vain, indiscreet, or a

fool,

So, were there a patch set on learning, to see him in a

school.

But, omne bene, say I, being of an old father's mind:

Many can brook the weather that love not the wind.

DULL. You two are book-men: can you tell me by your wit

What was a month old at Cain's birth that's not five weeks

old as

yet?

HOLOFERNES. Dictynna, goodman Dull; Dictynna, goodman Dull.

DULL. What is Dictynna?

NATHANIEL. A title to Phoebe, to Luna, to the moon.

HOLOFERNES. The moon was a month old when Adam was no more,

And raught not to five weeks when he came to five-score.

Th' allusion holds in the exchange.

DULL. 'Tis true, indeed; the collusion holds in the exchange.

HOLOFERNES. God comfort thy capacity! I say th' allusion holds

the exchange.

DULL. And I say the polusion holds in the exchange; for the

moon is

never but a month old; and I say, beside, that 'twas a

pricket

that the Princess kill'd.

HOLOFERNES. Sir Nathaniel, will you hear an extemporal epitaph

the death of the deer? And, to humour the ignorant, call the

deer

the Princess kill'd a pricket.

NATHANIEL. Perge, good Master Holofernes, perge, so it shall

please

you to abrogate scurrility.

HOLOFERNES. I Will something affect the letter, for it argues

facility.

The preyful Princess pierc'd and prick'd a pretty pleasing

pricket.

Some say a sore; but not a sore till now made sore with

shooting.

The dogs did yell; put el to sore, then sorel jumps from

thicket-

Or pricket sore, or else sorel; the people fall a-hooting.

If sore be sore, then L to sore makes fifty sores o' sorel.

Of one sore I an hundred make by adding but one more L.

NATHANIEL. A rare talent!

DULL. [Aside] If a talent be a claw, look how he claws him with

talent.

HOLOFERNES. This is a gift that I have, simple, simple; a

foolish

extravagant spirit, full of forms, figures, shapes, objects,

ideas, apprehensions, motions, revolutions. These are begot

the ventricle of memory, nourish'd in the womb of pia mater,

and

delivered upon the mellowing of occasion. But the gift is

good in

those in whom it is acute, and I am thankful for it.

NATHANIEL. Sir, I praise the Lord for you, and so may my

parishioners; for their sons are well tutor'd by you, and

their

daughters profit very greatly under you. You are a good

member of

the commonwealth.

HOLOFERNES. Mehercle, if their sons be ingenious, they shall

want

no instruction; if their daughters be capable, I will put it

them; but, vir sapit qui pauca loquitur. A soul feminine

saluteth

us.

Enter JAQUENETTA and COSTARD

JAQUENETTA. God give you good morrow, Master Person.

HOLOFERNES. Master Person, quasi pers-one. And if one should be

pierc'd which is the one?

COSTARD. Marry, Master Schoolmaster, he that is likest to a

hogshead.

HOLOFERNES. Piercing a hogshead! A good lustre of conceit in a

turf

of earth; fire enough for a flint, pearl enough for a swine;

'tis

pretty; it is well.

JAQUENETTA. Good Master Parson, be so good as read me this

letter;

it was given me by Costard, and sent me from Don Armado. I

beseech you read it.

HOLOFERNES. Fauste, precor gelida quando pecus omne sub umbra

Ruminat-

and so forth. Ah, good old Mantuan! I may speak of thee as

the traveller doth of Venice:

Venetia, Venetia,

Chi non ti vede, non ti pretia.

Old Mantuan, old Mantuan! Who understandeth thee not,

loves thee not-

Ut, re, sol, la, mi, fa.

Under pardon, sir, what are the contents? or rather as

Horace says in his- What, my soul, verses?

NATHANIEL. Ay, sir, and very learned.

HOLOFERNES. Let me hear a staff, a stanze, a verse; lege,

domine.

NATHANIEL. [Reads] 'If love make me forsworn, how shall I swear

love?

Ah, never faith could hold, if not to beauty vowed!

Though to myself forsworn, to thee I'll faithful prove;

Those thoughts to me were oaks, to thee like osiers bowed.

Study his bias leaves, and makes his book thine eyes,

Where all those pleasures live that art would comprehend.

If knowledge be the mark, to know thee shall suffice;

Well learned is that tongue that well can thee commend;

All ignorant that soul that sees thee without wonder;

Which is to me some praise that I thy parts admire.

Thy eye Jove's lightning bears, thy voice his dreadful

thunder,

Which, not to anger bent, is music and sweet fire.

Celestial as thou art, O, pardon love this wrong,

That singes heaven's praise with such an earthly tongue.'

HOLOFERNES. You find not the apostrophas, and so miss the

accent:

let me supervise the canzonet. Here are only numbers

ratified;

but, for the elegancy, facility, and golden cadence of poesy,

caret. Ovidius Naso was the man. And why, indeed, 'Naso' but

for

smelling out the odoriferous flowers of fancy, the jerks of

invention? Imitari is nothing: so doth the hound his master,

the

ape his keeper, the tired horse his rider. But, damosella

virgin,

was this directed to you?

JAQUENETTA. Ay, sir, from one Monsieur Berowne, one of the

strange

queen's lords.

HOLOFERNES. I will overglance the superscript: 'To the

snow-white

hand of the most beauteous Lady Rosaline.' I will look again

the intellect of the letter, for the nomination of the party

writing to the person written unto: 'Your Ladyship's in all

desired employment, Berowne.' Sir Nathaniel, this Berowne is

one

of the votaries with the King; and here he hath framed a

letter

to a sequent of the stranger queen's which accidentally, or

the way of progression, hath miscarried. Trip and go, my

sweet;

deliver this paper into the royal hand of the King; it may

concern much. Stay not thy compliment; I forgive thy duty.

Adieu.

JAQUENETTA. Good Costard, go with me. Sir, God save your life!

COSTARD. Have with thee, my girl.

Exeunt COSTARD and JAQUENETTA

NATHANIEL. Sir, you have done this in the fear of God, very

religiously; and, as a certain father saith-

HOLOFERNES. Sir, tell not me of the father; I do fear

colourable

colours. But to return to the verses: did they please you,

Sir

Nathaniel?

NATHANIEL. Marvellous well for the pen.

HOLOFERNES. I do dine to-day at the father's of a certain pupil

mine; where, if, before repast, it shall please you to

gratify

the table with a grace, I will, on my privilege I have with

the

parents of the foresaid child or pupil, undertake your ben

venuto; where I will prove those verses to be very unlearned,

neither savouring of poetry, wit, nor invention. I beseech

your

society.

NATHANIEL. And thank you too; for society, saith the text, is

the

happiness of life.

HOLOFERNES. And certes, the text most infallibly concludes it.

[To DULL] Sir, I do invite you too; you shall not say me nay:

pauca verba. Away; the gentles are at their game, and we will

our recreation. Exeunt