Forgive and forget! Why the world would be lonely,
The garden a wilderness left to deform,
If the flowers but remembered the chilling winds only,
And the fields gave no verdure for fear of the storm! C. SWAIN.
"FORGIVE and forget, Herbert."
"No, I will neither forgive nor forget. The thing was done wantonly. I
never pass by a direct insult."
"Admit that it was done wantonly; but this I doubt. He is an old
friend, long tried and long esteemed. He could not have been himself;
he must have been carried away by some wrong impulse, when he offended
you."
"He acted from something in him, of course."
"We all do so. Nothing external can touch our volition, unless there be
that within which corresponds to the impelling agent."
"Very well. This conduct of Marston shows him to be internally unworthy
of my regard; shows him to possess a trait of character that unfits him
to be my friend. I have been mistaken in him. He now stands revealed in
his true light, a mean-spirited fellow."
"Don't use such language towards Marston, my young friend."
"He has no principle. He wished to render me ridiculous and do me harm.
A man who could act as he did, cannot possess a spark of honourable
feeling. Does a good fountain send forth bitter waters? Is not a tree
known by its fruit? When a man seeks wantonly to insult and injure me,
I discover that he wants principle, and wish to have no more to do with
him."
"Perhaps," said the individual with whom Herbert Arnest was conversing,
"it is your wounded self-love, more than your high regard for
principle, that speaks so eloquently against Marston."
"Mr. Welford!"
"Nay, my young friend, do not be offended with me. Your years, twice
told, would not make mine. I have lived long enough to get a cool head
and understand something of the springs of action that lie in the human
heart. The best, at best, have little to be proud of, and much to
lament over, in the matter of high and honourable impulses. It is a far
easier thing to do wrong than right; far easier to be led away by our
evil passions than to compel ourselves always to regard justice and
judgment in our dealings with others. Test yourself by this rule. Would
your feelings for Marston be the same if he had only acted toward
another as he has acted toward you? Do not say 'yes' from a hasty
impulse. Reflect coolly about it. If not, then it is not so much a
regard to principle, as your regard to yourself, that causes you to be
so bitterly offended."
This plain language was not relished by the young man. It was touching
the very thing in him that Marston had offended--his self-love. He
replied, coldly--
"As for that, I am very well satisfied with my own reasons for being
displeased with Marston; and am perfectly willing to be responsible for
my own action in this case. I will change very much from my present
feelings, if I ever have any thing more to do with him."
"God give you a better mind then," replied Mr. Welford. "It is the best
wish I can express for you."
The two young men who were now at variance with each other had been
friends for many years. As they entered the world, the hereditary
character of each came more fully into external manifestation, and
revealed traits not before seen, and not always the most agreeable to
others. Edward Marston had his faults, and so had Herbert Arnest: the
latter quite as many as the former. There was a mutual observation of
these, and a mutual forbearance towards each other for a considerable
time, although each thought more than was necessary about things in the
other that ought to be corrected. A fault with Marston was quickness of
temper and a disposition to say unpleasant, cutting things, without due
reflection. But he had a forgiving disposition, and very many amiable
and excellent qualities. Arnest was also quick-tempered. His leading
defect of character was self-esteem, which made him exceedingly
sensitive in regard to the conduct of others as affecting the general
estimation of himself. He could not bear to have any freedom taken with
him, in company, even by his best friend. He felt it to be humiliating,
if not degrading. He, therefore, was a man of many dislikes, for one
and another were every now and then doing or saying something that hurt
more or less severely his self-esteem.
Marston had none of this peculiar weakness of his friend. He rarely
thought about the estimation in which he was held, and never let the
mere opinions of others influence him. But he was careful not to do any
thing that violated his own self-respect.
The breach between the young men occurred thus. The two friends were in
company with several others, and there was present a young lady in
whose eyes Arnest wished to appear in as favourable a light as
possible. He was relating an adventure in which he was the principal
hero, and, in doing so, exaggerated his own action so far as to amuse
Marston, who happened to know all about the circumstances, and provoke
from him some remarks that placed the whole affair in rather a
ridiculous light, and caused a laugh at Arnest's expense.
The young man's self-esteem was deeply wounded. Even the lady, for
whose ears the narrative had been more especially given, laughed
heartily, and made one or two light remarks; or, rather, heavy ones for
the ears of Arnest. He was deeply disturbed though at the time he
managed to conceal almost entirely what he felt.
Marston, however, saw that his thoughtless words had done more (sic)
than he had intended them to do, both upon the company and upon the
sensitive mind of his friend. He regretted having uttered them and
waited only until he should leave the company with Arnest, to express
his sorrow for what he had done. But his friend did not give him this
opportunity, for he managed to retire alone, thus expressing to Marston
the fact that he was seriously offended.
Early the next morning, Marston called at the residence of his friend,
in order to make an apology for having offended him; but he happened
not to be at home. On arriving at his office, he found a note from
Arnest, couched in the most offensive terms. The language was such as
to extinguish all desire or intention to apologize.
"Henceforth we are strangers," he said, as he thrust the note aside.
An hour afterward, they met on the street, looked coldly into each
other's face, and passed without even a nod. That act sealed the record
of estrangement.
Mr. Wellford was an old gentleman who was well acquainted with both of
the young men, and esteemed them for the good qualities they possessed.
When he heard of the occurrence just related, he was much grieved, and
sought to heal the breach that had been made; but without success.
Arnest's self-esteem had been sorely wounded, and he would not forgive
what he considered a wanton outrage. Marston felt himself deeply
insulted by the note he had received, and maintained that he would
forfeit his self-respect were he to hold any intercourse whatever with
a man who could, on so small a provocation, write such a scandalous
letter. Thus the matter stood; wounded self-esteem on one side, and
insulted self-respect on the other, not only maintaining the breach,
but widening it every day. Mr Wellford used his utmost influence with
his young friends to bend them from their anger, but he argued the
matter in vain. The voice of pride was stronger than the voice of
reason.
Months were suffered to go by, and even years to elapse, and still they
were as strangers. Circumstances threw them constantly together; they
met in places of business; they sat in full view of each other in
church on the holy Sabbath; they mingled in the same social circles;
the friends of one were the friends of the other; but they rarely
looked into each other's face, and never spoke. Did this make them
happier? No! For, "_If ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither
will your heavenly Father forgive your trespasses_." Did they feel
indifferent toward each other? Not by any means! Arnest still dwelt on
and magnified the provocation he had received, but thought that the
expression of his indignation had not been of a character to give as
great offence to Marston as it had done. And Marston, as time passed,
thought more and more lightly of the few jesting words he had spoken,
and considered them less and less provocation for the insulting note he
had received, which he still had, and sometimes turned up and read.
The old friends were forced to think of each other often, for both were
rising in the world, and rising into general esteem and respectability.
The name of the one was often mentioned with approbation in the
presence of the other; and it sometimes happened that they were thrown
together in such a way as to render their position toward each other
really embarrassing: as, for instance, one was called to preside at a
public meeting, and the other chosen secretary. Neither could refuse,
and there had to be an official intercourse between them; it was cold
and formal in the extreme; and neither could see as he looked into the
eyes of the other, a glimmer of the old light of friendship.
Mr. Wellford was present at this meeting, and marked the fact that the
intercourse between Arnest and Marston was official only--that they did
not unbend to each other in the least. He was grieved to see it, for he
knew the good qualities of both, and he had a high respect for them.
"This must not be," said he to himself, as he walked thoughtfully
homeward. "They are making themselves unhappy, and preventing a concert
of useful efforts for good in society, and all for nothing. I will try
again to reconcile them; perhaps I may be more successful than before."
So, on the next day, the old gentleman made it his business to call
upon Arnest, who expressed great pleasure in meeting him.
"I noticed," said Mr. Wellford, after he had conversed some time, and
finally introduced the subject of the meeting on the previous evening,
"that your intercourse with the secretary was exceedingly formal; in
fact, hardly courteous."
"I don't like Marston, as you are very well aware," replied Arnest.
"In which feeling you stand nearly alone, friend Arnest. Mr. Marston is
highly esteemed by all who know him."
"All don't know him as I do."
"Perhaps others know him better than you do; there may lie the
difference."
"If a man knocks me down, I know the weight of his arm much better than
those who have never felt it."
"Still nursing your anger, still harbouring unkind thoughts! Forgive
and forget, my friend--forgive and forget; no longer let the sun go
down upon your wrath."
"I can forgive, Mr. Wellford--I do forgive; for Heaven knows I wish him
no harm; but I cannot forget: that is asking too much."
"You do not forget, because you will not forgive," replied the old
gentleman. "Forgive, and you will soon forget. I am sure you will both
be happier in forgetting than you can be in remembering the past."
But Arnest shook his head, remarking, as he so--"I would rather let
things remain as they are. At least, I cannot stoop to any humiliating
overtures for a reconciliation. When Marston outraged my feelings so
wantonly, I wrote him a pretty warm expression of my sentiments in
regard to his conduct. This gave him mortal offence. I do not now
remember what I wrote, but nothing, certainly, to have prevented his
coming forward and apologizing for his conduct; but he did not choose
to do this, and there the matter rests. I cannot recall the angry
rebuke I gave him, for it was no doubt just."
"A man who writes a letter in a passion, and afterwards forgets what he
has written," said Mr. Wellford, "may be sure that he has said what his
sober reason cannot approve. If you could have the letter you then sent
before you now, I imagine that you would no longer wonder that Marston
was offended."
"That is impossible; without doubt, he burned my note the moment he
received it."
Mr. Wellford tried in vain to induce Arnest to consent to forget what
was past; but he affirmed that this was impossible, and that he had no
wish to renew an acquaintance with his old friend.
About the same time that this interview took place, Marston was alone,
thinking with sad and softened feelings of the past. The letter of
Arnest was before him; he had turned it over by accident.
"He could not have been himself when he wrote this," he thought. It was
the first time he had permitted himself to think so. "My words must
have stung him severely, lightly as I uttered them, and with no
intention to wound. This matter ought not to have gone on so long.
Friends are not so plentiful that we may carelessly cast those we have
tried and proved aside. He has many excellent qualities."
Pride came quickly, with many suggestions about self-respect, and what
every man owed to himself.
"He owes it to himself to be just to others," Marston truly thought.
"Was I just in failing to apologize to my friend, notwithstanding this
offensive letter? No, I was not; for his action did not exonerate me
from the responsibility of mine. Ah, me! How passion blinds us!"
After musing for some time, Marston drew towards him a sheet of paper,
and, taking up a pen, wrote:
"MY DEAR SIR:--What I ought to have done years ago, I do now, and that
is, offer you a sincere apology for light words thoughtlessly spoken,
but which I ought not to have used, as they were calculated to wound,
and, I am grieved to think, did wound. But for your note, which I
enclose, I should have made this apology the moment I had an
opportunity. But its peculiar tenor, I then felt, precluded me from
doing so. I confess that I erred in letting my feelings blind my cooler
judgment.
"Your old friend, MARSTON.
"To Mr. Herbert Arnest."
Enclosing the note alluded to in this letter, Marston sealed, and,
ringing for an attendant, despatched it.
"Better to do right late than never," he murmured, as he leaned
pensively back in his chair.
"Let what will come of it, I shall feel better, for I will gain my own
self-respect, and have an inward assurance that I have done
right,--more than I have for a long time had, in regard to this matter
at least."
Relieved in mind, Marston commenced looking over some papers in
reference to matters of business then on hand, and was soon so much
absorbed in them, that the subject which had lately filled his thoughts
faded entirely therefrom. Some one opened the door, and he turned to
see who was entering. In an instant he was on his feet. It was Arnest.
The face of the latter was pale and agitated, and his lips quivered. He
came forward hurriedly, extending his hand, not to grasp that of his
old friend, but to hold up his own letter that had been just returned
to him.
"Marston," he said, huskily, "did I send you _this_ note?"
"You did," was the firm but mild answer.
"Thus I cancel it!" And he tore it into shreds, and scattered them on
the floor. "Would that its contents could be as easily obliterated from
your memory!" he added, in a most earnest voice.
"They are no longer there, my friend," returned Marston, with visible
emotion, now grasping the hand of Arnest. "You have wiped them out."
Arnest returned the pressure with both hands, his eyes fixed on those
of Marston, until they grew so dim that he could no longer read the old
familiar lines and forgiving look.
"Let us forgive and forget," said Marston, speaking in a broken voice.
"We have wronged each other and ourselves. We have let evil passions
rule instead of good affections."
"From my heart do I say 'Amen,'" replied Arnest. "Yes, let us forgive
and forget. Would that we had been as wise as we now are, years ago!"
Thus were they reconciled. And now the question is, What did either
gain by his indignation against the other? Did Arnest rise higher in
his self-esteem, or Marston gain additional self-respect? We think not.
Alas! how blinding is selfish passion! How it opens in the mind the
door for the influx of multitudes of evil and false suggestions! How it
hides the good in others, and magnifies, weakness into crimes! Let us
beware of it.
"Reconciled at last," said old Mr. Wellford, when he next saw Arnest
and heard the fact from his lips.
"Yes," replied the latter. "I can now forget as well as forgive."
"Rather say you can forget, _because_ you forgive. If you had forgiven
truly, you could have ceased to think of what was wrong in your friend
long ago. People talk of forgiving and not forgetting, but it isn't so:
they do not forget because they do not forgive."
"I believe you are right," said Arnest. "I think, now, as naturally of
my friend's good qualities as I ever did before of what was evil. I
forget the evil in thinking of the good."
"Because you have forgiven him," returned Mr. Wellford. "Before you
forgave him, your thought of evil gave no room for the thought of good."
Mr. Wellford was right. After we have forgiven, we find it no hard
matter to forget.