"This is the House that Jack (Bull) built."
Once there lived, as old histories learnedly show, a
Great sailor and shipbuilder, named MISTER NOAH,
Who a hulk put together, so wondrous--no doubt of it--
That all sorts of creatures could creep in and out of it.
Things with heads, and without heads, things dumb, things loquacious,
Things with tails, and things tail-less, things tame, and things pugnacious;
Rats, lions, curs, geese, pigeons, toadies and donkeys,
Bears, dormice, and snakes, tigers, jackals, and monkeys:
In short, a collection so curious, that no man
E'er since could with NOAH compare as a show-man
At length, JOHNNY BULL, with that clever fat head of his,
Design'd a much stranger and comical edifice,
To be call'd his "NEW HOUSE"--a queer sort of menagerie
To hold all his beasts--with an eye to the Treasury.
Into this he has cramm'd such uncommon monstrosities,
Such animals rare, such unique curiosities,
That we wager a CROWN--not to speak it uncivil--
This HOUSE of BULL'S beats Noah's Ark to the devil.
Lest you think that we bounce--the great fault, we confess, of men--
We proceed to detail some few things, as a specimen
Of what are to be found in this novel museum;
As it opens next month, you may all go and see 'em.
Five _Woods_, of five shades, grain, and polish, and gilding,
Are used this diversified chamber in building.
Not a nail, bolt, or screw, you'll discover to lurk in it,
Though six _Smiths_ you will find every evening at work in it.
A _Forman_ and _Master_ you'll see there appended too,
Whose words or instructions are never attended to.
A _Leader_, whom nobody follows; a pair o' _Knights_,
With courage at ninety degrees of old Fahrenheit's;
Full a hundred "Jim Crows," wheeling round about--round about,
Yet only one _Turner_'s this House to be found about.
Of hogs-heads, Lord knows, there are plenty to spare of them,
But only one _Cooper_ is kept to take care of them.
A _Ryder's_ maintain'd, but he's no horse to get upon;
There's a _Packe_ too, and only one _Pusey_ to set upon.
Two _Palmers_ are kept, holy men, in this ill, grim age,
To make every night their Conservative pilgrimage.
A _Fuller_, for scouring old coats and redressing them;
A _Taylor_ to fashion; and _Mangles_ for pressing them.
Two _Stewarts_, two _Fellowes_, a _Clerk_, and a _Baillie_,
To keep order, yet each call'd to order are, daily.
A _Duke_, without dukedom--a matter uncommon--
And _Bowes_, the delight, the enchantment of woman.
This house has a _Tennent_, but ask for the rent of it,
He'd laugh at, and send you to Brussels or Ghent for it.
Of the animals properly call'd so, a sample
We'll give to you gentlefolks now, for example:--
There are _bores_ beyond count, of all ages and sizes,
Yet only one _Hogg_, who both learned and wise is.
There's a _Buck_ and a _Roebuck_, the latter a wicked one,
Whom few like to play with--he makes such a kick at one.
There are _Hawkes_ and a _Heron_, with wings trimm'd to fly upon,
And claws to stick into what prey they set eye upon.
There's a _Fox_, a smart cove, but, poor fellow, no tail he has;
And a _Bruen_--good tusks for a feed we'll be bail he has.
There's a _Seale_, and four _Martens_, with skins to our wishes;
There's a _Rae_ and two _Roches_, and all sorts of fishes;
There's no sheep, but a _Sheppard_--"the last of the pigtails"--
And a _Ramsbottom_--chip of the old famous big tails.
Now to mention in brief a few trifles extraneous,
By connoisseurs class'd, "odds and ends miscellaneous:"--
There's a couple of _Bells_--frights--nay, Hottentots real!
A _Trollope_, of elegance _le beau ideal_.
Of _Browne_, _Green_, and _Scarlett_ men, surely a sack or more,
Besides three whole _White_ men, preserved with a _Blakemore_.
There's a _Hill_, and a _Hutt_, and a _Kirk_, and--astounding!
The entire of old _Holland_ this house to be found in.
There's a _Flower_, with a perfume so strong 'twould upset ye all;
And the beauty of _Somers_ is here found perpetual.
There's a _Bodkin_, a _Patten_, a _Rose_, and a _Currie_,
And a man that's still _Hastie_, though ne'er in a hurry.
There is _Cole_ without smoke, a "sou'-_West_" without danger;
And a _Grey_, that to place is at present a stranger.
There's a _Peel_,--but enough! if you're a virtuoso
You'll see for yourself, and next month you may do so;
When, if you don't say this _New House_ is a wonder,
We're Dutchmen--that's all!--and at once knuckle under.
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