--had just spread out their prog on a clean table-cloth, when they were
alarmed by the approach of a cow.
"People should never undertake to do a thing they don't perfectly
understand," remarked Mr. Crobble, "they're sure to make fools o'
themselves in the end. There's Tom Davis, (you know Tom Davis?) he's
always putting his notions into people's heads, and turning the laugh
against 'em. If there's a ditch in the way, he's sure to dare some of
his companions to leap it, before he overs it himself; if he finds it
safe, away he springs like a greyhound."
"Exactly him, I know him," replied Mr. Timmis; "that's what he calls
learning to shave upon other people's chins!"
"Excellent!" exclaimed Mr. Wallis.
"He's a very devil," continued Mr. Crobble; "always proposing some fun or
other: Pic-nics are his delight; but he always leaves others to bring the
grub, and brings nothing but himself. I hate Pic-nics, squatting in the
grass don't suit me at all; when once down, I find it no easy matter to
get up again, I can tell you."
Hereupon there was a general laugh.
"Talking of Pic-nics," said Mr. Timmis. "reminds me of one that was held
the other day in a meadow, on the banks of the Lea. The party,
consisting of ladies only, and a little boy, had just spread out their
prog on a clean table-cloth, when they were alarmed by the approach of a
cow. They were presently on their pins, (cow'd, of course,) and sheered
off to a respectful distance, while the cow walked leisurely over the
table-cloth, smelling the materials of the feast, and popp'd her cloven
foot plump into a currant and raspberry pie! and they had a precious deal
of trouble to draw her off; for, as Tom Davis said, there were some
veal-patties there, which were, no doubt, made out of one of her calves;
and in her maternal solicitude, she completely demolished the plates and
dishes, leaving the affrighted party nothing more than the broken
victuals."
"What a lark!" exclaimed Mr. Crobble; "I would have given a guinea to
have witnessed the fun. That cow was a trojan!"
"A star in the milky way," cried Mr. Wallis.
We now approached the 'Plough;' and Mr. Crobble having 'satisfied' the
boatman, Mr. Wallis gave me half-a-crown, and bade me make the best of my
way home. I pocketed the money, and resolved to 'go on the highway,' and
trudge on foot.
"Andrew," said my worthy patron, "now don't go and make a beast of
yourself, but walk straight home."
"Andrew," said Mr. Wallis, imitating his friend's tone of admonition; "if
any body asks you to treat 'em, bolt; if any body offers to treat you,
retreat!"
"Andrew," said Mr. Crobble, who was determined to put in his oar, and row
in the same boat as his friends; "Andrew,"--"Yes, Sir;" and I touched my
hat with due respect, while his two friends bent forward to catch his
words. "Andrew," repeated he, for the third time, "avoid evil
communication, and get thee gone from Blackwall, as fast as your legs can
carry you--for, there's villainous bad company just landed here--wicked
enough to spoil even the immaculate Mr. Cornelius Crobble!"