THE NURSERIES.
There are several things of course to be considered in the first choice
of a nursery, and, unfortunately, in far too many cases economy has to
be considered even before what is really and actually good for a child’s
health. ‘Economy: how I dislike that word!’ remarked a plaintive friend,
actually of the sterner sex, and how I agree with him only my own soul
knows; but economy is a stern, a hard fact, and above all has it to be
considered when expenses begin to advance by ‘leaps and bounds,’ and
Edwin regards the future, across the berceaunette, most dolefully; and
thinking over school bills and doctors’ bills, much in the distance yet,
but steadily advancing towards him, begins to wonder how two hands are
to do it all, and whether he had not better at once look up all the
papers he can possess himself of that relate to State emigration. It is
hard for me to keep the ‘juste milieu,’ for I am really possessed by the
idea of good nurseries; and when I recollect how much money is wasted on
keeping up appearances, and also in retaining that ‘spare room,’ I
almost feel inclined to throw prudence to the winds, and declare that
two good nurseries are as imperative for one child as I believe in my
heart they are. And, really, even in the orthodox suburban villa, with
its four or five bedrooms, this accommodation can be found, if only
Angelina uses her senses, and really desires to do her best for her
little ones. But this is not always the case, I am sorry to say, and
there is no doubt that in most houses the position of the nurseries is a
subject of very small interest. So long as it is tolerably out of the
way, and, in fact, ‘far from humanity’s reach,’ most parents are quite
satisfied, and ask little else than that their ears may not be assaulted
by cries, and their china shaken to its very foundations by little feet
rushing and jumping overhead in a way that is undoubtedly trying to the
nerves, but is very delightful to those who see in such noises ample
evidence of the health and good spirits of the small folk who are making
them.
Perhaps, however, the ‘demon builder,’ the cause of so very many of our
domestic woes and worries, is as much to blame as the people who take
the houses he runs up for us. Still, demand creates supply, and I cannot
help thinking that, if the British matron insisted on nurseries as well
as the regulation ‘three reception-rooms’ of the house-agents’ lists, in
time we should be provided with large airy chambers, as much a matter of
course as the bath-room of recent years, that, once conspicuous by its
absence, in now a _sine quâ non_ in even tiny houses built for clerks,
and rented at about 30_l._ a year.
I am very much divided in in my mind as to the manner in which to write
this chapter, as I cannot determine whether to describe an ideal
nursery--the nursery in which we were all brought up--or the orthodox
nursery, made out of the worst bedroom in the house, the one farthest
away from the sitting-rooms, and where nothing is considered save how to
prevent any visitors’ ears being assailed with shouts, and their nerves
tried by sudden bangs immediately overhead. I am not in the least
exaggerating when I say that, especially in London, the very top rooms
in a tall house are those set aside for the little ones, Pass along any
of our most fashionable squares and thoroughfares, and look up at the
windows. Where are the necessary bars placed that denote the nurseries?
Why, at the highest windows of all. My readers can notice this for
themselves, and can say whether I am right or wrong. And how often do we
not find an excellent spare room in a house where two, or perhaps even
more, children are stuffed into one room that is day and night nursery
combined, while half the year the best chamber is kept empty, sacred to
an occasional guest, whose presence should never be courted at all in a
house not large enough to allow of there being two nurseries for the
children’s own use. I am the very last person in the world to make
children into miniature tyrants; I do not allow mine to engross the
conversation or to be in evidence at all hours of the day. They do not
behave as if they were grown up at an early age, neither do they go out
to luncheon or tea perpetually, thus becoming _blasé_ before their time.
They are frankly children, and are treated as such, and I feel it rather
necessary to say this at the outset, for fear my readers may feel
constrained to write and tell me (after what I have said above) I have
fallen into the prevailing error of the day, and make my children a
nuisance to themselves and every one else by spoiling them; for, despite
the usual position of the nursery, there is no doubt that children will
soon cease to exist at all, and will become grown-up men and women
before they have changed their teeth.
Despite the position of the nurseries, did I say? Nay, surely rather
should I write because of the position of the nurseries, which are so
far off that the mother scarcely ever climbs up to them, and in
consequence has her children downstairs with her in and out of season,
until they gradually absorb the grown-up atmosphere and become little
prigs who care nothing for a romp, and object to going into the country
for the summer because the country is so very dull, and have their own
opinions, pretty freely expressed too, about their clothes and the
cooking at their own or their friends’ houses.
I feel I may perhaps be accused of being hard on the child of the
period, but I confess openly the child of the period is my pet
detestation--poor little soul!--not because of its personality as a
child, but because it is such a painful subject for contemplation. I
cannot bear to see poor innocent babies dressed out to imitate old
pictures, with long skirts sweeping the ground, because they are
picturesque, with bare arms and wide lace collars, and manners to match;
who go out perpetually to luncheon and tea-parties, and who, do they
happen to be passably good-looking, are worshipped by a crowd of foolish
women until the conversation is engrossed by the child, who very soon
becomes an intolerable nuisance; who cannot play because of its absurd
skirt, and will grow up the useless, affected, selfish, ball-loving girl
that is the terror of every mother who recognises that life has duties
as well as pleasures, and hopes that her daughters will do some good
work in a world where the harvest is indeed plenteous and the labourers
few.
To have good and healthy children it is positively necessary to have
good and healthy nurseries, and as soon as Angelina becomes the proud
possessor of her first baby she should seriously and soberly consider
the great nursery question. Of course she will have thought of it before
the tyrant arrives, but so much depends on different small things that
she will not seriously and definitely determine what to do until she
sees what her nurse is like, and whether she is to have the baby at
night or to hand it over to somebody else.
I could write pages about people’s first babies, poor little things!
What experiments are tried on them in the way of hygienic and stupid
clothes, the patent foods, the ghastly tins of milk, and the fearful
medicines! I do not believe one young mother exists who has not her own
special theories about babies, and who does not scorn proudly the
experience so freely offered her by her mother, who has brought up a
family, and may therefore be supposed to know something of children, or
by her numerous friends who have all made a more or less successful
effort in the same direction. And, between ourselves, I have often
wondered how any first child ever grows up, so wonderful are the trials
it goes through, so marvellous are the plans tried, to insure that
perfection that each Angelina in turn thinks lies latent in the small
red squalling person that makes such a remarkable change in all the
household arrangements all at once.
The first danger that assails Angelina when baby arrives is that Edwin’s
life shall be made a burden to him because all his little comforts are
forgotten, the hours of meals altered, and Angelina herself is off
upstairs every two minutes, because the dear infant is howling, or
because she fancies he is howling. Even so, the nurse should be capable
of quelling the rage, unassisted by her mistress, or she is not worth
her wages, and had better go.
I hope I shall not be considered hard-hearted if I tell Angelina quite
in confidence, that, if she can depend upon her cow, baby becomes a
pleasure instead of a nuisance, if he or she and the cow are introduced
at a very early stage of his or her career. In these days of ours few
women are strong enough or have sufficient leisure to give themselves up
entirely to the infant’s convenience; and I maintain that a woman has as
much right to consider herself and her health, and her duties to her
husband, society at large, and her own house, as to give herself up body
and soul to a baby, who thrives as well on the bottle, if properly
looked after, as on anything else.
I know quite well that by saying this I may lay myself open to all sorts
of medical opinions, and I am sure to be told I am disgracing my sex.
But, as I have done all through my book, I am speaking from experience,
and only on subjects of which I have personal knowledge.
For had I not beautiful theories too when my eldest daughter arrived on
the scene? We were living in one of the dullest, stupidest, nastiest
little country towns in the world in those days, and there were few
claims of society on me then. I had no particular occupations, and I was
going to devote my energies to that poor child. I did. She howled
remorselessly morning, noon, and night. The doctor, my dear old doctor,
old-fashioned, too, in his notions, said my ways were correct, and he
could not make out her shrieks at all. I confess I have struggled with
her until I have wept with exhaustion, and at last a blessing in the
shape of a good nurse arrived, and solved the mystery. The unfortunate
infant was starved, and her shrieks were shrieks of hunger. She was
introduced to a particularly nice Alderney cow; and from that day to
this her cries ceased, and she has grown and thrived, and become an
almost grown-up member of society, and a decidedly healthy one.
Despite my experience with Muriel, I honestly attempted to ‘do my duty’
with the two next; there were no shrieks this time, but there were all
sorts of other things, and the cow had soon to be called into
requisition; and my two youngest children, who are stronger and far less
liable to small ailments and colds than the other three, never had
anything else, and were as good and prosperous a pair of babies and
children as one may wish to see, for after No. 3 had proved to me my
theories were very beautiful as theories, but rather unworkable in
practice, I gave them up, trusted a great deal to my good nurse, and
clung to the cow. Naturally, Londoners are at the mercy of their
milkman, but the Alderney Dairy, for example, possesses a conscience and
good milk; and no one will ever convince me that milk out of tins can
ever come up to the fresh, nice, clean milk given by a properly managed
and constituted cow; and, of course, in the country one has one’s own
cows and sees exactly what is going on, and knows one has the same
milk, until the child is old enough to bear the change.
The great things for young children are quiet and regularity, and these
are insured by having good nurseries and a good nurse. The nurse chosen
for a first baby should never be less than twenty-five. Your young
nurses are the most fearful mistakes for young mothers; they do not
understand handling or dressing a baby, and they send off for the doctor
at every moment, when an older woman would have the sense to know what
to do, thus spending on the physician what would have paid good wages
over and over again. They think of nothing save their own pleasure and
amusement, and have no real love either for the child, who wearies them,
or for the mistress, who, tired of their incapacity, is continually
scolding without making any real change in the conduct, that is bad
because the girl lacks what can only be given her by age, and a much
longer experience than she can ever possibly possess. A perfect nurse is
often obtained from a friend’s nursery where she has lived for some time
as second nurse in a good establishment. She should have some four or
five years’ character, and when found should be clung to, until
Angelina’s nursery is transformed into the ‘girls’’ sitting-room, when
nurse has often become so precious she stays on and on until transferred
to the nursery of the first girl who is married and requires her help.
What a comfort such a woman is to all in the house no one save the happy
mistress can ever know! She is delightful in sickness and trouble, ‘her’
children are her first thought, their trials and joys are hers, and she
helps, as only a good nurse can, the overworked mother should any
special trials come, that are made bearable only because some one else
shares them too.
But the perfect nurse presupposes the perfect nursery, and, as all young
mothers should strive for the first at all events, so I do not see why I
should not take it for granted that the baby is considered more than an
occasional visitor, and describe at once how a nursery ought to be
furnished and decorated, because I do not believe any child ought to be
in the room in the day in which he _and his nurse_ have slept all night;
nor that a child should sleep all night in a room where his nurse has
had her meals all day, and where he has been most of the twelve waking
hours; any more than I consider a child’s day nursery should be his
mother’s sitting-room, where visitors come, and all sorts of
irregularities are practised in the way of draughts, heat, light, &c.,
that should never be allowed.
The day nursery should be as roomy a room as can be had, and the window
should be able to be opened top and bottom; no blinds should be allowed,
but the nice muslin and serge, or rather cretonne, curtains should be
arranged here as elsewhere, to temper the light and make the room look
cheerful and pretty.
Cheerfulness and prettiness should be the twin guardian angels of
Angelina’s nurseries; a bright paper of either a faint pink or blue
should be on the walls with a scarcely perceptible pattern; there should
be a cretonne dado with a painted rail; and all the paint should be
varnished to allow of its being frequently washed. That the cretonne
dado cannot be washed does not matter one bit; it can be brushed
frequently, and it always looks tidy, and defies the kickings of little
feet and the pickings of small fingers, that so soon make chaos in the
very smart rooms, unless particular care is taken that the children
shall respect these rooms in a way they can easily be taught to do with
very little trouble. I most successfully cured a young person of five,
whose depredations were something awful, by making him pay up all his
available cash towards a new paper. I never had to complain again, for
he seemed to realise very quickly that if mischief cost money it was not
worth the candle, and had better be given up.
But with a cretonne dado half the temptation to tear tempting morsels
off corners is done away with, and the rail keeps off chairs from the
paper, and gives a reason for the short-frilled curtains, that are in no
one’s way and are never trailing on the ground, a trap for the unwary
and a regular home for dust. The ceiling should be whitewashed, and
should be done at least once every two years (it should really be done
every spring); and if a little blue is put into the wash one gets a hint
of colour, and does away with the utter ugliness and glare of the
orthodox ceiling, which is always trying, and, in my eyes, spoils any
house.
The floor should be stained two feet from the wall, wiped every day with
a damp cloth to take up all the dust and fluff, and polished every
Saturday regularly with beeswax and turpentine, the clean smell of which
is always so nice and wholesome, I think, and makes a house pleasant at
once; but before the staining is done great care should be taken, to see
that the boards are planed, and that no splinters are in evidence, and
that any gaps that there may be are properly stopped to keep out the
draughts, then the staining may safely be done. A nice square of
Kidderminster can then be chosen, and put down over the warm carpet
felt, without which a thin carpet does not do for a nursery, because of
itself it is not warm enough.
The walls and paint being of a pink, like the pink, say, of the inside
of a rose, or of the lighter shade of coral, with no distinct and
distracting pattern on the wall, a pretty flowery cretonne could be
chosen for the dado and window curtains. I have seen one in a pale green
shade, with fluffy balls of guelder-roses on, and groups of pinks which
would be perfect; but this was so long ago that I fear it could not be
had now, though, of course, others equally pretty are sure to be easily
procurable. The doors where this cretonne was used were painted with the
same flowers, which were also to be found on the cupboard doors, with
small bright English birds poised here and there among them. It had a
most cheerful effect, and a baby who lived there used to be contented
for a long time by himself if he could only lie and ‘talk’ to the birds
and flowers in a curious language all his very own.
But, if a blue room is preferred to the pink, that can be managed very
cheaply, for I have lately discovered an almost perfect blue and white
paper, sold by Pither and Co., of Mortimer Street, that is all it should
be for a day nursery. The colour is clear and clean, and the pattern
cheerful without fussily calling attention to itself, while its
cheapness, 1_s._ a piece, would allow of its being renewed every now and
then should it become shabby, and the paint can be blue, and a blue and
white cretonne to harmonise with it can be had at Burnett’s for
9½_d._ a yard. It has a sort of pattern of daisies overlapping each
other on it, and is very pretty indeed. The rail should be painted blue,
and no little fingers can do any harm to this, while it would take years
to make the cretonne dirty, if it be brushed now and then and
occasionally cleaned with dry bread. The curtains to the windows can be
made of the same cretonne lined and frilled, and would do away with the
necessity of blinds if made as I so often recommend; and this would be
really a great economy in any nursery, for I know well how often tassels
are torn off and spoiled, the blind-cords broken, and the springs
rendered quite unworkable, not only by the children, but by the
under-nurses, who can never learn that a blind does not require the
putting forth of immense strength to make it move; and will not realise
that both bells and blinds answer to gentle handling as well as to the
fiercer tug, which often enough brings the blind down on one’s head, and
leaves the bell hanging out with its neck broken.
If we use the blue arrangement we could panel the doors and cupboards
with cretonne, which always looks nice, and makes a wonderful difference
at once in the look of a room.
If there are proper recesses by the fireplaces these should at once be
utilised for cupboards, flush to the wall, so that no little heads can
be banged against those cruel corners. These cupboards are most useful.
The lower shelves can be used for rubbish--the delicious rubbish that is
so much nicer than expensive toys; and the upper shelves can be used for
the work in hand and better toys, kept for Sundays and holidays and
those grand occasions when nursery company comes, and visitors may
arrive who have no imaginativeness, or only see old bits of wood once
sacred to cotton, shankless buttons, fir-cones, and scraps of silk and
paper, where other bolder folk perceive strings of diamonds and pearls,
and libraries of fairies, and wardrobes sacred to unknown but
much-beloved friends; whose houses are the fir-cones, and who dress
themselves magnificently in sweepings begged from the maid, or even from
that proud lady, the dressmaker, whose occasional visits, with her ‘own
machine,’ are something to look forward to by any small mother who has
an army of dolls, and very little indeed to clothe them in.
Who amongst us cannot remember the intense bliss of our nursery
cupboard, the delicious joy of having one place all our own, where we
could hoard unchecked those thousand and one trifles that no
drawing-room could be expected to give house-room to--where even nurse
did not interfere, because our rubbish (rubbish, indeed!) kept us so
delightfully quiet? Ay, and who amongst us who does recollect this can
grudge a day nursery to even one child who requires it--all the more
because it is a solitary little girl, and can make its own companions
out of trifles, when otherwise its mother would be making it grown-up
before its time, by never leaving it alone for a moment to those devices
and play that keep it a child, and don’t allow it to grow up an ‘old
person’ almost before it can stand steadily on its fat legs?
Given the blessed refuge of a nursery, with its appealing cupboard, and
very little other furniture is required. A nice solid round table, with
(please don’t faint, all ye æsthetic folk) oilcloth sewn strongly over
it as a cover, because then no tablecloth is needed, save at meals, and
there are no draperies to be caught hold of; and because this rubs clean
every morning, because nothing stains it, and even milk can be washed
off; a comfortable deep chair for nurse, low enough for her to hold baby
comfortably and easily; a chair for each child, and one for company; and
a delightful sofa, and nothing more is really required.
Why a sofa, say you? Because no one who has not one in a nursery can
know how invaluable such a possession is. Children have often tiny
ailments that are not bad enough for bed, and bed should never be
resorted to in the daytime unless positively necessary. An aching head,
a ‘stuffy’ cold, all these are much more bearable if a broad cosy sofa
is available, while an occasional rest for a growing child is a great
thing always to be able to secure; a child, recollect, who ever
complains of being ‘so tired’ being a child that requires watching,
_not_ coddling, and to whom that sofa may prove little else but
salvation.
This need not cost much either, for the beau-ideal of a nursery sofa is
one that no fashionable person would look at now; it stands square on
its feet, has a high square back and arms, no springs, only two big
square cushions, and has some pillows of soft feathers, to mitigate the
severity of the details, which--O shades of all my long-lost
youth!--were the best things I ever had in all my life for ammunition,
either at the sacking of a town or the defence of some Scottish castle;
when, arrayed in a broad plaid sash brought back from Scotland by some
one who knew how I adored the ‘Days of Bruce,’ and other works of the
kind, the very names of which I have forgotten, I became in a moment Sir
William Wallace himself, and was happier then, I dare say, than I have
ever been since.
For there is another aspect to the nursery sofa that is not to be
despised, besides its great use in illness or fatigue; it is a
never-failing source of inspiration for regularly good games--it is a
fortress, a whole city, a ship at sea, an elephant--in fact, anything
any one likes to imagine it is. The broad square cushions are rafts to
put off to sea in when the ship itself is destroyed; they are
fire-escapes or desert islands, or icebergs at will; while no one who
has not had them can possibly tell the joy it is to throw the soft
pillows about, when nurse has put away the ornaments on the
chimneypiece, and retired with her chair and her baby into the next
room, where she is near enough to check unseemly revels, and yet not too
near to come in for a share of the fray, which waxes fast and furious
when the sofa and all its capabilities are fully appreciated, and where
the coverings are warranted not to hurt.
I could write pages both about the nursery cupboards and the sofa, but
will mercifully refrain, because I have other things to say about the
furnishing of the walls, and the emphatic necessity of a high guard for
the fire fastened into the wall, so that it cannot be taken, as we took
ours once, for the gratings before a lion in an imaginary ‘Zoo,’ also
furnished by the sofa; while we have also to consider the night
apartment, for naturally the perfect nursery of which I would like to
think we were all possessed has its night apartment leading out of it.
This should be painted and papered _en suite_ with the day room, and
have very dark serge curtains to draw over the windows, so that all
light may be excluded, thus enabling the sense of darkness and quiet to
be obtained that is so very necessary for a small child. I do not think
I have mentioned what I should like to impress very much on my readers,
that on no account, _on no pretext whatever_, should that most
pernicious gas be allowed in any nursery, either day or night. There is
nothing more harmful for small lungs than the vitiated atmosphere caused
by gas, nothing worse for small brains and eyes than the glitter and
harsh glare of the gas, that a servant invariably turns up to its
height, and very often drags down, regardless that an escape of gas is
pouring out of the top of the outraged chandelier or bracket. There is
no reason, either, why gas should be allowed; a good duplex lamp gives
quite sufficient light to work by, and must be kept clean, or it will
smell and also give out no light at all, and all danger is done away
with if it be set well in the centre of the nursery table, which has,
remember, no cloth to drag off suddenly, and which should stand square
against the wall, or in a recess by the fire when not actually in use
for nursery meals. Or a really strong, good bracket, painted the colour
of the wall, just high enough to be out of the reach of little hands,
might be provided on purpose for the lamp, and the nurse could either
have a wicker-work table provided for her, or could put her wicker-work
covered basket on a chair by her side, and sit close under her lamp to
work; or it might even stand on the mantelpiece on a broad shelf, where
also it would be equally well out of the little folks’ way. You have
nothing to do, as I said in one of my former chapters, but to notice the
effect gas has on plants, and then notice how these same plants live on
and flourish without gas, to understand that my theory about the
unhealthiness of gas is a right one; and I think all will agree with me
in saying that directly one is ill one recognises for oneself how
disturbing gas is, and the first demand of a restless invalid is to have
the gas put out, and a candle given instead. I shall never forget one
case of illness I once had the unpleasantness of seeing. The wife, who
had constituted herself nurse, and who knew about as much of nursing as
an ordinary cat would, asked me to look in on the invalid and see what I
thought of him. I went into the dressing-room, and even there the evil
was apparent. A hot gust of air met me, and, to my horror, I saw no less
than three gas jets, in a small room, flaring away, because the lady
wanted plenty of light, and thought it would cheer the restless, fevered
creature whose uneasy head was tossing on the pillow, and whose wild
eyes looked in vain for relief; so out went all that gas, the windows
were opened at the top, two wax candles, provided with shades, were
lighted, and in less than an hour the room became cool, and the poor man
was asleep for the first time for--I had almost written days; and it was
certainly days since he had had any deep or restful sleep at all.
I do not think, even, when we are grown up, we at all realise the
necessity or even the possibility of complete rest; but a baby does,
poor little thing, and is very often never allowed to have it. There is
no sense of peace in most houses, and I want dreadfully to impress upon
all my readers that they must ‘seek peace and ensue it’ for their
children, if they utterly refuse to do it for themselves, and,
therefore, the nursery should be quiet, and should even be a haven of
rest to the mother herself, when she is overdone with her unpaid-for,
never-ceasing work; and where she has her especial chair and footstool,
and where she comes not only to see the babies, but to have the quiet,
confidential talk with nurse, who should be able to have confidence
reposed in her; or she is most certainly not fit for her place, which,
if it be not a confidential one in the very highest sense of the word,
is positively nothing at all.
The night nursery should, of course, have a fireplace and a ventilator.
The fire should not be a matter of course, unless the room is far from
the day nursery, when a fire should be lighted in cold weather as a
matter of course. A room for children should never be overheated in any
way; but no one should fall into the foolish idea that a fireless
bedroom is hardening, and a fire makes people tender, for it does
nothing of the sort; it simply makes life bearable to the chilly, and
prevents all those dreadful lung troubles that used to be the scourge of
so many English families, but that since the almost entire disappearance
of those foolish, wicked low frocks and short sleeves in our nurseries,
and the appearance of more fires, have well nigh been stamped out; and
will be stamped out entirely when the Queen, so sensible in all other
ways, puts a stop to the order she has given about low dresses, and
recognises that people can be quite as full dressed with their clothes
on as they are almost stripped to the waist and exposed, in the most
delicate part of the human frame, to the bitter winds from which we
English people are never entirely free.
I hope I shall not be considered a hopeless faddist with my theories;
but at all events I have common-sense on my side, and most people who
think at all will, I am sure, see that I am right in all I say, and that
I speak from experience; and as a baby’s education begins quite as soon
as the mite is washed and dressed for the first time, I may be forgiven,
perhaps, if I insist on peace, quiet, rest, proper clothes, and absence
of gas, even as soon as a nursery is required at all. Of course for the
first few weeks the baby does not require a room all to itself, but it
should be ready for it, for sometimes it is just as well that it should
go into its own premises, thus giving its mother time and quiet to be
restored to her proper state of health again, which I do not think she
is allowed to do when she is wearied by hearing the infant howl when it
is dressed, and when she may be aroused any moment, even from most
necessary sleep, by the small tyrant, who cannot be relied on for
anything in certainty--at all events, at that early stage. If the
nursery has been properly aired and got ready for the baby, and a nurse
engaged to come on after the monthly nurse leaves, there is no reason
why the baby should not go there whenever his mother wants to get rid of
him; and I maintain that often far too much is sacrificed for the
infant, who, in his turn, suffers from too much kindness and
consideration, and who does not require half the fuss and trouble he
causes in a house where he is a first arrival, and, in consequence, is
something too precious and amusing--and, in fact, is almost treated like
a phenomenon, or at least like a very precious fragile new toy.
Now, a baby is nothing of the kind, and here, then, common-sense must
act as a supplementary nurse, and come to the rescue. She must firmly
insist on the small person becoming used from the very first to take
his rest in his own berceaunette. She may look aside should the frilled
pillow be warmed, because, despite the flannel on the head, a cold
pillow is always an unpleasant surprise, and one promptly resented by a
baby; but she must insist on his neither being cuddled up by his mother
nor allowed to sleep with the nurse, just as much as she must frown on
his going to sleep with a full bottle (like a drunkard) by his side,
because if he does he will wake a little and suck, and then sleep a
little more, and so on, getting neither sleep nor food in a manner that
can possibly be of the smallest use to him.
And now I should like to say a few words--_for ladies only,
please_--about the great necessity of having everything down to the
nurseries, or nursery, ready before the young person expected makes his
_début_ in a troublesome world. I have been astounded often by the
manner in which young matrons put off making the most necessary
preparations, until often enough, just at the last, the expectant mother
sets to all in a hurry to do what should have been done ages
before--wearies and agitates herself to death almost in her endeavours
to make up for lost time, and very often causes such a state of things
that danger to herself ensues; and at the best great trouble is caused,
simply because she would not listen to other people, and be a little
beforehand with the world.
Do you know, I quite secretly think some of these young ladies believe,
that if no encouragement is given to the baby in the way of having a
pretty room and nice wardrobe ready for it, it may not, after all,
arrive in the world at all, and that this is the reason why so much is
left to do until very much too late; but though I dare say it is very
hard to realise that an infant can really and truly come to the small,
perfect house, where such an event has never happened before, I can
assure you all that, once it has given a hint of its intentions, its
arrival is only a matter of time, and that come it most undoubtedly and
certainly will, and therefore, under these circumstances, it is much
better to be ready for its arrival, and not have to distract yourself
and others at a critical time, by telling a strange nurse fetched in a
hurry where she may be able to borrow clothes that should have been
ready months before; or to know things are not aired, or that there is
not a room where nurse and baby can retire safely when you want to be
quite quiet; or to have half an hour’s talk either with your husband or
your familiar friends who are admitted to your room, where thus you can
have the freedom from supervision for a short time; or the perfect rest
I for one can never have with a nurse and baby perpetually in evidence.
But all too often one is compelled to have the infant in one’s room
because of the absurd way in which our houses are arranged, and I do
wish architects and builders (to return to another old grievance, like
the gas subject) would consult a jury of matrons, even if they will not
consult their wives alone, before they set to work to give us any more
houses, for really they are one and all ignorant of the commonest
principles of their art as regarded from a purely feminine point of
view. Why won’t they recollect that one or two rooms should lead out of
each other? Why won’t they remember nurseries are wanted in most houses?
and why will they not arrange their plans with a memory of some of the
most common events of domestic life? If they did, the first floors of
most habitations would be very different to what they are now, and
domestic life would be much easier. I can only hope that the
conscientious male, whose eye of course ceased to fall on this page when
he read the warning words _For ladies only_, will take up the thread of
my discourse where it ceased to be private, and will read, mark, and
inwardly digest as much of this last paragraph of mine as he possibly
can.
Of course, one of the first things to be provided is a bed for the small
infant, as from the very earliest dawn of its existence there is no
doubt in my mind that it ought to be taught to sleep in its own cot, and
that without any of the pernicious petting, patting, and putting to
sleep that mothers and nurses are so fond of, and that brings about its
own revenges in the forming speedily of a most unruly tyrant, who
promptly makes their lives a burden to them, refusing to go to his
slumbers without an attendant nymph.
People fondly imagine that babies do not know in the least what their
caretakers do until they are, at the smallest computation, three months
old, and have begun, in nursery parlance, to ‘take notice.’ Now, let any
one who has ever seen an infant taken by some one who is ignorant of its
ways contrast the picture with that of this same baby taken by a ‘past
mistress’ of the art, and they will at once understand what I mean when
I declare solemnly that a child is never too small, too tiny, to feel
and know whether it has to deal with some one who knows its ways, and
means it to be brought up decently and properly, or with a well-meaning
idiot, who allows herself to be conquered and enslaved by a long-clothes
slobberer, who the more it is given in to the more it immediately exacts
from its worshippers.
To hear some people with a baby is really quite enough to make one
forswear a nursery for ever; the talk, the abject drivel, that is poured
out like incense before it, the foolish petting, and the silly
humouring, all being as vexatious to listen to as it is bad for the
child itself, the ‘pigeon English’ provided for its entertainment often
resulting in the baby talk that makes the ordinary two-year-old a
perfect terror to any one who entertains it with conversation; while
the sense of super-importance given to it in its cradle makes it a
tyrant for the rest of its young life, until it goes to school or mixes
with other people, and is intensely miserable because then, and then
only, is it taught its real worth in the world.
Therefore, on every ground, it is better to begin at the very beginning
and continue as one means to go on, and so I strongly advise the
berceaunette to be ready with the nursery, and that the first sleep be
taken in that sheltered spot.
There are a variety of these articles, but to my mind only one to be
recommended, and that is the delightful hammock berceaunette to be
obtained of Mrs. S. B. Garrard, in Westbourne Grove, and these have such
a world-wide reputation now that I suppose all the world knows of them,
and therefore no description is necessary; but for fear there may be
folks who have not seen them, I may mention that the bed portion is
quilted and hung on four strong legs, exactly like a hammock is hung,
and that curtains are arranged in such a way that the light can be
excluded without at the same time unduly excluding a proper amount of
fresh air.
There are innumerable ways of trimming and making these berceaunettes. I
have seen the hammock portion of quilted satin and silk and sateens of
all colours, covered with fine muslins and trimmed real lace; but,
honestly, even if we could afford such vanities as these, I do not
consider them suitable for a small baby, who should never have any
garments that cannot be properly washed constantly, and should not have
any belongings that cannot share the same fate; and I have discovered
that nothing looks, wears, and washes so well as plain white or figured
cambric, edged with torchon lace; the hammock part made of cambric too,
washable by any good nurse; and curtains tied back with
old-gold-coloured ribbons, bows of which can be used as decorations,
whenever this may be considered necessary. Terra-cotta ribbons look nice
too, but I prefer the old gold to anything else, and it is newer than
the everlasting pink or blue, which was all our foremothers ever halted
between; though a sweet arrangement of palest pink, palest blue, and
butter colour looks very French and uncommon. The only objection I have
ever had made to me about these hammock berceaunettes is that they are
easily knocked over. Well, all I can say is that I have never known them
to be knocked over, while I have seen a ‘good old-fashioned’ wicker-work
cradle, with the deep hood and flowery chintz, daisy-fringed flounces,
of our own infancy, prostrated by some one knocking against and
displacing one of the chairs, on two of which it was always necessary to
place it, and this catastrophe has occurred to my certain knowledge more
than once. The basket, which is such a necessary addition to baby’s
trousseau, should match the berceaunette; and these too can be
purchased of the hammock kind, and fold flat in a box for travelling.
But before we describe this and speak of the contents we must complete
our sketch of the bed, which would be incomplete without just a word
about the necessary bedding.
One light hair mattress goes into the hammock part with a nice piece of
blanket, and then, instead of the universal mackintosh sheet, we always
have a thick piece of what country people call ‘blanket sheeting’; it is
not a blanket nor yet a sheet, but something between the two, and
invaluable for nursery use, as it can be washed daily--of course three
or four pieces should be in use--and is quite as useful as mackintosh
without being in the least bit unhealthy. Small pillows, very soft, and
shaped in to the neck, are sold with the berceaunettes, and these should
be provided with very fine cotton pillow-cases, edged with a tiny
cambric frill--linen is too cold--and the cotton, if fine enough, gives
no chill, and yet does not scrub the tender skin; the sheet should be
for appearance only at first, and should be simply a piece of cotton or
longcloth frilled, and tacked on the blanket, and folded over to look
nice, but only, as I said before, for appearance’ sake, for the warmth
of the blankets is most important for the infant, and should be
supplemented by a miniature eider-down quilt in a washing cover of
figured cambric edged with torchon, and, if fancied, embellished in its
turn with some pretty bows.
Another thing: though I would always have an infant kept as quiet as
possible, utterly and strenuously forbidding long railway journeys, much
changing of nurseries, much seeing of company, I yet do say that to some
noises the baby must be early accustomed. I have been in young married
people’s households where the magic words, ‘Oh, if you please, mum,
nurse says baby is asleep, have brought about a state of things that
reminds one of the Sleeping Beauty’s palace. The canary bird is hustled
under an antimacassar, the piano is closed, and conversation is carried
on in whispers, until a shrill cry sets us free from bondage and the
spell is removed. In such a household Edwin’s song has been brought to
an abrupt conclusion, his cheery whistle announcing his home-coming
received with chill reprimand, and we have gone about the passages on
tiptoe, echoing in our souls Edwin’s hasty but understandable mutter of
‘Confound baby!’ which is a sentiment which should be on no one’s lips
for one moment, of course.
Now if, when the young person first arrives, he is taught his proper
place in the economy of the household, we shall have none of this.
Precious, perfect, and beautiful as no doubt he is, the world is full of
others just exactly like him, and while we all of us, I hope, recognise
and believe in the serious and solemn side of maternity, while we know
and feel that here is an immortal soul committed to our charge to train
in the best way possible--for time and for eternity too, if we can--I do
maintain that the lives of the parents are to be considered too, and
that Edwin and Angelina have no right to sink themselves and their
identity in that terrible middle-class ‘pa’ and ‘ma’ which seems to
swallow, like some all-devouring serpent, the prettinesses and good
taste of so many of our young married people, and that causes more
unhappiness, I venture to state, than almost anything else.
The cry of an infant is soon interpreted by his nurse, who easily
discriminates between hunger and temper, and the shrieks of temper must
be stopped at once, or else our lives will be made a burden to us. How
often have the untamed shrieks of children embittered my existence! and
I am sure hundreds of people have suffered as I do. Now, unless
something really has happened, I go so far as to say children can fall
and hurt themselves without announcing the fact to the neighbours. I
always make my own children try and exercise self-control, and the small
troubles that are the fate of all cease to be the terror of the
household when little ones bear them manfully, and have their wounds
dressed without roaring all the time, and the wounds cease to be
terrible to the children themselves, and pain becomes bearable, if the
sufferer sees that there is nothing so serious after all, and that
nothing terrible results from it; but this training must begin at the
very beginning--it cannot begin too early. Children must learn that they
can help their elders, who have so much an their shoulders already, and
babies must be taught to be decent members of society, so will their
coming be a pleasure, and not the torment and upsetting it all too often
is in a household.
With a first baby the danger of this is always immense, and Angelina
requires almost superhuman courage to prevent it being otherwise. It is
a temptation to her to give herself airs to her friends, and to snub her
own and Edwin’s mothers, who, having brought up children, may be
presumed to know something about the subject, and to make Edwin’s life a
burden to him too; while some Edwins are worse than their wives, and
insist on dragging the poor child out of its bed at all seasons of the
day and night to exhibit it, being, of course, bitterly indignant when
the infant resents such treatment, and becomes crabbed and puny and
miserable in consequence.
Therefore I consider I can hardly say too much or repeat too often the
axiom that both bed and nursery should be ready for the baby, and that
from the first he should be accustomed to both in that perfect house
which shall be built some day when my ship comes home, and I have time
to learn to draw. The nurseries shall lead past dressing-room and
bath-room from the mother’s bedroom itself--that is to say, that the
bedroom shall have all this leading out of it, and that the night
nursery shall be so close to the mother’s room that she can reach it at
once should she desire to do so, while the children, when old enough,
should run in and out when they like--a bolt being shot, of course, when
dressing goes on--and shall feel that they and their parents are always
within touch of each other.
Here would, of course, come in once more the need of training, but why
should children rise at early dawn, and make grown-up people’s lives a
burden to them? They will not if properly trained, and this training
becomes possible when the nurseries are on the same floor as their
mother’s room, though a good big room can and _should_ be had in our
perfect house for tournaments, steeplechases, and theatrical
performances when the elders begin to grow up and learn duly how to
amuse themselves, while it is not necessary for Angelina to be always in
and out of her nurseries, worrying her nurse to death, when our prize
arrangement is possible, because she will be near enough to know nothing
goes wrong; which, if she be sharp and acute, she will discover quite
quickly enough for herself from the looks of the children and the
general atmosphere without always ‘poking about,’ as the servants call
it, to see how matters are. But all this must be begun at the beginning,
and with No. 1, if she wishes to be really happy; therefore she should
be quite sure of her monthly nurse, and be ready with her facts at her
fingers’ ends for this worthy, who, like every one else nowadays, has so
improved in her ways and manners as to be a real comfort and pleasure,
and can teach Angelina lessons of patience, neatness, and excellent
management that will be worth a Jew’s eye if she is lucky enough to get
a good nurse; but forewarned is forearmed, and so let the berceaunette
be ready, and let Angelina insist on this being used if she wishes to
have peace in her nursery after the monthly nurse has departed, and the
ordinary routine of life begins once more.
But, before I touch upon the subject of the monthly nurse, I want to
impress upon my readers that, though the nursery is undoubtedly a
kingdom, where the children can do pretty much as they like providing
they do not get into mischief, and that they remember that, being ladies
and gentlemen in embryo, they must behave as ‘sich,’ they yet must look
upon the nursery as a lesson-ground, where good seed can be sown, and
one of the first lessons to teach any one, child or small maid, is to be
gentle and quiet. I never could understand why children cannot be happy
without yelling at the top of their voices, and servants without
stamping about in heavy boots, slamming doors, and shouting to each
other; and one of the first things I always impress on all my household
is that loud shrieks and strident voices are not allowed from any one. I
have actually had my life rendered a burden to me sometimes by
neighbours’ offspring, whose one end and aim in life seemed to me to
see who could scream loudest (I don’t mean cry, by the way, but simply
yell at the top of their voices, for the pleasure of hearing them, I
suppose); and remembering that we as children never were allowed to
indulge in a pastime that would have seriously impaired our father’s
powers of working--that we were perfectly happy, although we were not
permitted to shriek--I have had none of this elegant amusement in my
nursery, and we have found ourselves extremely comfortable without it;
and this same discipline of gentleness and quiet is also valuable in
keeping a room nice and being able to have pretty things in it.
Why should children be destructive and untidy? A good nurse soon sees
they are not, and by giving the dear things nice surroundings you do
your best to insure nice tastes, though, of course, some untidy,
tasteless ancestor may crop out suddenly and utterly confound all one’s
theories, by giving us a child who will not learn the proper colours to
harmonise with each other, the while he or she puts boots on the beds,
and leaves a room looking as if hay had just been made therein.
But with children, as with everything else, one can but do one’s best
and utmost for them, never relaxing one’s care and trouble--and one can
do no more. They are sure to come right in the end somehow, although we
cannot quite see how. And so, regardless of the ravages of boys and
small maids, I go on making my house pretty, and hope by silent example
to do yet more than I have already done towards humanising both of these
riotous elements in one’s household; for boys should not be the tyrants
they undoubtedly are, and should learn easily that things have a right
to respect as well as people.
I am a great advocate for the silent teaching, too, of really good
pictures on the nursery walls. I do not like the idea of any rubbish
being good enough for there, any crudely coloured, badly designed
Christmas number atrocity being pinned up with pins or small nails, and
called ‘pretty, pretty’ to some baby, who, I am thankful to say, not
unseldom pulls it down and soon reduces it to the end it so richly
deserves. Often a good picture is full of teaching to a thoughtful
child. Excellent photographs can now be bought very cheaply, and some
etchings are not too dear, but all should be carefully selected, either
for the lesson or pleasant story they tell, for no one knows how much
early impressions do for children, save those who vividly remember the
small things that influenced themselves in their extreme youth, and are
thus enabled to use their experience for their own or other people’s
children; a lovely photograph of moonlight on the sea, for example,
having given me personally more pleasure as a child, than any amount of
dolls ever did, although I was heartily attached to them, and loved them
as few children do now in these highly educated days of ours.
Why, I remember we had quite a serious revolt in our schoolroom once,
over this very picture subject. We as children were exceptionally lucky
in our surroundings, and our schoolroom was hung with really good
engravings of excellent pictures, many of them proofs of Sir Edwin
Landseer’s, while many of our father’s works were there too, at which we
were never tired of looking. I don’t think any one, save an artist’s
children, could ever feel towards these said engravings quite as we did,
for, being in a good many of them at all sorts of stages, we felt really
the proprietorship in them that only the author is supposed to feel,
while we were never tired of remembering the odds and ends of stories
connected with the progress of each picture; and made other histories,
too, for ourselves out of the motionless creatures that we were once,
but out of whose knowledge we had so quickly grown: and then to hear
that all these sources of our inspiration were to be torn from us, and
what for? why, because in an educational frenzy maps were supposed to be
better for us, and more in keeping in the schoolroom; and therefore our
beloved pictures were to be put elsewhere to give place, forsooth, to
glazed monstrosities, the very colours of which, crude greens and pinks
and yellows, were enough to cause an æsthetic fever; although in those
days æstheticism was a thing unknown, undescribed too, in any
dictionary!
But an appeal to a higher power brought the pictures back, and the maps
were rolled up above them, and only allowed to fall over them at such
times as they were required to show their ugly faces to us in a
geography lesson; a subject I have detested, I am sorry to say, simply
because, I verily believe, of the rage we were in when we heard our dear
pictures were to be taken from us!
I cannot help digressing, dear readers, when I think how happy children
may be, and how miserable they are too often made by their over-kind,
very foolish parents. We were let alone a great deal as children,
mercifully, and taught that if we wanted amusement we must find it in
ourselves; and I can never be too thankful for an education that has
enabled me, with only a small cessation, to be happy always in my own
company, without the everlasting craving for information as to ‘What
shall I do?’ If we used to make this most aggravating inquiry, we did
not do it twice, and soon discovered that we could make occupations for
ourselves without driving our elders nearly mad in the process. Children
cannot too early learn to amuse themselves, and therefore great care
should be taken by parents that they have the means for this, the while
the children do not know much care is taken, and are shown--what
children are so seldom shown nowadays--that they are not the head and
front of the household, and that something is due to the bread-winners
and managers of the establishment, as well as to themselves.
I am sure good pictures are, therefore, or ought to be, indispensable in
all nurseries, while the moment a child is old enough to inhabit a
separate room, he or she should be encouraged to the utmost to begin to
care for the surroundings, and to carefully collect pretty things around
them, for in after life each thing so collected will be as a link to a
precious past, and serve to remind them of happy times, that may
influence their whole life if properly remembered and looked back upon.
This is another hint for parents, especially for young parents. A
child’s mind is a curious thing (or at least mine was, and I am
speaking, as I always speak, from actual experience), and receives
certain memories in the shape of pictures. My memory always seems to me
like a room hung round with paintings, and I recollect each incident of
my life as one remembers a picture one has once seen and never
forgotten. I have but to think for a moment, and I see--don’t faint,
please, I was only three; I am not quite a Methuselah, though it will
sound like it--I see the Duke of Wellington riding along with bowed
shoulders, and putting his hand, or rather his fingers, up to his hat
every few seconds in answer to every one’s respectful bows. I see flash
by from our play-place on ‘the leads’--the best play-place in the world;
now, alas! no more--the royal carriage with four grey horses and the
scarlet-jacketed riders, and I see the Queen in a hideous plaid-flounced
frock and large bonnet, and the Prince Consort, and two big boys, drive
by to look at some one’s pictures in our neighbourhood; and I remember
seeing two ‘Bloomers,’ followed by jeering boys, turn round the corner
by our house, and remember quite well how sorry I felt for the stupid
women, although I had profound contempt for their louder assertions of
women’s rights. Now I remember a great deal more than this, of course,
but I mention these three things to illustrate what I mean about the
pictures memory can paint; and to show that it is a parent’s duty to
provide the children with such mental pictures as shall always be a
pleasure and, if possible, a profit to contemplate. Let the children see
in reason all they possibly can. You can influence a child’s present,
but, once it is grown up, you cannot touch its future. You can see your
children have a pleasant series of pictures connected with their
childhood at any rate, and by making your child observe, and by showing
it pleasant things, you will give it a richer store of wealth than
anything else could do. Whenever we went out with our mother she always
did this. ‘Remember,’ she said to me, ‘that you have seen the Duke of
Wellington,’ and, though I was three only, I have never forgotten him.
Look at that beautiful colour; see yonder field of wheat; look at the
sea. No preaching here--but somehow the words stay by one, and
insensibly one learns to notice, and from this pass to the possession of
mental treasures nothing takes from us.
But we must have a certain amount of enterprise, and never, never
neglect an opportunity, and we must see all we can, either as children
or grown-up people. Why, I have known people go to the seaside for six
weeks, and sit on the beach, morning after morning, because every one
else did, regardless of the fact that all round the place itself lay
lovely scenery and marvellously interesting country, into which they
actually had not the energy to penetrate. Think of the opportunities
wasted by them--the opportunities we all waste if we allow a day to pass
by while we shut our eyes and will not see for ourselves the new things
that come every morning for the observant ones among us! And do not let
your children exist ignorant of the thousand and one throbbing
historical events by which they are surrounded. Better spend your money
on showing them good pictures, beautiful scenery, celebrated men and
places, than on aimless gaiety, idiotic balls, and smart clothes and
expensive food; and above all let them have a bright, happy childhood
among charming surroundings. Believe me, you will give them a better
inheritance than if you had fed them and dressed them luxuriously, and
had laid up a large fortune for them.
Let beauty and simplicity, honesty and frankness, be your guide in your
nurseries, and then you will not have very much trouble with your
children.