A Soul That Was Not at Home

There was a very fine sunset on the night Paul and Miss Trevor first

met, and she had lingered on the headland beyond Noel's Cove to

delight in it. The west was splendid in daffodil and rose; away to the

north there was a mackerel sky of little fiery golden clouds; and

across the water straight from Miss Trevor's feet ran a sparkling path

of light to the sun, whose rim had just touched the throbbing edge of

the purple sea. Off to the left were softly swelling violet hills and

beyond the sandshore, where little waves were crisping and silvering,

there was a harbour where scores of slender masts were nodding against

the gracious horizon.

Miss Trevor sighed with sheer happiness in all the wonderful,

fleeting, elusive loveliness of sky and sea. Then she turned to look

back at Noel's Cove, dim and shadowy in the gloom of the tall

headlands, and she saw Paul.

It did not occur to her that he could be a shore boy--she knew the

shore type too well. She thought his coming mysterious, for she was

sure he had not come along the sand, and the tide was too high for him

to have come past the other headland. Yet there he was, sitting on a

red sandstone boulder, with his bare, bronzed, shapely little legs

crossed in front of him and his hands clasped around his knee. He was

not looking at Miss Trevor but at the sunset--or, rather, it seemed as

if he were looking through the sunset to still grander and more

radiant splendours beyond, of which the things seen were only the pale

reflections, not worthy of attention from those who had the gift of

further sight.

Miss Trevor looked him over carefully with eyes that had seen a good

many people in many parts of the world for more years than she found

it altogether pleasant to acknowledge, and she concluded that he was

quite the handsomest lad she had ever seen. He had a lithe, supple

body, with sloping shoulders and a brown, satin throat. His hair was

thick and wavy, of a fine reddish chestnut; his brows were very

straight and much darker than his hair; and his eyes were large and

grey and meditative. The modelling of chin and jaw was perfect and his

mouth was delicious, being full without pouting, the crimson lips just

softly touching, and curving into finely finished little corners that

narrowly escaped being dimpled.

His attire was a blue cotton shirt and a pair of scanty corduroy

knickerbockers, but he wore it with such an unconscious air of purple

and fine linen that Miss Trevor was tricked into believing him much

better dressed than he really was.

Presently he smiled dreamily, and the smile completed her subjugation.

It was not merely an affair of lip and eye, as are most smiles; it

seemed an illumination of his whole body, as if some lamp had

suddenly burst into flame inside of him, irradiating him from his

chestnut crown to the tips of his unspoiled toes. Best of all, it was

involuntary, born of no external effort or motive, but simply the

outflashing of some wild, delicious thought that was as untrammelled

and freakish as the wind of the sea.

Miss Trevor made up her mind that she must find out all about him, and

she stepped out from the shadows of the rocks into the vivid, eerie

light that was glowing all along the shore. The boy turned his head

and looked at her, first with surprise, then with inquiry, then with

admiration. Miss Trevor, in a white dress with a lace scarf on her

dark, stately head, was well worth admiring. She smiled at him and

Paul smiled back. It was not quite up to his first smile, having more

of the effect of being put on from the outside, but at least it

conveyed the subtly flattering impression that it had been put on

solely for her, and they were as good friends from that moment as if

they had known each other for a hundred years. Miss Trevor had enough

discrimination to realize this and know that she need not waste time

in becoming acquainted.

"I want to know your name and where you live and what you were looking

at beyond the sunset," she said.

"My name is Paul Hubert. I live over there. And I can't tell just what

I saw in the sunset, but when I go home I'm going to write it all in

my foolscap book."

In her surprise over the second clause of his answer, Miss Trevor

forgot, at first, to appreciate the last. "Over there," according to

his gesture, was up at the head of Noel's Cove, where there was a

little grey house perched on the rocks and looking like a large

seashell cast up by the tide. The house had a stovepipe coming out of

its roof in lieu of a chimney, and two of its window panes were

replaced by shingles. Could this boy, who looked as young princes

should--and seldom do--live there? Then he was a shore boy after all.

"Who lives there with you?" she asked. "You see"--plaintively--"I must

ask questions about you. I know we like each other, and that is all

that really matters. But there are some tiresome items which it would

be convenient to know. For example, have you a father--a mother? Are

there any more of you? How long have you been yourself?"

Paul did not reply immediately. He clasped his hands behind him and

looked at her affectionately.

"I like the way you talk," he said. "I never knew anybody did talk

like that except folks in books and my rock people."

"Your rock people?"

"I'm eleven years old. I haven't any father or mother, they're dead. I

live over there with Stephen Kane. Stephen is splendid. He plays the

violin and takes me fishing in his boat. When I get bigger he's going

shares with me. I love him, and I love my rock people too."

"What do you mean by your rock people?" asked Miss Trevor, enjoying

herself hugely. This was the only child she had ever met who talked as

she wanted children to talk and who understood her remarks without

having to have them translated.

"Nora is one of them," said Paul, "the best one of them. I love her

better than all the others because she came first. She lives around

that point and she has black eyes and black hair and she knows all

about the mermaids and water kelpies. You ought to hear the stories

she can tell. Then there are the Twin Sailors. They don't live

anywhere--they sail all the time, but they often come ashore to talk

to me. They are a pair of jolly tars and they have seen everything in

the world--and more than what's in the world, if you only knew it. Do

you know what happened to the Youngest Twin Sailor once? He was

sailing and he sailed right into a moonglade. A moonglade is the track

the full moon makes on the water when it is rising from the sea, you

know. Well, the Youngest Twin Sailor sailed along the moonglade till

he came right up to the moon, and there was a little golden door in

the moon and he opened it and sailed right through. He had some

wonderful adventures inside the moon--I've got them all written down

in my foolscap book. Then there is the Golden Lady of the Cave. One

day I found a big cave down the shore and I went in and in and in--and

after a while I found the Golden Lady. She has golden hair right down

to her feet, and her dress is all glittering and glistening like gold

that is alive. And she has a golden harp and she plays all day long on

it--you might hear the music if you'd listen carefully, but prob'bly

you'd think it was only the wind among the rocks. I've never told Nora

about the Golden Lady, because I think it would hurt her feelings. It

even hurts her feelings when I talk too long with the Twin Sailors.

And I hate to hurt Nora's feelings, because I do love her best of all

my rock people."

"Paul! How much of this is true?" gasped Miss Trevor.

"Why, none of it!" said Paul, opening his eyes widely and

reproachfully. "I thought you would know that. If I'd s'posed you

wouldn't I'd have warned you there wasn't any of it true. I thought

you were one of the kind that would know."

"I am. Oh, I am!" said Miss Trevor eagerly. "I really would have known

if I had stopped to think. Well, it's getting late now. I must go

back, although I don't want to. But I'm coming to see you again. Will

you be here tomorrow afternoon?"

Paul nodded.

"Yes. I promised to meet the Youngest Twin Sailor down at the striped

rocks tomorrow afternoon, but the day after will do just as well. That

is the beauty of the rock people, you know. You can always depend on

them to be there just when you want them. The Youngest Twin Sailor

won't mind--he's very good-tempered. If it was the Oldest Twin I dare

say he'd be cross. I have my suspicions about that Oldest Twin

sometimes. I b'lieve he'd be a pirate if he dared. You don't know how

fierce he can look at times. There's really something very mysterious

about him."

On her way back to the hotel Miss Trevor remembered the foolscap book.

"I must get him to show it to me," she mused, smiling. "Why, the boy

is a born genius--and to think he should be a shore boy! I can't

understand it. And here I am loving him already. Well, a woman has to

love something--and you don't have to know people for years before you

can love them."

Paul was waiting on the Noel's Cove rocks for Miss Trevor the next

afternoon. He was not alone; a tall man, with a lined, strong-featured

face and a grey beard, was with him. The man was clad in a rough suit

and looked what he was, a 'longshore fisherman. But he had deep-set,

kindly eyes, and Miss Trevor liked his face. He moved off to one side

when she came and stood there for a little, apparently gazing out to

sea, while Paul and Miss Trevor talked. Then he walked away up the

cove and disappeared in his little grey house.

"Stephen came down to see if you were a suitable person for me to talk

to," said Paul gravely.

"I hope he thinks I am," said Miss Trevor, amused.

"Oh, he does! He wouldn't have gone away and left us alone if he

didn't. Stephen is very particular who he lets me 'sociate with. Why,

even the rock people now--I had to promise I'd never let the Twin

Sailors swear before he'd allow me to be friends with them. Sometimes

I know by the look of the Oldest Twin that he's just dying to swear,

but I never let him, because I promised Stephen. I'd do anything for

Stephen. He's awful good to me. Stephen's bringing me up, you know,

and he's bound to do it well. We're just perfectly happy here, only I

wish I'd more books to read. We go fishing, and when we come home at

night I help Stephen clean the fish and then we sit outside the door

and he plays the violin for me. We sit there for hours sometimes. We

never talk much--Stephen isn't much of a hand for talking--but we just

sit and think. There's not many men like Stephen, I can tell you."

Miss Trevor did not get a glimpse of the foolscap book that day, nor

for many days after. Paul blushed all over his beautiful face whenever

she mentioned it.

"Oh, I couldn't show you that," he said uncomfortably. "Why, I've

never even showed it to Stephen--or Nora. Let me tell you something

else instead, something that happened to me once long ago. You'll find

it more interesting than the foolscap book, only you must remember it

isn't true! You won't forget that, will you?"

"I'll try to remember," Miss Trevor agreed.

"Well, I was sitting here one evening just like I was last night, and

the sun was setting. And an enchanted boat came sailing over the sea

and I got into her. The boat was all pearly like the inside of the

mussel shells, and her sail was like moonshine. Well, I sailed right

across to the sunset. Think of that--I've been in the sunset! And what

do you suppose it is? The sunset is a land all flowers, like a great

garden, and the clouds are beds of flowers. We sailed into a great big

harbour, a thousand times bigger than the harbour over there at your

hotel, and I stepped out of the boat on a 'normous meadow all roses. I

stayed there for ever so long. It seemed almost a year, but the

Youngest Twin Sailor says I was only away a few hours or so. You see,

in Sunset Land the time is ever so much longer than it is here. But I

was glad to come back too. I'm always glad to come back to the cove

and Stephen. Now, you know this never really happened."

Miss Trevor would not give up the foolscap book so easily, but for a

long time Paul refused to show it to her. She came to the cove every

day, and every day Paul seemed more delightful to her. He was so

quaint, so clever, so spontaneous. Yet there was nothing premature or

unnatural about him. He was wholly boy, fond of fun and frolic, not

too good for little spurts of quick temper now and again, though, as

he was careful to explain to Miss Trevor, he never showed them to a

lady.

"I get real mad with the Twin Sailors sometimes, and even with

Stephen, for all he's so good to me. But I couldn't be mad with you or

Nora or the Golden Lady. It would never do."

Every day he had some new story to tell of a wonderful adventure on

rock or sea, always taking the precaution of assuring her beforehand

that it wasn't true. The boy's fancy was like a prism, separating

every ray that fell upon it into rainbows. He was passionately fond of

the shore and water. The only world for him beyond Noel's Cove was the

world of his imagination. He had no companions except Stephen and the

"rock people."

"And now you," he told Miss Trevor. "I love you too, but I know you'll

be going away before long, so I don't let myself love you as

much--quite--as Stephen and the rock people."

"But you could, couldn't you?" pleaded Miss Trevor. "If you and I were

to go on being together every day, you could love me just as well as

you love them, couldn't you?"

Paul considered in a charming way he had.

"Of course I could love you better than the Twin Sailors and the

Golden Lady," he announced finally. "And I think perhaps I could love

you as much as I love Stephen. But not as much as Nora--oh, no, I

wouldn't love you quite as much as Nora. She was first, you see; she's

always been there. I feel sure I couldn't ever love anybody as much as

Nora."

One day when Stephen was out to the mackerel grounds, Paul took Miss

Trevor into the little grey house and showed her his treasures. They

climbed the ladder in one corner to the loft where Paul slept. The

window of it, small and square-paned, looked seaward, and the moan of

the sea and the pipe of the wind sounded there night and day. Paul had

many rare shells and seaweeds, curious flotsam and jetsam of shore

storms, and he had a small shelf full of books.

"They're splendid," he said enthusiastically. "Stephen brought me them

all. Every time Stephen goes to town to ship his mackerel he brings me

home a new book."

"Were you ever in town yourself?" asked Miss Trevor.

"Oh, yes, twice. Stephen took me. It was a wonderful place. I tell

you, when I next met the Twin Sailors it was me did the talking then.

I had to tell them about all I saw and all that had happened. And Nora

was ever so interested too. The Golden Lady wasn't, though--she didn't

hardly listen. Golden people are like that."

"Would you like," said Miss Trevor, watching him closely, "to live

always in a town and have all the books you wanted and play with real

girls and boys--and visit those strange lands your twin sailors tell

you of?"

Paul looked startled.

"I--don't--know," he said doubtfully. "I don't think I'd like it very

well if Stephen and Nora weren't there too."

But the new thought remained in his mind. It came back to him at

intervals, seeming less new and startling every time.

"And why not?" Miss Trevor asked herself. "The boy should have a

chance. I shall never have a son of my own--he shall be to me in the

place of one."

The day came when Paul at last showed her the foolscap book. He

brought it to her as she sat on the rocks of the headland.

"I'm going to run around and talk to Nora while you read it," he said.

"I'm afraid I've been neglecting her lately--and I think she feels

it."

Miss Trevor took the foolscap book. It was made of several sheets of

paper sewed together and encased in an oilcloth cover. It was nearly

filled with writing in a round childish hand and it was very neat,

although the orthography was rather wild and the punctuation

capricious. Miss Trevor read it through in no very long time. It was a

curious medley of quaint thoughts and fancies. Conversations with the

Twin Sailors filled many of the pages; accounts of Paul's "adventures"

occupied others. Sometimes it seemed impossible that a child of eleven

should have written them, then would come an expression so boyish and

naive that Miss Trevor laughed delightedly over it. When she finished

the book and closed it she found Stephen Kane at her elbow. He

removed his pipe and nodded at the foolscap book.

"What do you think of it?" he said.

"I think it is wonderful. Paul is a very clever child."

"I've often thought so," said Stephen laconically. He thrust his hands

into his pockets and gazed moodily out to sea. Miss Trevor had never

before had an opportunity to talk to him in Paul's absence and she

determined to make the most of it.

"I want to know something about Paul," she said, "all about him. Is he

any relation to you?"

"No. I expected to marry his mother once, though," said Stephen

unemotionally. His hand in his pocket was clutching his pipe fiercely,

but Miss Trevor could not know that. "She was a shore girl and very

pretty. Well, she fell in love with a young fellow that came teaching

up t' the harbour school and he with her. They got married and she

went away with him. He was a good enough sort of chap. I know that

now, though once I wasn't disposed to think much good of him. But

'twas a mistake all the same; Rachel couldn't live away from the

shore. She fretted and pined and broke her heart for it away there in

his world. Finally her husband died and she came back--but it was too

late for her. She only lived a month--and there was Paul, a baby of

two. I took him. There was nobody else. Rachel had no relatives nor

her husband either. I've done what I could for him--not that it's been

much, perhaps."

"I am sure you have done a great deal for him," said Miss Trevor

rather patronizingly. "But I think he should have more than you can

give him now. He should be sent to school."

Stephen nodded.

"Maybe. He never went to school. The harbour school was too far away.

I taught him to read and write and bought him all the books I could

afford. But I can't do any more for him."

"But I can," said Miss Trevor, "and I want to. Will you give Paul to

me, Mr. Kane? I love him dearly and he shall have every advantage. I'm

rich--I can do a great deal for him."

Stephen continued to gaze out to sea with an expressionless face.

Finally he said: "I've been expecting to hear you say something of the

sort. I don't know. If you took Paul away, he'd grow to be a cleverer

man and a richer man maybe, but would he be any better--or happier?

He's his mother's son--he loves the sea and its ways. There's nothing

of his father in him except his hankering after books. But I won't

choose for him--he can go if he likes--he can go if he likes."

In the end Paul "liked," since Stephen refused to influence him by so

much as a word. Paul thought Stephen didn't seem to care much whether

he went or stayed, and he was dazzled by Miss Trevor's charm and the

lure of books and knowledge she held out to him.

"I'll go, I guess," he said, with a long sigh.

Miss Trevor clasped him close to her and kissed him maternally. Paul

kissed her cheek shyly in return. He thought it very wonderful that he

was to live with her always. He felt happy and excited--so happy and

excited that the parting when it came slipped over him lightly. Miss

Trevor even thought he took it too easily and had a vague wish that he

had shown more sorrow. Stephen said farewell to the boy he loved

better than life with no visible emotion.

"Good-bye, Paul. Be a good boy and learn all you can." He hesitated a

moment and then said slowly, "If you don't like it, come back."

"Did you bid good-bye to your rock people?" Miss Trevor asked him with

a smile as they drove away.

"No. I--couldn't--I--I--didn't even tell them I was going away. Nora

would break her heart. I'd rather not talk of them anymore, if you

please. Maybe I won't want them when I've plenty of books and lots of

other boys and girls--real ones--to play with."

They drove the ten miles to the town where they were to take the train

the next day. Paul enjoyed the drive and the sights of the busy

streets at its end. He was all excitement and animation. After they

had had tea at the house of the friend where Miss Trevor meant to

spend the night, they went for a walk in the park. Paul was tired and

very quiet when they came back. He was put away to sleep in a bedroom

whose splendours frightened him, and left alone.

At first Paul lay very still on his luxurious perfumed pillows. It was

the first night he had ever spent away from the little seaward-looking

loft where he could touch the rafters with his hands. He thought of it

now and a lump came into his throat and a strange, new, bitter longing

came into his heart. He missed the sea plashing on the rocks below

him--he could not sleep without that old lullaby. He turned his face

into the pillow, and the longing and loneliness grew worse and hurt

him until he moaned. Oh, he wanted to be back home! Surely he had not

left it--he could never have meant to leave it. Out there the stars

would be shining over the harbour. Stephen would be sitting at the

door, all alone, with his violin. But he would not be playing it--all

at once Paul knew he would not be playing it. He would be sitting

there with his head bowed and the loneliness in his heart calling to

the loneliness in Paul's heart over all the miles between them. Oh, he

could never have really meant to leave Stephen.

And Nora? Nora would be down on the rocks waiting for him--for him,

Paul, who would never come to her more. He could see her elfin little

face peering around the point, watching for him wistfully.

Paul sat up in bed, choking with tears. Oh, what were books and

strange countries?--what was even Miss Trevor, the friend of a

month?--to the call of the sea and Stephen's kind, deep eyes and his

dear rock people? He could not stay away from them--never--never.

He slipped out of bed very softly and dressed in the dark. Then he

lighted the lamp timidly and opened the little brown chest Stephen had

given him. It held his books and his treasures, but he took out only a

pencil, a bit of paper and the foolscap book. With a hand shaking in

his eagerness, he wrote:

_dear miss Trever_

_Im going back home, dont be fritened about me because I know

the way. Ive got to go. something is calling me. dont be

cross. I love you, but I cant stay. Im leaving my foolscap

book for you, you can keep it always but I must go back to

Stephen and nora_

_Paul_

He put the note on the foolscap book and laid them on the table. Then

he blew out the light, took his cap and went softly out. The house was

very still. Holding his breath, he tiptoed downstairs and opened the

front door. Before it ran the street which went, he knew, straight out

to the country road that led home. Paul closed the door and stole down

the steps, his heart beating painfully, but when he reached the

sidewalk he broke into a frantic run under the limes. It was late and

no one was out on that quiet street. He ran until his breath gave

out, then walked miserably until he recovered it, and then ran again.

He dared not stop running until he was out of that horrible town,

which seemed like a prison closing around him, where the houses shut

out the stars and the wind could only creep in a narrow space like a

fettered, cringing thing, instead of sweeping grandly over great salt

wastes of sea.

At last the houses grew few and scattered, and finally he left them

behind. He drew a long breath; this was better--rather smothering yet,

of course, with nothing but hills and fields and dark woods all about

him, but at least his own sky was above him, looking just the same as

it looked out home at Noel's Cove. He recognized the stars as friends;

how often Stephen had pointed them out to him as they sat at night by

the door of the little house.

He was not at all frightened now. He knew the way home and the kind

night was before him. Every step was bringing him nearer to Stephen

and Nora and the Twin Sailors. He whistled as he walked sturdily

along.

The dawn was just breaking when he reached Noel's Cove. The eastern

sky was all pale rose and silver, and the sea was mottled over with

dear grey ripples. In the west over the harbour the sky was a very

fine ethereal blue and the wind blew from there, salt and bracing.

Paul was tired, but he ran lightly down the shelving rocks to the

cove. Stephen was getting ready to launch his boat. When he saw Paul

he started and a strange, vivid, exultant expression flashed across

his face.

Paul felt a sudden chill--the upspringing fountain of his gladness was

checked in mid-leap. He had known no doubt on the way home--all that

long, weary walk he had known no doubt--but now?

"Stephen," he cried. "I've come back! I had to! Stephen, are you

glad--are you glad?"

Stephen's face was as emotionless as ever. The burst of feeling which

had frightened Paul by its unaccustomedness had passed like a fleeting

outbreak of sunshine between dull clouds.

"I reckon I am," he said. "Yes, I reckon I am. I kind of--hoped--you

would come back. You'd better go in and get some breakfast."

Paul's eyes were as radiant as the deepening dawn. He knew Stephen was

glad and he knew there was nothing more to be said about it. They were

back just where they were before Miss Trevor came--back in their

perfect, unmarred, sufficient comradeship.

"I must just run around and see Nora first," said Paul.

Lucy Maud Montgomery Short Stories, 1909 to 1922 · 第 5 / 36 题