It happened, once upon a time, that there was a great city, and that
city, being devoid of a sensation, yearned for a great man. Then the
wise men of the city began to look around, when lo! there entered
through the gates of the city a certain peddler from a foreign country,
which is called Yankee Land, and behold! the great man was found. He
dealt in shekels and stocks, and bloomed and flourished, and soon became
like unto a golden calf, and lo! all the wise men fell down and
worshipped him. Now it happened that at first, like all great men, he
was misunderstood, and the people ascribed his success to his partner,
so that everybody said,
The name is but the guinea's stamp,
The man's a GOULD for all that;
but the people were soon disabused of this idea, and the name of JEAMES
PHYSKE was in everybody's mouth.
Now it came to pass that there was a certain devout man called DEDREW,
who was the Grand Mogul and High Priest of a certain railroad
corporation called the Eareye, because, while it was much in everybody's
ear, no one could see anything of it or its dividends. So JEAMES PHYSKE
went straightway unto DEDREW and said unto him, "Lo! your servant is as
full of wiles as an egg is of meat. Make me then, I pray you, your chief
adviser, and put me in the high places." And DEDREW smiled upon him, as
he is wont to do, and finding that he was a stranger, he took him in,
and knowing that all were fish which came unto his net, he straightway
put him in the high places in Eareye, saying unto himself, "I will take
this lamb and fleece him." So PHYSKE sat high in Eareye. But it came to
pass very soon thereafter, that DEDREW and PHYSKE fell out, some say
about the division of the spoils which they had taken from the enemy,
which, being interpreted, is the people, while others do state that
DEDREW attempted to cut the wool from PHYSKE, but that it stuck so
tightly that PHYSKE caught him. Anyhow, it came to pass, very soon, that
DEDREW was sitting on the outside steps of Eareye, and PHYSKE was
sitting on DEDREW'S throne.
Then PHYSKE ruled Eareye, and he took the stock and he did multiply it
manifold, which is called, by some people, watering. Now it happened
that a certain man named PYKE did build him a costly mansion on the
street which is called Twenty-third, and did therein have foreign
singers and dancers, and players upon the violin, which is called the
fiddle, and upon the bass viol, which is called the big fiddle, and upon
sheets of parchment, which are called the drum, and upon divers other
instruments. And PHYSKE looked upon the mansion, and it seemed good in
his eyes, and he said unto PYKE, "Sell me now your mansion." And PYKE
did sell unto him the mansion, and the foreign singers and dancers, and
the players upon the violin, which is called the fiddle, and the players
upon the big fiddle, and the players upon the drums, and the players
upon divers other instruments. And PHYSKE forthwith built himself a
throne there, and did make the mansion the palace of Eareye. And he
would sit upon his throne and view the foreign singers and dancers, and
the players upon divers instruments, and would much applaud, when his
foreign dancers did dance a certain dance, wherein the toe is placed
upon the forehead, and which is called the _cancan_. And all the people
came and worshipped him, him and his foreign singers and dancers, and
players upon divers instruments, and his great diamond. And PHYSKE was
called Prince Eareye.
Then it happened that PHYSKE much desired to command upon the ocean; so
he forthwith bought him a line of steamers, which did run to the foreign
land, which is called Yankee Land, and he placed thereon a goodly number
of his players upon divers instruments, and he did buy him a coat of
many colors, and did stand upon the landing place, which is called the
dock, and the players upon divers instruments did play, "Hail to the
Chief," and all the people did shout, "Hurrah for Admiral PHYSKE, Prince
of Eareye!" for he was of a noble stature, being four hands wider than
his fellows.
Now it came to pass that divers envious persons did institute certain
troublesome actions, which are called suits, against him, and did
endeavor to drive him from the land, but PHYSKE took a field and went
before a barnyard, and did rout these envious persons, and did smite
them on the hip, which, being interpreted, is that he dismissed their
suits, and did smite them on the thigh, which, being interpreted, is,
did make them pay costs. But the field and the barnyard were much
employed.
Then PHYSKE took into his counsel divers persons, dealers in shekels,
and did say unto them, "Let us find us a man who can tell us whether
those in high places will sell gold. And if he say unto us, nay, let us
buy much gold and make many shekels." And the divers persons, dealers in
shekels, were astonished at his shrewdness, and were all of one accord.
Then PHYSKE found him a man who did say unto him nay, and PHYSKE and
the divers other persons did buy much gold. Now it happened that those
in high places did sell gold, and PHYSKE and the divers other persons
were sore afraid, and did fall upon each other's necks and did weep. But
PHYSKE straightway recovered and said unto them, "Lo, if I do murder and
the doctor say that I was insane, am I not forthwith discharged?" and
they said unto him, "It is even so." Then said he unto them, "Let us
send our broker into the board, so that he shall act like an insane man,
and can we be held for an insane man's purchases?" And they were filled
with great rejoicing. And the broker did go into the board, and did act
like an insane man, and PHYSKE and divers other persons did retain their
shekels. And it was Friday when they did these things, and when they had
done them they laughed until they were black in their faces, and the
day--is it not called Black Friday?
Then PHYSKE did bring unto himself other boats and other roads, and
waxed powerful, and became great in the land, and he was much
interviewed by the scribes of a certain paper, "It shines for all,"
which, being interpreted, is the Moon, and his sayings--can they not be
found in the pages of "It shines for all," which, being interpreted, is
the Moon, and are they not preserved there for two centuries?
And then it came to pass that PHYSKE sat himself down and sighed because
there were no more worlds to conquer. But straightway he resolved to
become a Colonel. So certain persons endeavored to make him commander of
the 99th regiment of foot, but a certain old centurion, which is Brains,
ran against him and overcame him. But the soldiers said unto each other,
"Is it not better that we should have body than brains, and had we not
better take unto ourselves the fleshpots?" So they deposed Brains and
chose the Prince of Eareye as their commander. And he straightway
submitted them to twelve temptations. Now it happened, that, as he was
marching at the head of his soldiers in the place wherein these twelve
temptations are kept, a certain servant of one Mammon did serve upon him
a paper, which is called a summons, and did command him to pay for his
butter. At which PHYSKE was much enraged and did wax wroth. And
thereupon he did march and countermarch his soldiers many times. And he
ordered another coat of many colors, and lo! in all Chatham Street there
was not cloth enough to make it, so they brought it from a foreign land.
And it came to pass that he and the centurion, which is Brains--for
should not body and brains work together?--did march the soldiers down
the street which is called Broadway, and did take them to the Branch
which is called Long, and there did divers curious things, all which are
they not found in the paper, "It shines for all," which, being
interpreted, is the Moon?
Now it happened that one HO RACE GREL HE, being a Prussian, did fall
upon PHYSKE and did berate him in a paper, which is called the _Try
Buin_. And PHYSKE became very wroth and did stop the sale of the paper,
which is called the _Try Buin_, upon his roads. And HO RACE GREL HE,
being a Prussian, was sore afraid, and did fall straightway upon his
knees, and did say, "Lo, your servant has sinned! I pray thee forgive
him." And PHYSKE did say, "I forgive thee," which, being interpreted,
is, "All right, old coon, don't let me catch you at it again."
And PHYSKE did divers other strange and curious things, but are they not
written down daily by the scribes of the paper, "It shines for all,"
which, being interpreted, is the Moon, and cannot he who runs, read them
there?